Swallow it Down

by Addison Cain

  No rush, because not one of them believed she’d ever leave the boat. “Would you like to play another round of chess?”

  Which she would win, because she always won. The tri-state chess champion. Full ride to Harvard Med. From a prestigious WASP family of scientists, dripping in privilege. Who’d been given her first strand of pearls at her sweet sixteen.

  Who met and fell in love with Li Wei at a lecture on anatomy, pickled corpse between them. Li Wei, who went after his family when she begged him not to go near the radiation.

  Who was dead now, by one means or another.

  Everyone was dead. And those who were alive traded carnival tickets for sexual favors and a chance to play chess with a girl in a blue cotton summer dress covered in dried come. The torn, conservative outfit far more humiliating than any of the stripper costumes the women rotated between them.

  A girl who had a job, and that job was to engage with the guests. “Were you married… before?”

  “Aye, with five kids, if you can believe it.” The older gentlemen, unlike the younger, did like to look back with a smile.

  “I wanted to be a pediatric surgeon. Was in my second year of Harvard Med. I like kids.”

  “Yeah? We all pegged you as a bookworm.”

  That earned a half-hearted chuckle. “Sure. Textbooks. The more graphic the better. Show me a broken femur and the pins and screws that hold it back together any day.”

  “You must find us boring.” And clearly she’d embarrassed him, the older man blushing as he made a poor move on the board.

  “No.” And that was true. None of them were boring, not that many of them weren’t totally disgusting. “For example, I think you’re nice. I think Gus could use more soap. I think Benji’s jokes are vulgar, and I like the way François says my name. Eugenia.” She took his queen, basically ending the game, though it would take him ten more moves to realize it. “I’m a lot of things, but bored isn’t one of them.”

  “Angry?”

  “Yes.”

  “I can understand that too. Five kids, remember?”

  “And a wife.”

  “I can’t think about her…” Because by the shadow crossing his face, it hurt too much.

  She understood that too, but had always been a glutton for punishment, it would seem. “His name was Le Wei. I think about him. And how fucking stupid he was for going straight to Boston instead of listening to me. His family was dead. My family was dead. Everyone was dead. And he was a fucking medical student who knew exactly what that level of radiation would do to a human body.”

  “Yeah, well, us guys have never been too good on the listening part.”

  “I think he wanted to die. I think a lot of people—right after it happened—couldn’t handle what they knew the world would become.”

  “You seem like you’re doing all right.”

  She took another piece. A rook. “I’m about five minutes away from throwing myself over the side of that railing. Headfirst, because I know that, from this height, my neck will break on impact.”

  Eugenia didn’t mean it. She couldn’t have. But it felt like exactly what should have been said. And maybe even what she should have done. But she never would. Too stubborn and with too many scores to settle first.

  “Did you hear my news?” Brooke was nothing but grins as she rushed up and threw her arms around a startled, unexpecting Eugenia. “Tomorrow, I get to disembark. Early, thanks to you.”

  “Oh! Wow.” Were her eyes stinging again? “That’s wonderful. Really? Congratulations. I’ll be there to cheer you on.”

  “I’m going to go south. Just like you suggested, so the winter’s aren't so cold.”

  Well, that was how geography typically worked, but the distance she’d have to walk to reach it would take months. “Stay away from City. Or outposts with weapons. Small farming communities always need an extra pair of hands. Do you have a compass? A map?”

  But Brooke wasn’t listening, already moving to the next girl to rejoice in her freedom.

  “Don’t trust anyone!” Eugenia shouted over the party’s din. “Don’t stop to help anyone! Never stop!”

  “You’re going to get in trouble if you keep that up. He’s already looking,” her chess partner warned. Gesturing to her cheek, to her bruise, he whispered, “And I’d rather not see you with another one of these.”

  “You're right.” And he was. Utterly correct across the board. “What do I know? I’m just whoring myself out on a boat. Clearly, I have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about.”

  “Would you like a drink? On the house.”

