by D. Breeze
Would I ever get over the fact that he was being so nice to me? Probably not. But the fact that I’d actually made him get excited, just by being in a bed with him, made my stomach flutter, wildly. Was this even real?
“Do you want to shower here? Or wait until you get home? I didn’t think you’d be comfortable with me undressing you, yet...so you still have yesterday’s clothes on and no offense honey, but you still stink of burnt rubber.” He shrugged.
Whoa! I hadn’t even noticed my clothes. But why did he say ‘yet’? Was he thinking about undressing me? Wow. As if my face wasn’t already seven shades of red, he had to go and throw that out there. I think I blushed down to my toes.
“Um, I’ll just shower at home. If you could tell me where my shoes are...”
He automatically pointed to the neat pile of shoes underneath his desk.
Neat freak.
I rolled my eyes, but shoved my feet into my trainers, sans socks, and made my way towards the door. Before I left, I added, “I’ll see myself out, you can stay here and...take care of business.”
I heard his amused grunt, but legged it from his room before he could comment back. I couldn’t do ‘banter’ so it was best that I just escaped before I made a total fool of myself.
I was thankful that I didn’t see anyone else on the way out of his house, Lord knows what they must have thought about me staying there anyway. I shut the front door as quietly as I could, then ran across the lawn and straight to my house. I didn’t even want to think about what I might find inside.
Opening the door, I glanced around the lounge. No sign of my mother. I snuck inside, careful not to make a sound, and started to tip-toe my way across the room.
“There’s no use trying to be sneaky, Rhianne. Do you not think I’ve been sat up all night waiting for you? Do you not think I’ve been worried out of my mind that they’d got you?”
Actually, no I didn’t think that, she’s never cared about me in any way before, then again, I’d never stayed out all night either.
“Good gosh young lady, look at the state of you. Sneaking across the front lawn looking like a dirty stop-out. What did I say to you? Hmm?”
She stood from her seat at the kitchen table and walked towards me. I fought the urge to cower and held my ground, she did seem intimidating, that had never happened before. She was more uninterested usually, rather than strict.
“Are you going to answer me?” she demanded.
“I’m s-sorry, what was the question?”
She made a scoffing sound in her throat. “Do you ever listen? I said, what did I say? About Jamie? What did I tell you about that boy?”
I thought back.
“You said, that I shouldn’t see him again. That I’d drag him down? That, um, he’s better off not knowing me?” I tried my best to recall her words but I couldn’t, so I took an educated guess based on the usual things she warned me of.
“I don’t suppose that is exactly what I said. But yes, stay away from that boy. I won’t have it.” I interrupted. “Mother, he’s my friend. He’s the only friend I have. I won’t stay away from him. I just won’t.”
Her eyes widened almost comically, but then, I wasn’t surprised. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was still tired, or just a touch of Jamie’s influence, but I had never spoken back to her like that, not once, until then. She immediately swung her palm towards me. It connected with my face and my head twisted roughly.
I couldn’t believe she’d hit me. My cheek was burning; I covered it with my hand and ran for the stairs. I could hear her begging for forgiveness, but not from me, from the Lord. I ignored it and slammed my bedroom door. She was spiralling out of control. She’d always been hard, and sort of weirdly strict but she’d never hit me.
I buried my face in my pillow and let out a muffled scream of frustration. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way, I might not have understood much about the way other people lived, but I understood that. I allowed myself a few minutes to breathe, taking calming breaths, feeling my anger slide away. Anger was useless, it didn’t get me anywhere, and it was a wasted emotion.
I reached under my mattress and pulled out my tattered copy of Jane Eyre. It was one of the only books I owned and I cherished it. I got lost in the pages and when I looked up from the book, I realised it was getting dark outside. I have a habit of doing that, losing whole days to reading, but it’s my release. When you lose yourself in a book, you can pretend, just for a while, that the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
~*~*~*~*~
My stomach growled, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten all day, so I dragged myself out of my bed and down to the kitchen. Thankfully, mother was asleep on the sofa so I didn’t have to communicate with her. It’s just easier if I avoid her at all times, which is exactly what I tried to do. The cupboards were sparse, but there was an open packet of crumpets on the side, they’d do. I cringed when I realised that one of them had a tiny circle of green mould on the side. I was hungry though, so I cut around it with a knife and threw it in the bin.
I leaned against the sideboard, waiting for them to pop up from the toaster. The dishes were piled high in the sink, there was hardly any food and my feet were sticking to floor. I was the only one who did anything in the house, but sometimes I purposely left the cleaning, just to see how bad it would get before my mother would get up and do something.
I always gave in first.
No one should have to live that way. I shook my head, no point feeling sorry for myself, it’s the life I’d been handed. I smothered my crumpets in butter and devoured them in seconds. Then I got to work.
I cleaned the dishes, I washed the floors and I ordered the food shopping online. It wasn’t my job to run the house, it wasn’t my job to look after everything, but if I wanted to eat, then I didn’t have a choice. I honestly don’t even know if my mother knows that I do it all. Her benefit money gets paid into her account, and I pay for everything out of that.
