by Aiden Bates
I’d had a family to provide for. A husband and two kids to keep fed, housed and clothed. At the time, it had only made sense to throw myself that much harder into my work. Promise and commit and over-commit as I climbed the rank ladder, always angling for that next promotion. Always thinking up ways we could put the extra money to good use. Home repairs. Summer camps. College funds.
I’d lost my sons’ childhoods in the process—all for the sake of feeling like a provider. With the guilt came regret, sharp and stabbing like a knife slipped between my ribs. I hadn’t been around enough to watch Jason grow up, only to lose him once he followed me into the military as soon as he was finally old enough to enlist. I’d never had the time to be the father that Teddy had always needed me to be—and now he was out in Montana with his alpha, living the life Roland had fled from so desperately. Had a baby of his own who I’d only get to see in pictures and brief visits, and spend every other Christmas with.
I’d been as good of a father as I could have been, given the circumstances. My boys had wanted for nothing—except for maybe more quality time with me. In terms of actually being there for them, I’d gotten that sorted out later in the game than I would have liked. After Roland left, I hadn’t had much of a choice. But going through their baby things like this, I couldn’t help but feel like I should have done more. Been better. Given them all of myself instead of the pieces of me that were left after my work had taken its share.
Would it be the same again? That worried me more than I could have imagined. That was part of it, actually. I never had imagined being a father again. Didn’t even know if I was ready to take on that kind of responsibility all over again, especially given my heart condition and my impending medical discharge. And—whether I wanted to admit it or not—my age.
But readiness had nothing to do with it. Parenthood wasn’t some kind of gray area you could half-exist in. It was completely binary. Zeroes and ones. Yes or no. You were either a parent or you weren’t. My father had been an absent one himself, but if he’d ever taught me anything, it was to whole-ass one thing instead of half-assing several.
I’d whole-assed my military career. My rank, my record and the success of the recruits I’d trained during my time at Fort Greene proved that much.
Could I whole-ass being a father this time? Do it all over again, but better?
It was a question I wished I knew the answer for. My greatest fear was that, when I finally came to it, the answer would be no.
Maybe I was just too fundamentally broken to be a good dad. Raised too stoic, too distant, too obsessed with providing and not obsessed enough with what I was providing or who I was providing it for.
If this was going to work between Bennet and me, especially with a new baby on the way…
I might need to do some work on myself first.
I heard the door downstairs open and close in quick succession. The sound of it made my fingers twitch, knuckles of one hand curling into a fist on instinct alone. I’d been lucky enough to never have been diagnosed with PTSD. The things I’d seen overseas had been mild at best, terrifying at worst, but I’d managed to dodge the worst of the symptoms I’d seen plague so many of the men who hadn’t made it out as well as I had. Still, the little indicators were there. Unavoidable impulses, psychosomatic responses and habits I’d picked up when I was on tour—all of which had served to keep me alive so I could come home safe.
The sudden sound of someone entering my home unannounced set them all off in quick succession, like an operator in my head was flipping every switch of my brain into high alert mode. My pulse pounded hard in my ears as all my senses heightened, my vision tunneling into focus on the path I picked through the boxes of the attic as I headed downstairs to see what was going on.
In the living room, I breathed a gentle sigh of relief. The man standing in front of my favorite armchair with his back to me, peering anxiously into the kitchen, wasn’t some robber or scoundrel or home invader. I could only see the back of his head, but seeing as I’d spent an awful lot of the last month or so looking at that cowlick of soft brown hair while I plowed into him from behind—
I would’ve recognized Bennet Long anywhere, anytime. Back or front. Even with my eyes closed.
As I entered the room I could smell something on him, almost like his heat but softer, more soothing. Like the scent of freshly squeezed lemonade being made in the kitchen after coming in from a hot summer day.
Smelling like that, I could have sensed his presence in the same room as me in the dark.
“Bennet. Hey.” I kept my voice as soft and level as I could. It felt like talking to an easily spooked horse more than the man who was carrying my child, but I wanted to be more careful around him. It was at the forefront of my mind, how scared he must have been of me after our encounter in the bathroom earlier. Bennet had been abused. Mistreated. Hurt and maligned by the alphas of his past.
I didn’t want him to see me like that. I didn’t want him to think there was anything similar at all between that kind of alpha and me.
He startled at the sound of my voice anyway. But when he turned to me, the look on his face was one of surprise. Not fear.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
“Logan. Hey.” I would’ve given anything to see him smile at me the way he had before this whole pregnancy debacle had begun, but seeing a little glimmer in his bright blue eyes as he took me in was better than I’d expected. Maybe better than I deserved.
“You feeling any better?” I asked, taking a measured step toward him.
He froze. Immediately, the glimmer dissipated. “Well, I’m still pregnant, as far as I know, anyway.”
“Ah. Right.” Damn. Somehow, even with all the care I was trying to take, I’d still managed to say the wrong thing. “How was, ah. How was your walk?”
“Cleared my head a little.” His voice was softer now, but there was still something sharp beneath his words. “Made an appointment with Dr. Smith. All of the, um…complications with my ovaries and hormones and uterus makes clearing my head kind of hard right now.”
