Angel of Distrust

by Tabitha Barret

  “Okay,” she said with a sadness that almost snapped him in half and made him march over and take her again against the cave wall. Instead, he asked her the question that had been burning a hole in his chest for years.

  He spun around to face her. “You must tell me one thing and I want an honest answer. Where do you go that I cannot find you? Where do you disappear to?” he asked, or rather demanded she answer. When he saw her hesitate, he pressed her further. “Please, you have no idea what it’s like not knowing where you are. After years of being able to find you, it has driven me mad not knowing your whereabouts when you’ve disappeared for years at a time.”

  “Hell,” she replied simply.

  He blinked and shook his head. Was she being metaphorical? “I don’t understand. Explain yourself.” He needed to hear the answer more than he needed her.

  She pushed her hair out of her face and shrugged. “I live in Hell, Viktor. I come to the Mortal Realm to search for my angels or battle monsters, but for the most part, I live in Hell. It was part of the deal my father made. You claim to have seen my destructive side, so you understand how dangerous I am. My father agreed to send me to Hell so that I could learn to control my power. Lucifer convinced him it was the right thing to do,” she said softly.

  “Lucifer, as in the devil?” he gulped. Though he believed in angels and demons, his brain never wanted to accept that the devil existed, despite being haunted by someone who could easily fill the role.

  “Yes. I rule Hell alongside the devil because of the deal. Due to a despicable trick, I was trapped in Hell for years and suffered in the Realms of Torture. Lucifer was unaware of what was happening, but he made amends by accepting my claim to the third throne in Hell. I know it’s confusing, but I belong there, Viktor. I am more at ease with my dark side because I can do what I was created to do and punish the wicked. Sadly, I’m nothing like the mortal versions that you came to love,” she said, her voice echoing the guilt and remorse she must have felt. When he had admitted that he knew who the Destroyer was, she had immediately asked if it was the reason that he wanted to forget her.

  “I’m not sure why Gabriel would agree to make a deal with the devil, but he must’ve had his reasons. Gabriel always cared about you,” he said, trying to figure out if sending Anjali to Hell was a good idea.

  Her face scrunched up and she tilted her head. “How do you know that Gabriel is my father?” she asked, shocked by the news.

  He chuckled at her reaction. “It took some time to figure out how you had an uncle who watched over you in every life and why he never aged or acknowledged that he knew me. I finally followed him one day and saw him visiting with another man not too far from where we were living at the time. I overheard their greetings to one another and ultimately saw their white wings sprout from their backs. It didn’t take long to figure out that your father was the Archangel Gabriel, but I could never understand why you didn’t have wings as well. I figured it had something to do with being the Destroyer,” he said, curious about what she really was.

  She shook her head and smiled. “I’m not used to having this conversation with someone who already knows the truth. I have to admit, I’m relieved that you know most of it, but it’s still surprising. As to why I don’t have wings, it’s because I’m not an angel. I’m an immortal with my own agenda. I carry out God’s will and gauge the mortal’s reactions to sins, but when it’s time to start an Apocalypse, I will answer to no one. There’s been much confusion about that part. Regardless, it has been a long road. I’m much older than you realized. How far back do you remember?” she asked.

  He tapped his foot and tried not to picture the tally marks in the journals of his unending memory. “Dates weren’t accurately kept at the time, but the first life I remember was around 2018 B.C.E. After I died, I ended up in Purgatory until I was reborn in 1500 B.C.E.,” he said softly as he recalled the way Aliana looked in her chiton with her long hair piled on top of her head. Her golden skin was flawless and her brown eyes were enchanting.

  Anjali frowned as she got to her feet. “That doesn’t make sense. I became a mortal around 210,000 B.C.E. There’s no possible way it took that long to meet. Where were we in 2018 B.C.E.?”

  “We were in Susa. Looking back, you showed no signs of being anything other than human,” he replied. “It wasn’t until 1500 B.C.E. that I knew you were different.”