  “Yes. And if you’re willing to give me two, I’ll let you win this game.” On the edge of hysterics, not even sure what was making her hyperventilate, she wiped at her cheek. It was wet. “You can brag to all the guys how you beat me.”

  “In that case, I’ll give you three. But no one else gets to win for at least a month.”

  “It’s a deal.”

  That was the game on the ship after all. Deals, tickets, pretty Korean-American girls who got to leave and who should not go south… or north… or east… or west. Because the entire world was a fucking nightmare, and she only had one thing to trade.

  Three beers did help. And her chess partner beat her in a show that drew a crowd to cheer for his victory.

  When she went to the captain’s room for the third night, he was waiting. Tub full in his massive bathroom. A clean set of pajamas—his pajamas—waiting. A fluffy towel too, shampoo, conditioner for curly hair. A bar of hand-milled soap from a fancy pre-bombs boutique.

  And zero conversation.

  Though he did watch her bathe. Not that she so much as noticed he was in the room.

  He didn’t gain her attention until he took her to bed, pulling her close—arm and leg draped over her body. Which was utterly against the rules, as she was covered from throat to ankles.

  Held a little too tightly, she slept with him. Woke with him. Dressed with him.

  And even stood next to him when Brooke disembarked. Something special in the woman’s pack Eugenia had asked for in the awkward morning hours.

  “When you found my pack. Did you keep the map inside?”

  “Yes.”

  “I want to give it to Brooke.” She failed to add why. There isn’t much drinkable water around here, and if Brooke didn’t know where to find it, she’d die all the sooner.

  The captain had granted her request. No tickets required.

  A map that had cost Eugenia an astounding amount of trade. A map where the ship floated on a dirty lake in no man’s land.

  One she’d given to a giddy and distracted Brooke, hugging her so hard the petite thing squealed. And then left with a grin, waving as the ladies cheered and some of the men cried.

  “She looks too clean and too healthy.” It had to be said. And it seemed a fair question for the maker of rules and giver of pajamas. “What happens when she tells someone we’re here?”

  It wasn’t unkind, but it was unsettling. “No one ever tells. Not when they see what the world is really like out there.”

  “As if you’d know.” The captain had been running his kingdom. She’d been the one on the outside.

  “Then tell me about it tonight.”

  Oh, she’d tell him, tell him all the ugly. “You won’t like anything I have to say.”

  But he did listen to her say it. How she had tried for the first two years to find a town with a doctor who needed an assistant. How the men just acted like beasts. The times she’d been caught, the ways she’d escaped. The lives she’d taken with surgical precision, because everyone underestimated a pretty, young redhead.

  “And John, tell me about him.”

  “Found him lost on the side of the road. Thirsty. It’s easier to avoid the dogs in a larger party, so I gave him some water. He thought we should fuck in all the downtime. One knee to the crotch ended that. And then we discussed the map, always trying to get us closer to City. I would never have come this w
ay if I’d known you were here.” And that map had been fucking expensive. Whatever the captain did to keep knowledge of his creepy oasis out of the mouths of City, it worked.

  “I’ll answer that unspoken question.” The man looking too goddamn proud of himself. “We watch the roads. Kill those who don’t pass muster. Stage the bodies along the way. We knew you were coming about twenty miles up. I watched you myself, carrying that ridiculous backpack of textbooks. Had the lights turned on for you and everything.”

  A welcome home? To know it had all been staged was so unsettling. “And because there was a woman in that party of two, you didn’t just approach or attack.”

  “Transition is easier if you come to us.”

  “Was John in on it all along?”

  “No. He tried to sell you fair and square.” The man looked down at his nails. Nails far cleaner than they had been that first night. “And fair and square, I cut out his tongue. I don’t mind the occasional over-exaggeration, but repetitive lying is against ship’s rules.”

  For some reason, that sparked an unwanted yet comforting sense of justice. “Because he bragged to the men about what a great ride I’d been?”

  “That’s not all he said…”

  “How many tickets buys his freedom?”

