Falling (Bits and Pieces, Book 1)

by Shirley Miranda

  * * *

  The next morning, promptly at 10:00 am, Patrick was at the door. On the surface, he seemed more like himself, but I could tell, he wasn’t.

  “Morning.”

  “Morning. You ready to go?” He asked. There was still something sad and distant in his voice.

  “Yeah. All set.” I grabbed my backpack and closed the door behind me. As we walked to his car, I wondered out loud, “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.” He simply said. He glanced over to me, “A place I like to go when I need to think.” We got to his car and he opened the door. “If that’s okay.”

  I got in, “That’s fine. Whatever you want to do.” Patrick nodded and shut the door.

  We drove off to the west. He handed me his CD folder. “Pick something you want to listen to.”

  I looked through the CDs and found something to listen to. I placed it in the CD player. “Hmm. I should have known.” Patrick shook his head and laughed. I was glad I could do something to make him smile.

  “What?” I asked innocently. “You said…I can change it.” I started to flip through the CD case again.

  He put his hand on the case, “No. It’s fine. I just meant that…I knew you’d pick that CD. It’s…so…you.” Patrick quickly added, “I mean that in a good way.”

  I smiled, “I like this music.”

  “I know.”

  “Besides, I could use the practice before the concert.”

  “No, you want to practice, ‘cause you’re an overachiever.” He teased.

  “Well…yeah.” I admitted. It was true. If I was going to do something, I wanted to do my best at it. Never mind that I really loved to sing. So, it never really felt like practice to me. “But I don’t want to subject you to anything…”

  “Go ahead.” He glanced at me as he continued to drive, “I could use the distraction.”

  I sang along with a few of the songs that played as we drove to our destination. We had driven as far west as we could go. Patrick pulled off to the side and parked in the dirt. There were no other cars around. We got out of the car and I smelled the ocean breeze. The only sound I heard was the waves crashing below. It was beautiful and calming there.

  “This place is beautiful. Where are we?”

  “Just north of Moonlight Bluffs.” He looked at me and saw I was wide-eyed, taking in everything. “Nice, huh?”

  “Uh. Yeah. It’s amazing.” We started walking to a big boulder near the edge of the bluff.

  “I usually come here when I want to be alone and think. The guys don’t even know about this place. No one does. Or did.” His lips tightened.

  I pretend to zip my lips, “They won’t hear it from me.”

  Patrick and I sat down on the ground and leaned up against the boulder, looking out over the ocean. We sat quietly for a few minutes, just watching the waves. I wanted to say something, but decided against it. I figured he went here to think, and I should let him think. I was just glad that he was letting me be there for him.

  He finally broke the silence, “Sorry Becca was being a bitch about the pictures. She shouldn’t have done that.”

  “You’re not responsible for what she does. But thanks.” I wondered if this was his way of getting around to what happened. “That…wasn’t what you fought about, was it?”

  “It came up. But, no, not really.” He sighed and was quiet.

  I was glad it wasn’t. It was really unlike him to be this quiet. I know whatever happened really upset him, but I didn’t want to push. “If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.”

  We sat in silence for another minute. Finally, Patrick spoke. “It’s not that I don’t want to, well, I kinda don’t. But it’s not easy to. I don’t know what to do…” He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

  “If it’s easier to talk to one of the guys, I understand. It’s okay.” I offered.

  “No.” He quickly said. “Do you remember that stuff that Bobby and Jason were saying to me when I got to the diner?”

  “Kinda. But I didn’t really get what they were saying.”

  “You wouldn’t.” He said with a chuckle. “If you did, this would be easier. But it’s nice you didn’t.”

  I thought about Bobby and Jason. “They said stuff earlier that I didn’t understand. Emily and Cassie kept hitting them.”

  “I’m sure they did.” He picked up a stick and drew figure eights in the dirt. Patrick took a deep breath and exhaled. “So, after the dance, I had planned to go to the diner with everyone. Becca had…a different plan.” He stopped doodling with the stick and stared out to sea.