  She stepped forward and grabbed his shirt. “What happened in 1500?” she asked abruptly.

  He hesitated, afraid that he would upset her with the truth. “You destroyed the island of Thera,” he whispered.

  She stepped away and put her hand over her mouth. “That son of a bitch,” she growled.

  He wasn’t sure why she was suddenly angry but it was better than feeling guilty for sinking an entire island.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  She stomped her foot and glared at him. “The asshole who made a deal with you, was he in Thera just before everything exploded?”

  He nodded his head, too afraid to answer since she looked like she would punch him.

  “I can’t believe the gall of that monster. Somehow, you can only remember from 2018 forward. You can find me even when you don’t want to, except when I’m in Hell. You mentioned that our deaths were tragic. There is only one person alive who is stupid and callous enough to be able to do all of that and make a deal with you,” she snarled. Her rage was impressive, but it was her voice that scared him. She was starting to sound like the Destroyer. He didn’t fear her, but he actually felt a swell of pity for the demon.

  “Who is he?” he asked, even though his gut told him the answer.

  She hung her head and took a deep breath. “Lucifer. He used you to find me over the centuries. That’s how he was able to hunt me down in Thera. He touched my skin and my power reacted to his evil. That’s why I accidentally destroyed the island. He was forbidden to contact me, yet he found a way through you.

  “Viktor, we were together long before 2018 B.C.E. but you can’t remember that far back because you hadn’t been marked by the devil yet. He must have found us in Susa and left his mark on you after seeing my mark on your soul. He was probably jealous when he saw us together. He must have been so angry that he cursed us to die horribly when we were together and made you remember everything as a punishment. He claims to love me, even though he can’t understand the concept. Now, he’s tying up his lose ends. He used you one last time to find me because I had been captured, and he offered to take away your memories so that I would never learn the truth about who you were, the fact that he cursed you, or that he made a deal to put an end to you. I will never forgive him for this,” she hissed.

  Viktor stepped forward to put his hand on her shoulder. “What do you mean a deal to put an end to me? How do you know that he’s responsible for all of this?” he asked, terrified that he had actually made a deal with the devil.

  She calmed down and put her hand on his chest. “Lucifer is cruel and vengeful when he’s mad. He has hurt me while raging uncontrollably. He must have lost his mind when I went missing. He found a way to use you and to get rid of you before I could learn about his treachery. What did he say to you? What did he look like when he approached you?” she asked slowly as she stared intently into his eyes.

  Viktor tried to think back to what Lucifer had said on the boat, but some of it was still a blur. “I don’t remember the words exactly, but he told me that he would give me what I desired most. It’s a little unclear how it all happened. I wanted him off my ship and the next thing I knew I was shaking his hand. I can tell you that he was bleeding from his shoulders from what looked like gunshot wounds,” he said, racking his brain for the details.

  She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. “I can’t believe he tempted you. Of all the terrible things he could do, he was stupid enough to tempt you. You can’t remember everything because he tricked you. His temptation is based on lies, unlike my Predznak. He says that he’ll giv
e you whatever you want, but in the end, you’ll just be dead. You have to swear to me that you won’t summon him. I don’t care if I have to build a raft and sail it off this godforsaken island, you are not allowed to summon him. I can’t fight him without my power and if he was shot, it can only mean that Calin or Balthazar were forced to stop him from killing someone or everyone. Lucifer is too unpredictable when he is in a rage. There’s no guarantee that he will stand down even if he sees me. I need assurances that I can keep you safe before you get within 100 miles of him. Promise me you will stay away from him,” she pleaded.

  He was so moved by her concern for him that he nodded silently.

  “Good,” she sighed.

  “Do you really think he will kill me?” Viktor asked, furious that he had made that fucking deal.

  “Yes,” she said honestly.

  The walls spun slightly and he was forced to sit before his knees gave out. It seemed that he would be free of Anjali, but not the way he planned. He put his head in his hands and swore at his stupidity.

