01.0 Soldier On

by Sydney Logan

  Until last night.

  “Oh, look. Icicles are literally hanging from the backboard.”

  I grin at Xavier as he makes his way onto the court.

  “Seriously, Brandon, it’s like twenty degrees.”

  “The court’s clear, though.”

  “You’re still insane.”

  “No argument here.”

  He bounces on his toes to stay warm. “And it’s Saturday morning. I only wake up this early on a Saturday morning for one person, and she’s way hotter than you. She also cooks kickass strawberry waffles. I’m giving up waffles for you, man.”

  I toss him the ball. “I owe you.”

  We shoot for over an hour. Xavier is six-foot-seven and a power forward. I’m six-foot-two and sleep-deprived. Keeping score would be embarrassing, so we just play until our fingers are completely frozen.

  Xavier grabs the rebound after one of my more humiliating shots. “So, should we just keep freezing our asses off, or are you ready to talk?”

  I’ve stalled long enough.

  “I’m ready. Let me buy you a cup of coffee.”

  We leave his car at the park, and I drive us over to The Grind. After ordering hot chocolates and doughnuts, the two of us find a booth in the corner of the shop.

  “I know glazed doughnuts can’t compare to Tessa’s waffles—”

  “Strawberry waffles.”

  “I have a feeling you’re gonna be eating strawberry waffles for the rest of your life. Still, I appreciate the sacrifice.”

  Xavier laughs and takes a bite of his doughnut.

  Here goes nothing.

  “I need your advice. It’s about Steph.”

  “I assumed.”

  “I really care about her, Xavier. Probably more than I should. I mean, we haven’t really known each other that long.”

  “I don’t think that matters,” he replies. “I knew I was in love with Tessa after our first date.”

  “I’m not in—”

  “Oh, whatever. I’ve seen the way you look at her.”

  “How do I look at her?”

  “Like you’re crazy about her.”

  Am I really that obvious?

  “Trust me, Brandon. You suck at hiding it.”

  Apparently so.

  “Steph’s never dated much, so the fact that she’s so into you has made my girlfriend a very happy woman.”

  This information makes me smile like a lunatic.

  “You think she’s into me?”

  Xavier chuckles, rolls his eyes, and reaches for another doughnut. “So, what kind of advice do you need?”

  I take a deep breath. “I hate to ask, but if I tell you this, can you keep it to yourself?”

  “You mean can I keep it from Tessa?”

  I nod.

  “Brandon, I won’t lie to my girl.”

  “I’m not asking you to lie. Just . . . keep your mouth shut. At least until I can figure out what to do. Because right now, I’m screwed. I just need to know how screwed and if there’s anything I can do about it. I need your help.”

  He looks hesitant, and I can’t blame him. I know I’m asking a lot. But until I’m sure that he and Tessa will be on my side, I can’t trust her with this kind of information. She might tell Steph, and that could ruin everything.

  “All right, I’ll keep quiet. Let’s hear it.”

  I don’t say a word. I simply lower the zipper on my hoodie, revealing my Army ROTC T-shirt.

  I hold my breath.

  “It’s a shirt. I don’t get the significance.”

  “Read it, Xavier.”

  “I read it. You’re in ROTC?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s cool. After that day in the gym, I told Tessa you were way too athletic to be a computer geek. ‘Brandon wouldn’t lie about something like that,’ she said.”

  “I didn’t lie. My major is computer engineering.”

  “But you’re in ROTC?”

  “You can do both.”

  “Huh.”

  Xavier reaches for another doughnut, but before he can take a bite, a flicker of understanding flashes in his eyes.

  His voice drops to a whisper. “Dude . . .”

  “I know.”

  “You’re a soldier?”

  “Don’t say it like that. It’s not a curse word.”

  “It is according to Steph’s dictionary. That girl has a seriously irrational hatred for the military.”

  “I know.”

  “The girls even called you G.I. Joe after that New Year’s Eve party. They have no idea how accurate that description turned out to be.”

  Xavier laughs, and I let him. I need his help, after all, so it’s probably best to let him get it all out of his system.

  “You’re right, man. You’re screwed.”

  “How screwed?”

  His laughter fades when he notices the tone of my voice.

  “Not sure. I’ll need to get a second opinion.”

  “You mean Tessa.”

  Xavier nods. “She really likes you. Luckily, she thinks Steph’s hatred for anything military related is ridiculous, too.”

  “That’s good, but will she tell Steph?”

  “No. I’ll talk to her. She’ll want to help, and believe me, you’re gonna need it.”

  I make plans to meet up with him and Tessa later in the afternoon, and I drive him back to the park. As I make my way to the apartment, I can’t help but feel a little relieved. That went better than I’d hoped.

  Now if only my conversation with Tessa goes that well.

  After checking that my PT gear is well hidden in the cab, I hit the key fob and head into the apartment. I step inside, and I’m instantly met with the aroma of . . . charcoal?

  “Steph?”

  Suddenly, the smoke alarm blares, and I race toward the kitchen. I find her kneeling in front of the oven, fanning thick, black smoke with a towel.

  “It’s supposed to be a breakfast casserole . . . thing,” she mutters. “I thought the directions said 425 degrees, but apparently not because look at it!”

