When everyone is ready, we head out and get into Ian’s car. It’s big enough for all of us.
On our way to the paintball place, Ian’s phone rings and it goes through the handsfree calling in his car. He answers with, “Katie, I can’t talk right now. I’ll be home in a few hours.” He hangs up before his wife can say a word.
So I pipe up from the back, “What if it was about Sadie?”
“It wasn’t.”
I try to think of something to say to keep the conversation going. I’m going to be stuck with my brother who hates me, might as well we try to keep it civil.
“I never met her.”
“Katie?”
“Sadie.”
Ian looks up into the rearview mirror and catches my eye.
“You never met Sadie?” Tanner asks, turning in the passenger seat. “How is that even possible? She’s almost four.”
The silence in the car is deafening. No pun intended.
Tanner rights himself in his seat and stares at the side of Ian’s head until he looks his way. They share some silent brother talk then end the conversation when we arrive at the paintball place.
Getting out of the car, Noland comes up to me and nudges my arm. “You need a new shirt.”
“Oh, yeah?”
He nods. “Instead of Adam Levine, it should say Noland Sloan.”
I break out into a laugh when he wiggles his eyebrows. “You’re adorable.”
“Annnd I’ve just been friend-zoned.”
I walk faster to match his stride. Jesus, what is with these tall men? I’m used to being around people my height (except for my roomies) and now I’m surrounded by guys taller than five-eleven. I feel so small being five-five.
“Are you even eighteen?”
Noland clutches his heart as he walks backwards. “You mean…you’d sleep with me if I answer yes?”
I give him a pointed look.
He smirks. “I am though. Became legal back in November. So…if you want to, I’m game.” His eyes shift behind me, and his smirk drops. “What? Your sister is hot.”
I look over my shoulder to find Tanner giving him the death glare. Ian is blank-faced. Phoenix rolls his eyes and gives Noland a pointed look too. Mac makes googly eyes at Noland.
I’m still stuck on Ian. I can’t ever move on from him being such an asshole. I wish I could but I think I need his approval. I need him to like me like Tanner does. I need Ian to understand that I’m his sister and I’m a human being. Just because he can hear naturally and I use sound processors shouldn’t matter to him but it does.
“I can be a whore and Ian wouldn’t care,” I comment. “And I’m already sleeping with Phoenix. Sleeping with you–his brother–would just be weird.” Everyone stops walking, leaving me and my little legs to reach the door before all of them. “What?”
“Dude.” Noland looks at Phoenix like he just helped discover a planet. “I fucking called it.”
“So you’re sleeping with both of your roommates?” Ian asks, incredulous.
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Ian.” Mac ditches the group and walks toward me.
Tanner says something to Ian while Phoenix and Noland enter the building with us. And for the second time today, I stop short because I see Wren Lowden standing behind the counter, telling a group of guys what they need to fill out before they enter the field.
Wren Lowden, the guy I hung out with after Mac left for college.
Wren Lowden, the guy who said I was sexy and perfect.
Wren Lowden, the same guy who when he found out I was pregnant, called me ugly and stupid and damaged, then dropped me off at a clinic and never came back.
Wren Lowden, the guy who made me never want to feel something for anyone ever again.
“Luna.” Mac grabs my hand and pulls it from his arm. I see the indents I made with my nails. I see the black Converse on his feet. I see everything by looking down because I can’t look up and see that piece of shit’s face right now.
“Hey, we called fifteen minutes ago. Chance,” Tanner announces walking up to Wren. “Luna, come here. We need to sign forms.”
I know the second Mac sees him. “Fuck,” he breathes. I look up, and he looks down, anger flashing in his eyes. “Fuck!”
“Please don’t do anything.”
He narrows his eyes and growls then turns around, shoving the door open. He stands outside with his hands gripping his hair. He kicks the ground, and it looks like he’s shouting into space. I watch him take out his phone then mine vibrates in my pocket.
