Holding Onto Kinsley

by Elisa Leigh

  “Oh man, please tell me I didn’t mess up. My boss will have my ass if I deliver flowers to the wrong address again.”

  “No, no that’s me. I’m sorry. Usually, the flowers are for my roommate. I’ve never received flowers before.”

  “I doubt that.” He says, looking me up and down.

  “Excuse me?”

  “No offense but you are a babe. Like smoking hot. Guys would be stupid not to send you flowers. Seems like one of them got it right though.” He says and then hands me the flowers.

  I take them and immediately smell the beautiful bouquet. Remembering he’s still there I look up, but he’s already made it to the delivery truck.

  “Thank you!” I shout. He waves and gets in his truck, pulling out of the driveway.

  I cannot believe it. I’m still staring at the flowers when I walk into the kitchen and place them on the counter. I finish making Sadie’s bottle and hand it to her to drink.

  “Well, who are they from?” Becca asks, coming to stand next to me.

  I shrug with what I’m assuming is a sappy smile on my face.

  She bumps my shoulder with hers and laughs. “Didn’t you look at the card?”

  “The card! Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t look for the card. I was so stunned they were for me, I didn’t think to look to see who they were from.”

  “You’re crazy, you know that right?”

  Finding the card in the holder, I pull it out of the tiny envelope that has my name written on it.

  Sweet Kinsley,

  I can't wait to see you tonight. I hope these bring a smile to your face, though they aren’t nearly as beautiful as you are.

  -Maverick

  “Wow. You sure you don’t want this guy? He sounds like a real charmer.”

  “Exactly.” I get a sour taste in my mouth imagining him sending flowers to other women. Does he do this all the time?

  “That’s not what I meant. Kinsley, not every guy is an asshole. When your one does finally come around, you can’t blame him for what’s been done to you in the past.”

  “Ouch, that was honest.”

  “Kins, you know I love you. I’m not going to let you screw up a chance at being happy because you’re hurt and stubborn. Maybe, Maverick isn’t the one. Hell, maybe the next three guys out there won’t be either. But, how are you going to know if you push them away and hold them responsible for what Liam did?”

  “I need to feed Sadie.” I turn away and begin cutting up a banana into small pieces.

  Becca is right. The thing is, I have no idea what I want. That’s a lie, I know exactly who and what I want, I’m just too much of a chicken to reach for it.

  Eight

  Maverick

  Driving to work this morning, I am more excited than I’ve been in years and it has nothing to do with the job. While I’m good at running the company, it can be tedious at times. I am proud Sutton Inc. continues to be a successful company, and it is doing better than even I expected.

  Sutton Inc. is a timber company, which has grown steadily since my father started it over thirty years ago. We began as a logging company that would cut down the trees and manufactures the pulp for paper. Now, we own over a million acres where we plant and grow the trees. The replanting started after we realized if we did not replace what we took soon there would be nothing left for the future. My father developed programs to not only replenish what we cut down but invested in departments with its primary focus on improving the world.

  Walking into the building that has my name on it, Harry greets me from the front desk. “Good morning sir. You look like you’re in a good mood.” The older gentleman who has been running the front desk since I was in high school, says to me.

  “The best. Have a good day Harry.” I say before getting on the elevator.

  “You do the same, sir.” He says as the elevator is closing.

  It’s Saturday, and almost everyone is out of the office. The only people here besides Harry and I are Samson and the cleaning crew. I gave my personal assistant Samson the weekend off, but he’s a stubborn bastard that refuses to stop working if I am still here.

  On the drive home last night I called and asked him to get all the information he could find on Kinsley. I expect to see a file on my desk with the information I requested when I arrive this morning.

  The man does not disappoint me, not that I’d expect him to. He has been with me since I took over for my father. I walk in and hang up my coat before settling in at my desk. There is a moment of hesitation before I open her file, wondering if this is going too far. The moment is quick and fleeting before it disappears. I know I am invading her privacy, but I need to know what’s going on. She would only give me half of the information to properly protect her because I am sure there is more she does not know. It’s better this way.

