A Kingdom of Flesh and Fire: A Blood and Ash Novel

by Jennifer L. Armentrout

  I wanted to believe we were heartmates in spite of everything that made that seem impossible.

  I stayed underwater, desperately searching for strength and common sense. I stayed until my lungs burned. When I broke the surface, there was still nothing but want and need for him. Hands trembling, I scooped the hair back from my face as I blinked away the dampness clinging to my lashes and lost my breath, lost a little bit more of myself.

  Casteel had entered the pool.

  He stood several feet away, having already gone under the water himself. His midnight hair was slicked back from his face, and water sluiced down his chest. So much taller than me, the frothing water only reached just above his navel. He looked very much like I imagined a god would, the fractured rays of sunlight glistening off his damp skin.

  His intense gaze snagged mine, and that sense of awareness from before returned, passing between us. It was like a strike of lightning, thickening the already balmy air.

  “I’ve been thinking,” he said, gliding through the water toward me.

  “You have?” My pulse pounded everywhere.

  He nodded. “I have.”

  I had to crane my neck back as he stopped only a handful of inches in front of me. “Do I want to know what you’ve been thinking about?”

  “You’ll probably say no.” He drifted forward, his movements graceful and purposeful, and I moved backward. “But that will be a lie.”

  “How would you know?”

  “I know a lie when I see one,” he replied, crowding me back against the smooth rock wall. “More importantly, I know when you lie.”

  There was a catch in my breath as he placed his hands on the rock like he’d done earlier. Could he sense my desire? Even in all this water and under the potent scent of lilac? I pressed against the warm rock, thinking that it was impossible for my heart to beat any faster. “What are you thinking about?”

  “My idea.” His breath coasted over my cheek. “You might be interested in it.”

  “Doubtful,” I murmured.

  “You haven’t even heard what it is yet, Princess.” Those lips grazed the curve of my jaw, and the edges of his damp hair touched my cheek, causing me to gasp. “Yeah, I definitely know you’ll be interested.”

  Edginess swamped me as my head tipped back against the rock without conscious thought. “Why don’t you tell me what it is, and I will let you know if I’m interested?”

  His chuckle was rough as one of his hands left the rock. My stomach hollowed as his fingers met the bare skin of my waist. “Only if you promise not to lie.”

  “If you can tell when I’m lying—” A shaky breath left me as he shifted closer, his chest brushing mine with each breath he took. The contact sent a wave of shivers through me, tightening the tips of my breasts to almost painful points.

  “What were you saying, Princess?” he asked, and I felt him smile against my cheek.

  What was I saying? It took a moment for me to remember. “If you know I’m lying, why would it matter if I told the truth?”

  “Because you know that the truth is important.” The hand left my waist, trailing down my hip, stirring the water. Bubbles danced over my legs, between them. A wicked feeling curled low in my core. “The truth is permission.”

  My unfocused gaze crept over the cones of blue and purple blossoms. “Is it?”

  “It is.” He paused. “Did you know that the bite, until it’s fully healed, becomes an erogenous zone? A point of pleasure? It can give you the same feelings as the bite. Almost. Did you know?”

  I thought I did. “No.”

  “Want me to show you?” he offered. “I know you’re a curious sort.”

  “Yes,” I whispered, dizzy with anticipation.

  “Remember, Princess. This is just to assuage your curiosity. Nothing more.”

  “I know.” My fingers curled against the rock.

  “Good.” Then his mouth closed over the bite. He sucked on the skin, drawing it between his teeth. My back arched, dragging the hard peaks of my breasts against his chest. I shuddered, becoming liquid.

  Good gods…

  “Did I ever tell you what you taste like?” His tongue lapped over the sensitive mark.

  “Honeydew?” I whispered, eyes drifting shut as I turned my head toward his, seeking what I knew I shouldn’t want.