I might take care of everything that way, but it doesn’t stop her from spending every penny left on ridiculous items that we don’t need. She sits all day watching those TV selling channels. You know, the ones where everything they sell is half the price of what it would be in the shops, and everyone needs the item?
Yeah, those channels.
So it’s not surprising when the delivery man turns up at the door nearly every day. Once, I had seventeen packages to sign for. Seventeen!
She won’t even answer the door though, so if I’m not in, packages can be found behind the wheelie bin, in the back garden, sometimes they just leave them against the front door.
I hate it. I hate that everyone must know that she doesn’t leave the house. I hate that there’s never any money left to buy new clothes or a hair curler or...well anything that we could actually use! Not a freaking porcelain doll, made by some ‘famous’ guy, whom nobody has ever even heard of. And yes, she really does believe the nonsense that the salespeople come out with.
Idiot.
Once the kitchen was cleaned to a respectable level, I shuffled myself back to my bedroom, pull the duvet over my head and fell into a deep, uninterrupted sleep.
Chapter Seven
New
I love getting ready for college in the morning. I know normal people don’t, but I do. I love it because I know I can spend the whole day out of the house. I love it because I know I’ll get to listen to everyone talking around me. I love it because I don’t have to deal with my mother for at least eight hours, and most importantly, I love it because I know, once I’ve finished college, I actually do have a small chance of doing something with my life. Not that I spent much time thinking of the future.
I swept my hair up into a pony tail, but didn’t bother to check my appearance in the mirror, there wasn’t a lot of point. Slinging my backpack over my shoulder, I headed for the front door.
“Where are you going, looking like a hussy?” Mother asked as I reached the bottom of the stairs.
/> “I have class.”
I didn’t want a conversation with her. I didn’t look like a hussy, but there was no point arguing with her. I wore blue jeans, straight leg, no shape. A grey hoodie that was about four sizes too big because it used to be my dad’s and trainers. That’s it, nothing special, nothing showing any skin, and definitely nothing in fashion. Boring, non-descript, dull clothing.
It’s all I ever wore.
I shut the front door behind me, and started walking the four miles I had to go. I could get the bus if I wanted, but they didn’t run very often and I’d still get there around the same time anyway, so I never really bothered with it. I liked the walk anyway, it gave me a freedom that I didn’t really have anywhere else.
Even at college, I wasn’t exactly free. I had Candace and Braden breathing down my neck in classes, and even when they weren’t around, I was stalked by stares and whispers. I’d gotten pretty good at ignoring them over the years though. Those who didn’t stare or whisper, they were the ‘pitiers’ as I called them. The people who felt sorry for me, who thought I was some sort of charity case. If anything, they were the worst.
After about half an hour, I heard a car pull up behind me and a horn beeped. I jumped, but turned around, ready to give someone directions. Clearly, they were lost.
They weren’t.
“Ree, climb in, I’ll give you a lift” Jamie called, leaning out of the car window. My heart pounded in my chest. I couldn’t decide if I was imaging him being there. Maybe I was still tucked up in bed at home and this was all a dream.
“Well? Are you going to stand there and stare at me all day or are you going to get in?” His voice was laced with humour and my face heated with embarrassment. I didn’t understand why I always had such a strange reaction around him. He must have thought my face was naturally tomato-red.
I shuffled towards his car, waiting for the moment he was going to drive off, laughing, and leave me standing there. He didn’t though, I got into the car.
“Thank you. You didn’t have to do this though.”
“I didn’t have to, no. I wanted to. I saw you leave your house this morning and rushed to get ready so I could drive you.”
He rushed to get ready? Just so he could drive me.
Wow, I couldn’t help but give him a shy smile. That was possibly one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me. Him being around, it still put me on edge though. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, surely I was missing something? No matter what he said about wanting to get to know me, that wasn’t true. Nobody wanted to know me.
“How is Harvey?” I asked, trying to break the silence.
He sighed. “He’s ok. He’s still in a coma, but they’re keeping him like that. They did further tests yesterday and his brain activity looks normal. I’m only going to school for the first three hours because they’re reducing his medication today and hopefully he should wake up. I’m worried, I’m not going to lie. He’s my brother, you know? But he’s a fighter and I feel it, I just know he’s going to be ok. Mum said she didn’t even want me to go in today, but I can’t stand sitting around the house watching her stare into space, worrying about him. I just needed to get out.”
“I can understand that, sort of. But, wouldn’t you rather be there with him anyway? People are just going to be asking questions in class, so it’s not like you can avoid it. It’s going to be everywhere.”
“I know that, but, oh I don’t know. Honestly, and please don’t think this is too weird, but I was still torn over whether to go in or not, and then I saw you start walking and...well, I just wanted to take your there. You’ve always walked, for years and you shouldn’t have to walk every day. I know you’re an adult now and you can take care of yourself, but why hasn’t she ever made the effort with you?”
I swallowed. There was no way I could explain my life to him, he’d run a mile. Then again, he didn’t freak out like I expected him to when I told him about my ‘gift’. Actually, he hadn’t really mentioned it at all. How strange. I thought maybe I could give him just a taste of it, maybe he’d understand.