My lower lip twitched beneath my teeth, brow knitting at the reminder of the hell Bennet’s ex had put him through. I didn’t have all the details, but I could imagine well enough how awful it must have been on him. To be hurt by an alpha to the point that his own reproductive system was still recovering four years later…
I should’ve gone out, found that bastard and killed him as soon as Bennet had mentioned it. If not for Bennet himself, then for my own peace of mind that he’d never be able to do that to another omega ever again.
But if there was a time for me to start making vengeance fantasies, this wasn’t it. As angry as I was at Bennet’s ex, it was Bennet I was worried about.
“I’m sorry,” I said in lieu of making threats on Bennet’s ex’s life. “I can imagine how scary that must be.”
“Yeah, and I’m sorry I ran off.” Bennet focused his eyes on the toes of his shoes. “I can imagine what a shock this all must be for you, too.”
I waved the line away. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” After everything Bennet had been through, I was hardly the one who needed sympathy and understanding right now.
But Bennet only shook his head. “No. Please don’t do that. Can you maybe not put the Master Sergeant hat on just now? I’d really like to talk about things with you. In, um. In like, an open, honest kind of way. If that’s alright.” He sucked his lower lip into his mouth. “If you think you can.”
I motioned to the couch, placing myself on one end of it as Bennet lowered himself carefully onto the other. With a cushion between us I hoped he felt safe enough to say what he needed to say. It had obviously been weighing on him heavy, whatever it was.
“So…” I said, feeling the awkwardness swell between us like a rising tide. One we’d be up to our necks with if we didn’t smooth out this tension soon. “What do you want to talk about in particular, then? The baby, or the pregnancy, or…”
“Actually, I wanted to talk about you.” Bennet reached over like he was going to pat me on the hand, but only made it as far as the cushion between us. “I’m worried about you, Logan.”
“About me? Why?”
“This is a lot for me. I imagine it’s probably a lot for you, too. But…” Bennet laughed dryly. “You’re not exactly the kind of man who easily admits that.”
I huffed, momentarily focusing my eyes on the picture of Jason, Teddy and I still hanging on the wall from Jason’s boot camp graduation. He wasn’t wrong, just, Jesus. He didn’t have to come out and say it like that.
“Yes, I am worried,” I finally admitted, just gritting my teeth and diving into it. “But not about you. Not about you and I being wrong for each other. These last few weeks have been some of the happiest of my life. Your medical stuff concerns me a little, but beyond that… I think you’re an incredibly sweet, caring person, Bennet. You’ll make an excellent father.”
“Thank you, but if you’re not worried about me or us, then what?”
“I’m worried about me too, I guess. Worried I won’t be the kind of father our child will need.”
Bennet laughed—more genuinely, this time. “Yeah. That, ah…did cross my mind. When Teddy and I were kids, he used to go on and on about what a hard-ass you were, you know.”
I snorted. “Can imagine as much. He wasn’t wrong. I was.”
“Probably, yeah.” Bennet laughed again. “After Roland left, Teddy was always complaining about you missing things. School plays. Parents’ nights. But I never really understood what he had to complain about at the time. The way my dad was, I think Garret and I would’ve given anything to have a father who wasn’t around. Would’ve ended up getting smacked a lot less, at least.”
“There’s more to being a good dad than just…abstaining from hitting your children.” My guilt unfolded all over again. Bennet’s father was yet another alpha who I should’ve beaten silly when I had the chance. “More to being a good dad than just being there, too. But with the way my work is…”
“The way it was. But you’re older now, Logan. This medical discharge… I know it’s been hard on you, but maybe it was a sign?”
“A sign I’m getting too old for anything other than attending early lunch buffets and playing bingo at the Legion Hall, maybe.” Any mention of my impending discharge was still a bit of a sore spot for me.
“I like bingo,” Bennet said with a soft smile. “All I’m saying is maybe it can be different this time. Right?”
I nodded, understanding perfectly what he meant. “I’m older now. Wiser. Having a little hindsight could help a lot.” I set my jaw. “I’m going to do it differently this time. I don’t want you worrying about that. At least, I will as long as you’re willing to let me try.”
“Of course I am.” Bennet shifted closer to me on the couch, his knee brushing against mine. “I love you. I didn’t just say that because… Well, because you were making me come.”
I caught the flush on his cheeks again—that same blush that had originally left me so captivated with Bennet Long to begin with. Shifting again, I took his chin between my index finger and thumb, turning his face up toward me.
“I love you too,” I told him. “Not just because I was making you come.”
“For real?”
I hummed, inching my lips a little closer to his. “For real.”
It was a kiss so gentle, it should have felt like butterfly wings against my lips. Instead, it somehow ended up hitting me like a truck. Bennet’s scent, soft and sweet and so delicious that if I didn’t pace myself, I’d end up passing out for want of an exhale because I couldn’t stop breathing him in. His body moving against mine, fingers stroking down my chest as I took his jawline in my hands. His taste. His vulnerability. It couldn’t have been easy for him to come back to me like this, given everything that had happened today, and yet, here he was.
I love it. I loved all of it.
