Fashionably Flawed: Book Nine, The Hot Damned Series

by Robyn Peterman

  “They’re not extinct,” I replied, pushing the glass away. “I found one.”

  “Where?”

  “Chicago. It’s the soul seller I’m after.”

  “Fascinating,” she said, petting a monkey that was perched in her lap. “So it wasn’t a Mermaid then?”

  “No. Not a Mermaid,” I said, holding on to my patience with effort. “Tell me where Fate is.”

  “Give me more of the story and I will,” she promised.

  With a sigh born of long suffering, I considered my options. I could go back to Hell and have my Demons track down Fate, but that would take time I didn’t have. My brother, God, was out of the question, so that left my mother. She kept tabs on everyone. Mother Nature was an insufferable gossip and a goddamned GPS for the whereabouts of immortals.

  “Fine,” I snapped rudely. “The Trolls want the Siren. Apparently the Troll King is collecting the souls of the Sirens to take down Fate and rule the world. It’s utter bullshit, but I’m getting my photograph taken by the immortal law-breaking Siren tomorrow and I need to be prepared. I refuse to go in blind.”

  Her knowing smile made me grind my teeth. “You like the Siren.”

  “I do not like the Siren.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Do.”

  “Don’t. Enough,” I shouted, causing the monkeys to scatter in alarm. “I don’t even know her. Do I want her? Yes. Will I kill her if I have to? Absolutely.”

  “You think she’s selling her own soul?” my mother questioned.

  I was shocked to silence—not an easy feat. Was Adrielle Rinoa selling her own soul? That certainly made the game more dangerous.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted.

  “Well, whatever. It can work,” my mother said thoughtfully. “You, my evil, beautiful child, can withstand the Siren enchantment.”

  “What the Hell are you talking about and what does that have to do with the whereabouts of Fate?” I demanded, regretting my decision to come here.

  “You, my dear son, can bed the Siren without dying. No other mortal or immortal would live after a tryst with a winged one, but you’re not at risk.”

  “While that’s interesting, it has nothing to do with why I’m here,” I said through gritted teeth. Although, the piece of information was interesting—very interesting.

  “Possibly. Possibly not,” she shot back, absently taking another sip of her drink and regretting it immediately. With a wiggle of her delicate fingers, the pitcher of whatever she’d concocted blew up. “Word to the wise, Lucifer. It’s next to impossible to win the heart of a Siren.”

  “Is there a reason you’re sharing useless knowledge?” I inquired impatiently.

  “I just don’t want to see you get hurt. I am your mother after all,” she replied.

  Her behavior suggested we were a normal family with typical values and issues. We were not even remotely ordinary. Our mismatched clan was millions of years old and could barely tolerate each other for more than a few minutes at a time. This very conversation was proof of that indisputable fact… and a monumental waste of my time. However, it was clear she knew the location of Fate, so incinerating a few things, throwing a fit and leaving would be a bad plan—satisfying, but bad.

  A humorless laugh escaped my lips and I shook my head. In my experience, sex had nothing to do with love. A woman had never hurt me and never would. My mother must have poisoned her own mind and debatable sanity with her lemonade.

  “I have no intention of winning a Siren’s heart, Mother. And if I wanted her heart, I would simply steal it, which is far less messy. Problem solved. Fate’s location?” I pressed, grabbing a napkin and dabbing at the stains she’d just put on my suit. Three fucking Trolls hadn’t ruined my attire, but my mother’s questionable lemonade had.

  “In a moment,” she replied with a mischievous smile pulling at her lips. “There might be something to what the Troll said. Where did you find the Troll?”

  “At a romance readers’ convention in Chicago where I was almost neutered by hookers.”

  For a blessed moment, Mother Nature was rendered silent.

  And then the moment was over.

  “I’m not going to touch that one, but there is a story about Fate being one of three. Mythology usually has some decent hints to the unknown, but since it’s never come to fruition, I believed it false. How many souls does that bastard Troll King have?”

  “One.”

  “And he wants the soul of your Siren?”

