North Oak 5- Far Turn

by Ann Hunter

  Dunbar was a straight road, but it was a short one to Carol’s. She only lived a brief five or six miles down. So when she got in, Alex bit her lip. She hadn’t stopped to consider the ride she was in for. If she could jump out the window to escape the mounting anxiety attack, she would. Because she hadn’t counted on spending her first morning as a sophomore sandwiched between two people she had crazy feelings for. And neither of them any less deserving than the other.

  Alex glanced between them, wondering if either noticed her discomfort. Carol would probably just chalk it up to Alex’s typical first day of school disdain. Dejado? Possibly clueless to the mood swings of girls.

  He dropped them off in front of Hamlin High, squeezing Alex’s hand before he let go. “I’ll see you tonight.”

  Alex tucked her hair back as she marched past Carol into the high school corridors. The noise and hustle of students sent her into sensory overload. She pushed her way through to her locker, eager to bury her head in it like some pathetic ostrich.

  She swung it open so hard it bounced against the adjacent locker and reverberated back to her. Alex stuck her head far enough in to look like she was gathering her things, but really she was blocking out the world with the dark coolness of the surrounding metal.

  She had to focus. She had to get it together. She inhaled a few times, trying to convince herself that this was a day like any other. Boring, dry rhetoric with a dash of teen gossip. She got her things, shut her locker, and turned around.

  Brad Hopkins grinned at her from across the hall, with a smile no less threatening than a hungry wolf.

  And there was Katie walking past, looking like she hadn’t slept well in a long time. She gave Brad a wide berth, hugging her books so tightly, her knuckles were visibly white.

  Carol bumped into Alex mirthfully. “Look at you getting checked out.”

  Alex’s gaze broke from Katie to some of the boys walking past. Their eyes got wide, and a similar loopy smile played at their mouth like Dejado’s sometimes did. Their eyes were all on Alex. But none of them were brave enough to approach her.

  She wanted to disappear. Maybe the locker room closet was still vacant. Hell, Katie would probably join her soon. They could hang out and eat peanut butter sandwiches.

  When some of the crowd cleared, Brad stalked toward her. “Well, hello.”

  Alex rolled her eyes, trying to shove him out of the way. “Don’t put it past me not to bite you.”

  “I wouldn’t dare,” he said innocently. He sounded like Scar from the Lion King. Oh, no, no, half-pint, I wouldn’t dream of ruining your day. “You’d be rather proud of me, I think.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “I’ve turned a new leaf.”

  Alex squinted at him. He had this cat-got-the-canary look on his face that sent a chill down her back. Like he’d won somehow. She shook her head and made her way down the hall with Carol.

  Brad’s jeer was evident in his words. “See ya round, darlin’.”

  Alex was surprised over Katie’s absence at track. Chapman had been the team’s star. Why would she quit now? When she saw her in a class they shared, Alex quickly dropped a note into the girl’s lap.

  Hi.

  She saw her unwrap it, but she didn’t respond.

  Alex tore another page from her notebook, and scribbled another message.

  How was your summer?

  Katie didn’t answer that one either.

  Alex chewed on her pencil. How could she get her to write back?

  Riding soon?

  She drew a couple of stick figures on cartoon horses, then folded the note and fooseball-kicked it with her fingers onto Katie’s desk.

  Katie wrote back.

  You’re going to get us into trouble.

  Alex sat back in her seat, a little concerned. She had hoped they could go back to being friends once school started. A few minutes later, she slipped a note into Katie’s bag where she would find it.

  Call me.

  As she headed to her next class, Alex questioned whether she should mention Katie’s behavior to a counselor or something. A few months prior, Katie had still been cheery, but now there was something… off about her.

  Worry gnawed at Alex’s gut. She took an abrupt turn for the school councilor’s office. What would she say? She didn’t really have any proof that something was wrong. Only her intuition.

  She raised her knuckles to rap on the door, but her hand fell to her side. How would she prove that this wasn’t some teenage cocktail of hormonal misunderstanding and buddy breakup?