  He felt her hands on his arms and he looked up to see her smiling at him. “Don’t worry. I’ll find a way to keep you safe,” she said, crawling into his lap.

  He put his arms around her and rested his head on top of hers. “If I die this time, I won’t see you again, will I?” he asked, barely able to ask the question.

  “You will,” she sighed, “But neither of us will like it.”

  He wanted to scream at the world but he only had himself to blame. No, he only had Lucifer to blame for creating this debacle. No matter what happened, he had to find a way to fight the devil.

  ∞

  Haydn groaned as the pain in his chest seemed to intensify with each breath. Why was everything so damned difficult? And why was he constantly being stabbed in the back? He needed a new profession, one where he wouldn’t get stabbed by his former friends.

  He closed his eyes and reflected on his pathetic life. He was a disappointment to everyone, including Anjali. Maybe he should have stayed in Heaven and taken up a Chancellor position. At least then, he could’ve had a respectable profession. Instead, he was a reviled Predznak. No, worse, he was a failed Predznak.

  His self-pity was suddenly purged from his mind when he felt something that he hadn’t felt in centuries—peace. The air was alive and beckoned him to touch the electricity surrounding him. He had no idea what was happening, but he felt his wounds healing around the edges and his pain lessen, but not just the pain of his injuries, but also the pain that had been crushing his soul. At first, he wasn’t sure what was causing this miraculous event; he simply reveled in it. Once he felt all of his pitiful doubts and self-consciousness slip away, he finally understood the truth. He was feeling his master’s power.

  He cried tears of joy and stared at his hands as if they were foreign objects. The numbness that had weighed down his senses and the depression that kept him from acting nobly abated until he could connect with his long-lost emotions. The veil of misery lifted and he was once again the angel who wanted to take on the world as a Celestial Warrior. He remembered how hard he had fought to become a soldier of Heaven and how betrayed he had felt by Farouk’s devious attack. Looking back, he forgot that he had told someone of Farouk’s evil deed. He had told Rowan, or rather, he had threatened Rowan for telling Farouk to punish him for trying to leave his squadron. Somehow, his agony had changed his memories; or rather, his power had altered them. In fact, his power had made him doubt the validity of his own memories. Shocked by this revelation, he reviewed many of his past decisions and actions.

  He breathed in deeply and smiled when he remembered how he had confronted Merrin about Farouk’s attack. They had argued and nearly drawn swords on each other because Merrin refused to believe that a Warrior under his command could ever do something so dastardly. Aeries was forced to break up the fight, though Merrin managed to convince Aeries that Haydn was jealous of Farouk because Farouk was close to achieving a promotion to Swordsman. It was a silly accusation, but it sometimes happened when two warriors, equal in rank, were divided by a promotion.

  Haydn tried to plead his case, but Merrin had Rowan’s lies to back him up. Aeries, to his credit, didn’t seem convinced of the story Merrin and Rowan wove of a disobedient Haydn who would never be strong enough to serve God with a sword in his hand, but Aeries was overruled by Tabbris. Tabbris believed the lies and dismissed Haydn from his duties.

  Haydn couldn’t believe it, he hadn’t quit the Celestial Warriors; he had been thrown out by Tabbris! How had he not remembered such an important detail? He was horrified that his power had twisted his entire life story and made him the victim.

  He reviewed memory after memory, recounting the true version of each event. His shoulders shook and tears rolled down his face when he realized that he was not the indecisive coward featured in his deranged mind. He had always known that he was meant for greater things.

  Remembering the day he left his Chancellor training to become a warrior, he knew that he wasn’t suited to create the laws of Heaven. As the Angel of Discernment, he had the ability to judge if someone was on the correct spiritual path and had the understanding needed to live his life in service of Father. He wasn’t meant to judge the angels since the majority of them were already living the best lives they could in Heaven. He was meant to judge the mortals who were close to falling off the path of the righteous. Even though the Celestial Warriors protected the mortals, they weren’t allowed to condemn the wicked. However, they were allowed to find a way to convince the elders of the villages that a mortal had committed a serious crime. He believed that he could protect the mortals by alerting the elders to acts of wickedness by the villagers before any serious sins were committed. Sadly, the discovery of Farouk’s true nature coupled with Merrin’s cover-up and Tabbris’ unwillingness to listen to the truth would have made Haydn leave his post even if Tabbris hadn’t thrown him out.

