Reckoning

by Lili St. Crow

  I hoped he wasn’t trying to tell me he needed to pee. “We’re almost there,” I said for the hundredth time. “Just hold on.”

  “Where the fuck are we?” Graves clutched at the dash. “There’s no light.”

  I knew what he meant. When night falls in deep Appalachia, it falls hard. There’s precious little orange citylight or townglow out here where the trees press close and the land pleats up like Gran’s face when she tasted something disagreeable. Up on the ridge roads sometimes you have star and moon to go by, when you can see them through the trees. But down in the hollers the dark is a living thing, and our little cone of headlight shine didn’t show much except the rutted-out road between dust-bleached, choke-close trees. A few places even had creepers coming across the road, a sure sign that nobody had been up this way by car in a while. We’d left town behind at dusk, and I was feeling my way.

  The last turn—a sharp, almost axle-breaking right—and I could feel the trees drawing away. The road disappeared in a sea of high grass, and our headlights swam through it.

  “Jesus,” Graves almost moaned. “There’s no road. Does this place have plumbing?”

  “Will you quit bitching?” I’ll admit it. I snarled. My ponytail was a mess, and curls hung in my face. “There’s a well, and an outhouse. It’s better than being killed by vampires.”

  “Bang,” Ash piped up, but softly. He was scooting between windows, looking on one side, then sliding across the seat to look out the other way. The car rocked slightly every time he did it, and I’d given up trying to buckle him in. The grocery bags in the backseat—enough to get us through a couple days, at least—rustled, and I groped for the window crank. My window rolled down, and the smell of spring, thin earth, rock, trees, creepers, the familiar metal tang of the crick down the way—it all about rocked me back on my heels.

  It smelled like home.

  The boys were quiet for a little while.

  “You’re smiling.” Graves said it like he was surprised. He could probably see me just fine in the glow from the dash.

  I found out I was. It wasn’t a big wide stupid grin, but it felt close. “Smells like home, that’s all. I lived here for a long time.”

  “That must be the drawl you’ve got. Southern honey, anyone?” Lightly teasing, and amused.

  I perked up a little. He sounded more and more like himself, the farther we drove. Bitchy and annoying, but still himself. “I don’t drawl. Yanks just talk weird. Bite off all their words like they’re personally offended by each one.”

  He rolled down his own window and sniffed, cautiously. How he could smell anything with all the smoking he was doing was beyond me. “I’m Midwest, babe. That don’t make me a Yank.”

  The longer I grinned, the more natural it felt. “You’re above the Mason-Dixon, boy. That makes you Yank automatically.”

  “Great. And I suppose you’re Johnny Reb.”

  It stung, but I knew he had no idea. “Don’t say that kind of thing around here, okay? As a matter of fact, someone comes around, let me do the talking.”

  “Yeah.” He held up a hand, examining it like he’d never seen it before. Took a drag, let the smoke curl out through his nostrils. “Do I have the wrong skin tone for this red neck of the woods, Dru?”

  Are you trying to call me a racist, or just my folk? “Jesus.” I tried not to roll my eyes. “I’m more worried about the vampires finding out we’re here. You stick out, I don’t. Much, I guess.”

  “Have you looked in the mirror lately? You don’t blend, kid.”

  Perversely, I felt warmed. “So you noticed. I look like my mom a bit.”

  I should’ve known it was too good to be true. “Some mom,” he muttered. “You look . . .”

  I waited, but he didn’t finish the sentence.

  All the good feeling drained away. He’d seen me drinking someone’s blood. He’d also seen me kick vampire ass. And he’d looked completely disgusted. Now this. Great. Just great. “What? Unwashed? Redneck? Uneducated? Toothless? Like my mama and daddy were cousins? Shut up, Graves. Until we get to the house, shut your goddamn Yankee-ass mouth and let me drive.”

  He subsided, sucking on his cancer stick like it held the secret to world peace or something. Ash’s back and forth sped up a little. “Ash!” I barked. “Pick a side, sit down, and sit still!”

  He did. Right behind Graves, cowering up against the window like he wasn’t sure if I was going to reach back and smack him. The silvery stripe in his hair gleamed in the uncertain dimness.

