As I step up to the window, Phoenix holds out his hand and I take it. I glance at the telescope to my right, silently asking if we’re going to see stars through there.
“Come out slow and take small steps.”
I guess not.
I get through the window and clutch Phoenix’s hand as he walks me to a spot to sit down. I look up to dim stars scattered across the night sky. I can only imagine what the sky looks like away from the bright city lights.
“It’s kind of chilly out, sorry about that, but you have to see the difference from looking at stars from here than through the telescope.”
“This is the kind of weather to expect when it snows in spring.” I can’t believe it snowed just days ago. I’m used to California weather, okay. When I came back home and had to deal with New England’s winter weather, it was something I needed to get used to, but having it snow in April is just ridiculous. I should be wearing my shorts and flip-flops not boots. At least all the snow melted and the roof is clear.
“This is nothing. Snow in Boston. Fuck. Me. Last year was just fucked up. We got one-hundred plus inches in less than two months. Let’s just say, Tian Tian the panda, I am not.”
“Lol!”
Phoenix whips his head back at me. “Did you just say ‘lol’ instead of actually laugh out loud?”
“Um, yeah. I am on a roof. If I laugh, I’m going down.”
“We are literally six steps from my window. You can grab onto the frame for support.”
“Sigh. You just don’t get it.” If I slip, my hands will cover my head, not try and seek out something to grab.
Phoenix sighs loudly, and I laugh to myself when he makes a face telling me I can sigh and not say ‘sigh.’
I make the mistake of looking down, and I start coughing, letting go of Phoenix’s hand.
He reaches for me with lighting speed. “Don’t let go.”
I move in closer, holding onto him with both hands. We take three more steps and sit down on a part of the roof that slopes at a downward angle of forty degrees. It looks like the safest place to sit and not slip.
The light wind blows my wet hair off my shoulder. I bring my legs up to my chest and pull on my pajama bottoms so they cover my ankles. I had to ditch my thigh-highs and shorts tonight because it’s freaking cold and I need pants.
“All right, now that we’re here, there are some ground rules.”
I quirk an eyebrow. He quirks one back and adds a sexy smile. I’m thinking of my sex rules right now, and I bet so is he.
If anyone ever told me I’d be fuck buddies with Phoenix, I’d contemplate punching them in the face and then walking away. Mostly because I would think they’re making fun of me. You know, because they’d think the deaf girl and the guy with a body built like a God would never happen.
I’d laugh in their faces now because it is happening.
“You can’t just sneak into my room–” the sexy smile turns even sexier, “unless you’re horny, then please come in whenever you want.” I roll my eyes but I can’t help but smile so he continues, “Don’t sneak into my room and climb out the window when you want. I need to know. For safety purposes, obviously.”
“Obviously.”
“And I sit here in silence.”
“Okay.” If that’s some nice way of telling me to shut up, I get it. Message received. I usually don’t talk much anyways. Everything is internal monologue with me.
“Until I tell the stars my secrets.”
My brows furrow, not understanding.
He lifts his arm, brushing mine along the way before he runs his finger up my neck and stops at my ear. “Oh! You don’t want me hearing your secrets…” He nods. “So um…I sit somewhere else?” He shakes his head. I stare at him wide-eyed. “You want me to turn my ears off?”
“Or leave them in your room so I know you’re not eavesdropping.”
“Leave them behind?” He nods and shifts his eyes up, up, up.
No one has ever told me to go somewhere without my ears. I sleep, take a shower, and grab my coffee without them on. Then they’re in. On. Always. Because somewhere in the back of my mind, I feel like my lisp could come back if I don’t hear the sounds I’m making. Sure, I can feel where I place my tongue but I wouldn’t be certain if the words came out right.
But I wouldn’t have to do much talking…
Leaving them behind to come out here…to see the stars… I think about it for a minute straight before the word floating through my head exits my mouth. “Okay.” Green eyes drop from the sky and fixate on me. “You can tell the stars your secrets, and I won’t hear them.”
