by Aiden Bates
I rolled us as we rode the orgasm out, finishing with him on top of me so I could see the way his lips fell open and his eyes rolled back. Sweat dripped down the tip of his nose, settling into my chest hair, before he collapsed on top of me, his shoulders heaving as I smoothed down his damp, sticky skin.
“So sleepy now.” Bennet yawned, shifting off of me to curl up on the couch by my side. “Never felt this sleepy before.”
I lifted my arm up so he could lay his head on my chest, then relished the weight of him against me as he let his body relax and his eyelashes flutter closed.
“Pregnancy can do that.” I hummed, tilting my head back and closing my eyes as well. “This is just the beginning, you know.”
“Feels like…” He yawned again, more deeply this time. “Feels like the beginning of something good. Really, really, really…”
His voice trailed off as sleep found him, but I knew exactly what he was trying to say.
This was good. This could be so good. For him. For me. For both of us.
And this time around, I wasn’t going to let anything stop me from keeping it that way.
20
Bennet
I didn’t know how he’d managed it, but he had.
When Logan told me he was going to do things differently this time around, the last thing I’d expected him to do was convince Dr. Smith and his CO to clear him to return to work after his mandatory physical. As much as I knew Logan hated the idea of retirement, I would’ve been lying if I said it didn’t give me hope that he’d actually make good on his promise to change. But as I paced the living room of Logan’s home, checking my watch and keeping an ear out for the sound of his tires pulling up into the driveway, I was beginning to doubt Logan actually knew what change actually meant.
Change would have meant taking his medical discharge with pride, or at the very least, accepting reduced hours in the face of this new responsibility on his plate.
Change would have meant coming home early every night instead of finding ways to busy himself with additional duties since he’d gone back to work this week.
And most importantly, change would have been showing up back at home during his lunch break like he’d promised so he could take me to my own appointment with Dr. Smith instead of letting me stand around pacing and wondering where the hell he was.
I glanced down at my wristwatch and groaned in frustration. No Logan. No text. No call. No anything. And if I didn’t leave now, I was going to be late.
I grabbed my keys off the hook next to the door and headed to my car in a black mood that stuck with me the entire drive to the hospital. When I was finally called in to see Dr. Smith and his obstetrician co-worker, Dr. Stan Lemon, I gave the latter a forced smile and the former an annoyed scowl.
I didn’t know how Logan had talked Dr. Smith into suspending Logan’s discharge in exchange for quarterly physicals to check up on his heart, but somehow, he’d managed it anyway. And now, I had to face whatever the doctors had to tell me on my own because of it.
Do things differently this time? Do things differently, my ass.
“Morning, Bennet. You’re looking…” Dr. Smith clocked my scowl and immediately made himself busy checking my chart instead. “Well, you’re here.”
“Is there anyone special joining us today?” Dr. Lemon asked with what I felt was remarkable tact. He was a tall, balding bear of an alpha with a beard the color of a wildfire—all copper and smoke—and hands approximately the size of oven mitts, one of which he offered for me to shake.
I glanced down at my phone, realizing I had an unread text from Logan.
“Maybe,” I said, feeling my heart leap. “Sorry, just a minute.”
But then I actually read the text.
Sorry, sweetheart. Have to take afternoon drills. Idiot staff sergeant isn’t worth the grime on his boots.
“Actually, no.” I swallowed hard, feeling the sting of Logan’s absence hit me all over again. It hurt, but maybe it was just a one-off thing. Logan’s recruits obviously needed him more than I could’ve imagined, and he only had a year left on his contract. It wouldn’t be like this forever, or even necessarily next time. I just needed to get through today. “No, just me today. Looks like my alpha is caught up at work.”
“Ah. My husband knows what that’s like.” Dr. Lemon offered me a sympathetic smile. “It’s sweet of him to text. You know how us alphas can be. Last time I got caught late, I wrote the apology and forgot to send it. Thought Leland was going to have my hide for a whole week after.”
