Hearts On Ice

by Janae Keyes

  Watching her, I saw her fingers tremble while she laced up her skates. It was about to be her first time back on the ice since her injury. Her face fell into her hands. She was psyching herself up for the task at hand.

  It was kind of cute, seeing Lia not the pillar of strength she put off, but a fearful and trembling fowl. She was lost, and separated from her safety net.

  I knew I shouldn’t have wanted to, but for some reason I instantly felt protective. I wanted to be that safety net she lacked. I needed to tell her it would be okay. I wanted to show her that she could trust me and that I was not the enemy.

  Standing, I trekked down the bench to where she sat. Her head shot up and her honey-brown eyes pierced mine before I took the seat directly next to her. She didn’t say a word, but the soft smile that came to the edge of her lips told me something. It was okay and I was okay.

  “Are you going out on the ice?” I asked her.

  “Did my skates give it away?” she returned playfully as she kicked out her skate covered feet. She giggled. The sound was small, light, and held a bit of nervousness.

  Fuck! That was sexy. Zeus twitched at the sexy that swirled around the two of us.

  My eyes watched her move a stray strand of her wavy hair behind her ear as her eyes glanced out on the ice. There were mostly figure skaters out, and they were all at various stages of their rehab. Some were doing terrible while others were looking competition ready.

  Lia’s nervousness was obvious as I felt it rolling off of her. Her knees shook violently as she palmed them in an attempt to calm herself.

  I placed my hand over hers. She gasped and her eyes fluttered up to mine. I gave her a slight shrug as if dismissing my gesture. Honestly, I’d wanted to touch her years ago, since that time I saw her in the gym back in Sochi. Her warm milk chocolate skin was soft to my rough touch.

  Calm the fuck down there, Zeus. He became instantly excited with the electricity flowing through our touch. I shook my head as I tried to remind myself that over the last two weeks, I’d decided to try and not be a jerk to her.

  “I umm… I wanted to apologize for being—”

  “An asshole,” she cut me off, finishing my thought perfectly.

  A deep chuckle came from inside of me. I sure as fuck wasn’t going to admit it that way, but I’d give the hot thing next to me a pass for that one. “I guess.” I glanced down at my hand on hers, the contrast of my ivory skin against her mocha goodness. That was a turn on in itself.

  “That’s what you were, but it’s okay. I get it.” I didn’t quite understand what she got. She smiled at me. “Listen, we’re both here for the same reason, and it sucks, I know. You need to wind down a bit. Take a breath and realize that as strong as you think you are, weakness comes along every once in awhile. I know I’m damn sure learning it.”

  That was a huge confession for anyone to make and she did it with ease. I envied her, but I nodded my head slightly in agreement.

  “You don’t seem convinced,” she said quickly.

  “Naw, I’m convinced. It’s just not where I want to be right now. My career is…was hot. Look at me now I’m a fucking cripple.”

  Had I just admitted some genuine feelings to this chick I barely knew? I was a fucking goner around her if I was already talking to her like she was some shrink. If she really was a shrink, she was the fucking hottest shrink around. The warmth of her hand flowed through my own and all over me.

  My eyes ran up to her pouty, kissable lips, tempting me to taste them with my own. They were perfect for me to suck and to tell me all the dirty things she wanted me to do to her. I licked my own lips in response to my thoughts.

  “I feel the same way, but you don’t see me trying to run away or blowing off half of the treatment.”

  She had a good point, but there were lines that I drew. I drew them at that talking about your feeling mumbo jumbo. Funny as I was, I was doing that shit right there with her.

  “Okay, Princess, you seem to know so much—”

  “It’s Lia. My name is Lia.”

  I took a deep breath. “Okay, Lia.”

  “That’s better. Now, go on.”

  The sparkle in her eyes after I said her name was something else. She must have liked the way her name rolled off my tongue. I knew I liked it. I heard my voice in my head.