  “One-hundred thousand.” The captain held up his hands at her gape. “Now, before you start screaming, hear me out. The men never save enough. They spend it all coming upstairs. No one leaves the ship, not when the life I offer here is better than anything they’d find out there.”

  He knew just how to chill her, how to work her nerves. “Brooke left this morning.”

  Nodding, he concurred. “And Brooke will be back. The lights will be on for her when she comes home. A clean room and a hearty meal. A shoulder to cry on.”

  Brooke wouldn’t be back. Not when all she worked for was the ability to get off this horrible ship. “You really do underestimate us, don’t you?”

  His voice grew soft when he said, “You never ask me personal questions. What are you afraid to learn, Eugenia?”

  Rising to the challenge, a red eyebrow cocked, an unfriendly tone to her query. “Personally, I’d like to know—how long do you think it’s going to take me to find a way off this boat?”

  “Redheaded siren.” He grinned, leaning back to sip his wine. “We both know you’re never getting off my boat. You have it good here, and eventually, you’ll accept that.”

  “I really do hate you.” With every last fiber of her being.

  “You hate being wrong. You’re terrible at accepting change. You led a spoiled, tunnel-vision life, where you worked hard and achieved remarkable things. Where you could only imagine one version of yourself, and anything different was inconceivable.”

  This was how she knew he was insane. “Yeah, a whore is a great job when I could have been a surgeon. You got me. The complete loss of equality has been just dandy. Oh, the violence? Peachy! Sexual assault… it’s exactly what every girl dreams of.”

  “You’re cute when you're angry.” The way he said it, his eyes aglow… was dangerous.

  “I’m always angry.”

  “And you’re always beautiful.”

  Chapter Nine

  She had not kissed him, had absolutely not invited the attention, but when the captain pulled her to his chest that night—the big spoon to her little spoon—he’d taken advantage of the bared skin and a manipulation of the rules.

  This man didn’t cuddle. All the women who endured his cock were very clear on that point.

  Which Eugenia had no issue of reminding him.

  If they didn’t have to do it, she shouldn’t have to either.

  Leaving him laughing despite her struggles and complaints.

  Soft kisses on her neck, the gentle suction of her earlobe. Murmurs of all the things he wanted to do to her body... and not one of them involved doggie style.

  Unleashed, he was utterly filthy, left her shivering as she tried to ignore rasping words. As she tried not to remember how good some of those things he’d spoken of had felt long ago when the world was normal.

  There was no talk of price. Only a swirling tongue in the shell of her ear.

  Only a powerful embrace she stood no chance of escaping.

  Only the heat of a heavy member against the mound of her ass. The murmurs of a man gently undulating against her, his voice thicker than honey.

  “Foreplay is against the rules!” Every bit of his game was unacceptable.

  Nipping her earlobe, he asked, “Would you consider this foreplay?”

  Yes! Who wouldn’t? Her nipples were hard, her body reactive. She was only human, for crying out loud. “I’m not having sex with you.”

  “Precisely. So it’s not foreplay. It’s just play. And there are no rules about that.” Dark chuckles, dragging his tongue up the column of her throat in a languid wipe. “And even if there were, I’d break them... and you’d never tell.”

  Oh, fuck that! She’d scream it to the dinner party. “Is this the same line you give all the women forced to whore on your ship? Same tripe you fed Kim when it was her turn to tolerate this last week? I bet she blew you to keep it short and slept on the couch.”

  That earned a bite on the shoulder he’d just exposed. “As much as I’d love for you to be jealous, we both know you’re not. Don’t spoil my fun by reminding me.”

  “It’s not sustainable, Aaron. The ship's culture, the women, the men, the lack of orgasm in the sense that family units are required for a future to develop. Workers will eventually grow old. This culture will fail. There will be a mutiny.” And she said all of that out loud, squirming and sighing under his lips on her skin. “Please stop doing that. It’s distracting.”