  “You dirty girl. I’m not talking about that.” He nipped at my jaw, drawing another gasp from me. “I’m talking about your blood, but now you’ve dragged my mind into unseemly places.”

  “Your mind always resides in unseemly places.”

  He laughed deeply. “I can’t deny that.” His nose brushed mine as his mouth drew closer to my lips. “Your blood tastes old to me, powerful but light. Like moonlight. Now I know why.”

  “How does anything taste like moonlight?”

  “Magic, I imagine. Now stop distracting me when I’m trying to tell you about my idea.”

  “I’m not—” I bit down on my lip as his hand slipped down my thigh. “I’m not being distracting.”

  “Oh, yes. You’re always so damn distracting,” he chided gently.

  “Sounds like that’s your problem.”

  “It is both our problems.”

  “What are you asking permission for?” I sounded breathless, as if I were standing on an edge. “What is this idea?”

  “If you want,” he said, his chest rising and falling against mine, sending darts of forbidden pleasure through me. “We can pretend again.” His hand slid along my thigh, higher and higher—

  The tips of his fingers reached evidence of what I knew he’d already sensed. My hips jerked at the illicit thrill as a breathy moan parted my lips.

  He dragged his mouth over mine. It wasn’t a kiss, just a passing glance of his mouth against mine. “You can pretend.” Cool air seeped in as he lifted his head. “You can pretend that this isn’t because you don’t have a of need me.”

  My heart felt like a trapped butterfly as I opened my eyes. His were blazing, a heated honey. “I don’t.”

  The curve of his lips was cruelly sensual. “You can pretend that this—” He eased a finger inside me, just the tip, but I rose up on my toes. His eyes turned luminous as his gaze drifted over my face and then lower to where my breasts had risen up above the churning water. He lifted his gaze to mine as he pressed his finger in further, and I could feel my inner muscles clenching around him. “That this has nothing to do with you wanting me.”

  “I don’t,” I told him, even as I lifted my hips off the rock, pressing against his hand, against him.

  Casteel hissed as my stomach brushed the hot, hard length of him. He pushed me back to the rock, trapping his hand between us as his chest flattened against mine. The skin-to-skin contact, the way he slowly pumped his finger, shorted out my senses. “You can pretend that it’s just the sensitive bite on your neck causing you to squirm against my hand.”

  I was squirming as best I could.

  “You can pretend that’s the reason you wish it was my cock you were grabbing onto so tightly.” His head dipped to mine once more. “We can both pretend, and we both can…”

  “Can what?” I breathed. “Just be Hawke and Poppy?”

  For a moment, the hardness etched onto his features slipped and then cracked, revealing the near-desperate need underneath. A need for me. For us.

  What if Kieran was right?

  I could barely breathe, let alone think, but I knew what he meant. Gods, did I ever. And in this moment, we wanted the same. Perhaps we needed the same—to just feel and let everything else fall to the wayside. To just be here, in these seconds and minutes and no place else. Could we do that? Maybe he could. Perhaps this was all about slaking a physical need for him, even as inexplicable as that was. Why couldn’t I? I wanted what he could give me. Pleasure. Momentary escape. Experience. A sense of freedom. Because that’s what release felt like. How was that a betrayal to anyone, including myself? Wasn’t denying it more treacherous? Or was I lying to myse
lf even now? And if so, did that even matter?

  His touched stilled as he searched my face for an answer. And in that moment, I realized that this was my life. What existed between Casteel and I was neither right nor wrong. It was messy and complicated, and maybe I’d regret this later as I gave him more and more pieces of me, but I wanted him.

  And I was so done denying myself anything.

  I was done lying to him and to myself.

  “Only on one condition,” I said.

  “You have a condition now?”

  I nodded, my heart thundering. “I don’t want to pretend,” I whispered. “I’m Poppy and you’re Casteel, and this is real.”

  Chapter 31

  “Can you agree to that?” I asked.

  His eyes drifted shut for a heartbeat, all the striking lines of his face were tense. “Always,” he whispered. “Yes.”