  Tell me how hard you want it, Lia. Let me fuck you, Lia. Lia, keep going baby. Suck me hard. That’s right. Ride ole Zeus, Lia, baby.

  She had penetrated my defenses and she was now inside of me in a way I’d never allowed anyone else. “Why are you so nervous to go out there?” I asked, squeezing her hand that was still cradling her knee.

  “It’s been awhile. And as much as the ice is my home, I’m scared. The ice is also the place that changed my life. I can’t forget that fall and laying on the ice as I waited for medical attention. I feel like I’d be going right back to the place that suddenly became my hell pit.”

  I nodded as I listened. I didn’t want to interrupt her sweet voice. Every night I heard her voice in my mind. I’d see her chatting with friends, smiling, and laughing. That had kept me sane for nearly three weeks. Lia kept me together whether she knew it or not. Damn, something was wrong with me. “I know you might not believe anything I say, but you’ve got this. I’ve seen video clips of what you can do on ice. Injury or no injury, you’re one bad bitch.”

  Lia burst into laughter. Half of those on the rink stopped to see where the laughter was coming from and why. She leaned onto my shoulder as she tried to muffle her giggles. I inhaled strawberries and cream.

  As her giggles subsided, she lifted her head. Her eyes looked into mine, so serene. Fuck, she was gorgeous up close and personal. I admired the plumpness of her lips covered in a light layer of gloss. Her cheeks were still puffed and round from laughing, her dimples adorable.

  What would it be like spending time with her just like this? What would our nights in bed be like as we fucked and talked in one another’s arms? Lia wouldn’t just be a fuck, she’d be a mate, someone to spend my life with in a real relationship.

  Wait! Why was I thinking about a relationship with Lia? It wasn’t like she and I had much in common besides the fact that we were skating sports professionals. Plus Lia wasn’t my typical catch. I liked them blonde. But that didn’t mean that I wasn’t an equal opportunity lover. Well, I was more of a fucker.

  “Sorry to laugh, but I’ve never been called a bad bitch before,” she said, making air quotes around bad bitch. “But as offensive as it might seem, I think I get it.”

  “Sorry,” I mumbled. I felt bad calling her out of her name like we were close or something. Honestly, I didn’t know the girl and as much as I wanted her, she deserved my respect in order to gain her trust.

  “Apology accepted.” Relief spread through me at her words. “Not going to say I liked it but I get it. You get a pass Mr. Madden for your locker room banter, I suppose it is.”

  “Eh—yeah. I’m going to shut the fuck up now.”

  A smile graced her lips as she peered into my eyes, and I read them. They told me her thoughts and desires. She wasn’t quite sure of what she felt either. Being able to read that in her eyes comforted me.

  “Don’t! I kind of like having someone else around to talk to. It is a new perspective I suppose,” she noted.

  At once, the feeling I despised more than anything hit. The pain trickled up my leg like the dripping of a leaky faucet. My pill was wearing off. I’d only taken it just over an hour ago. That was a sign to me. It was time to double up.

  I reached inside the pocket of my hoodie and pulled out the bottle that was getting low. I’d need to have the doctor refill me stat. I poured two pills from the bottle into my hand and threw them back into my throat, only using saliva to take them down.

  Once my pills were secured in my pocket, I saw Lia’s eyes on me with disapproval written in them. I tried to ignore her look, but I couldn’t.

  “What?” I snapped, coming across angrier than
I’d meant to.

  Lia slightly flinched at my unintentional outburst. I hadn’t meant to do that and I didn’t like the small sliver of fear I saw in her honey-brown pools. Her hand tensed, under mine. Fuck, I hadn’t wanted to scare her.

  “I see you popping them all the time. Why do you take them?” she asked, innocence on her face.

  “What do you mean why? I’m in fucking pain,” I asserted and it was completely the truth. My days were spent largely in pain and the pills helped take away the edge and calm my demeanor.

  “It can’t be that bad that you need to pop them constantly. Your body has become dependent on them,” Lia calmly stated.