“My mother, um, she isn’t exactly...well. We don’t have much money and she doesn’t leave the house so she won’t get a job. I don’t mind anyway, I like the walk, it’s refreshing I guess.”
I watched him digest that information. His face went from confusion, to disbelief, to anger. I shied away slightly, I didn’t want him to be angry at me.
“I’m sorry.” My voice came out meek and pathetic. I knew I’d blown my chance at having a friend and tears automatically built in my eyes.
“Whoa, what are you sorry for?”
“I know you probably don’t want to be seen with me now, you can just pull over if you want, and I’ll get out here. There’s only a couple of minutes left to go now anyway.”
“Why would I not want to be seen with you? And why are you crying? Help me out here pretty girl, I don’t deal well with tears. Especially not yours.”
“But, you look...so angry”
“You’re damn right I’m angry...” I flinched and his face softened. “But I’m not angry at you. I’m angry for you. I knew things were a little weird at home, or I’d guessed that they were. But she doesn’t leave the house at all? Sorry babe, but that’s weird.”
I snorted. Of course it was weird. Even I knew that, and I lived with it. I wasn’t going to elaborate any more though so I just shrugged. I didn’t want him knowing everything I had to deal with. The last thing I wanted was for him to become one of the ‘pitiers’. And he would, definitely, if he knew everything about my life.
He pulled up in the car park and I laughed under my breath. A few months ago, Jamie and his friends had stuck a make-shift sign at the end of one of the car parking spaces that read: ‘Property Of Jamie Travis – Do not park here.’ Even the teachers or maintenance guys hadn’t removed it.
Just goes to show what power some of the students at my college had. And Jamie was one of those students. It was funny, because people actually paid attention and no one ever parked there.
As soon as we stepped out of the car, the whispers began. I hung my head and tried to step away from him but he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side.
“What are you doing?” I hissed, not understanding why he would draw even more attention to us.
“I’m walking into school with my gir...my friend. This is ok right?” he asked, suddenly looking anxious.
I shrugged. “It’s fine, I just don’t know why you would want to.” I bit my lip. I couldn’t help but feel nervous with everyone staring at us. Some people were trying to be subtle, slyly looking out of the corner of their eye.
Others? Not so much.
Candace was leaning against the side of a car, it might have been hers, I wouldn’t know. But she was openly gawking at us, then her face morphed into a sour expression and she stormed over to stand in front of us.
“What the fuck are you doing, Jay? Your poor brother, is lying in some hospital bed and I heard he’s really bad, but I wouldn’t actually know the details seeing as not one of you thought to pick up a phone and call me! I’m his girlfriend! Now, you come strutting through here like some sort of god, with this piece of trash on your arm. Are you trying to make a fool of yourself?”
I felt the change in Jamie immediately. He narrowed his eyes, released me from his hold and stepped right up into Candace’s face. Their noses were practically touching and my body surged with jealousy. It was a foreign feeling for me and I didn’t like it. Then I realised I didn’t have to be jealous, seeing as his face was a mask of fury. Even Candace’s little cronies looked worried, but kudos to them, they stayed by her side.
His voice made my skin break out in goosebumps and I was just glad I wasn’t on the receiving end of his anger.
“Don’t you bring your skanky arse over here, giving me shit because you weren’t involved in something. Maybe someone would have called you if you were actually his girlfriend, but s
eeing as no one gives a shit about you because you’re just his fuck buddy – then no, no one thought to phone you. If you actually gave one single fuck about anyone but yourself, you’d have dragged yourself to that hospital and found out how he was for yourself.” He took a deep breath, and his voice dropped even lower when he continued.
“And, I swear to God, I wish you were a guy. Because if you were, I’d have knocked you on your fucking arse for talking about Ree like that. She’s got more class in her little finger than you have in your entire fucking body. Please, just take a long hard look in the fucking mirror, then tell me, out of everyone standing here, who it is that’s trashy. I hope you’ll realise real fucking quickly that it isn’t us. Now back the fuck away, and I suggest you don’t speak to, or around me, any time soon.”
He started to walk away, lacing our fingers in the process, but then he stopped and called over his shoulder. “Oh, and if you want to know how bad it was, why don’t you ask your friend Mikaela, I’m sure that she’ll fill you in on all the details, seeing as she was there. I wonder why that was?”
I looked long enough to see Mikaela’s already pale face turn even whiter, then I was being dragged into college. Jamie kept our hands together all the way to our first class. Fortunately, we had the same lesson, English Literature, and I was glad I wouldn’t have to be on my own after the scene outside, I’m not entirely sure I could have handled all the gossip.
I let go of Jamie’s hand and shuffled towards my usual spot near the front of the class. I didn’t even realise anything was different, until he took the seat next to me. I looked up at him and frowned, was he actually going to stay right next to me all day?
“Shift over one, make room.”
I did and he sat down.
I figured it was best not to say anything, my voice would only betray my anxiety. I’d gone from having no one, to having a metaphorical shadow in the space of a few days. If he followed me around all day, I’d likely have a heart attack, seeing as my pulse sky-rocketed any time he was near me.