  Great. Perfect. Just wonderful.

  The house hove into view across the meadow. I was finding the driveway more by instinct than anything else; the meadow had reclaimed the ruts in a big way. Dad and I had only been back here once to close everything up. If we were lucky, the house would still be sound. If it wasn’t, well, it was only temporary. There are a lot of things you can just live with in summer.

  Winter would be a completely different story. But by then we would be on the road to somewhere else. If we survived.

  I didn’t want to think about it. Here was Gran’s, and Gran’s was safe, and for the time being that was enough. I’d kept this place like a card in my back pocket; it was my last best draw.

  “You grew up way out here?” Graves sounded horrified.

  “I told you to shut up.” But there was no heat to it. Of course he’d be horrified by the sight of Gran’s high narrow shotgun house, weathered boards festooned with creepers and kudzu, the pump out front still wrapped securely. There was another pump in the kitchen, and there was the crick if the well was low. Looked like nobody’d been at the cordwood, which should be nice and seasoned now. The chicken coop listed, its front door open and the fence around it pulled half-down. There’d probably been a few storms, and the fencing around the coop was one of Gran’s Perpetual Endeavors. Like baking biscuits or trying to civilize me into wearing a skirt.

  The Packard slumped under a mound of creeping green in the carport; I could still remember driving down off the ridges with Gran’s terrible labored breathing in the passenger seat, bumping and swerving toward the hospital down the valley.

  I blew out between pursed lips. The touch flexed inside my skull, and a tingle ran through every tooth I had. But especially the sharp upper canines.

  Fangs. I ran my tongue over them carefully. They were just sensitive, not warning me. I hadn’t tasted the rotten wax-orange that would tell me danger was close. Instead I was just jumpy as hell, tetchy, and exhausted. Not to mention feeling a queer pain in my chest. Like my heart was deciding all this was too much hassle and it would just crack in half. Save the king of the vampires and everyone else the trouble of killing me by taking care of business at home, so to speak.

  I squinted as we rolled to a stop, sliding the car into park. Yes, there were fine thin blue lines slipping through the physical fabric of the walls, knotting together and twisting in complex Celtic designs. The walls remembered Gran’s wards. She’d redone them every night and made me do them too, with her rowan wand and without, with candle and salt or just plain will. I could almost see the trembling of a candle flame behind the shuttered windows, a faint star of light.

  My knuckles were white on the steering wheel, again.

  All that warding, all those floor washes with yarrow and lavender, all those little tricks like doubling back and spitting to break a trail. All the times she questioned me—did I see anything or feel anything wrong? Was there anyone in town asking questions? All the care she took to scrub me down and keep me scented like something else.

  It hit me all at once. She’d known what I was. Or she’d known something. She’d been protecting and training me as best she could.

  Of course she knew. She’d take one look at Mom and figure something was up, and you just knew Mom was here at least once. Gran also had those fights with Dad, about me. “Whatchu gonna do wit dat chile, Dwight?”

  My arms shook. The steering column groaned, and Ash made a little whining sound in th
e back of his throat.

  “Hey.” Graves reached over. His fingers were warm. He pried my right hand off the wheel, one finger at a time, and didn’t seem to notice or care that my fingernails were lengthening. Sharp and deadly, a hell of a new manicure, the changed structures in my wrist aching as the claws slid free. “Hey. Dru. Dru-girl, come on. Breathe.”

  “I think my grandmother knew what I was.” I managed to get the words out through the obstruction in my throat, but only barely. “But I never did. I had no clue.”

  “Was it bad for you?” He slid his fingers between mine. Holding my hand, as if he’d never looked at me like I was some slimy thing from under a rock. As if he hadn’t spent the last three days getting on pretty much every nerve I had left, and me returning the favor. “Here, I mean?”

  Tears pricked hot at my eyes. “Not here. Everywhere else, but not here. She, um, she died. I was twelve. I drove her to the hospital in the valley, and . . .” The words wouldn’t come. How can you tell someone what it’s like to have the whole world whacked away from underneath you?