Mac: I need a minute or else I’m going to murder that fucker. I’m sorry.
I understand. I want to do the same because my heart can’t take the pain of remembering what I did all those years ago. I want to rip this place apart, but if I freak out then he wins. Wren’s words win. And I refuse to let him see me crack. I latch onto the person beside me who just so happens to be Phoenix, and we walk toward the front desk.
Wren stares at me like I’m a ghost. I look at him like he’s a stranger. He looks the same only bigger. In high school, he was so good-looking he had girls falling over themselves just to talk to him. And then he talked to me. And I was fooled.
“Baby, I’m going to kick your ass in this game,” I say, looking up at Phoenix with bright eyes. I tighten my grip on his hand, pleading for him to follow along, to do what I need him to do without asking questions.
Just look at me like you’re madly in love with me. Show this dirtbag that I can be someone’s girlfriend. That being deaf is not a problem for you.
He squints at me quickly then glances around, looking for some insight into what is going on. There are too many people around us, he can’t possibly know who is doing this to me. He notices Mac outside then he looks over at Wren, squeezing my hand in acknowledgment that he understands I need him. “Where do we sign?”
Oh, thank you!
Wren passes two papers over to us with shaky hands.
He is no one. Show nothing.
I grab the pen lying on the counter then sign the wavier. Phoenix does the same and then his lips are on mine, and we’re walking towards the group that is waiting for us and I’m breathless. He nips my bottom lip then presses his lips against mine again. He doesn’t add tongue, but he has my knees wobbling like this is real.
This kiss was the perfect touch.
We finally stop groping each other when another guy meets up with us and walks us through what we need to know and then brings us to the field when we’re all set. I had to leave my sound processors in a locker so Mac sticks to me like glue. Phoenix and Noland are on our team along with some random people that came in before us. Tanner and Ian are with the rest of the other group’s guys.
On the field, I am an animal. I show no mercy.
It’s how I wish I could be in real life.
Chapter Twelve
Phoenix
I’ve gone paintballing twice before. This time though, this time needs to go down in history as the most epic paintballing game ever. I honestly thought Mackenzie and Luna would be the first to go down. With having to sign, hold the gun, dodge paintballs, and hide, I didn’t have much faith in them getting too far, but holy fuck, they kicked ass and our team wins.
I have no idea what possessed Luna, but it was hot. Seeing a girl with a paintball gun and being fucking ruthless, holy shit, it’s a turn on. I’d screw her right here and now but the fact that her brothers are standing within five feet of us makes it awkward. And don’t forget about the whole kissing her thing. What the hell was that about? She looked at me with these sad, pleading eyes, and I felt it pierce me right in the heart. Whatever she was holding back, she needed a distraction. So kissing her, groping her, and getting her eyes all glassy looking seemed doable.
Shit, if we kept that up, I’m fucking certain it would have ended with us somewhere, panting and sweaty. All I know is that I want to be home, in Luna’s bed right about now. Because the sex, my god, the sex makes me want to stop whatever I’m do
ing and go back for more. It’s indescribable the craving I now have. I just want her. Badly.
It’s been too long since a girl has gotten me to feel this deep yearning of pure lust. It’s her eyes. Something in them changes when she’s taking her clothes off. It’s like she’s ripping off this mask; this fear of being unwanted, and emerges into a goddamn enchantress. It’s addictive, the spell she puts on you. And I’m dying for more.
After we change out of our protective gear, our little group heads out of the building; Luna holding my hand, cuddled up against my side until we’re nearing the car. She ditches me for MacKay, both of them talking silently with their heads bent towards the other.
Noland eyes me with a slightly confused face. “You and her are like…” His eyes that resemble my own go back and forth between us. “Macks doesn’t care that you two had sex?”
