Right Here Waiting for You

by Pugh, Rebecca

Sophia exhaled. On the one hand, she wanted to keep Esther far away from this man who hadn’t given a damn about her, but then, on the other, Tom was Esther’s father and, even though she hated to admit it, he had a right to see his daughter, whether she liked it or not.

  ‘Fine. An hour of my time is all you’re getting though.’

  ‘Really?’ he asked. ‘You’re agreeing to sit down and talk to me about this?’

  ‘I’m not a teenager any more, Tom. We’re adults now, and this is what adults do. But don’t think Esther will be joining us.’

  ‘No, that’s fine. I completely understand that. Shall I take your number and we can arrange a day to meet?’

  ‘No. No need for that. I’ll meet you tomorrow, in the café on the high street. It’s opposite the card shop. Shall we say half nine?’

  ‘Yes, okay. That’s perfect. You’ll definitely turn up, won’t you?’

  Despite herself, Sophia’s resolve softened at the earnestness on Tom’s face. ‘Yes, I’ll turn up.’

  Sophia stared at the doors after he’d left. First Magda had turned up, and now Tom. What had this reunion started for them all? Was he honestly back to see his daughter, or was there some other hidden reason behind his return? And what about Magda? What did she want? Sophia tried to calm her racing heart down by taking slow, deep breaths.

  She suddenly felt weighed down by the appearance of these people from her past. She felt as though they threatened the peace of her present life, and all that she had built with her daughter, and maybe even Michael. She felt as though those structures she had built her life upon were now beginning to bend and bow beneath the weight of the new arrivals. The appearance of Tom and Magda had really shaken her, and she had no idea what to do about it. She had a feeling it wouldn’t be too long before she crossed paths with Magda again too.

  ‘Esther’s father is back.’

  ‘What? Run that by me again?’ Michael frowned. ‘Esther’s father? As in, the dickhead who walked out and left you when you were pregnant? That father?’ His face looked like thunder. She knew Michael cared about Esther just as much as she cared about Harry. She could understand what he was feeling because, if Tanya had wanted to start seeing Harry again, she’d feel protective too.

  ‘Bloody hell, Michael. It’s not as if there’s more than one man. Yes, Esther’s father. The man who helped me to create her. Him. Tom. Tom Archer. The one I was completely and hopelessly in love with, the one I made a baby with. He’s back in town. Right here.’ Sophia’s eyes were closed as she lay her face on the kitchen table. Michael sat opposite her with a cup of coffee.

  ‘Wow,’ he said slowly. ‘I think I’m almost as shocked as you are. Where did you see him?’

  ‘He came into the post office today. He went to the reunion but didn’t end up going inside for fear of seeing me. He wants to see Esther. That’s why he’s back. He seemed different. Not as flighty as he once was, but that’s on first glance so I could be entirely wrong. Who knows?’

  ‘You make it sound really threatening.’ Michael chuckled.

  Sophia lifted her head and frowned at him. ‘Why are you laughing? This isn’t funny. He can’t just turn up and expect to see his daughter. He has played no role whatsoever in Esther’s upbringing. What gives him the right to turn up, when most of the hard work has already been done, and demand to see her?’ She could feel fury building inside. Her cheeks were hot. Her palms sweaty. She could hear Esther and Harry playing together in the lounge and her heart sank deeper.

  ‘Did he demand to see her, or are you just saying that?’ Michael raised an eyebrow. ‘Because if there’s a chance that he simply asked to see her, then that’s a little different, isn’t it?’

  ‘Well, he…’ Sophia faltered. He hadn’t demanded, had he? He’d seemed more hopeful than anything. Not aggressive. Not really. ‘I don’t know. It felt like it at the time. I’ve agreed to meet him tomorrow in the café. I didn’t know what else to say to him. I feel like that’s the best way to hear what he has to say.’

  ‘Is it really such a bad thing? For him to see her?’

  Sophia gasped. ‘Yes, it is. He hasn’t been there for Esther at all. He hasn’t even seen her besides a few photographs I emailed to him when she was first born, which I never received a reply to. Yes, it’s a terrible thing and you can’t do that. He must have read the emails, otherwise he wouldn’t have known about her at all.’

