Fashionably Flawed: Book Nine, The Hot Damned Series

by Robyn Peterman

  “Damn fuckin’ straight,” Tiara whispered back.

  “Call me silly or rude or evil,” I said, while yawning rudely to piss Fate off.

  “Or Blade Inferno,” Elle added with a smirk.

  “Yes. I answer to that one too,” I said with a smile to my darkness before I turned my attention back to Fate. “But I was under the impression you were one of the reporters.”

  “I am,” she said, looking addled.

  “One of the reporters—with an S? Those were your exact words to me. You’re the one who likes to put so much emphasis on the words. Would you like to explain how you can be plural?”

  Her purple eyes—eyes that matched Elle’s minus the gorgeous golden rings—narrowed dangerously. “Occasionally one misspeaks, Devil. I meant nothing by that. Give me the soul or you will pay the consequences.”

  “Are you threatening me?” I asked so quietly she dropped eye contact and looked away. “Didn’t think that was allowed, Fate.”

  “It’s not,” Pam said from behind. “And I would have to say there are some other important mother humpin’ entities who might be very interested in this fucked up little exchange.”

  Fate’s eyes grew wide as she recognized Pam. As horrifyingly rude and profane as the Angel was, she was also one of my brother’s top generals. And she didn’t take shit from anyone.

  “May I take it from here?” I inquired politely of Pam with a wink.

  “Be my guest, O Evil Hot Pants,” she replied with an irreverent wink of her own.

  “You used my fate for your own means,” I said to the horrid woman as she stood mutely and tried to figure out how she was going to win this battle.

  She wasn’t going to win. I was.

  “That’s a pretty big fucking no-no,” I went on. “I’m beginning to believe that the mythology of three Fates has merit as well. You’ve been using the power of the other two to keep them weak and yourself strong.”

  “Lies,” she screamed.

  “God in a bikini on a unicycle,” Pam grumbled. “That bee-otch is making my dang eardrums bleed. You mind if I help you out a bit here, Lucifer?”

  “Be my guest,” I said, knowing I was going to owe the Angel big time, but I didn’t care—at all. Normally, I never worked alongside celestial beings, but Pam was so disgusting I could make it work.

  With an unladylike grunt and a crude swing of her hips, a burst of blinding golden light flew from Pam’s hands and wrapped Fate in its goodness. The Heavenly virtue of Pam’s magic was almost too much for me to take, but I bit back my ill-mannered quips about my brother and his cherubic followers. The upside was that it gagged Fate and made her immobile.

  “So as I was saying,” I went on, touching my breast pocket to make sure Elle’s soul was safe. “You’re supposed to be one of three. You’ve held down the other two for millennia. You came before all, so we had no way of knowing your treason, but you’d better believe I’m going to study mythology with a much less prejudiced eye from now on.”

  “Can I cut in here, Big Guy?” Pam asked.

  With a curt nod, I stepped back.

  “You’re in a shitload of trouble right now. Fate, I hereby call an immortal tribunal to discuss your fate.” Pam slapped her thighs and cackled like a patient in an insane asylum. “Did you guys hear that? How I used fate twice in that sentence? I’m so goooood.”

  A tribunal was no joke. It was binding and deadly. There hadn’t been one in thousands of years. Fate’s eye grew wide. She jerked her head back and broke through the Angel’s enchantment.

  “I’d like to see you try,” she snarled as she raised her arms and called to the winds. “I may not have what I came for, but trust me, I will get it and all of you will pay for your contemptuous sins. I’ll be seeing you, Elle. Watch your back.”

  “Get her,” I roared as I flew at lightning speed toward the psychotic keeper of destiny.

  But I was too late. We were all too late. Fate had turned to mist and blew away on the winds of change.

  “She won’t get away with this,” Pam growled.

  “Maybe. Maybe not,” Elle said in a tone that made warning bells go off in my head.

  Something wasn’t right.

  “Come home with me,” I said, extending my hand to my destined darkness. “Let me take you away from this.”

  Elle didn’t take my hand, but she held hers out. “Give me my soul, Lucifer.”

  I considered not returning it, but then I would be no better than the Trolls who stole it or Fate who had used it.

