It's Only Make Believe

by Roseanne Dowell

  ***

  Michele averted her eyes, once again embarrassment washed over her. Not usually a prude, but Brad had a strange effect on her than the men she normally dated. She wanted to please him, yet felt shy and unconfident in her skills as a lover. He’d been around. She’d heard stories of his numerous love affairs. Women found him attractive and threw themselves at him, and he took advantage of it. His reputation of a different woman every week was the topic of conversation at the beauty shop. Michele remembered seeing him at the club on several occasions, always with a different woman on his arm.

  Except Ruby. They had a longer relationship. Many of her friends had speculated Brad and Ruby would be married by Christmas. But his parents didn’t approve. Ruby came from different stock and didn’t fit in with their social caliber. A shiver of dismay ran through her, as Ruby’s words came back to haunt her. Had Brad broken up with Ruby? She recalled hearing of their break up months before she and Brad started seeing each other. He’d been at the club with other women since then, but she wondered. Was it just a ruse to pacify his parents?

  “Ready?” His voice broke through her thoughts. She packed the remaining items she needed and went out to the waiting limousine. They rode in a comfortable silence to the airport. What thoughts ran through Brad’s head? Sneaking a look at him through the corner of her eye, she caught his faraway look. Would he rather be with Ruby instead of her?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Warm temperatures, gentle breezes, and azure water greeted them at the resort. Michele couldn’t deny Cancun sure was beautiful. The manager of the resort met them, “Mr. and Mrs. Lawson, what a pleasure to serve you.”

  “This is Alfonse.” A young man in a tuxedo stood next to him. “He’ll be your personal butler during your stay with us.” He motioned toward the young man. “Your suite is ready. I hope you find everything satisfactory.”

  Michele stood in the center of their suite while Alfonse brought in their luggage. What was she doing here? Though elegantly decorated with neutral colors and rich mahogany furniture, this wasn’t her idea of her dream honeymoon. She set her purse on the glass top of the enormous dining room table, walked to the patio doors, and looked out. The air smelled of salt and soft waves rippled in the gulf. Definitely a paradise, she had to admit. The door closed and a wisp of breath blew on her neck. She turned and Brad’s lips came down and met her mouth.

  “You are beautiful.”

  She turned in his arms, moved her mouth away. Desire flared through her. “I’m hungry.” She tried to pull away, but his arms locked around her. “Brad, please...”

  His lips claimed hers, silencing her protests. Waves of desire overwhelmed her as she gave into his demanding kiss. His cell phone rang, interrupting the long ravenous kiss.

  “Damn it!” His mouth still on hers whispered. He moved away and disappointment seeped through her.

  A woman’s voice came through the phone, so she left the room. Damn Ruby.

  Brad found her moments later hanging clothes in the closet. “Let’s get something to eat.” He sounded annoyed.

  “Problems?” She longed to go to him, to soothe him. She wanted to know him better, to help ease the tension that lined his face, his eyes. But, fear that Ruby caused the tension prevented her.

  “Just work, come on.” He took her hand and led her to one of the many restaurants.

  She tried to still the trembling inside her. “It seems strange, doesn’t it?” She tried to make conversation through the meal. “I mean us, married. I remember having a terrible crush on you when I was twelve.”

  Brad looked surprised. “A crush? On me? You acted like you didn’t know I was alive.”

  “I acted...?” Now it was her turn to sound surprised. “You hardly looked at me, talked to me. I was just the dumb kid who tagged along after you.”

  Brad laughed. He covered her hand with his own. “Dumb kid, no way I was crazy about you.”

  “Yeah right, you were in high school, I was only twelve. You had your own friends and even then the girls chased you.” She relaxed at the ease of their conversation. Even the past six months they spent together hadn’t been this comfortable. They spent the rest of the meal in easy conversation, reminiscing about their childhood.