  The bell for class rang, and her shadow fell away from the councilor’s door. Alex would need more than gut feelings to make a case for Katie.

  FOR KATIE

  The following week, Alex walked into class and took her seat. There was an unusual somber as soon as she entered. Something a bit more than a case of the Mondays.

  When everyone was present, the teacher started passing out two different colored sheets of paper. The students looked at one another, sensing something was up.

  “One of our fellow scholars has passed away over the weekend,” the teacher announced. “I would like each of you to write one letter to her father, and the other for the yearbook.”

  One of the boys raised his hand. “Who was it?”

  The teacher swallowed dryly. “A girl named Katie Chapman.”

  Alex heard wrong. She raised her hand. “Could you say that again?”

  The teacher looked at her, frowning. “Katie Chapman.”

  The boy in front of her turned in his seat. “Y’know, Chapstick Chapman.”

  Alex’s heart strangled her throat. Her chest locked like the hinge of a cage. She dropped her head into her hands, tangling her fingers in her hair. This couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be Katie.

  “I’ll ask you to refrain from name calling,” the teacher said.

  “Well, it’s true,” said the boy. “Everyone knew she was a lezzie.”

  The teacher pointed to the door. “Office. Now.”

  The boy groaned, but gathered his things and went. The teacher turned his attention back to the rest of the class.

  “The next few days, we’ll take time to talk together about this. I hope you all know you can come to me with questions, and concerns. If you notice anyone acting unusual, really down, anything of the sort, don’t hesitate to let me or any of the other teachers know.”

  It all started to sound like when Hillary told Alex that they’d have to euthanized Promenade. Her teacher’s voice turned into a drone of “Wuh-wuh-wuh.”

  Alex’s stomach did a barrel roll. She bit into her fist to fight back the urge to vomit. Her hand shot into the air.

  “May I be excused?”

  The teacher nodded, and Alex raced from the room with her backpack to the girls’ bathroom. She locked the stall door behind her, scrambling on top of a toilet tank.

  How could this happen, Alex wondered. She buried her face, still in disbelief. Was it her feelings for Alex that made her say she’d get Katie into trouble? Had Alex completely missed the tip off?

  She listened d as two girls came in.

  “I heard she committed suicide.”

  “So sad. My dad said people who do that don’t get to go to heaven.”

  “She was gay too.”

  Alex wanted to burst through the stall door and take them both down. How could they imply those things? They had no right to judge. She reached for her backpack down below, and flung it at the door, leaving a small dent.

  The two girls outside jumped. Alex hoped they smeared their makeup so they’d look as ugly as they acted. She reclaimed her racing breath, swallowing against the tightness in her throat. She climbed off the toilet and opened the door, glaring at them.

  “You don’t get to make that call,” she growled. “Being gay doesn’t mean anything. It’s people like you, whispering behind backs, that make someone crazy enough to do what she did. Just because she’s gay, because you think her taking her own life is selfish, do
esn’t mean she’s going to Hell for it.”

  Alex picked up her backpack and pulled it over her shoulder. “The two of you oughtta think about where you’re headed for your own mean spirits.”

  She stormed from the bathroom as the bell rang. The halls were crawling with whispers, awash with the wave of Katie’s death. Alex caught a glimpse of Carol before getting into her locker.

  Carol looked up and down the hall as if she were going to cross a busy street, then rushed to Alex. “I can’t believe it. Are you okay?”

  Alex’s mumble echoed softly in her locker. “Do I look okay?”

  “You’ve been better.”

  “I feel like I’ve been thrown under a pack of racehorses.” She pulled her head out of her locker, haggardly. “And at the same time, I feel nothing, but not nothing.”

  They looked up as the PA system crackled. The principal’s voice rang over the speakers.

  “The services for Katie Chapman will be this Friday. We encourage all of our student body to attend. Counselors will be available throughout the week. Please don’t hesitate to come to us for any reason. That is all.”