“What about me? If you have secrets to tell?”
“Hopefully they fall on deaf ears,” I joke. Oh, the irony.
Phoenix tilts his head a bit and wipes his hand over his scruffy jaw. “What if you want someone to hear them?”
My breath catches in my throat and I have to look away. It’s a really hard question to answer. I’ve struggled with not saying what I want to people. I’m only vocal during sex. And most of the time I just stayed quiet so I wouldn’t offend the other person. I wanted to be fucked not consoled. Most guys got the message.
What if you want someone to hear them?
“Someone besides Mackenzie,” Phoenix adds.
“Then that someone would probably have to be my friend,” I whisper.
“What?”
I say it again, louder this time.
“Is that your way of asking for my friendship, Luna Chance?”
I look down at my legs and shrug. “Do you?” Oh, God. That was even more awkward than I thought it would be.
“I’ll have to think about it, but I’m leaning more towards yes.”
Something happens then. Something deep within me. It shakes me to my core. I’ve never felt it in my life, and it scares me. So I push it aside, not wanting to think about it because that’s what I do.
Deny, deny, deny.
We start laughing for no reason then our eyes connect, and he smiles at me, all goofy and whatnot. We don’t say anything. We just stare.
Right now, sitting up on this roof, I don’t think about a thing. It’s refreshing.
Phoenix points to the sky and tells me to remember the little spark of light then he stands and brings me back inside, showing me the little spark through the telescope. And my mind is blown by how beautiful the stars are. I can understand why someone would want to major in astronomy. If I didn’t plan on getting a degree in business, I think I’d have a career change.
“This is amazing.” I step back from the telescope, knocking into Phoenix. If I didn’t already sleep with the guy, I’d think he was trying to get me in bed with how close and handsy he is while teaching me how to look for something in particular.
“It is.” Phoenix steps up to the window and stares out into the sky. “When I lived in Maine, my dad would take me to Acadia National Park every weekend.” His eyes drop and find mine in the dark. “It’s fucking beautiful.”
“Do you visit star-gazing places or is the telescope your go-to thing right now?”
Phoenix nods. “I’ve been to the Blue Ridge Observatory and Star Park in North Carolina, and Big Pine Key in Florida. I’m basically checking off the top thirteen places to star-gaze. I’m planning to visit the rest by the end of the year.”
“I know about Death Valley.”
“Did you ever go?”
I walk toward the window, where the moonlight lights up the space around me. “No, but I should have because I was living in California at the time, right?”
“Maybe you wanted company.”
I look out of the window, silently agreeing.
“I wanted to visit Cherry Springs State Park in May but my sister ruined my plans with her wedding being on the day I was going to leave.” I hear the annoyance in his voice, but there’s also something else, maybe admiration over the fact that his sister is getting married.
I never knew the feeling. Ian and Katie got married at
City Hall without anyone knowing about it. We found out over a phone call.
“Bummer.”
He shrugs so I know he’s not that upset over his ruined plans. “Mackenzie’s coming with me. Some time in June.”
I shift my eyes back to Phoenix, interested. Mac never mentioned going on a road trip to see stars. I’d remember it. I’d want to go with him if he ever mentioned it. “He never told me–”
“He’s been planning a cross-country road trip since he found out I had a car.”
“To see stars with you?”
Phoenix crosses his ankles and leans against the window frame. “He was planning on kidnapping you after your college graduation so we’d finally meet and see stars together.”
I stare at Phoenix longer than I should. “He was really confident that we’d hit it off and become friends.”
“Yeah. So…the offer of your kidnapping is still open.”
I smile as I turn around. “So is my friend request.” I head to the bedroom door and look back over my shoulder. “The benefits are included.” The moonlight cascading down on him makes it easier to see his eyes follow the sway of my hips. “Goodnight, Phoenix.”
“Goodnight, Moon.”