  You can’t. It just doesn’t happen. Sometimes people understand because they’ve been there.

  And then I felt like an idiot, because Graves . . . well. He’d been living in the mall, for Chrissake. You don’t do that when your family life is highly satisfying and safe.

  And even that had been taken away from him the instant Ash’s teeth had closed in his flesh. It was my fault in the first place, too.

  Because Ash had been after me.

  Graves leaned over, transferring my fingers to his right hand and awkwardly sliding his left arm around me. I was still in my seat belt, and he somehow wasn’t. He tightened up, and I leaned over into him. Took a deep breath, smelling cheap hotel soap and the last thing we’d stopped for—fried chicken in a supermarket deli, where I’d pushed the cart through the aisles and got everything we could afford that I thought we would need for the night. The bags in the back were still rustling a little as the breeze fingered its way through the car, a secretive sound.

  Underneath the food, he smelled like wulfen and strawberry incense, male with moonlight mixed in. The tears were pushing out past every wall I had, hot and slicking my cheeks. My nose filled up, and I snuffled like a five-year-old.

  “It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s okay. I promise. Everything’s gonna be all right.”

  I knew he was lying. Everything was not all right, and things were getting more fucked-up all the time.

  But at least he said it. I was grateful for that, and it helped.

  Besides, they were both depending on me. Ash could probably get away if the vampires found us, but Graves? Not likely. Not in the shape he was in.

  I was the responsible one, and just because I’d been utterly sucking so far at everything didn’t mean the pressure was off.

  It just meant I had to do better. We were safe for the moment, so I had to get my head together and start doing right.

  Still, I stayed there for a couple minutes while the Subaru idled and the headlights glared at Gran’s house, my face turned awkwardly so I could bury my nose in Graves’s neck. I was all torqued around like a pretzel, but I didn’t care. He smelled safe and he held me, and he kept repeating it.

  “It’s okay, Dru. It’s gonna be okay. I promise. I’m sorry, everything’s gonna be fine. You’ll see.”

  He said it like he was thinking he was the responsible one. And it felt so good I just let him do it. For a little while.

  CHAPTER THREE

  The key was still under the north side of that granite boulder, the one Gran poured milk over every new moon. The walls were still solid, thank God. The place smelled mildewy, and Gran would’ve got on me to clean every damn corner before turning in.

  First things first, though. I hiked out to the corner of the meadow with a flashlight and found the connection box; when I flipped the switch, the tiny light came on, a sweet green flash. I could’ve sobbed with relief. Gran didn’t believe in “payin’ for the fool ’lectricity,” and this tapline had been here for decades. It was a pure miracle it was still working. If it hadn’t been, well, I’d brought a can or two of gas for the genny, but that wouldn’t take us far.

  I hiked back to the house and found Graves and Ash taking the dustcovers off of stuff. They were shaking them off the front porch, too, which meant Graves was thinking. “Nice place,” he said over his shoulder as he passed me with an armful of canvas sheeting, his torn coat flapping around his knees. His eyes gleamed green in the dimness; the Coleman lamp I’d set on the kitchen table was feeble to say the least. “Good vibes.”

  “Bang!” Ash nodded enthusiastically, bounding after him, pale bare feet slapping the polished floorboards. I found the moldering wooden-and-cardboard box of lightbulbs on its familiar shelf, right where Dad’d left it. Screwed the first one into the hanging cord over the kitchen table, and voila! The pleased exclamations from the boys made me feel like Edison himself.

  The next step was priming the pump in the kitchen with a bottle of distilled water. When I worked the handle it made a gawdawful screeching, but I’d thought to bring some WD-40 and that made it just groan and shower rust flakes. After a few more pumps, though, things eased out. I worked it until a gush of rust-colored water came out, kept on until it turned clear and cold. Mineral-smelling well water, and plenty of it.

  “Thank you, sonny Jesus,” I muttered. It was just what Gran would’ve said. “God willing and the well ain’t dry.”