  She’s close to tears, so the first thing I do is open the nearest window and place the blackened dish on the ledge. Next, I find the irritating fire alarm, pop it open, and rip out the battery. When I walk back into the smoky kitchen, I find Steph sitting at the table, looking forlornly at the oven.

  Her eyes find mine. “Tessa makes it look so easy.”

  I smile and kneel in front of her.

  “I bet even the great Chef Tessa burned her fair share of dishes when she was learning how to cook.”

  She sniffles quietly. “I just wanted to try. I knew you’d be hungry after your workout.”

  “You baked for me?”

  “No, I scorched a big pan of eggs, potatoes, sausage, and cheese . . . for you.”

  Reaching for her hand, I give it a little squeeze. I know I’m breaking the rules, but I have to touch her. It’s impossible not to.

  “That was really nice of you, Steph.”

  “I burned it.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  “And this place smells like smoke.”

  “But there’s a silver lining.”

  “Which is?”

  “At least we don’t have a sprinkler system. Although, I must say, seeing you in a wet T-shirt would have made this the best Saturday in the history of the world.”

  This makes her giggle.

  “I wish I could make you laugh like that all the time.”

  She sighs softly, and I’m just about to stand when she leans closer to me. Before I can get too excited, Steph lowers her head and kisses my cheek.

  “The rules are so stupid,” she whispers in my ear. “But they’re smart, too, because you’re so sweet, and you say the sweetest things. And when you do, it makes me want . . .”

  Her voice trails off, and it’s all I can do not to pull her into my arms.

  “What do you want, Steph?”

  Her cell’s ringtone shatters the
potentially perfect moment, and she offers me a sad smile before looking down at the screen.

  “It’s my mom.”

  I nod. “Go on. I’ll get this cleaned up.”

  “Thank you.”

  Steph kisses my cheek again before heading to her room.

  Now that the smoke has finally cleared, I close the window and try to do something with the charred remains of breakfast. As I stand at the sink, Bangle suddenly appears, and she greets me with a low meow before circling my legs.

  “Steph cooked for me, and you’re wrapping yourself around my ankles? Definitely the best Saturday ever.”

  Xavier and Tessa’s apartment building is like something out of a movie. A doorman greets you at the entrance as you step inside the lobby. The marbled floor shines so brightly you can actually see your reflection, and a man waits inside the elevator just to press the button for you.

  How can college kids afford this place?

  I knock on 3C, and the door swings open. Tessa immediately pulls me in for a bone-crushing hug. It’s impressive, considering she’s maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet.

  “She’s a little excited to see you,” Xavier offers in apology.

  “Come sit,” Tessa says, pulling me by the hand toward the living room. “Are you hungry? We have some leftovers from lunch.”

  I think about Steph’s failed breakfast attempt. It still makes me smile.

  “No, thanks. I’m good.”

  I take a look around at their apartment. There’s leather furniture, a large plasma screen, and artwork on the walls.

  “Wow, this place is—”

  “Ridiculous,” Tessa mutters.

  “I was going to say awesome.”

  Xavier shakes his head. “No, she’s right. It’s ridiculous. My folks own the building. Two college seniors should not live in this apartment. I can’t even invite my friends over because I’m afraid they’ll break something. But the rent is free—”

  “And the kitchen is state-of-the-art,” Tessa says. “Plus, our parents are letting us live together, so . . .”

  “Hey, I understand. I wouldn’t turn it down, either.”

  Xavier wraps his arm around her shoulder, and the room grows quiet.

  “So,” Tessa says, “Xavier says you want to talk about my beautiful best friend. What’s going on?”

  I glance at him. “You didn’t tell her?”

  “I told you I wouldn’t.”

  Sweet.

  I clear my throat. “Tessa, I need to tell you something. Something about me.”

  She sighs and looks between the two of us. “Is this going to piss me off?”

  “I don’t know. That’s why I’m here.”

  Fire flashes in her eyes. “Are you married?”

  “What? No!”

  She jumps to her feet. “Are you seeing someone else? Because I swear if you break her heart—”

  “There’s nobody else, Tessa. And I promise the last thing I want to do is break her heart.”

  I’m suddenly wishing Xavier had just told her already.

  Be a man, Walker.

  Taking a deep breath, I look Tessa right in the eyes.

  “I’m in ROTC. In May, I will graduate as an officer in the United States Army. Then I’m off to Signal Corps training in Fort Gordon, Georgia. After that, I have no idea where I’ll be.”

  The room is suddenly filled with an eerie silence. I don’t dare take my eyes off Tessa. I need her, probably more than I’ve ever needed anybody, because I know her opinion will matter most of all.

  “You’re a soldier,” she whispers.

  “Yes.”

  With wide eyes, she slowly sits back down.

  “Oh, Brandon. Why couldn’t you be married?”

  “That would be better?”

  “No, but it would be easier to explain.”

  I tiredly rub my face. Is she serious?

  “This is bad,” Tessa says with a sigh, “but not for the reasons you think. Well, not entirely for the reasons you think.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Have you told her you’re in the military?”

  “Are you nuts?”