  Alex’s grip tightened around the edge of her locker door. The staff was saying it was there for them, but where had they been when Katie was outed? Where were they when Brad was giving her a hard time? For all their words of we’re here, they seemed a lot colder and unfeeling than they let on.

  Alex slammed her locker. Every fiber of her being tensed. She squeezed her eyes closed to try and shut it out. Even Carol’s touch weighed heavily on her shoulder.

  “I could have stopped this,” Alex whispered. “I should’ve seen it. It’s Ashley all over again.”

  “Alex…” Carol murmured back, her voice clear that she didn’t want her to go down that path. Alex couldn’t blame herself.

  She reached for Carol’s fingertips feeling her soul rip in half. “I have to go.”

  Alex and Carol rode home in unusual silence with Dejado. When he tried to turn the radio on, Carol reached across Alex’s lap and shut it off.

  “You ladies alright?” Dejado asked, concern etching on his face.

  “A friend of ours passed away unexpectedly,” Carol said quietly.

  Dejado frowned. “I’m sorry.”

  He reached for Alex’s hand, but she scooted it away, folding her fingers between her knees.

  Carol hugged her when they stopped to drop her off at her house. “I’m right here,” she whispered.

  Alex nodded sullenly. After she got out, Alex said to Dejado, “Please drop me off at home.”

  They drove in silence to North Oak’s gates. Alex got out as soon as she could, hurrying to the porch steps of the Showmans’ house. She barely noticed Dejado getting out after her. He grabbed her hand and turned her around.

  “Alexandra…”

  She couldn’t look him in the eye. His truck idled in the background. Dejado slipped his finger beneath her chin, trying to search her gaze.

  Alex shattered against him, sobbing.

  He wrapped his arms around her.

  “Tighter,” Alex choked. “Tighter.”

  Dejado held her head close to his heart, kissing her hair, letting her fall apart like a crazy, beautiful catastrophe.

  ***

  This was the day Alex wore a dress with dignity, and without complaint. She went downstairs to sit at the kitchen table where Hillary had a nice spread of breakfast foods, but Alex wasn’t hungry. Cade and Laura sure seemed appreciative though.

  Sunlight streamed into the kitchen, and birds sang, as if the world was happy it had one less good person, gone too young. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that it was so beautiful when a kid died. If it had only been raining, maybe that would take the hurt away. Like this God guy actually cared enough to cry.

  Hillary hummed a cheery tune, and it slowly grated on Alex.

  “Could you not be so damn happy for just five minutes?” Alex snapped.

  The mood shifted in the room to the point where even Laura’s rice krispies stopped crackling.

  Alex dropped her head in her hands, wishing they could just get the day over with.

  The drive to the church for the funeral was silent, save for the low hum of the car as it traveled down the road. Alex winced at the sight of the white hearse parked outside the church. The reality of it all was sinking in.

  She followed the Showmans into the church where a room had been prepared as a viewing area. Alex shook her head as they went in, choosing to hang back outside, leaning against the wall.

  Hillary came out of the viewing room a while later, looking like she was trying to be optimistic. “She looks good. You should say your goodbyes.”

  She looks good. We say that about Pro. Is life no different from death? Alex shuddered. “No. No, I don’t want to see her.” The emotions she’d been trying to shut out caught up to her. “I want to remember her the way she was. Please don’t make me go in there.”

  Cade put his arm around her shoulders, hugging her close. Why was watching Chauncey die so much easier than seeing Katie in a coffin?

  He guided her to the chapel where they all took a pew together. A bald guy, about Cade’s age, stood near the pulpit talking to another man in a suit. The flowers they had arranged were purple that burst into a golden orange at the tips of the petals. They almost looked painted. Hills said they were lilies, and suggested that the bald man might be Katie’s father.

  “Why don’t you say hello?”

  Alex pulled at the skin around her cuticles, shaking her head. But Carol was was quick to hug the man, and join Alex’s side when she showed up.

  “I wasn’t sure you were coming,” Alex said.