  “Are you callin’ me some type of addict?” I’d become defensive. I didn’t think I was an addict because I needed my pills honestly. I didn’t use them to get high although the feeling I got was good, it wasn’t my priority.

  Growing up with a mother addicted to recreational drugs, including painkillers, I refused to be that person. I was nothing like her nor the deadbeat that she’d conceived me with. I’d risen above that bullshit. I’d made a name for myself and I wasn’t some addict with no self-respect.

  “I didn’t call you an addict. I’m just saying you shouldn’t pop them like candy. When your body becomes dependent, it can become nearly impossible to stop. They hinder your mind and make concentration impossible. I know.”

  “And how do you know? Are you an addict?”

  “Stop using that word,” she hissed. “I had a friend who was also a figure skater. She had a bad injury and the pills took the pain away, but as with you, the time between pills got shorter and shorter. Her daily routine depended on the pills. She couldn’t function without them. It was very hard to watch until six months ago.”

  “What happened six months ago?” She’d intrigued me so far.

  “She came to me and asked me help her quit. I went through a narcotics program with her and she’s pill free. It was hard to watch her on the pills, but it was even harder to watch her come off. It’s scary, and although you and I don’t know one another that well, I wouldn’t want you to have to deal with it.”

  Lia had reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. I felt compelled by her story, but I knew I couldn’t stop. I’d succumb to the pain because I would never be able to work through it. “What do you do for the pain then?” I asked.

  I knew Lia had gone through a shit ton of surgeries to repair her ankle. The pain she had must have been fucking nuts and something I’d never want to imagine.

  “I did lots of deep breathing, meditation, and other natural remedies. When my friend was going through her treatment, I’d just had my second surgery, so watching her struggle, I decided I couldn’t continue taking pain medication. I didn’t want to end up like her. The great thing was that I learned so much about myself and what I could and couldn’t handle. It was definitely a journey.”

  I watched Lia look out onto the ice. She took a deep breath as she prepared to face her fear. I’d honestly never met anyone like her. She had a good head on her shoulders and even though I’d been an ass to her, she had found it in herself not to hold it against me. Forgiveness was a concept I was never able to grasp. Hell, half of the time I could never forgive myself for my own shit.

  Shaking my head, I wanted to laugh. This chick wasn’t my type yet I found myself entranced by her walk, talk, and passion. I wanted to learn from her. She had knowledge that I didn’t possess. She had a way about her that captivated the country and the world. If anyone was an ice princess, it was Lia Crestwood.

  She stood slightly jittering as she went toward the ice. I wanted to whisper in her ear how amazing she was and that it would all be okay. With one last deep breath, her blade touched the frozen surface. Fuck, I missed every portion of that feeling. A smile came to her lips, and I could tell she had missed it too.

  5

  Lia

  My blade was on the ice. Wow! It almost felt like the first time. Though that was my good leg, it was time to step on with my injured one. Taking it slow, I balanced my weight on the ice, both feet grounded.

  With a push, I allowed myself to glide along the ice. My heart pushed into my throat as my nerves kept me crippled. I swallowed hard, determined to make the best of my first time back. The pounding of my heart was not letting up as I tried to remember how to skate. It was almost like relearning how to walk again.

  My feet slipped from under me, and my butt hit the ice with a hard smack. Thank God for all the junk in my trunk to keep me from hurting myself too much. One of the trainers on the ice skated right over and offered her hand.

  “I got you,” she said as she pulled me to the standing position before she skated off to work with another skater.

  Maybe not today, I thought to myself. I felt eyes on me. I looked like a fool. I’d gone from a champion to a loser that could barely make it a foot or two on the ice without falling. I’d downgraded from expert status to novice.

  Shaking my head, I fought the doubts away. I hadn’t spent nearly three weeks working my ass off in physical therapy to chicken out when it came to my first time on the ice. I knew it was nothing but fear holding me back. We had been talking about fear a lot in group motivation sessions and how it could sabotage our mental recovery.

  Fuck my fear!