Everything about Bennet was too precious for me to believe sometimes—and especially in that moment, he felt far too precious for me to lose.
“You know,” I said, smirking a little as I pulled away. “In my experience, pregnant omegas need a lot of…extra attention.”
I toyed with the collar of his shirt with the fingers of one hand as I shimmied my other hand up his thigh.
Bennet glanced down, watching the way my palm rose up the outer seam of his jeans with a look that just verged on wickedness. “I’m not quite that pregnant yet, Logan.”
“Mm. Maybe I’m a little out of practice, then.” I squeezed his hip, locking my gaze on his. “And you know what they say about practice…”
Bennet laughed. “As if you’re not already perfect.”
“Far from it, but if you’re willing, I’d like to try.”
I moved his body the way I pleased, every grip of my fingers and shift of my palms done with focused intent. Bennet, in turn, obeyed every order, letting me take control and do with him what I liked. I lead, he followed.
What I normally liked was roughness. Intensity. That frantic, hard kind of fuck you could feel deep in your gut, roaring away like a wildfire in your chest in every thrust. But roughness wasn’t what I wanted then. I liked Bennet submissive. Malleable. Willing and eager to do as I pleased. But this time, his submission wasn’t a gift I wanted to take. It wasn’t something he could tie up in a bow and offer up like a birthday present.
This time, I decided, my dominance would be a gift to him.
He shivered beneath my lips as I traced them down his body—when I peeled away clothing as I needed to in order to flick my tongue against what I liked. His neck. His collarbone. The valley between his pecs.
His jeans came next, though I didn’t kiss him where I knew he wanted. Not yet. Instead, I slipped to my knees, feeling my cock throb hard with possessiveness in my boxers as I pressed my lips to his lower abdomen, knowing my child was growing inside his womb.
“You’re mine, sweetheart,” I said, rubbing my clean-shaven cheek against his abs like some kind of animal marking him with my scent. More kisses followed, trailing lower and lower with every firm, loving brush of my lips against his skin. “You’re all mine.”
“I’m yours,” Bennet moaned, bucking his hips as I pulled his boxers down, his cock springing up, which I immediately caught with my mouth.
I wrapped my lips around his tip, running my tongue serpentine against the sensitive underside of it while I bobbed my head up and down, sucking my cheeks in to create a vacuum around his hardness. I was rewarded by a gush of precum, salty and sweet. It was enough to make me gasp with want, make me desperate to pull my mouth off of him and take his ass with my cock instead.
But this wasn’t about me. I wasn’t doing this with my pleasure in mind.
I was doing this for him.
I smoothed my hands up and down his thighs as I pulled his calves up over my shoulders, caressing him while I swallowed his dick down my throat, inch by inch. He was long enough I could stroke him off by literally swallowing him, by tightening the muscles of my throat around his thickness and forcing him down, down, down until he was whimpering like I’d just shattered his entire world around him.
To be fair, in a way, I already had. Making him come with my mouth was, by comparison, only polite, really.
“Logan—oh, god, Logan!”
The sound of my name on Bennet’s tongue only served as further motivation. I drove down harder on him, came up faster, edging him just to the precipice of an orgasm then finally, with a long, slow stroke of my tongue, pushing him over it. He shot into my throat, filling my mouth with so much cum I had to swallow greedily just to keep it from spilling out over my lips and onto his balls. I took every last drop, finally coming up for air with a still-hungry need firing through my veins.
“You’re mine,” I said again, prying his legs apart a little farther so I could settle my hips between his thighs.
I kissed him with the taste of his cum still on my tong
ue, sharing the last few smears of it with him while my cock throbbed against the tight ring of his ass. He was hot, dripping with honey against my tip—the way he always seemed to be by the time I finally decided I couldn’t stand not being inside him anymore.
“Logan—god—please—”
“I’m going to stay with you, sweetheart.” I purred the words against his ear, moving our bodies deeper into the couch with nothing more than a thrust of my hips.
He tightened his ass around my shaft as I plunged inside him, squeezing me deliciously. It was enough to have rendered me speechless on any other day, but today wasn’t like any other day.
Today, I wanted him to hear me. Hear my love for him. My worship of him. Hear the sound of my voice while I filled him with my cum all over again—this time, knowing he’d been properly bred by my seed.
“Not going to let anything bad happen to you,” I promised. “Going to protect you. Keep you close. Be with you. Be yours.”
“B-be mine,” Bennet whimpered, his body shuddering with desire. “Yes—oh, fuck, Logan, please be mine—please be—”
“You won’t have to worry about anything. Not when I’m around.” I kissed his earlobe, then the space just behind it when I noticed the way he shivered even harder when my lips moved against the thin, delicate skin there. “Going to love you—cherish you—take care of you for the whole pregnancy—”
“Logan! God, yes—I’m so close—”
“For the rest of your life,” I swore. “For the rest of your life.”
We came together in long, hard thrusts and shaky, ragged breaths. His ass automatically clenched around me, pulling me deeper with every wave of pleasure, and then he purposefully clenched even harder when he felt my cum shooting into him, rope after thick, creamy rope.