  Groaning, the warmth of his voice moving from his chest straight to her nipples, he ran his lips back to her ear. “Slip your hand between your thighs and tell me what you feel like.” It wasn’t a question, and it should not have left her on the verge of coming undone. “Eugenia, touch yourself like you do in your room. When no one is looking and you take what you need. When you’re thinking of me.”

  She would not moan. She would not!

  But he knew how to strum up a response. “You’ll be thinking of me next time you do it. Thinking of this.” Rocking his hips against her backside, his erection just as large as she had been warned.

  “Is this the famous tongue thing?” she panted.

  Another wicked laugh. “No. I’ve never touched any of them like this and you know that.”

  “I’m just a better opponent.” Breathless, hating herself a little for indulging. “And since violence didn’t work, you think seduction will.”

  Turning her chin, lips brushing hers, he said, “If I thought seduction would work, I’d be inside you right now.”

  “Psychological warfare then?”

  Hazel eyes sparkled. “Do you feel outmatched? Does it feel good to know I want you?”

  Good wasn’t a word worthy of how she felt. She felt depraved… and liked it.

  She liked it for hours. Melting into a puddle of contentment as he bent the rules.

  When he moved to her feet and sucked her toe into his mouth, the gush of wetness between her legs was something she was never going to admit to herself. Just as she’d never speak of how loudly she moaned.

  ***

  There was one more night with the captain: of squabbles, debate, petty insults, laughter, and Eugenia refusing to sleep with him no matter how he laughed and the exorbitant amount of tickets he teased her with. And then it was Laura’s turn. After that, Hellen. Faith. Lydia…

  Returning to her rooms wasn’t hard. Eugenia’s daily schedule robotic, hour to hour, the same. Day in and day out. Breaks for menstruation. All free time spent reading Nelson’s Textbook of Pediatrics—pages she had all but memorized.

  No point in counting the weeks, the show of a guard after the buzz from ‘the captain fucking her’ died down. She was no longer considered fresh. His hypothetical cock so
me form of magic. The men stopped coming on so strong. Their belief that the captain had plowed that field taking a bit of shine off the apple.

  Especially because there was a new girl far more enthusiastic about her life of luxury on the ship. So happy, in fact, she could not stop going on about how great it was.

  Air conditioning, regular meals, clean sheets, a real mattress, pretty things...

  And some of the other women were beginning to agree with the feel-good positivity.

  Even agreeing that they enjoyed the attention of eager men who’d spruced up and saved just to see them.

  As for prompted sex? The pretty, new brunette came when they mounted her from behind at the tables. Porn-star loud.

  The captain commended her and upgraded Juanita to the best room a girl could have. She was an example to live by. And an enigma Eugenia could not wrap her thoughts around.

  She didn’t like her. Everyone else did though, because Juanita was sweet, bubbly, playful, and genuinely nice.

  Eugenia didn’t like her, because Juanita was simple.

  Because the newcomer was happy.

  And it was starting to settle in that no matter what, Eugenia was never going to be. Maybe never had been.

  So the escape attempts she’d been calculating for months began to unfold. The first was simple, find the stairwells and just walk off the boat.

  That led to another kicking and screaming ride on another male shoulder only to be dumped at the scowling captain’s boots.

  Next option? Climb down railings where life rafts used to be. Torn bed sheets, cursing, and sorry loss of upper arm strength led her to be caught only three floors down.

  So she took to standing at the railing of Level 15, looking down and calculating the physics.

  No one would survive that fall.

  Well, they might survive the fall… but they would not survive the damage done to their body upon breaking the lapping water’s meniscus.

  “Look, Miss. I really have better things to do than follow you around all day and make sure you don’t kill yourself.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Stewart! Do I look like I’m prepping to kill myself? How the fuck would I live a life off this boat if I’m dead?” Red curls flying, she abandoned the math to stare down her babysitter. “I don’t have to play nice with you until dinner. And I’m only going to do it then, because your jokes are decent and you are legitimately skilled at chess. Meanwhile. Be quiet.”