  “First of all, she’s not my Siren. And if the Troll I destroyed is correct, then yes, the King wants the soul of Elle,” I supplied.

  “The power of three,” my mother mused, as she grabbed her Prada purse and applied some lipstick. “And I love the name Elle.”

  “What are you doing?” I asked, not liking her actions—at all.

  “I’m coming with you,” she answered breezily. “That’s the price of the whereabouts of Fate.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  “Yessssssss,” she snapped as a mini tornado whipped through her Palace uprooting some large trees and sending her parrots into a frenzy. “There’s something bad brewing and it doesn’t bode well. You’re so incredibly rude, you’ll just piss Fate off. You need me to play good cop. Trust me, darling. Together we’re unstoppable.”

  “Fine,” I grumbled, giving in. I wasn’t going to get the information without paying the piper—or in this case, my mother. Maybe she would be able to obtain what I needed faster than I could on my own. The looming darkness was so close I could taste it. “You can join me.”

  “Excellent.”

  And that was the first of the many mistakes I would make in the next twenty-four hours.

  “Listen to me, you nasty bitch,” Mother Nature bellowed as she tackled Fate and put her in a chokehold. “You’re going to tell my baby boy what he needs to know or I will pull every single strand of your blonde hair out of your head—individually.”

  So much for my mother being the good cop.

  We found Fate in a posh salon in Los Angeles. The staff had screamed in abject terror and ran for their human lives when Mother Nature dumped a vat of bleach over Fate’s head upon our entrance. I’d quickly enclosed the entire building in an enchanted mist—no one could enter and no one could leave. The memories of all would be completely erased after our departure.

  Of course, Fate wouldn’t have the luxury of forgetting our visit. And it was certain to be a memorable one, if the beginning was anything to go by.

  “You’re insane,” Fate screeched as she expertly escaped the chokehold and landed an outstanding left hook to my mother’s face.

  “Your point?” Mother Nature ground out. She kneed the keeper of Destiny in the stomach and then body slammed her into a pyramid display of makeup that collapsed and tumbled all over the floor.

  I leaned back against the wall and waited for the violent pleasantries to end. There was no way in Hell I was getting involved in a girl fight with two of the most dominant forces in the Universe. Girls never fought fair—well, neither did I, but then again, I was Satan. I wasn’t supposed to fight fair.

  “Oh my goodness,” Mother Nature yelped as she picked up a tube of rolling lipstick and squealed with delight. “I hadn’t realized this was available yet. It’s so me!”

  “Are we done with the bloody part?” Fate asked as she too examined the tubes of lip color.

  “Your call,” my mother replied, opening the lipstick and applying it liberally. “Cough up some info and you keep your hair.”

  “You really are a horrid woman,” Fate muttered as she pawed through the pile looking for her perfect shade.

  “Yes, well, at least I’m gorgeous. What’s your saving grace?”

  “I’m really fucking scary,” Fate replied, clearly finding what she was searching for as she hopped up, stood in front of the lone mirror they hadn’t smashed and tried out th
e color. “What do you think?” she inquired as she admired herself.

  All cuts, bruises and gashes were gone. Immortals are strong so we heal within seconds. She was quite a beautiful sight on the outside. From within she was as black as sin.

  “Hmm…” Mother Nature said, examining the hue. “I like it, but I think you need more of bluish undertone. “Try this one”

  “Time is ticking,” I said with an eye roll of exasperation. “This isn’t a social visit.”

  “Everything is a social visit in my world,” Fate contradicted me. “I haven’t had a fist fight like that in ages. It was immensely enjoyable. Thank you, Gaia.”

  “You’re most welcome,” my mother replied with a giggle. “It’s not often I find a worthy adversary that I won’t kill by accident. Everyone is so damned fragile.”

  “Not to mention terrified of you—and me,” Fate added with a smirk.

  “There is that,” my mother agreed. “So what do you know about the Trolls and the Sirens?”

  “Sirens are extinct,” Fate replied and took a seat on the plush couch in while pocketing a few tubes of the lipstick she’d decided on.