  I reacted and pulled away from the rock. Closing the distance between our mouths, I kissed him. I knew the moment my lips touched Casteel’s, the very second his lips parted, that this was real.

  I lifted my hands from the rock, looping them around his neck as I took what I wanted, tasting him on the tip of my tongue, reveling in the decadent thrill of his sharp teeth. I didn’t know what I was doing, only that instinct guided me. I moved my lips against his, nipping and exploring and learning.

  And Casteel didn’t seem at all bothered by the artless inexperience. If anything, it seemed to inflame him. He gave me what I wanted. Kissing me with a wild sort of abandon that bordered on crazed.

  When he ended the kiss, he was breathing just as heavily as I was. “We’re not pretending, Poppy? No more? You want me. Knowing everything, you want me.”

  “What do you think?” I moved against his hand in demand.

  His other hand dropped to my hip, stilling my movements. “I need to hear you say it, Princess.”

  Of course, he did.

  “Yes,” I nearly cursed. “I want you.”

  “Good.” He slipped his hand from between my legs. “Because this is real.”

  Before I could feel the loss of his wicked hand, he gripped my thighs and lifted me. I gasped, hands slipping over his shoulders as more than half of my body left the water.

  “Hook your legs around my waist,” he commanded softly. “Do it.”

  I did as he requested without complaint. It was rare. I hoped he recognized that.

  He moved his hands back to my hips as he looked down to where my breasts were pillowed against his chest. “I would love to take my time because there are so many different ways I’d love to be real with you. Lay you out on the rocks and lick every inch of your body. Make you come that way. And then I’d want you on your knees and your mouth around my cock.”

  I shuddered at the depraved images his words brought forth. That act had been in Miss Willa’s diary, and it had seemed abhorrent when I’d read it. But now? It sounded…intriguing. “I—I don’t know how to do that.”

  “I don’t think you could do it wrong,” he told me, eyes flaring intently. “But I’d show you. I’d show you how to use your mouth and tongue. If we had time, we would play.” His hands tightened at my waist. “But we don’t have time, Princess.”

  “No.” My heart pounded. “We don’t.”

  His gaze held mine. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” The muscles under my hands bunched as he said, “Princess?”

  “Your Highness?”

  Those eyes of his turned to molten amber. “I’m going to need you to hold onto me and not let go, because I’m about to fuck you like I promised.”

  I gasped at his lewd—deliciously so—words. “Yes. Please.”

  Casteel didn’t respond with words. He did so with action, guiding me down until I felt him nudging my entrance. I bit down on my lip.

  “Lower your legs,” he demanded. “Just a little—there. That’s perfect.” His lips returned to mine. “You’re perfect.”

  “I—” My words ended in a cry that he captured with a kiss. He filled me, stretching me until I wasn’t sure if this position would work. Or if I would work. We’d only done this twice. I’d only done this twice. But I held on, my fingers digging into his skin as he kept sinking into me, deeper and deeper until there was no space between us, and Casteel shook.

  He dragged one hand down my back, folding his arm around me. And then he…he held me there, against his chest, buried deep inside. “You okay?” he rasped, lips brushing mine. “Poppy?”

  I nodded, easing my grip on his shoulders.

  “You sure?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, my eyes closed. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t feel exactly comfortable, but I knew there was more. I shifted, wiggling my hips.

  He groaned my name. “Poppy…”

  I ignored the way my heart clenched in response to his voice. I didn’t want that. I wanted the hardness between my legs and inside me, needed what it made me feel. I didn’t want my heart getting involved.

  I squirmed, gasping as pleasure sparked.

  “Gods, Poppy. I’m trying—” A sound rumbled from him, vibrating through me. “I’m trying to make sure you’re ready.”

  “I’m ready,” I told him. I’ve been ready.