  Opening the file, the first thing I see are pictures of her with another woman. She must be the best friend Griffin is always going on about. The next is a series of close-ups of her and a baby girl, Sadie. Damn, she’s adorable. I never thought I would be a man who wanted children. I didn’t think it was in the cards for me. As I stare down at Sadie and her mother, I realize she’s rewriting my future without even knowing it.

  Placing my favorite pic from the file of my future bride and my soon to be daughter inside a picture frame I have of my parents, I then pull out the information Samson found.

  The first thing I read is the demographic sheet on Kinsley. Date of birth: July 17, 1994. Well shit, I’m almost ten years older than her. I hope the age difference doesn’t bother her because it is not stopping me. Born in Connecticut to Celine and Richard Williams. She went to school at Vanderbilt to become a teacher. She must be smart to have gotten in there. Married to Liam O’Sullivan in 2015 then divorced in 2017.

  Although I know she had been with someone before me, it still burns to see the proof. I have never been the jealous type, but it eats at me that she gave herself to another. My head spins thinking about her with another man or were there more? As soon as I start thinking about the other men she has been with, I slam the folder closed and get out of my seat. Pacing my office as I struggle to control the anger raging through me.

  My anger is not with her, never her. Sweet, precious Kinsley is not at fault here. I start to wonder what decisions did I make or not make, which should have lead me to her sooner?

  I pull the guitar I keep at the office out of the corner and sit down to play. Strumming the strings to work through the anger of not being her first. I play cord after cord knowing she wasn’t my first either. The more I play, the easier it is for me to breathe normal and think clearly.

  I could never be mad she had a life before me. She did nothing that I didn’t do myself. Then, I think about all the women I have been with. So many years of meaningless women, who got a piece of me that should only belong to my wife. I mourn what we will never get to give each other, but eventually, words start coming out of my mouth, and I’m singing along with my guitar.

  Without thinking I grab some paper and start writing down lyrics, creating a song about my bride and our future. For hours I am caught in a fog of getting each note and word just right. When the song is finished, I set the guitar down and look around me. There are paper balls strewn all around me and half written pages with words crossed out littering the floor.

  How long have I been at this? Checking the time, I’m surprised by the length of time I have spent writing. I need to get home and get ready for the show tonight. Nothing else matters more than seeing my woman.

  When I get to my truck, I check my pockets, to make sure I still have the lyrics. The words are like a lifeline getting me through until I can convince her she is mine. One day I’ll give her these words and sing her our song, but she isn’t ready for them yet. Not today.

  Arriving home at my condo, I look around picturing Kinsley and Sadie here, but it’s hard to see. The furniture is sleek and black, and while being expensive, it is not very comfort
able. Modern art pieces I didn’t pick out, cover my walls and the cold expanse of my home makes me feel more alone than I ever have been.

  The funny thing is the women I’ve brought here have always complimented me on what great taste I have. Now, their compliments sicken me. Everything Griffin said to me last night is justified. There have been many women, far too many to count or remember.

  I could never bring Kinsley and Sadie here and expect them to be happy, mainly since I never was deep down. I need to make some changes, so one day soon they will be proud to call me theirs.

  Digging my phone out of my pocket, I call Samson. “I need you to set up a meeting with my realtor for some time this week.” After he agrees to set up the appointment for as soon as he can, we hang up and I get ready to see my woman.

  Nine

  Kinsley

  I decide to go to work a few minutes early tonight. If anyone asks it has nothing to do with the green-eyed charmer, walking through the door at this very moment. Instead of going to the stage, he turns left towards the bar and doesn’t give his bandmates a second glance.

  “Hey Sweetheart, how’s your day been going?” Maverick asks, leaning his forearms against the bar showing off his sexy tattoos.