  Next thing—a fire in the potbellied iron stove. I worked the damper, hoped the chimney wasn’t blocked—fortunately there was a bit of a breeze, and I could feel the air moving past my fingertips. The stove was cleaned out, a neat fire laid among spiderwebs, so I just had to grab the matches and light her up. The draw was fine, and in a little bit I had a merry crackling blaze. Night would get cold around here even in spring, and all we had were sleeping bags. I wasn’t sure if moths would’ve gotten into Gran’s quilts too.

  I’d solve that problem when I hit it, but even moth-eaten quilts would be better than none.

  The boys had finished carrying everything in from the Subaru by then, and Ash let out a little cry of joy and wandered up to the stove, stretching his hands out like the fire was his personal friend.

  The plates and skillets were dusty, but I just rinsed them off. Gran would’ve had my hide, but by this time I was yawning and working through mental mud. I locked the front door, told the boys to arrange the sleeping bags upstairs, and put together something easy—bacon, pancakes from mix, eggs. I could’ve made this in my sleep, and I pretty much did. When the boys tromped downstairs I was already coaxing the balky old electric stovetop and thanking God that I didn’t have to cook on the potbelly. I can do it, sure, but it’s no fun.

  “More food?” Graves stretched, yawning hugely. Ash galumphed over to the stove and crouched, staring in through the grate at the fire’s orange and yellow crackle. His eyes ran with orange sparks, and his expression was such serene contentment it was hard to believe he was the same creature who’d been almost-eight feet of unstoppable Broken werwulf.

  Now there was a thought I didn’t want. Could he change into his wulf form now? And once he did, could he come back?

  Don’t borrow trouble, Dru.

  “I’m not complaining,” Graves added hurriedly. “Can I help?”

  “You can check the icebox.” I pointed with one of Gran’s old wooden turners. “If it’s working, load the stuff from the cooler in there and put the cooler on the porch. And don’t bitch if you don’t like scrambled eggs; that’s all I’m making.”

  “Won’t bitch. Scout’s honor.” He gave me a fey grin, green eyes lighting up. “Well, I was never a scout. Couldn’t afford it. But still.”

  Well, ain’t we cozy. I was beginning to get whiplash, he was going back and forth so fast between hating me and actually seeming to think I was okay. “I kind of wanted to be one too, but they don’t take girls.”

  “What ab
out Girl Scouts?” He opened up the ancient, tiny fridge and stuck his hand in. “Looks like it’s working. This is really cool.”

  “Girl Scouts have great cookies. But too many girls. I don’t get along with girls.” Except Nat, and she probably hates me now. I poured pancake batter, heard a satisfying sizzle, and poked at the bacon. Considered cracking some eggs, decided to leave them for last. “I guess I never will.”

  “There’s time. I don’t get along with chicks either. Well, except you. You’re, like, the only girl I’ve ever met who isn’t . . .”

  Maddeningly, he stopped. I was too tired to even wonder what I wasn’t. There was a long list of things I wasn’t, starting with cute and probably finishing up somewhere near lovable.

  I brushed my hair back, wishing my ponytail would hold. Tomorrow I’d find some string and braid it up.

  Braiding made me think of Nathalie at the Schola Prima again. I’d gotten along with her just fine, until I’d been a total bitch. Granted, I’d been getting ready to go rescue Graves . . . but still.

  The longing to see Nat, her sleek head tilted to the side and her wide cat-tilted blue eyes considering an outfit or the mess my hair had become, shook me right down to my bones. I sniffed, wiped at my nose with the back of my hand, and turned the pancakes. Graves busied himself loading up the fridge. Ash rocked back and forth in front of the stove, humming tunelessly. Graves carried the cooler out on the front porch, and when he didn’t come back, I figured he was lighting another cigarette.

  The way things were going, I might almost take up smoking myself. Dad would’ve killed me for even thinking about it.

  But he was dead. He’d never take me up about anything ever again. My throat was sore, something stuck in it, but I just cleared it a few times and concentrated on cooking.

  The ancient Folgers can for coffee grounds, eggshells, and vegetable scraps to go in the compost heap was rusted but still sound. I tossed the eggshells in and had a plate together in a trice. “Ash! Come on. Take this to the table. Graves, get him a plastic fork, and one for you too.” I felt like Gran, hollering from the kitchen.