  “They most certainly are not extinct,” I shot back, wondering what game she was playing.

  She paused and stared for a long moment. I was sure I spotted a look of uncertainty in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

  “You’ve seen one?” she asked far too casually for my liking.

  “Maybe,” I shot back. “What’s the significance of their souls?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’re supposed to know all, you cagey wench,” my mother said, cracking her knuckles and preparing for another smackdown. “Tell us what you know. The fate of the world may hinge on this. Pun not intended.”

  “That’s not how it works,” Fate snarled, standing up and pacing the room. “I know the fate of others, but my own is a mystery as much as yours is to you.”

  “You’re connected to the Sirens?” I demanded, wanting the riddles to end and get to the heart of the matter.

  “What exactly do you think I am?” she snapped.

  “A bitch?” I inquired.

  “Touché,” she shot back. “That’s an acquired personality trait.”

  “You wear it well,” my mother chimed in.

  “Thank you, dear.”

  “Most welcome,” Mother Nature replied.

  “Answer the question,” I growled.

  Her eye roll and laugh made me furious. I was done being played with by Fate.

  “If you haven’t already figured it out, Lucifer, I’m not permitted to answer directly. I can’t fuck with fate. I just am fate. Free will would be hindered if I got too big for my britches and I’d bring on the end of the world quicker than a blink of a human eye. It’s a fucking hard job and for some reason it’s getting harder.”

  Shoving my hands into my pockets so I didn’t smite the woman where she stood, I decided to try on being reasonable for a change of pace. “Fine,” I said, balling my hands to fists. “What exactly can you tell me?”

  She pondered for a long moment and then smiled. “You have a soul, Lucifer.”

  “Lie,” I shouted and punched the mirror she’d just admired herself in, shattering it to glittering shards and slicing my knuckles. “If you tell me one more lie, I will kill you and enjoy it.”

  “She’s not lying,” my mother backed the crazy woman up. “You have a soul. Everyone has a soul. Yours may be buried deep, but it’s there.”

  “And what the Hell does that have to do with Sirens and Trolls?” I snarled.

  Was my anger at the situation? At my mother? At Fate? At the fact I’d just given myself with seven years of bad luck by breaking the mirror? At the unreal possibility that my soul hadn’t been taken from me when I fell from the Heavens? Did it even fucking matter?

  “Everything and nothing,” Fate said in her usual cryptic way with a smile that looked more like a sneer on her lips. “It depends on what you do with the information.”

  “I hate you,” I said flatly.

  “Feeling’s mutual,” she replied. “Did you sign a book for me?”

  The abrupt change of subject was jarring and I still didn’t know much more than I did when I’d arrived.

  “You brought her a book and not me?” my mother asked, throwing her hands in the air and inadvertently causing a monsoon in the salon.

  “I didn’t bring either of you a book,” I said, clapping my hands and ending the storm. “However, it’s an enormous hit. I’m the highest paid romance author in the world.”

  “You wrote a romance?” Fate asked, perplexed and amused.

  “I did,” I said in a deadly quiet voice, wiping the smile from her face. “You have something to say about that?”

  “Umm, no…” she replied, trying unsuccessfully to quash her grin. “I think you might have a bit of my magic, Evil One. That’s all.”

  “His name is Lucifer, you old cow,” Mother Nature growled, lifting her middle finger at Fate. “You know as well as I do that my baby is not evil—naughty with a capital N maybe—but not evil for the sake of it.”

  I’d never seen my mother shoot the bird. It was actually funny and I almost forget to cross-examine Fate. “What do you mean I have your magic?” I questioned. “Explain.”

  She shrugged and sighed right after she’d gifted Mother Nature with her own middle finger. “You shall see. However, the stakes might be far more grave than I was led to believe. Listen to the words, Lucifer… and follow your cold black heart.”

  “All right, you drunken floozy” Mother Nature yelled, clearly having had enough of Fate’s slurs at her son. “You need an ass kicking and I’m just the gal to do it. Apologize to my boy or I’m gonna take you down.”