  “So you’re lying to her.”

  “I am not lying. Not once has Steph asked me if I’m a soldier.”

  Tessa smirks. “Really? That’s your defense?

  “It’s all I’ve got.”

  “It’s not enough, Brandon. How could you keep this from her?”

  “I didn’t know it was something I needed to keep from her. I had no idea she felt this way, and by the time I did find out—”

  “That was going to be my next question,” she says. “When did you find out?”

  I grimace. This isn’t going to help my case at all.

  “The night we watched The Princess Bride,” I mutter.

  “Wasn’t that your first official date?”

  I nod.

  Xavier groans. “Dude—”

  “I know, okay? But she had just started opening up to me, and I thought that, with time, she’d come to trust me.”

  “Which she has,” Tessa says softly.

  “I know. And I thought that if we lived under the same roof, she’d see that I’m not a bad guy, in spite of the fact that I’m in the Army.”

  “And then what?” Tessa asks.

  “I . . . don’t know. I didn’t think that far ahead.”

  “Of course you didn’t! You’re a guy. Guys don’t think ahead. There is only one thing on your minds.”

  Xavier blinks rapidly. “Hey!”

  “Don’t hey me. Think back to the day we met. Did you really think we’d end up here two years later? In this beautifully ridiculous apartment?”

  “No, I was just hoping we’d end up in bed.” Xavier’s mouth snaps closed. “Oh.”

  Tessa smirks.

  “I promise that wasn’t my intention when I asked to be her roommate,” I tell them. “I’ve been nothing but a gentleman. You can ask her.”

  “Oh, I have,” Tessa says with a grin. “How are those no-touching rules working for ya?”

  “They suck.”

  Xavier chuckles.

  “But if that’s what it takes, I’ll do it.”

  Tessa tilts her head, scrutinizing my face with her penetrating stare.

  “Why, Brandon? Why do it?”

  “Because I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with her.”

  The words are out before I can stop them, but I don’t care. They need to know I’m serious about this. About her.

  Tessa smiles. “And that’s wonderful. It really is. Steph is amazing, and she deserves an amazing person who loves her. But she is seriously scarred from the loss of her father. And while it’s irrational and, in my opinion, a little immature, that’s how she feels and there’s really nothing we can do about it.”

  “I know.”

  “There’s a very good chance she’ll hate you for keeping this from her.”

  “I know that, too.”

  “And what about you?” she continues. “Are you prepared to have your heart broken if Steph doesn’t want anything to do with you after she finds out?”

  I consider this, and I know that I honestly don’t have a choice.

  “It’s a chance I’m willing to take.”

  Tessa nods. “Then we’ll help you. But you have to find a way to tell her. The only thing that could be worse than Steph finding out you’re a soldier is if she finds out from somebody else.”

  I know she’s right, and as the two of them walk me to the door, I promise to figure out a way.

  “Is it too much to hope for that she could love me . . . in spite of it?”

  With a sad smile on her face, Tessa hugs me tightly.

  “It could be,” she says. “It really could.”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Stephanie

  February 1.

  Today’s date hits me like a ton of bricks. One minute, I’m rinsing the shampoo out of my hair, and the next, I’m sit
ting in the tub, letting the roar of the water disguise my quiet sobs.

  Today is the anniversary of my dad’s death.

  Mom even mentioned it last week when she called, but we had talked about it in the abstract, like “your dad’s anniversary is coming up.” It didn’t even dawn on me that it was this weekend. My life really is just too crazy with school and work.

  And Brandon.

  After drying my hair, I head to my bedroom to finish getting dressed. I look in the mirror and slip my dad’s dog tags over my head, but I don’t hide them beneath my shirt. Not today. On February 1, the silver metal proudly dangles from my neck for the whole world to see.

  I head to the living room and find Brandon on the couch, working on homework. He takes one look at me and frowns.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’m a bad daughter.”

  “I guarantee that’s not true.”

  I join him on the couch. Bangle, sensing my sadness, leaps into my lap. She snuggles close, and I slide my fingers through her fur.

  “Today’s the anniversary of my dad’s death.”

  Brandon closes his textbook and reaches for my hand. Bangle doesn’t even hiss.

  Progress.

  “I’m sorry, Steph. I didn’t know.”

  “I didn’t forget. I never forget. The date just . . . caught me by surprise.”

  “Time gets away from me, too. It’s because we’re so busy with school.”

  I nod.

  “Do you usually do anything special on this day?”

  “Well, if I can get away from school, Mom and I usually visit his grave.”

  “It’s Sunday. We could go.”

  “You don’t have to go, Brandon.”

  “I know, and if you’d rather just be with your mom, that’s completely understandable. I just want you to know that I’m willing to go with you, if you’d like.” He grows thoughtful. “Does your mom even know about me?”

  “She knows. I can’t keep secrets from my mom.”

  Brandon nods.

  “Are you really ready to meet her?”

  “I would love that.”

  “She’ll probably cook.”

  “Even better.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Absolutely. But only if you want me there.”

  I squeeze his hand, which is a clear violation of the no-touching rule. We’ve been breaking that rule a lot lately.

  “I want you there.”