  ‘Listen, Sophia. I understand where you’re coming from, but why don’t you try to see it from his point of view?’

  She couldn’t believe Michael was taking this route with her. How dare he! He had no idea what it had been like, to be abandoned when she’d needed love and support the most. When her newborn daughter had needed the love of both parents, not just one. Sophia had struggled to get to grips with being entirely responsible for the tiny human being she’d brought home from the hospital. Newborn Esther had cried all the time and never settled, and Sophia had felt as if she was drowning in her daughter’s tears. She’d turned to her mother, Grace, for help, and eventually, over time, she’d got to grips with being a single mother.

  She wasn’t too proud to admit that she would never be a perfect mother. She wasn’t even sure if such a thing existed, although the other mums who grouped together in the school playground would certainly have someone believing so. She’d done her best with Esther though, tried to do all the right things in the hope that her daughter would grow up in a happy home she’d miss when the time came to leave. Sometimes, when Esther played up or had one of her tantrums, Sophia felt like banging her head against the wall or locking herself in the bathroom. Those were the moments when she wondered if she’d done the whole parenting thing wrong. And then there were the times where Esther looped her arms around Sophia’s neck and told her she loved her. This small yet monumental action would make the worries shrink away and Sophia would concede that perhaps she wasn’t doing such a terrible job after all.

  The situation with Tom had thrown her completely. You couldn’t just up and leave when things got hard. Imagine if she’d done the same. Imagine if, when she’d felt lost and hopeless, she’d decided to pack her bags and go travelling instead of facing up to her responsibilities and getting on with it. The thought was completely absurd.

  ‘What point of view?’ she snapped at Michael. She couldn’t help herself. She was furious. ‘The point of view where you can run away from every tough situation you find yourself up against? Imagine if everyone lived their life that way.’

  ‘He’s obviously had a change of heart. That’s why he came back, right? To see you, and to see Esther? It’s better late than never. He’s clearly willing to make amends.’

  ‘Can you imagine packing up your shit and leaving Harry when he was born?’

  Michael paused. Glanced at her. ‘No. I can’t,’ he said simply. ‘But everyone is different, aren’t they? We all handle things differently. Some people’s reaction to anything big and new and scary is to run. Sometimes it’s even a knee-jerk reaction. They don’t even think about it. They just do it. That’s the way some people are made, I guess.’

  Sophia shook her head. ‘I can’t believe you’re taking his side.’

  Michael frowned. ‘Sophia, of course I’m not taking his side. I adore you and Esther. You know I do. I just think that maybe it’s a good chance for Esther to get to know him. To have a father figure in her life. I don’t condone the fact that he walked away from you when you needed him most, or that he walked away from Esther. In my opinion, any man would be lucky to have you both. I just think that everyone deserves a second chance. A chance to make things right. Don’t you?’ He moved his hands to take hold of hers. ‘I’m not taking his side. I promise.’ He squeezed and Sophia felt a tear escape. An overwhelming fear was taking over her, blocking her from all sides.

  ‘But what if he hurts her, Michael?’ she whispered, horrified at the very thought of her daughter being introduced to this man as her father
and then watching as he walked away whenever he felt like it. ‘What if Esther completely adores him and then he breaks her heart, like he broke my mine?’

  ‘Then I’ll break his legs.’ Michael shrugged.

  Despite the tears, Sophia couldn’t help but laugh.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Magda felt proud to be walking alongside Charlie as they made their way to the cemetery. It was a massive step forward for him, as far as she was concerned. Charlie had told Magda it had been a while since his last visit and she could understand that. Sometimes, ignoring things or choosing not to face them could help you believe they didn’t exist. Perhaps that was what he’d been hoping for in avoiding these visits. To pretend his wife wasn’t gone for good, but had simply gone away for a while perhaps. He seemed confident as he strode along the street beside her though. He’d made an effort in his appearance too. The evening before, he’d trimmed his beard and looked more presentable for it. It wasn’t gone completely but it was less bushy, which was a good thing in Magda’s eyes. When she looked at him now, she was happy to see a glimmer of the man he had once been.