  Carol’s mother, Charlotte, leaned back to wave at the Showmans, then settled her arm around Carol, tickling Alex’s sleeve.

  Alex tried to smile, but she was pretty sure it came off as a grimace.

  She was able to keep herself well enough distracted by tearing off some of her nails, and the nervous picking of her cuticles, until she looked up and Brad Hopkins strode by. Alex locked up all over, tense as a tree.

  She hissed, “How dare he show up here.”

  “Do you think he has anything to do with this?” Carol whispered.

  “I don’t know. He’s been weird since school started. And the way Katie avoided him… it almost made him gloat.”

  Alex seethed watching him shake hands with Katie’s dad, then take a seat front and center in the forward pew. If she could shoot lasers through her eyes at him, he’d be ash.

  Her stare was broken when they wheeled the closed coffin into the chapel. She rose with the others, then reseated when the coffin was in place.

  Carol leaned her head against Alex’s as pictures of Katie’s short life were presented on a screen to the song I Can Only Imagine. It wasn’t until the selfie they had taken together at Katie’s first track meet popped up that Alex broke down. She wasn’t going to cry, but the look on Katie’s face of surprise and admiration directed at Alex savaged her.

  And she couldn’t remember much of the rest, other than a blur of eulogies and another song or two, including a violin solo. Too numb remembering the friend Katie had been to Alex, and wishing she’d been more of a friend to Katie.

  ***

  Returning to school seemed so surreal. Most of the students milled around, as though nothing had changed. Like what happened last week didn’t happen at all. The only thing that reminded them was an announcement made at lunch.

  “The police are looking for answers as to the cause of Katie Chapman’s death. If you have any information, please come forward.”

  Alex didn’t look up from this pathetic goop on her tray trying to pass as spaghetti. Carol leaned forward from the opposite bench.

  “Alex, you have to tell them.”

  Alex leaned her head against her hand, watching the red slime slip off her fork. “What am I supposed to say? Brad bullied her to death?”

  “Yes!”

  Alex bit h
er lip.

  Carol scurried around the table to sit beside her, lowering her head close to Alex’s.

  “This fight isn’t about Katie anymore,” Carol said. “It’s about every girl in this school he’s ever gone after.”

  Her words stayed with Alex the rest of the day, burrowing deeper and deeper. By the time she got home, she could hardly stand it any longer. She pulled on her new shoes and spun away out the door.

  Alex ran, haunted by the echo of Katie’s breath pacing with hers. The way her smile made you smile back, even if you didn’t want to. Or when the light hit her hazel eyes just right with those long, dark lashes. And oh, how she could run.

  Alex stopped at the farm down the road, digging her fingernails into the fence post until it splintered.

  Katie ran no longer.

  THE WRITING ON THE WALL

  “It’s been a rough few weeks,” Carol said. “Why don’t we go to the game tonight?”

  “I dunno.” Alex shrugged. “I haven’t felt like going out much.”

  “I noticed. Which is exactly why we should go.”

  Alex grimaced. Carol probably wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She rose from her bed and headed downstairs to grab her shoes, and a hoodie hanging by the door. “Let’s see if we can find a ride.”

  “Where you going?” Cade called from the den.

  “Carol wants to go to the basketball game.”

  “You need a ride?”

  “Yeah.” Alex huffed.

  “Laura!” Cade called.

  Laura poked her head out from her room upstairs. “Yeah?”

  “Can you take the girls to school?”

  Laura blinked at Alex and Carol.

  “B-ball game,” Alex said.

  Laura grinned. “I’ll grab my purse.”

  Alex groaned, yanking a chair out from the kitchen table and plopping into it. Waiting for Laura to get ready would take for-freaking-evar. They might as well not go at all.

  “I’m hurrying!” Laura called.

  If by hurrying she meant Alex could order a pizza and eat half of it with Carol by the time Laura was ready, then, yeah, Laura was hurrying. Alex was pretty sure Laura’s full steam ahead was about the time it took for pizza to get here.