  It wasn’t until he heard Father’s call for the Harbingers needed to serve the new Bringer of the Apocalypse that he fully understood his true purpose. The moment he heard that the Predznak would tempt the mortals to see how far they had fallen from Father’s grace, he knew that this was what he was created for. He stepped forward to become the Angel of Distrust because he believed in his heart that he would immediately know if a mortal had love in his or her heart for Father. He understood the path to spiritual love better than anyone, so tempting the mortals and challenging their faith would be an easy task. He could identify doubt and distrust the mortals had for Father’s teachings better than anyone because he had complete faith in Father. If only it had been so easy.

  The memories of his downward spiral into despair were seen through unclouded eyes. He saw his power slowly drive him mad until he fought against the other Predznak, except this time, he saw how they had tried to help him. At the time, he believed that were trying to hurt him. He had hidden Alazar’s dagger and Aeries’ sword, thinking that they were planning to assassinate him in his sleep. He didn’t see how they had tried to calm him and win back his loyalty and trust.

  During his moments of paranoia, he would threaten Tristan to keep him subdued. He would whisper to him of how the others were trying to harm him. Though it wasn’t hard to fool Tristan since he was already altered, he was cruel to feed Tristan’s fear. He had fought Alazar countless times and challenged his authority because he believed that Alazar was intentionally leading them to their demise. He didn’t trust any of the Predznak’s decisions, intentions or words of kindness and encouragement. Even Balthazar had trouble breaking through his impaired judgement.

  The worst was Aeries. He had done everything he could to undermine Aeries’ actions. Aeries could have easily killed them all during one of his many rages, so Haydn did everything he could to incite Aeries and leave the Predznak to battle his crazed former Lord Commander. If the Predznak were busy fighting Aeries, then they wouldn’t have time to plot against him, or so his warped mind believed.

 
; He hated the angel he had become, but he didn’t know how to stop himself from doing these terrible things. When Alazar had come to them and offered to kill Anjali, he hadn’t even batted an eyelash. While all the Predznak blamed Anjali for their misery, secretly he had wanted her to stay away. He had visions of a woman crueler than Serena who would enslave them and force them to carry out her will. He refused to be led by such a monster, so he agreed wholeheartedly with Alazar’s plans to eliminate their master. With Alazar off to either kill their master or meet his doom, Haydn went his own way and fell deeper into his misery.

  The guilt of his misguided actions almost crippled him as he held his head in his hands. How had he become this demon? How had he turned on the angels that he once respected and called brother, only to wish for their demise? Why had he allowed his power to cloud his judgement and alter his mind? Why hadn’t he been strong enough to resist it?

  Raising his head, he knew the answer. He had been kept from her. Even though he had captured Anjali and taken away her power, she still wanted to help him. No, she wanted to free him. That’s what she had said. Somehow, she understood his burdens and believed that she could help him. Even Viktor believed she could accomplish the seemingly impossible task. Now he understood that Anjali was a far cry from the tyrant he had imagined in his addled brain.

  He thought about her anger when she had accused him of hurting women and enjoying it. His heart had reacted to her criticism because it knew the truth. He had stood up to protect a woman and been condemned for it. As far gone as he was, part of him still remembered the truth.

  The sorrow on her face when she believed that he wanted her dead was heartbreaking. She cared enough about him to be upset that she couldn’t save him. It was true that she had defended herself against his attacks and tied him to a chair, but even then, she hadn’t tried to kill him. She could have easily grabbed his knives and taken his head. He had certainly given her enough reason to do so.