  “I can’t complain. Thank you for the flowers Maverick, they are beautiful.”

  “Not as beautiful as you Kinsley. I hoped to brighten up your day like you’re doing to my heart.”

  I better be careful around this guy, he’s laying it on just enough to keep me interested and tempt me into giving love a second chance.

  “And Sadie. How is she? Who watches her while you’re at work?” He questions, becoming serious all of a sudden.

  Tilting my head, I cannot help but wonder why this would matter to him. “Becca, my best friend, and roommate watches her when I work. She’s a lifesaver, and I have no idea what I would do without her or her parents.”

  “Maybe it’s time you gave someone else a shot at being there for you and your daughter. You will find I am very dependable.”

  “Are you offering to babysit?” I ask, laughing at the absurdity of this strong man taking care of my daughter.

  “If you need me to. I’m sure there are other ways I can help support you. I’m good at fixing things. I can help you out around the house or take a look at your Jeep if it’s giving you trouble.”

  “What’s your play here Maverick? You being sweet to get me to sleep with you?”

  “That is the second time you’ve brought that up, babe. It makes a guy wonder what you’re thinking about. I’m not going to lie and say I haven’t spent every minute since I laid eyes on you, thinking about how good you’ll feel when I finally get you under me, Kinsley. Right now, though, all I’m asking is for you to lean on me when you need it. I want to be the first person you call when things get hard.”

  “Why?” I say, interrupting him.

  “Because you’re quickly becoming someone important to me. If this turns out the way I’m hoping and expecting, you’ll be the most important person in my life.”

  “Mav, get your ass over here. We need you, man.” Griffin shouts from the stage.

  Maverick turns and gives him a chin lift, then turns back to me and winks. “I gotta get up there Sweetheart, but I’ll be keeping an eye on my favorite girl while I play.”

  I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling wide because I don’t want him to know how much his words affect me. Instead, I nod and watch as he walks away. My eyes go straight to his ass in his tight dark blue jeans. Oh, dear Jesus, why is this sexy man interested in me?

  ∞∞∞

  It’s been a long night, and all I can think about is getting home to see Sadie, taking a hot shower, and falling into bed. Tomorrow is my day off, and I plan on doing nothing but relaxing with my little girl.

  “This song goes out to a beautiful woman who has taken me by surprise.”

  I look over at the stage to see Maverick in a hard stare, leveling me with something more than flirtation and empty promises. The look feels like the start of something I’ve never had before. Listening as he sings the song, staring at me, the entire time he strums his guitar to a slow melody of a popular love song. When the song ends, I realize tears are rolling down my cheeks. I quickly wipe them away and walk out the back entrance into the crisp night air.

  Sitting on the picnic bench, I’m about to call Becca and let her know what happened when I notice my car looks funny. I probably wouldn’t have noticed it, except I parked next to a light pole and it’s shining directly over it.

  Shoving my phone into my back pocket, I walk across the lot to my car and see that my tires on the passenger side are flat. If it were just one, I might believe it was something innocuous, but both of them? My phone buzzes in my pocket and I pull it out to see Becca calling, which she usually doesn’t do while I’m working.

  “Hey is everything okay? Is Sadie okay?”

  “Umm, I don’t know. Kinsley, I think I messed up.”

  My heart sinks, and I know whatever she tells me is going to have to do with my ex. “What happened?”

  “I was giving Sadie a bath, and someone kept ringing the doorbell. So, I grabbed her and wrapped her in a towel, then walked to the front door and opened it. I didn’t think Kinsley, I just opened the door-”

  “Becca, who was at the door?”

  “He wouldn’t tell me his name. Said he was a friend of yours from up north and he’d be by again tomorrow, so he could talk to you. But, Kins. He didn’t seem like a friend.”

  “Fuck!”

  When a large hand grabs my shoulder, I scream only to find Maverick beside me.