  He cursed, but then he moved, thrusting his hips up as the hand on mine pulled down. My eyes went wide at the raw sensation of him moving inside me, slow and deep. I sighed, muscles I didn’t realize were even tense relaxing.

  “That’s it.” His words were barely a whisper. “Gods, you feel…” The hand guiding me spasmed and then loosened as I lifted myself on his length. “You feel like all I could ever want.”

  I’d never wanted to believe something more in my life, and that realization threatened everything.

  “We’re being real,” I reminded him, seeking out his mouth. “Don’t lie to me now.”

  He went rigid against me for a handful of seconds, and then he bit out a harsh laugh. “You’re right.” His hand fisted in my hair, pulling my head back. “We don’t need to lie now.”

  His mouth covered mine, and one of his fangs scraped my lip, dragging a husky moan from me. A staggered heartbeat later, we were back at that rock, one of his arms around me and the other hand in my hair, the only things between the hard surface and my skin as he rolled into me, pinning my hips.

  And then he did what he promised.

  Casteel fucked.

  His hips slammed into mine, and the way I was held there, all I could do was whatever he demanded. I held on as the frothy water foamed and bubbled violently around us. Each thrust of his hips felt as greedy as the strokes of my tongue against his. Every plunge of his hips felt more like an act of possession than the one before. My head fell back but never reached the rock because of his hand, and the world was a kaleidoscope of broken sunlight, slate-colored walls, and vibrant petals. I tightened—everything in me tightened as his head dropped to my shoulder, his body grinding into mine. I curled myself around him, pressing my face into his neck, tasting the sweet water and the salt of his skin. My pulse thundered through me, his just as strong against my cheek. Our bodies moved in a frenzy, and it felt like he was everywhere at once, stealing my breath. There was no hesitation. No slowing down or coming up for air. We were both swept away in the madness, lost in the tension coiling tighter and tighter. I thought it would shatter me, shatter us both, but he gave me what I wanted so badly.

  The feel of his skin against mine crowded out the world until there was only us. The touch of his lips against my neck, my cheek, had already chased away any protests. His mouth found mine once more as his hands held me so tightly to him, so carefully, preventing the sting of guilt from even forming. He moved so deeply inside me that I couldn’t feel anything but him, and when release found me, it also found him, devouring us both, leaving no room to fear what awaited and making what seemed impossible, possible.

  I felt weightless in Casteel’s arms, cheek resting on his shoulder and feet floating several inches above the pool’s floor. I’d attempted to m
ove away earlier, after the last of the pleasure abated and reality started to seep in with the fading sunlight. I didn’t make it far, though. Casteel didn’t let me. He kept his arms around me.

  “Not yet,” he’d said as he guided my cheek to his shoulder.

  It felt like permission. I didn’t fight him. I blamed a lot of things for this, even though I had no desire to fight him then. The warmth of the pool and his skin for starters. The way he moved his hand up and down my spine was entirely too soothing. The languidness in my body was also at fault, and so was the truth that it felt lovely to be held, especially like this, with no barriers between us.

  After being forbidden human touch for so long, his nakedness was like being offered a platter of the most decadent chocolates and sweets. I traced tiny circles on his other shoulder, wishing I had the courage to explore the hardness, the indents and scars. Instead, I satisfied my curiosity with the way his skin felt under my fingers and how his body felt like steel wrapped in satin.

  And I…gods, I soaked in every moment, my eyes glued to the side of his neck, the damp curl of his hair. In the secret chambers of my heart, I cherished these moments.

  I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, nothing but the sound of the water and the calls of the birds outside around us. Casteel seemed to know exactly when someone neared the cave.

  “It’s Kieran. He’s the only one who would know to find me here.” He gently disentangled himself from me, and I thought I felt his lips brush over the crown of my head. “I’ll be right back.”

  I sank to my shoulders as he glided through the water and then rose. I got an eyeful, one that shouldn’t have heated my face as much as it did given what we’d done. He stopped to grab his pants, but didn’t pull them on.