“Yeah, of course, it must be hard,” I agreed. After all, it wasn’t like Logan would want to miss seeing my first ultrasound and hearing what the doctors had to say.
“A little unusual, doing one of these here at the VA hospital.” Dr. Lemon wheeled the ultrasound machine over and pulled out a tube of gel to warm up between his fingers before he applied it onto the cover over the ultrasound wand.
“Yeah. I really appreciate it, though. I asked Dr. Smith if it would be okay, given our working relationship and his existing knowledge of my condition.”
“It’s good to have continuation of care,” Dr. Smith agreed with a nod, keeping his distance. He must have realized by now how annoyed at him I was that he’d let Logan off the hook about his heart. Even with the medication he was taking, I didn’t like him taking the risk. But I wasn’t a medical practitioner, so what did I know?
“Your alpha one of the military boys here in town?” Dr. Smith asked conversationally as he patted the stirrups on the examination table.
I settled my feet into them, trying hard not to hold my breath. “I don’t know that he’d appreciate being called a boy, but…”
“Master Sergeant O’Rourke is Bennet’s partner,” Dr. Smith said. “Don’t think he’s been boyish once in his entire life.”
Dr. Lemon laughed. “Ah. Yeah, he’s got quite the reputation, doesn’t he? Firm, but fair. It’s sweet that he has such a lovely omega to counter all that bark.” He patted my knee comfortingly. “This might be a little uncomfortable, Bennet, but since you’re so early along, we’ll have to use the probe. Let me know if anything hurts and we’ll stop, okay?”
I nodded, letting out a thin stream of air. Dr. Smith must have briefed Dr. Lemon on my history—or maybe he’d just read far back enough in my chart to know I might have a few mental setbacks surrounding the idea of having an ultrasound wand up my ass.
Thankfully, Dr. Lemon’s bedside manner was impeccable. He had a warm, friendly voice and a light tone as he worked the probe inside me, keeping his eyes on the screen facing away from me while going on about his sons and their current swimming lessons woes. One of them, Cody, seemed to love the water. The other, Miles, was about as fond of it as a cat thrown in a bath.
Hearing about Dr. Lemon’s lighthearted family drama was enough to distract me from how uncomfortable the rest of the procedure was.
“And so Miles goes, ‘I wouldn’t even get back in that pool if someone pushed me in!’ And don’t you know it, before I can stop him, Cody comes up behind him and goes—” A flash of concern furrowed into Dr. Lemon’s brow. “Kent, you mind coming over here and looking at this with me? Want a second opinion on something.”
Suddenly, my chest felt tight and hot as Dr. Smith and Dr. Lemon conversed in hushed tones for a few minutes, pointing at the screen and shaking their heads. I was about to call out to them, begging them to tell me something—anything—when finally, Dr. Lemon turned the screen around so I could see.
“I don’t mean to worry you, Bennet, but… I think it’s only right you should know.” Dr. Smith pointed at a little, egg-shaped blob on the screen in front of me, leaving my stomach momentarily aflutter. “This here is your baby. You’re definitely pregnant—so, of course, congratulations are in order.”
“But?”
Dr. Lemon shifted his finger to the lower portion of the screen, where several strange, pale, jagged shapes reached up like the fingers of some kind of nightmare cre
ature trying to catch my baby in its grasp.
“Scar tissue,” Dr. Lemon explained. “Dr. Smith mentioned you’d had a…trouble, Bennet. I’m sorry to say that it’s… Well, it’s concerning. Might make this pregnancy a little more difficult than we would hope.”
“Concerning how?” I asked immediately, even though my head was already filling with possibilities. “Will I be able to give birth naturally? Will I need a c-section?” I looked over to Dr. Smith, who wore the same look of sympathy on his face that Dr. Lemon did. “You told me it wouldn’t even be possible for me to get pregnant after what Chris did to me. How did this happen? Is the baby…” I choked on my own words, having to swallow them down before I could try to spit them back out again. “Is my baby going to be okay?”