I shake my head. “Honestly, it’s kind of weird but it’s like he’s pushing me her way or something.” When he goes out on his Tinder dates, he’ll ask if I mind doing something with Luna to keep her busy and happy. On our runs, he’ll point to a flowerpot one of our neighbors has on their front porch and tell me how lilies are Luna’s favorite flower. No shit, she has them tattooed on her thigh. And when we’re in the kitchen and Luna’s filling up her coffee mug before she enters the world of the hearing, he’ll say something like, ‘she’s fucking amazing and I wish guys would see that’ all while staring me down. It freaks me out. Especially now that I screwed the girl and plan on screwing her even more. Luna said no feelings and I’m absolutely fine with that. Mackenzie is stuck on more occurring or some shit.
Luna’s brothers walk beside me in silence. The older one, Ian, acts like the biggest douche I’ve ever seen. I can understand why Mackenzie hates him. He acts like he’s better than everyone, and he doesn’t give a shit about what he says. And I don’t like the way he looks at Luna, it grates on my nerves. It’s like she’s a fly that doesn’t stop buzzing around him. She was quiet during the game, but it looked like just seeing her breathe got on his nerves. There’s something wrong with that guy. Definitely needs professional help.
The younger one, Tanner, seems like an okay guy. He acts like a real brother, and looks like he’s trying to do good by Luna. He even cracked a few jokes to try and get Luna to laugh. One look at Ian and she didn’t. Ian’s bad mood ruined the vibe they had going.
“Hey,” I say to her brothers, “Thanks for letting us tag along.”
Ian nods and holds out his arm, staring at his watch. He’s really got something with time. He must have checked his watch more than ten times in the last hour.
Tanner glances over at Noland before he looks at me and smiles. “It was no problem, man. I think today would have turned out differently if it were just the three of us anyways. So, I should be saying thank you for coming.” He points a finger at Ian. “He says thanks too.”
“What’s his deal anyway?” Noland questions.
I whip my head toward him and narrow my eyes. He clearly isn’t my brother because he can’t understand my shut up look.
“Marriage,” Ian comments. That’s it. One word. And it speaks volumes.
“If I can input my opinion, I’d say get a divorce. You look miserable. And you’re kind of a dick.” I grab Noland’s shoulder and squeeze. Hard. He winces and gives me that what-did-I-do look which I return with you-know-what.
“You try being married to a woman who thinks you’re hiding something just because you don’t bring her to family dinners. Our family is not a family. It never was. I’m trying to spare her the disappointment. She doesn’t see that.”
“Our family is a family,” Tanner announces. “You’re just embarrassed to let your family in.”
Ian’s eyes turn to slits and his jaw clenches as he walks the final steps to his car.
“Embarrassed by what?” I find myself asking. I know I have no right asking but it slipped. My family is everything I ever wished for. They love each other and make us feel good about ourselves. I don’t know what I’d do if we changed paths and had a huge wall thrown up, keeping everyone away.
Both brothers stop at the car, and now we’re all standing here awkwardly as the Chance siblings think of something to say.
Luna speaks up first, “Thanks for this. It means a lot. Even if you had to be dragged here.”
Ian nods, stiffly.
“I’ll drag you to Sadie’s birthday party next month,” Tanner cheers, fist bumping Luna.
I notice the way Ian looks away then shifts on his feet, uncomfortable.
Luna must notice it too because she says, “Yeah, right. He’d never let his daughter meet a freak.”
What the fuck did she just say?
Please tell me I heard that wrong.
I didn’t.
She can’t honestly believe that.
Luna locks her gaze on Ian but he never looks back at her. Her shoulders slump and her eyes drop. It’s like watching a star lose its light. The energy around her fades.
“You’re not a freak, Luna,” Tanner says, his voice loud enough to echo.
“I’m ready to go home.” Luna opens the car door and hops inside, sitting all the way in the back.
MacKay grabs onto the car’s frame and stares at Ian with a murderous look. “If I could shoot you with a real gun, I would.” He steps into the car but steps back out and adds, “Is it honestly that hard to accept her? She’s quite possibly the most amazing person on this universe.” He gets back into the car, sitting beside Luna.