  I steadied myself and took a deep breath. I was not going to let my fear defeat me.

  “Come on, Lia! You got this! Remember, you’re a bad bitch!”

  I heard shouts coming from the stands. I swiveled around to see Max on his feet, cheering me on. I rolled my eyes at him before I glanced away from him, trying to hide the grin on my face. All it took was one cheer from one person. I was used to stands filled with roaring applause, but for my first time back, that’s all I needed. Max gave me what I needed; that final push to tell fear to fuck itself in the ass because I was a champion.

  Kicking off once again, I allowed myself to glide along the ice, simply skating around the rink a couple times to get a feel for my skates again. I hadn’t attempted to wear a skate since the accident, and now, it was coming back to me like second nature.

  I tried a small turn, and at my success, I heard a cheer from Max. I glanced over my shoulder to see him at the glass watching my every move. Kicking off a bit, I turned into a small twirl. One successful twirl turned into five.

  My favorite part of being on the ice as a kid was feeling like a princess. That feeling followed me, and for the first time since even before my accident, I felt like a princess again.

  Turning back around at my final twirl, I expected to see Max’s smiling face, but he was nowhere to be seen. I allowed a breath to go slowly and rolled my eyes at myself. I didn’t understand my disappointment. Max wasn’t anyone more to me than a fellow athlete. So why did my heart skip a beat when he was around?

  It had been a long time since I’d felt so accomplished. Leaving the rink after skating for an hour, I felt a newfound urgency to get back out there and keep up with my goals. I had three and a half months until the World Championships and I was determined to make my official return to the sport.

  “I hear you go on ice,” a voice in a thick Russian accent said as I sat on a chair in the main lounge with a mug of hot cocoa.

  My head shot up to see my friend and fellow ice skater, Damian. He held his mug as he took the seat next to me.

  Damian and I had met at the World Championships before Sochi. It turned out he and his partner, Dahlia, would be preparing for the Olympics in the States. We started hanging out, and during Sochi, they took me everywhere. It was fun to explore the land with natives. And those two could drink. Having at least one friend kept me sane. Mom was always there, but without her, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself.

  “How was it out there?” he asked, anxious to know more about my time on the ice as he had yet to get back out.

  The damage to Damian’s knee would require one more surgery before he could make his return. There was the possibility that he and D
ahlia would not make the next Olympics.

  “It was great! I had missed it so much. A little scary at first, but then it was like I’d never left,” I explained to him, still feeling the exhilaration flowing through me.

  “I also hear you have fan.” he added with a wink.

  I shook my head. Gossip sure traveled fast at the Willows Center. I’d learned my first week that the gossip mill was strong at the center. My goal was to stay out of it as much as possible because I had goals to focus on and not the drama of the others around me. Luckily, I had Damian, and he gave me the daily rundown.

  “What is this? Summer camp?” I questioned before taking a sip of my hot drink, trying to dismiss the conversation. There was nothing to tell. Max and I were possibly friends, but that is where things ended. There was no gossip and no story.

  “Tell me how does one impress the Max Madden?” Damian was prying desperately for something to add to the rumor mill so he would be one of the cool kids for the week. I wasn’t having it. I shook my head and stuck my tongue out at my friend before I spotted a familiar figure entering the lodge.

  Max stood at the entrance in a tight black T-shirt and loose fitting sweats. My stomach rose to my throat at the sight of the muscular man. He took a sip of what appeared to be a protein shake before his eyes met mine. I looked away.

  Not your type, girl so stay in your lane. Even after reminding myself of this fact, something about him still enticed me and warmed my core. He was attractive, but what else? I rarely entered into relationships because most guys couldn’t handle my hectic schedule. Plus I wanted to get to know someone on an emotional level before I entered into anything. However, with Max there was this connection that struck me whenever I was simply near him.

  “I see your big fan now. He’s coming this way,” Damian announced.

  “What?” I asked, my head shooting up to see Max strolling with a small limp in the direction of the chairs that Damian and I occupied.