  They reached the gates and followed the path through, Magda leading the way. They’d picked up some fresh flowers on their way from the florist’s, one bunch in Magda’s hands and the other in Charlie’s. He’d bought her roses. Her mother’s favourite flower. Magda had smiled at that.

  When they approached, Magda saw a figure up ahead, beside her mother’s headstone. Even from the side, the familiar features of Sophia’s face made her falter in her steps. Sophia was the last person she was expecting to find there and she wasn’t sure whether to continue to approach, or give her a few minutes so she could get on her way. While Magda stood still, Charlie brushed past her, eager now they had arrived, and continued to the headstone, not at all bothered by the woman already there. Magda watched as they exchanged a few words. Charlie looked in her direction and waved her over as Sophia glanced her way before turning to leave.

  ‘Here, Dad. Take these.’ Magda handed Charlie her flowers when she reached him. ‘I’ll be back in a minute.’ She hurried after Sophia, desperate to catch up. ‘Sophia, wait,’ she called out, but Sophia didn’t stop. In fact, she moved quicker, hurrying away from Magda. ‘Sophia, please,’ shouted Magda, already out of breath from the chase. ‘Just wait there a second.’

  To her relief, once Sophia reached the tall iron gates of the cemetery, she stopped and turned to face her. Magda tried to regain her breath as she took the last few steps to meet her old friend. ‘Hi,’ she breathed out. ‘Not as fit as I used to be. How are you?’

  Sophia shifted on her feet. She seemed eager to get away. ‘I’m fine, thanks. I was just taking some flowers. I do, every now and again. You know, just in memory really.’ She looked at Magda then. Properly took in her features. ‘I haven’t seen your dad here in a while.’

  ‘I managed to persuade him to get out of the house. I don’t think he enjoys coming here, to be honest. Makes it all real, I suppose.’

  ‘Yeah, I guess it would.’ Sophia nodded, took another step away.

  ‘Wait, Sophia.’ Magda held her hand up. ‘Can we… Can we catch up? Have a coffee or something? While I’m here?’

  The hesitation was clear on Sophia’s face. ‘I don’t think so,’ she murmured.

  ‘Please,’ Magda begged. ‘It’d be good to talk. Properly. To explain. You have a daughter now, don’t you?’

  Sophia frowned. ‘How do you know that?’

  ‘I just… found out.’

  Sophia shook her head and turned away. Magda could see the muscles in her jaw twitching. ‘None of it is any of your business.’

  ‘So, you’re allowed to visit my mother’s resting place but I’m not allowed to know you have a daughter? Get a grip, Sophia.’ Magda glared.

  Sophia couldn’t argue with that and looked guilty for a moment. ‘I…’ She fiddled with the zip on her jacket. ‘It’s out of respect.’

  ‘Well, me and my dad both appreciate it. Listen, Sophia, I was hoping to see you. To talk about what happened. We’re both grown-up now. We’re both adults. Surely we can do that, can’t we?’

  Sophia hesitated. Exhaled long and slow. ‘I don’t know, Magda. I’m still mad at you. You know that, don’t you? It doesn’t matter what you say or do, I’m always going to be mad at you.’

  ‘I get that. I really, really do. I understand that. But at least let me have my say, will you? You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to do anything. Just an hour. Maybe even less. Please.’

  Magda saw Sophia’s throat constrict as she swallowed. A minute or so of tense silence passed as they stood there, Magda waiting, Sophia chewing the inside of her cheek as she thought long and hard about it.

  Eventually, Magda got her answer.

  ‘Fine. Fine, we can talk.’

  Magda exhaled with relief. ‘Thank you,’ she said with sincerity.

  ‘I’ll give you my number.’ Sophia began to rummage in her coat pocket for her phone but Magda stopped her.

  ‘I already have it.’

  ‘Do you?’ Sophia asked with raised eyebrows. ‘How?’

  ‘Just, you know…’ Magda shrugged.

  Sophia rolled her eyes. ‘Great. What else have you found out about me? My home address and bank pin?’

  ‘Neither of those, but I’m sure, if I asked around, someone would point me in the right direction for your house.’

  ‘Wow,’ Sophia muttered.

  Magda was sure she saw a tiny spark of amusement in Sophia’s eyes before she turned away.