Tanner rocks back on the balls of his feet and scratches his jaw before saying, “All you had to say was she wasn’t a freak. That’s it. All her life, she wanted your approval and instead she got ridiculed. She’s your sister. Our sister.” He grabs onto the door handle of the passenger’s side. “Just because she’s deaf doesn’t make her any less important.”
Without a word, Ian walks to the driver’s side and gets in.
We get in afterwards and spend the next twelve minutes in complete silence. Tanner at least got my respect for what he said defending Luna. She is important. Being deaf doesn’t change a person’s worth.
***
With Mom picking up Noland thirty minutes ago, I finish up loading the dishwasher and head upstairs. Luna’s door is closed and MacKay’s room is empty so that means I’m not needed. I brush my teeth and poke my head out into the hallway. I don’t hear a sound.
Entering my bedroom, I clean up what little mess I have, I go on my computer and get lost clicking around science related websites when I should be looking for jobs that need someone like me. I start my Spotify playlist when my room gets too quiet. After an hour of web surfing, I stop on a website full of moons. It must be because it’s late or because of what occurred with Luna’s brothers but I end up switching over to Facebook, typing in Luna Chance in the search bar. Clicking on her profile, I stare at her profile picture just like I did when I first typed her name in and hit ‘send friend request.’ It’s a picture of Luna taken by MacKay who snuck up behind her while she was painting a mug. It’s the same mug MacKay has had since I met him in college and to this day keeps in the cupboard.
I click on the photos album and after only finding a few recent pictures, I click through pictures taken five to six years ago. There isn’t much but there are a few of Luna with MacKay. In them, she’s always smiling. There isn’t one where she’s mad or sad or blank-faced. He brightens her life, not just her day.
I wonder how that feels, being that important to someone that you transform them. I’ve had girlfriends and we were what you can consider happy but I’ve never seen them look like Luna does when she’s around Mackenzie. It’s completely euphoric. And sad for me because I never did that to a person. School kept us busy and stressed but I tried to do more. I tried to keep the romance going. Final exams made us realize that the only reason why we were together was because we were in the same city and not flying back home until the new year started. My relationships were always comfortable;
my longest was five months.
I’m jealous of what Luna and Mackenzie have because I’ve never had that kind of connection with someone. I want that some day. I want the friendship and the love. I want to wake up knowing that I make someone extremely happy to be them. I want a forever filled with memories.
Shit, I really want that.
I get to an older picture and judging from the date, this Luna is fifteen. The photo quality isn’t that great, probably because it was taken on an older phone that got grainy the further you zoomed in. This Luna has her hair up, her ears bare of her sound processors, and her eyes are devoid of emotion. The caption says, ‘When you don’t fit in with the hearing or the deaf where does that leave you? No seriously, I need an answer because I’m so lost.’
A light tapping on my door, sends me flying back in my seat, causing me to bang my knee against my desk and shout, “Fuck!”
My door starts to open and I reach for my mouse, trying to close the browser window as fast as I can. I don’t want to look like a creep that spies on people’s old Facebook photos.
“Are you watching porn?” Luna asks, eyeing my computer.
I sigh in relief when all I see is my background photo of the Pinwheel Galaxy. “No.” I lower the volume on The Weeknd’s Acquainted, giving her my full attention.
“Are you sure? Don’t galaxies, stars, supernovas, and everything else in space turn you on?”
Okay, not going to lie but hearing her talk about that is turning me on now. I shrug nonchalantly and turn in my chair to face her. “Do you need something?”
She steps into my room and slowly closes the door behind her. She keeps her hands behind her as her eyes move around my room before landing on me. A small nod of her head and a bite of her lip gets my dick excited.
Hell. Yes.
“Is this going to be a repeat of what happened today?” Because she’s never that friendly with me. Something happened and I want to know what.
A Sky Full of Secrets Page 11