  Putting my hand on my heart, I stared at her. Her quick intake of breath didn’t escape me and my cold, black heart plummeted.

  “I love you and I always will,” I told her quietly. “Take very good care of this soul. I’m quite partial to it.”

  She nodded as sparkling amethyst tears ran down her face. I put the soul into her outstretched hand and quickly closed her fingers over it. Without breaking eye contact, she slipped it into the Hermes bag I’d given her.

  Pressing a kiss to my lips, she placed her warm hands on either side of my face. “I love you too, Lucifer—more than someone like me deserves to love anyone—and that’s why I’m leaving you. This is my fight, not yours and I won’t see you destroyed by it.”

  “What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine,” I said as I felt something breaking and shattering inside me. “Let me help you.”

  “Not this time,” she said sadly.

  “Unacceptable,” I growled as I pulled her close and held her tight. “You’re mine.”

  I tried to memorize the feel of her body and the scent of her skin. Her heat was my salvation and my happily ever after. With one last bittersweet kiss to my lips, my Siren disappeared is a mist of amethyst sparkles. It didn’t matter how tightly I held on, she slipped through my fingers without a backward glance.

  Love was for fools. There was no happy ending for the Devil.

  “What the Hell just happened?” Tiara yelled as she tore around the area searching for my Siren.

  “She left,” I said flatly, staring at the ground where she’d just stood.

  “Are you just gonna stand there like a dumbass, staring at your feet?” Astrid demanded, punching me in the arm. “Go get her. NOW. She’s a little on the terrifyingly violent side, but she said she loves you. AND you love her. What the Hell are you doing just standing here?”

  I glanced up and glared at my niece.

  “Listen to me,” Astrid insisted, running her hands through her hair and making it stand on end. “I wrote you a happily ever after in your bullshit book. It’s happened for real now and you’re letting it get away. What is wrong with you?”

  Looking at the women who had stood by me, I smiled and shrugged. “The Devil doesn’t get a happily ever after. Didn’t you know that?”

  “I call bullshit,” Astrid shouted, getting seconds and thirds from the crowd.

  “While I appreciate the sentiment, it’s moot. The Siren was a passing fancy for me and now it’s over. Love is a fallacy that I shall not buy into again. Not a big deal. Tomorrow is a new day and the world is full of women who want me. I’m Satan, the world’s greatest lover,” I reminded them with my signature smirk.

  I didn’t believe a goddamned word of what I’d just said, and not one other person present believed me either, but they all had the wherewithal—or instinct for self-preservation—not to contradict me.

  Glancing around, I sighed. The park was a fucking disaster, but I didn’t have it in me to repair it.

  “I need to leave,” I said in a bright careless tone that belied how I was feeling. “Would you all mind doing clean up duty here? I’m done for today.”

  “Not a problem, Dad,” Dixie said as she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my chest. “You’re my world.”

  “And you’re mine,” I whispered and then raised my head to the crowd of female warriors. “As much as it’s not in my character—and trust me it’s not—I’d like to thank all of you. I
will deny that I said this, so please enjoy it while you can. Good day.”

  With a wave of my hands, I called to my dark magic and my body was engulfed in billowing black smoke and glitter. The trip back to Hell was a lonely one, but loneliness was something I was very used to. It was nothing new.

  It was just a bit more devastating than usual.

  Epilogue

  I placed the amethyst orb on my desk and stared in wonder. It sparkled and winked at me as I gazed into its glittery depths. I gently ran my index finger over it—soft, smooth, feminine, and a little bit dangerous. I could feel her. She was still with me in a surreal sense of the word.

  “Hello, little soul. You’re just as beautiful as your owner.”

  Of course, the soul didn’t answer. It simply continued to shimmer peacefully on the black mahogany desk.

  “Won’t my Siren be surprised when she takes out the soul I gave her?” I asked with a laugh as I leaned back in my chair with the satisfaction of a job well done.

  I didn’t need an answer. I already knew it. She would be shocked, appalled and furious. And if she were here, she’d set me ablaze for what I’d done.