  Three days passed, they shopped and acted like tourists during the day and filled the romantic nights dancing and making love into the wee hours of the morning. If there was a magical fairyland, Michele was in it. The only drawback were the many phone calls from the office, three sometimes four a day. If only there was some way to help. Still, something nagged at her. With each phone call, Brad became distant. Was he missing Ruby? He slipped into a tense, almost angry silence when he hung up and refused to talk about it. She was falling in love with him. He was an attentive husband and passionate lover. They even discovered they had a lot in common.

  “I would have preferred to spend our honeymoon in the mountains, hiking.” She confessed on the third day.

  “Hiking, you’re kidding.” Brad leaned back in his chair a look of astonishment on his face. “That would have been my dream vacation.”

  And he wanted the same type of house, with horses and dogs and lots of children.

  “Children, you?” This time it was her turn to act surprised. As she grew to know him, she realized he wasn’t the suave ladies’ man she’d imagined. He treated her like a queen, buying her expensive jewelry, ordering breakfast in bed. She almost wished the honeymoon would never end. As much as she didn’t want to come to Cancun, she had to admit it was heavenly.

  On the fourth day, they returned to their room after lunch and, as usual, the phone rang.

  Brad answered while she went to change into her bathing suit. She returned to find Brad pulling their luggage out of the closet. He looked up, his brow furrowed, eyes squinty, mouth pursed. “We have to leave. I have business that can’t wait.”

  A shiver ran up Michele’s spine. She nodded, looked away to hide the tears that welled up in her eyes. “All good things must come to an end.” She tried to sound lighthearted, as if it didn’t bother her. The look on Brad’s face didn’t change. She had never seen him in such dark humor. She changed out of her suit and packed her bags. “Did you make arrangements for a flight?”

  “The firm’s private jet, I’m sorry, Michele.” He crossed the room to her, lifted her chin in his hand. Life with an Account Executive isn’t going to be easy. The title sounds more impressive than it is.”

  Michele reached up and brushed the hair out of his eyes, praying it was work that needed him home, not Ruby. “I understand.” She hoped she sounded reassuring. She didn’t want to be a nagging wife. His work was demanding. She remembered her father working his way up the corporate ladder. He often worked long hours and traveled a lot. Her mother spent many nights alone, busying herself with her writing and the club.

  CHAPTER SIX

  The minute they stepped off the plane, Ruby ran toward them, and hugged Brad. “I’m so glad you’re back. Did you miss me?”

  Michele cringed at the sneering look as Brad returned the hug. Talk in the car consisted about business, and Michele felt left out. When they dropped her off, Brad set the luggage in the hall and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Don’t wait up, I’ll probably be late.” He turned and raced down the steps not waiting for a reply.

  Could he have been in any more of a hurry? Michele’s heart dropped as he got into the car with Ruby. A feeling of dread passed through her. How was she going to keep Brad from going back to Ruby? She picked up the luggage and took it up to their room. May as well settle in.

  Since no one expected them home, Anna had already left for the day. Michele fixed a sandwich and ate dinner alone. Later, she found a book she’d wanted to read and curled up on the couch to wait for Brad. She dozed off and woke to the chiming of the clock. Three o’clock.

  She stood, stretched and wondered where Brad was. What he was doing? The sound of Ruby’s voice rang in her ears, remember when he works late - im
agine him with me. The words repeated over and over in her mind as she climbed the steps to their room. She shook off a feeling of despair. “He’s working, he’s not with Ruby,” she told herself. “Remember he works long hours and his job is demanding.” She crawled into bed and tried to sleep. Brad came in several hours later. She looked at the clock, five o’clock. She waited for him to join her in their bed, but he went to the guest room. Hurt and disappointed, suspicion welled up inside her.

  Had he been with Ruby? He’d been so attentive and loving on their honeymoon. This was ridiculous, but her heart ached at the idea of him in the other room, in another bed. She turned over, punched the pillow, and tried to sleep. Giving up an hour later, she rose, showered, and dressed for the day. Since she had cleared her calendar for the week, no appointments were scheduled, but she decided to go to her office anyway.