  ‘Come around tonight,’ she called as she began to walk away. ‘Text me, and I’ll text you my address. But don’t get it twisted, Magda. This is so we can talk. This isn’t because we’re suddenly best friends again.’

  ‘I know that, Sophia.’

  She watched Sophia get further and further away. She smiled to herself, although she wasn’t sure why.

  Despite bagging the invitation and the chance to finally talk through everything that had happened, Sophia hadn’t seemed excited to have Magda back in her life. Still, Magda could understand that. Nothing had been fixed by that brief meeting, and she knew it wouldn’t be. But she foolishly held out hope that the evening ahead held a glimmer of promise. She crossed her fingers behind her back as she returned to her mother’s headstone. She couldn’t help the flutter of emotion she felt when she found Charlie sitting cross-legged on the grass chatting away to her mother. She joined him and gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze. It seemed they’d both made progress, even if only a little, and she really couldn’t ask for more than that.

  By the time evening had rolled around, Magda was a bundle of nerves. For so long, she’d hoped and wished to have this time with Sophia, to finally set the record straight and repair the gaping chasm that had lain between them for years. She wanted her old friend back. There. She’d said it. She missed the company and the comfort of always having Sophia there to talk to. To share her problems and worries with. They’d been such good friends when they’d been younger. Who was to say their friendship couldn’t be brought back? Resurrected?

  She made the short journey to Sophia’s home, already knowing the street as they’d passed by it plenty of times in their teenage years. It was pretty, and neatly lined with trees. Sophia’s house was slap-bang in the middle of her row and from the outside it was exactly how Magda had imagined it would be. It looked cosy and welcoming, the lights from within glowing behind the curtained windows. The feel of the place helped somewhat in easing Magda’s nerves over their meeting and she pushed open the gate and stepped up to the door with a little bit more confidence.

  Sophia opened the door almost immediately, and Magda presumed she must have been waiting for her to arrive. Sophia welcomed her inside. It was quiet within, and Magda wondered where Sophia’s daughter was. A faint hum of noise came from the room on her left. The television most probably.

  ‘Com
e on through. I’ll make you a drink.’

  Magda followed Sophia up the short hallway and into the nicely decorated kitchen where she immediately felt at home. She took a seat as instructed by Sophia, and opted for coffee when given the choice.

  ‘So, you wanted to talk to me.’ Sophia sat opposite, her face expressionless.

  Magda wondered whether it was just a front. Perhaps deep down she was just as nervous as Magda. She hoped so. They had history.

  ‘Yes. I think we’ve got a lot of things to discuss. Mostly about what happened when we were younger. Before I left. You know what I’m talking about.’

  ‘Yes, I do know what you’re talking about. You want to talk about the time you slept with my boyfriend. Am I correct?’ Sophia raised her eyebrows and waited for a response.

  Magda blinked, slightly taken aback. ‘Yes,’ she replied slowly. ‘You’re right. That’s what I want to talk about.’ She took a sip of the hot drink. ‘First of all, I want to apologise to you, Sophia. I can’t even begin to imagine the hurt and pain I caused you. I was stupid, I was foolish. The bottom line is, I was jealous. You had Tom and I…’

  ‘And you wanted him instead. Didn’t you?’ Sophia wasn’t making eye contact but, instead, staring down at the kitchen tiles beneath them.

  Magda closed her eyes. If she wanted to make any progress here then she needed to be completely honest with Sophia, as well as with herself. ‘Yes. I was jealous.’

  Sophia glanced up. Nodded just once.

  ‘I guess I was jealous not only of the fact that you had Tom, but that he had you too. It sounds weird but I adored you Sophia. You were everything to me back then and I couldn’t stand the thought of Tom getting in the way of our friendship. I know it sounds obsessive and weird but we were a team. We did everything together. We came as a pair. Everyone knew us as Magda and Sophia. They never talked about us separately, did they?’

  Sophia shook her head. ‘No, they didn’t.’

  ‘So, when you and Tom officially became an item I… I guess I panicked. I guess I thought we’d never get to spend time together, do the things we’d always done. I hated the thought of not having you to hang around with any more. It scared me, if I’m honest.’