I stop short, remembering the times my parents read that book to me when I was younger. It was my favorite book. And then it wasn’t the day I couldn’t hear them read it. I never told anyone about that book. Not even Mac. It was never needed.
But hearing Phoenix say it, I like it.
I like him calling me Moon.
I shake my head in a teasing manner and walk to my room. Mac’s door is open, he’s on his laptop with his headphones on but he still manages to know that I’m here. He looks up and winks at me. I blow him a kiss and continue my journey to my room.
When I’m ready for bed and I slide in, I fluff my pillow then I feel my phone vibrate underneath it. I grab it and stare at the Facebook notification on the screen. Phoenix Sloan wants to be friends with you. I click my phone to sleep and pretend I didn’t see it because then it’ll be official. I’ll have a new friend and I’m not talking about having another Facebook friend. I’m talking about a real one. One like Mac. One who wants to be friends with me.
Two minutes later, it’s all I can think about.
I slide my finger across the screen.
I hit accept.
Phoenix now joins the other thirty people that at some point in my life made me feel unstoppable. I deleted all the fake friendships years ago. Why keep people who don’t like nor care about you?
My phone vibrates, an alert for Facebook popping up at the top of the screen. I click on it only to shrink in my mattress, covering my mouth with my hand so I don’t make any noise.
Phoenix posted a picture on my wall of him winking at the camera with the caption, Goodnight, Moon. Sweet dreams.
My first thought is: People can see this! And that’s what I comment with.
A second later, he replies with, “Let them.”
Oh, God. This is terrifying.
Chapter Eleven
Luna
Turning the shower off, I grab a towel, step onto the fuzzy mat, and poke my head out of the bathroom door. Phoenix stands against the wall, thumbing something on his phone. I poke his arm and he looks up. When he nods, I close the bathroom door and wipe myself dry.
He and Mac want to go for a run but Phoenix feels really uncomfortable leaving me in the shower in an empty house so they said they could wait until I was done. I countered saying that I’m not a child and I can handle myself but clearly, you can see who won.
After sliding on white lace boy shorts, I throw on my loose black tank top that says Run like Adam Levine is at the finish line, skipping the bra. I spend some time on my hair because it’s been awhile and I want to feel like a girl before I throw on some sweats and turn into a couch potato. Because you know, having the tank means I want to run and be healthy but it doesn’t mean I actually have to run.
I grab my dirty laundry and head into my room, grabbing the rest. Before I make my way into the basement, I set up the coffee machine so it’ll be ready when I come back up.
When I stuff my clothes into the washer, I put away some of my pottery tools that I left out last night. Mac mopped the floor and left a little note on my stool saying, I need a new mug. Work bitch. #respect.
I set the note down and smile like a weirdo as I head upstairs to grab myself a cup of coffee. I dig around in the cupboard and find the first mug I ever made. It’s not leveled and the paint job isn’t that great either but Mac looked at it like it was the best thing he’s ever seen. He took it home and never threw it away. It has a small chip on one side and the handle looks about ready to give up. This mug has seen it all and knowing that Mac still has it means a lot to me.
I put it back onto the shelf and head back down to the basement to get started on a new one.
It doesn’t take long to make the mug so I make another one because I’m enjoying my time. Once the actual mugs are formed, I set them aside to dry overnight and I start on the handles. When that’s done, I put it on the table near the mugs and let it do its thing. Tomorrow, I can attach the handles and make them into a real mug where it needs to dry again before I put it into the kiln.
Washing my hands in the water bucket I set on the floor, I make sure all the wet clay is cleaned up then I stand to finish my laundry. I open the dryer door and find a load still in it. I sigh loudly, silent to my ears, and toss the dry clothes into my empty basket. They’re most likely Phoenix’s clothes. He has a routine after all.
I throw my clothes into the dryer, grab the basket and walk my ass upstairs.
I still when I see Mac, Phoenix, and Noland standing in the kitchen. I guess Mrs. Sloan has reinstated Noland’s freedom.