  Michele unlocked the office door. Looked like Sarah, her secretary and best friend, was late again. If that girl arrived on time or early it’d be a miracle. She put on a pot of coffee and took out the file of her newest client. Holding it in her hand, she moved around her office with a feeling of awe. Even now, owning her own business amazed her. The light blue walls calmed her, and she sat behind her delicate walnut desk and thought about the first time Brad came here. She laughed aloud, remembering his tall, muscular, oversized body in the small chair opposite her desk. How awkward he had looked. Time to put Brad out of her mind.

  Her latest project didn’t begin until Monday, but a few things needed tweaked. Still, the image of Brad and Ruby’s head bent together at the wedding intruded, making it difficult to concentrate. She got up, poured a cup of coffee. This was insane. Nothing was going on, Brad promised. Next time he came home, she’d ask him. Shaking herself out of the mood, she picked up the file and searched through catalogues for wallpaper and draperies to show the O’Neils.

  Sarah finally came in, only ten minutes late, and stood in the doorway. “What are you doing back? You’re supposed to be on your honeymoon.” She pushed her long blond hair back from her eyes. Michele caught the worried look. Sarah was one of the few who knew the truth about her marriage.

  “Business brought us back early.” Michele shuffled through the papers on her desk, trying to hide her own disappointment and concern from the night before. “Coffee’s ready.” She nodded toward the pot. “I want to get started on the O’Neil residence. Will you set up an appointment with Wolfs?” I’ll start picking out the tile, appliances, and cabinets for the kitchen.” She leaned back in her chair and combed her hair back with her fingers. Images of Ruby and Brad flitted through her mind.

  “Tomorrow, ten o’clock, okay for Wolfs?” Sarah poked her head around the doorway. “Are you sure everything’s okay, you look...” She paused. “Michele...” She came into the room and sat on the edge of the desk. “What’s wrong?”

  Michele swallowed hard, took a breath and looked at her friend. “Nothing’s wrong, I’m just tired.” She hoped her voice sounded normal. “Ten tomorrow is fine.” Feeling too unsettled to continue working in the office, she grabbed her brief case and packed up the file. “I’ll look through this at home.” She picked up her car keys, smiled what she hoped was a reassuring smile, and turned to leave.

  “Hey,” Sarah yelled. “If you need to talk.”

  Michele stopped in the doorway, looked at her friend, and nodded. “Thanks.” Taking another deep breath, she hurried to her car and, deciding to make a special dinner for Brad, and stopped at the grocery store on the way home. Better call Anna before she fixed a big meal. Louise, her housekeeper, answered the call. Michele shook her head. What a waste. Why did they need a housekeeper or a cook? But their parents had insisted. After all no self-respecting Lawson or Markey cooked their own meals or cleaned their own house.

  “Louise, this is Michele, uh Mrs. Lawson, you and Anna can take the rest of the day off.” She listened as Louise protested. “It’s okay, I insist. Mr. Lawson won’t be home until late, and I’ve decided to stay in town with friends.” She hated to lie, but she didn’t want to hurt their feelings, nor did she want it to get back to their parents. She loaded her groceries into the car and drove home feeling lighter and happier than she had all day.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Brad’s car sat in the drive. Excitement stirred in her at the unexpected surprise. She hurried into the house, set the groceries on the kitchen counter, and went in search of her husband. She found him in their room, packing a bag. He looked up, surprised to see her.

  “Where...” Fear and disappointment flooded through her.

  “Michele, I wondered where you were.” He leaned toward her and brushed his lips across her cheek in a casual kiss. “I have to leave, business in San Francisco.”

  Michele sat on the edge of the bed to still her trembling legs. Not even married a week, home only a day and already a business trip. Ruby’s words echoed in her mind. She shook them off and tried to smile. “I was going to surprise you with dinner. I gave Anna and Louise the rest of the day off.”