Dr. Lemon slipped the wand out of me and gave me a look I’m sure was turned on his reassuring setting. “You’re in very good hands, Bennet. Try to take a deep breath and—”
“I don’t want to take a deep breath! I want to know—” But Dr. Lemon was right. If I didn’t remember to breathe, I was going to end up hyperventilating. “I want the truth. Please. I’m a CNA, Dr. Lemon. I’m pretty well-accustomed to all the lines that doctors and nurses give patients instead of just telling it to them straight. If I’m going to face the worst, I want to be prepared for the worst. Just…tell me what I need to know.” My eyes were pleading as I held his gaze. “Please.”
“Well…” Dr. Lemon and Dr. Smith shared a look as Dr. Lemon began to clean up from the ultrasound. “Like I said. The scar tissue is going to create significant issues. There’s a good chance it’s going to give your uterus a hard time when it comes to expanding. To be frank, it’s probably going to hurt.”
“Okay.” I nodded, internalizing that knowledge and preparing myself for the next blow. “What else?”
“If you’re looking for worst case scenarios, Bennet…” Dr. Smith sighed as he chimed in. “Okay. Your changing hormones—they could trigger a heat unexpectedly. Your ovaries were already unpredictable. Adding a baby to the mix won’t help that at all.”
“And there’s a high chance for pre-eclampsia. Also, a strong likelihood you’ll need a c-section.” Dr. Lemon frowned. “Is this really helping, Bennet? I wasn’t trying to give you a line before. You’re in very good hands here and at Arlington General when you come to me over there. Everything we’ve just told you, we can keep tabs on. If we’re being wary and playing it safe—”
“We’re both going to want to hear from you the minute you feel like anything might be wrong.” Dr. Smith’s gaze was firm and confident. “Even if you don’t think it’s a big deal—it could be. We can get through this, but only if we do it together. You’re one of our own, Bennet. We’re going to take care of you. I promise.”
Dr. Smith’s reassurances were convincing, almost to the point that I felt bad for scowling at him over the Logan issue earlier.
Almost.
Dr. Lemon rested his hand on my shoulder. “Just know that you’re not going to have to go it alone.”
There was something hard and sharp in my chest, a feeling I couldn’t put a name to but could certainly sense. I knew my doctors were doing the best they could to make me feel better about all of this—but given everything they’d just told me—how could anyone have made this better?
The answer was obvious: Logan could have. Or at least, he might have. If he’d actually bothered to show up. Maybe I wasn’t going this alone, but in that moment, I certainly felt alone. Having a team of doctors and nurses dedicated to ensuring the baby and I both made it out of this okay was one thing, but having a partner—a present, interested partner—by my side would have made the world of difference today.
And yet, Logan was across town taking care of his troops instead of being here with me.
Dr. Lemon gave me the rest of my care plan before leaving, arming me with a stack of handouts and pamphlets as he went. I’d be setting up two appointments a month with his receptionist so he could continue monitoring things, which was simultaneously comforting and unsettling .
“How’s Logan doing?” Dr. Smith asked, careful to pose the question only after Dr. Lemon had taken his leave. “He treating you okay?”
“He’s…trying,” I said with a sigh. “He’s back at work now, although I suppose you already knew that.”
“I do,” Dr. Smith said with a nod. “Didn’t have any choice in the matter. However, if it makes you feel any better, I didn’t encourage him to.”
“Yeah. I suppose it does.” It was good to know that at least Logan’s doctor still had his best interests at heart. “Guess this is just how it’s going to be for the next year or so. At least then Logan’s contract will be up. He can retire then. Focus more on…family things.”
“He is?” Dr. Smith leaned back slightly, raising an eyebrow in surprise. “That’s news to me. Last time he was in here, he was asking about getting cleared for another contract.”
“He was?” It was beginning to sound less like an examination room in here and more like an echo chamber. “I didn’t… Did he say anything else?”