But that’s not why my feet stop moving.
My brothers are standing by the kitchen island.
They turn and see me, their mouths moving but nothing but silence fills my ears. This is what it was like growing up. No one bothered to see if I could hear them before they started talking.
Tanner finally shuts his mouth and stares at me quizzically.
He and Ian look so much alike with their dark hair and light eyes. They always passed as twins growing up.
Ian throws his hands up then drops his head into them. He must have said something because Mac shoots his eyes to him, his jaw clenching.
Someone takes the basket from my hands. Phoenix nods in a way that says ‘I’ll take this.’
Mac holds my eyes next then signs, They just got here.
I nod and sign, Give me a minute.
I walk past everyone, feeling Noland’s eyes on me as I do. The blush creeping up his neck confirms my feeling.
I take the stairs two at a time and dart into my room, throwing on some sweatpants and a light hoodie. I don’t need my brothers to feel uncomfortable with me being braless.
I swipe my ears off the nightstand and put them on as I walk out into the hall. Phoenix walks out of his room at the same time with my empty basket. He waits for me at the top of the staircase and his eyes go to my left ear. When I’m beside him, he brushes my hair back, exposing my ear and ruining the way I had my hair.
“No.” I shake my head, bringing my hair back to its spot.
“Why do you hide yourself?”
I take a step down but stop and turn to him. “Why do you care?”
His eyes narrow and I turn my back to him, going down the stairs.
I hide myself because of Ian. He made me feel like a freak ever since I came home with my sound processors. He literally called me an alien. How can I ever be myself around him? I can’t.
I walk into the kitchen, the tension so thick I want to turn toward the door and leave instead. “Why are you guys here?”
Noland moves into the living room but Mac stays with me. It’s then that I realize a fluffy ball didn’t run into my legs. Where is Mystique?
Tanner turns his frown right side up, and opens
his arms to hug me. I accept the offer. “Is it just me or have you grown?” he teases, ruffling my hair like he used to do when we were younger. He’s only two years older than me. Maybe that’s why he and I have a better relationship than Ian and I do.
Ian doesn’t move from his position. I would be surprised if he did. “Tanner wants to take us out for sibling time.” He crosses his arms over his chest, staring down at his black shoes. He’s the only one not wearing comfy weekend clothes. He would be dressed in a button-up shirt with slacks.
“Guilty! Your birthday is next week and I won’t be in town and well, Ian is an asshole and doesn’t care about us so I had to force him to come.”
Ian rolls his eyes.
I look around the kitchen, my arms crossed over my chest, drumming my fingers on my arm. “Where do you want to go?” I question.
“Anywhere you want to go.”
I look over at Mac, he cracks a smile. Tanner must understand what I want because he says that Mac can come with. I glance into the living room and I startle myself when I see Noland staring back at me from over the back of the couch. Phoenix flicks his head and pulls him down so he stops freaking me out.
“Okay. Um, Providence Paintball? It’s ten minutes away.” I look at Ian. “Mac can sign for me.”
“Hell yes, I can.” Mac throws his hand up and high-fives me.
“And they come with if they want,” I add, pointing at Noland and Phoenix.
“This is going to be great,” Ian says sarcastically, shaking his head.
“For real, man. I can’t wait to fucking shoot you. I’ve been waiting years for this moment.” Mac smirks at Ian and quirks an eyebrow.
I chuckle as I head into the living room. “Do you guys want to come with us?”
Noland looks at Phoenix as he looks at me. His eyes glance past my shoulder for a second before they’re back on me and he nods.
Mac and Phoenix head upstairs to change clothes and spray themselves because I will not be trapped in a car with sweaty dudes. As we wait, Tanner calls the place to see if they have spots for us, which they do. Noland updates me that Mystique is getting groomed so she couldn’t come with him. There’s a sadness in his voice when he says it, and it pulls at my heart because that dog means something to him. I’ve gotten attached to them already. How could I not?
A Sky Full of Secrets Page 10