  “Sorry, no time for dinner.” His voice sounded distant, uninterested. He looked at his watch, whistled. “I have to run.” He closed the bag, picked it up, leaned down and planted another brotherly kiss on her cheek, and left. “I’ll only be gone for a couple days, I’ll call you.”

  ***

  Brad hated to leave her that way. What he really wanted was to take her in his arms and make love to her. She looked so hurt and rejected sitting on the bed talking about dinner. Damn Edgehurst. Demanding clients annoyed him. If the account wasn’t so important, he’d tell him to take a flying leap. Although he loved his job and knew it was the only way to climb the ladder. His and Michele’s grandfathers had started the MarkLaw Ad Agency. They’d worked hard to build up the business, and they had worn all the hats, also. Now that it was established, they sat back and watched it grow. Both his and Michele’s father had worked their way up just as he was doing. It was important to know all aspects of the business. How had they handled marriage and business? It killed him to leave Michelle like that. Hell, it killed him to leave his honeymoon. They were having such a good time. He had to admit Cancun wasn’t as bad as he thought. Funny, both of them would rather have been in the mountains, hiking. Even funnier when Michelle admitted her crush on him. Too bad they hadn’t gotten together back sooner. Of course, she was too young for him back then. By time she had grown up, he had a different life. The business for one thing. Hard to handle a relationship when you’re flitting across the country three and four times a week. Mostly he dated girls his mother set him up with. That and Ruby. Michele grew up, lived her own life, started her own business, and he hadn’t thought much about her.

  Spending the week with Ruby didn’t exactly excite him. She could have put Edgehurst off. No reason he had to cut his honeymoon short. Okay it was only a couple of days, but still. He parked his car and hurried to the corporate plane.

  ***

  Michele sat on the edge of their bed, wrapped her arms around her knees, and rocked. “Well, I guess I don’t have to pretend we have a marriage after all.” Tears escaped her eyes as she looked around the room. Bright colored flowers in the drapes and on the king-sized comforter contrasted with the pale yellow of the room. She wasn’t sure who chose the ensemble, but she hated it. Hated the whole room full of blond furniture that disappeared into the walls and the cream-colored carpeting that added nothing to the comfort or harmony of the room. Hurt turned to anger. “Stupid, ugly, things and a sham, just like my marriage. How did I let myself get talked into this?” She tore the comforter off the bed and threw it to the floor, and stripped the matching sheets and added them to the pile. Tears streamed down her cheeks. “Dumb, spineless. I should have stood up to them. Who cared about the dumb business anyway? Agreeing to this deal was insane.”

  She grabbed her purse and car keys and ran out of the house. She slammed the car door and sat, pounding her fist on the steering wheel. It wasn’t fair! She sat for a moment, trying
to calm down. She started the car, put it in gear, and pulled out of the drive. She didn’t know where she was going, didn’t really care, but she drove as if she was in a hurry to get there. Tears blurred her eyes and forced her to pull over. She pulled into a parking lot. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she looked up to find herself in front of a Wal-Mart Store. Feeling rebellious, she went into the discount store, grabbed a cart, and began shopping. In the linen section, she went up and down the aisle looking at that the comforters. She smiled, imagining her mother’s face. If only her mother could see her now. Several comforters caught her eye. She decided on a forest green paisley print. Pulling the large package off the shelf, she read the label. It included everything from the sheets and pillow shams to the dust ruffle. She moved along the aisle to see if they had matching drapes. As luck would have it, they did. She picked out the appropriate sizes. This was rather fun. Now what? Why not do the guest rooms too? Again, she narrowed her choices, choosing a deep burgundy for one guest room and dusty blue with navy trim for the other. The cart, loaded down with bedding, became difficult to push. She steered it to the checkout counter and piled her purchases onto the conveyor belt. The clerk totaled the amount and Michele laughed. All her items came to three hundred and fifty dollars. Good grief the drapes on the windows now cost more than that. What did price matter, she hated them, hated the house. Why fill it with expensive things, her husband didn’t stay around long enough to enjoy them.