  The switch had been simple. I’d put my hand on my heart and silently called for my soul. There would never be anyone more surprised than me that I actually had one—and it was just as Elle had described it. My soul was the gorgeous gold of an Angel with the beautiful dark outer rim of a Demon, and it was now in her safekeeping, just as hers was in mine.

  Picking up the orb and holding it in my hands, I carefully pressed it to my lips.

  “Don’t worry, little soul. You’ll see your owner very soon. I promise. She can run, but she can’t hide—or maybe she can hide, but I have an advantage. I have two things she can’t live without.”

  I tucked Elle’s soul safely into my pocket and grinned.

  “And what might those two things be, might you ask little soul? The answer is quite simple. You and me. Those are the two things Adrielle Rinoa can’t live without.”

  I’d lied earlier when I’d said there was no happy ending for the Devil. There was no doubt I excelled at lying. I was the master of it, but I was very aware when I told untruths. I’d most definitely and deliberately told an untruth.

  I was going to get my happily ever after and so would my Siren. We were just going to go about in in an unconventional way.

  Losing wasn’t an option. I never lost. I’d lie, cheat and steal until what I wanted was mine. I wanted Adrielle Rinoa. And I knew she wanted me.

  Love might not conquer all, but the Devil and his deceitful ways most certainly could. I had an arsenal of devious plans up my Armani sleeves and I would use each and every one until my darkness was mine once more.

  Tomorrow would be a day like any other. Punishments must be doled out, chaos must be encouraged, and a Siren must be found before Fate got her vicious claws into her.

  A vacation would be lovely, but there was no rest for the weary or the evil. Standing up and glancing in the mirror at the image of the exquisitely beautiful man staring back at me, I smiled. I was a fucking handsome son of a bitch.

  “It’s show time, folks.”

  — The End (for now) —

  Pre-Order The Next Book In The Series!

  Coming to an e-reader near you, March 12, 2018

  Pre-order your copy of Fashionably Forever After and get your next Satan fix!

  Note From the Author

  Thank you for reading Fashionably Flawed!

  If you enjoyed this book, please consider leaving a positive review or rating on the site where you purchased it. Reader reviews help my books continue to be valued by resellers and help new readers make decisions about reading them. You are the reason I write these stories and I sincerely appreciate each of you!

  Many thanks for your support,

  ~ Robyn Peterman

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  Book Lists

  (in correct reading order)

  HOT DAMNED SERIES

  Fashionably Dead

  Fashionably Dead Down Under

  Hell on Heels

  Fashionably Dead in Diapers

  A Fashionably Dead Christmas

  Fashionably Hotter Than Hell

  Fashionably Dead And Wed

  Fashionable Fanged

  Fashionably Flawed

  Fashionably Ever After

  SHIFT HAPPENS SERIES

  Ready to Were

  Some Were in Time

  No Were To Run

  Were Me Out

  MAGIC AND MAYHEM SERIES

  Switching Hour

  Witch Glitch

  A Witch In Time

  Magically Delicious

  A Tale Of Two Witches

  HANDCUFFS AND HAPPILY EVER AFTERS SERIES

  How Hard Can it Be?

  Size Matters

  Cop a Feel

  If after reading all the above you are still wanting more adventure and zany fun, read Pirate Dave and His Randy Adventures, the romance novel budding novelist Rena was helping wicked Evangeline write in How Hard Can It Be?

  Warning: Pirate Dave Contains Romance Satire, Spoofing, and Pirates with Two Pork Swords.

  About the Author

  Robyn Peterman writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper.

  Her addictions include laughing really hard with friends, shoes (the expensive kind), Target, Coke Zero Cherry with extra ice in a Styrofoam cup, bejeweled reading glasses, her kids, her super hot hubby and collecting stray animals.

  A former professional actress with Broadway, film and TV credits, she now lives in the South with her family and too many animals to count.

  Writing gives her peace and makes her whole, plus having a job where you can work in your underpants works really well for her. You can leave Robyn a message via the Contact Page and she’ll get back to you as soon as her bizarre life permits! She loves to hear from her fans!

  Want More Info About Robyn? You can find her here…

  www.robynpeterman.com

  robyn@robynpeterman.com