  “Kinsley, what the hell is going on?” Becca asks.

  I look up into Maverick’s concerned eyes, and I shake my head. I’m shaking. All I want is for someone to take the burden, to understand, to tell me everything is going to be okay, and that they’ll take care of it. The only someone I want that to be is Maverick. Without saying a word, he pulls me against his firm chest. It’s like he can read my thoughts. He takes the phone out of my hand and puts it up to his ear.

  “Hey, Becca it’s Maverick. Yeah, I’ve got her. Tell me what happened and has her looking like she’s seen a ghost.” He’s silent a moment before he says, “Alright honey it’s going to be okay. Lock up for me, and we’ll be there soon okay?”

  “Kinsley, we need to get back to your place,” Maverick says as he pockets my phone.

  “But you can’t leave, you still have another hour before your set is over.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about my set, love. The only thing that matters is getting you and Sadie in the same room, so you feel safe with your daughter. Then you’re going to tell me about the guy who came to see you last night. I’d bet my truck it’s the same asshole.”

  I unwrap my arms from around him and begin to walk in the direction of his truck. He grabs my hand and stops me in my tracks. “Wait for me, Kinsley. Your man should never walk behind you.”

  “Why is that?” I let the ‘your man’ part go for now, not ready to go there with him.

  “It’s my job to protect you, and I cannot do that when you’re walking off ahead of me.”

  “Okay, let’s go. We’ll talk about all of that later. Right now I need to get home.”

  It takes Maverick less than ten minutes to make it to my house. I am immediately out of the truck and walking up the sidewalk, with him beside me.

  I left my purse at the bar, which has my keys in it. Knocking on the door, it takes a minute, before Becca opens the door and is pulling me into her arms. “I’m so sorry Kinsley. I didn’t know. I should have checked, but I wasn’t thinking. And now everything is going to get messed up and-”

  I squeeze her tight. “Shhh, it’s okay Becs. It’s going to be okay.”

  She shakes her head, and I can see she’s pretty freaked out. “It’s not. He’s going to find out, and then he’s going to demand custody. The next thing you know, you’re moving back up north, and I�
��ll never see you again!”

  “The hell he is.” Maverick pipes in.

  I smile at him sadly. “You should probably go. Thanks for the ride. I’ll get Momma J to bring me my jeep and things.”

  “That’s not happening. I told you what was going to happen once we got here and so far, I still don’t know who the guy is.”

  Sadie starts to fuss, and I walk away, needing to hold my daughter in my arms and know she’s okay. When I enter our room, the nightlight glows bright enough for me to see her sitting up on her knees, looking out through the slats in the bed.

  “Hey boo bear, momma’s here.” When I pick her up, she immediately rests her head on my shoulder and lays there soundly. A few minutes later, Maverick walks in, and the hard look in his eyes fades, when he gets a look at Sadie asleep on my chest as I sit, rocking her.

  “How’s she doing?” He asks in a gruff tone.

  “She’s fine. Went right back to sleep after a minute. She just needed some extra loving.”

  Ten

  Maverick

  I didn’t know how I would feel, seeing my woman hold a child who wasn’t mine for the first time. Loving Kinsley means loving all of her, including her daughter. Seeing her rocking the child in the moonlight is the most beautiful she’s ever been to me.

  A desperate need to protect both of them hits me square in the chest, and I struggle to breathe. Gripping the side of the crib, it takes me a minute and a few deep breaths to calm myself. When I look up, Kinsley is staring at me with a mix of emotions floating across her face. For the first time in my life, I know the kind of man I am and what is important. It’s as if I’ve been waiting for these two people my entire life, and I’ll fight for them until my last breath.

  Confident in what needs to be done, I walk over to her and drop to my knees in front of where she’s sitting, rocking Sadie. I run my hands over her knees and up her thighs, gripping her firmly. Her eyes never leave mine, and I can tell she has no idea what’s going on.