“I…think that’s maybe something you should talk to Logan himself about. Doctor patient confidentiality, Bennet. You know how it is. Probably already said more than I should have. Logan’s medical records are, you know. Classified.” From the uncomfortable tightness of Dr. Smith’s shoulders, he looked less concerned about getting a call from his medical board and more concerned about starting drama between Logan and me.
Whatever he was feeling about it, I was sorry to hear it, but glad he told me.
Yet another thing I’d need to bring up with Logan, if I intended to keep taking Silas’s advice. Openness and honesty—that was the key. Those were just easier spoken about than carried out when one party was already making plans for his future, while leaving the other party—me, the omega who was carrying his child—completely in the dark.
Dr. Smith wrote me two prescriptions—one to help manage my hormones, and another to head off any blood pressure changes—before he saw me out. As I left, I wished I could have said I was feeling more confident than when I went in, but if anything, I was more worried than ever.
About my health. My future. My baby’s future. And, in the back of my mind, about my relationship with Logan.
He should have been here for me. That would have been a start. But beyond that, I now knew he was looking at renewing his contract, which was another black mark on an increasingly nerve-wracking record. He’d promised things would be different this time, but would they? Were they really?
And if he didn’t start coming through for me now, when would he?
21
Logan
I arrived home that night completely beat, ready to pour myself a tall drink of ice-cold water then pour myself into bed in quick succession. A full month of indulging in steak, waffles and Bennet Long might’ve been good for my soul—but as far as my body went, I obviously needed more than just long days spent naked with Bennet to keep me in peak physical shape. The only benefit to all of it was that it looked like my ticker was ticking on a little better. My cholesterol was down, my mood was up, I had a handsome, pregnant omega waiting at home for me—and through all the stress and worries of the past few weeks, I hadn’t had a single flare up of my chest pain. Not even once.
But when I opened my front door, I could immediately sense that something was wrong. Bennet was sitting in the living room, barely lit by the lamp across the room and the screen of his phone. When he looked up at me, there was hurt in his eyes.
When he hadn’t texted me back after I missed our appointment earlier, I’d just assumed he was busy with the doctors. But now I could see his baby blues boring into me like I’d just kicked his favorite puppy, I could tell I’d actually done something wrong.
“Hey.” I lingered by the door for a moment, half of me unsure of whether he even wanted me in the same room as him when seeing me made him look at me like that. “I’m sorry about missing the appointment
earlier. Work was a lot today, and—”
“Logan…” He shook his head, his voice dripping with disappointment. “I’m not upset about that.”
“Oh?” Well, that was good, but it was obvious there was still something not right. “Okay, best to be out with it, then. What’s wrong?”
“I don’t even know where to start.” Bennet’s fingers were gripped tight around the arms of the chair he was sitting in, like he had to hold himself down or else he’d be launching himself out of it to kick me. “Except… Yeah, okay. If we have to start somewhere, why don’t we begin with the way you’ve been mulling over signing another contract? Master Sergeant at Fort Greene… That’s four more years, isn’t it?”
“Oh.” I didn’t know who’d told him. I hadn’t even figured out how to tell him myself yet. But the cat was out of the bag now—before I’d even had a chance to touch pen to paper on the renewal documents, to boot. “I, ah… I was going to tell you, sweetheart. Did Dr. Smith mention it?”
“He did. Was surprised to discover I didn’t know yet.”
“Well, I had to clear it with the doc first. Then have Sergeant Major Walters okay it, obviously.”
“Obviously.” His voice was sharp and thin. Sarcastic, almost. There’d been a point in time I’d enjoyed Bennet’s sense of humor, but he wasn’t laughing, and apparently it wasn’t all that much fun when that sarcasm was leveled at me like a blade.
“I didn’t know whether it would even be possible or not, Bennet. I didn’t want to worry you with something that might not even happen. Might not even be a viable option for me.”
“For us, you mean. Whether it could happen or not isn’t the point, Logan. The point is, we didn’t discuss it. At all.”
I clenched my jaw shut, mulling that entire concept over for a moment. “We’re not married, Bennet. I don’t have to run every decision I make for my life by you.”