  “Try it, you red headed shrew,” Fate challenged. “I’ll make you eat that lipstick and every tube in here. It has to be better than the casserole you made two hundred years ago.”

  “Take. That. Back,” Mother Nature screamed as she began to glow and levitate.

  My cue to leave was quickly arriving.

  “Make me,” Fate hissed as the eerie winds of change whipped through the room.

  “My pleasure,” my mother snapped.

  And then they went at it.

  If I’d had time, I might have stayed. I didn’t. So I left them to it and hoped they’d remember to lift the spell I’d put on the salon.

  I had things to do and places to be. Fate knew more than she’d let on… or maybe she didn’t. That possibility was more alarming than if she was lying.

  Whatever. The only thing one couldn’t stop was time. It marched on regardless of what havoc it created. Therefore I would do the same.

  March on.

  Create havoc.

  I was very, very good at that.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “You’re naked,” Elle said, staring at me with her mouth agape and eyes narrowed in shocked amusement.

  Much to my Siren’s chagrin, her lovely gold-rimmed, purple eyes kept straying to my impressive package. Of course that only caused said impressive package to grow even more impressive and incredibly painful. I was certain all the blood from my brain was now residing in my dick. Movement could be tricky since my instinct was to lean forward to relieve pressure. A hunched over limp was neither commanding nor sexy. I was nothing if I wasn’t commanding and sexy.

  “You’re observant,” I replied casually as I took in my surroundings.

  I felt anything but casual. My heart was racing as if I were in a fight for my life. It was unnerving and I didn’t like it—at all. I was the Devil. I was the ruler of all evil and Adrielle Rinoa was the most fucking gorgeous evil I’d ever had the pleasure of discovering. She was lovelier than she’d been just yesterday. Her body glowed with some kind of mystical internal light. Her scent was enough to drive me wild.

  “I’ve been called worse,” she shot back, eyes still on the engorged part of my spectacular anatomy.
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br />   The trip to her hidden plane was swift and smooth. The unattractive glasses had revealed the portal immediately. Of course I’d had to go back to the RRAC convention and brave the rabid female readers that I still suspected might be a delightful pack of hookers. But a famous romance author with a soul-selling Siren problem on his hands did what he had to do.

  I’d even signed books for a half hour as Dagwood, Darby and Dino blocked the over stimulated ladies from castrating me. Much to the Demons’ joy, I left them there. I was positive all of them would get lucky today—even with the emasculating monikers.

  “You need to get dressed,” Elle instructed with her eyes glued in carnal fascination to my excruciatingly erect cock.

  “No can do,” I replied with a practiced innocent grin and a shrug. “My clumsy, insane, pain in my ass, whack job of a mother spilled lemonade on my suit. It’s at the cleaners.”

  I inwardly chuckled at the thought of Mother Nature’s ears burning at my disrespectful description.

  “And I’m supposed to believe that absurd falsehood?” she asked, scrubbing her exquisite hand over her mouth to hide her smile.

  “Truth is often stranger than fiction.”

  “Yes, well, the truth can also hurt or in your case, Blade Inferno, get you killed.”

  With a quick wave of her hand she clothed me in a luxurious velvet black robe. It was exactly my style—expensive. However, even the robe couldn’t contain my x-rated appendage. I was goddamned enormous and proud of it.

  Elle eyed me for a long moment, rolled her eyes and went to set up her camera. Her fitted black pants, stiletto heels and tight white t-shirt weren’t helping with my issue down below. Not to mention her backside made me want to fall to my knees and weep in appreciation.

  How odd—my mother had led me to believe I was immune to the Siren’s charms—but was I? Wanting her didn’t feel simple. If I wasn’t mistaken, I’d have to admit I might be a bit obsessed.

  I was so screwed.

  The woman took my breath and I felt light headed. It could partially be due to blood loss from my brain, but something else was at play. I still believed I wasn’t susceptible to her charms, but this was unfamiliar territory. Either her power was stronger on her own turf or I was losing my magic and leaving this world very soon.