  She had other plans? So, she changed her mind and instead of coming with us she wanted him to go with her friends? There had to be something I still wasn’t getting.

  “She had…uh…gotten a room at the hotel.” He looked at me without turning his head.

  Ahh… Now I got it, what her ‘other’ plans were. Boy, am I dense. I really shouldn’t be surprised. It made sense, the way she acted, especially last night. But, I guess, I didn’t actually think she’d try to do that. Huh.

  “She told me that her friends were having an after party there and just wanted to stop by and say ‘hi’ before going to the diner. I figured, ‘Why not? We’d only be a few minutes late.’” He exhaled and shook his head. “When we got to the room, there was no party.”

  I sat there watching Patrick. I could see how uncomfortable he was as he relived that moment. He couldn’t look at me.

  “We had talked about it before. Well, she kept bringing it up…and…I had been able to…I don’t know…steer the conversation a different way…avoid it… About a month ago, when she brought it up again, I finally told her that…I didn’t want to rush into something like that. That wasn’t how I was brought up. Well, the last few weeks, she kept talking about a surprise she had for me…and she was really excited and knew I would be too. That she had a great night planned…that kind of thing.”

  He exhaled, “That was her big surprise. A hotel room and sex. Anyway…she kept trying to…get me to change my mind. Acting all sweet and sorry about how she acted earlier, but how she really wanted me, to be with me.”

  Patrick shook his head. “You see, Becca usually gets what she wants, when she wants it. I know that. I guess that’s why I started liking her in the beginning. There was something about her. I just never thought that she would do that to me. I always thought that she at least respected my opinion about things. Especially something like this.

  “Becca kept telling me that she loved me and that she would prove it to me, if I let her. I kept telling her to stop… Yeah, she didn’t like that. She got really mad. Really mad. If you think you saw her mad about the pictures, that was nothing. I tried to stay calm, but she kept after me. We got into a big fight. She wanted to know what was wrong with her…with me…with us. It was like the time we talked about why I didn’t want to do it before never happened. I thought she understood, but she didn’t. Well, it was more like, she didn’t care. That’s what made me really mad. She really didn’t care what I thought. It became more and more clear that the only person she cared about was herself and I didn’t really matter. At least, not the way I wanted to.”

  “If she really loved you, she wouldn’t ask you to do something that you really didn’t want to do. Something she knew that you didn’t want to do. That’s not love.”

  “You’re right. I know.” He sighed, “It’s not that I don’t ever want to do it, or I don’t think about it… It’s just… I don’t know. It’s supposed to be about love… About forever and the thought of forever with Becca…ugh. I guess, I knew that I didn’t want to with her. It wasn’t right. Lately, I can’t see New Year’s with her. I had a hard enough time getting through the dance last night, even before the hotel room.”

  “Yeah, I noticed. The few times I saw you, you didn’t seem to be having much fun. You looked like you were just trying to get through it.”

  “Well,
I told you that I’ve never been into big public displays of affection and lately, she’s been getting more and more…” He searched for a word, “Outgoing. I mean, I could do without her attached at my hip or my mouth every time she feels like it, no matter who’s around and what’s going on. It’s embarrassing.”

  I knew what he meant. To me, it was awkward to watch. Not just with him and Becca, but anyone.

  “Liz, am I wrong?” He looked at me, searching for an answer.

  “No. If it wasn’t right for you and something you didn’t want to do, then you did the right thing. No one has the right to force anyone into sex or anything else—stranger or not, guy or girl.”

  He looked down and nodded. “I don’t know what to do… She was so angry…the things she said…” He stared back out to the distance, “Hurt. I don’t know if I could forgive her for it.”

  “You’re mad, too. Give it some time.”

  “It wasn’t just about me. If it was just me, I think I could deal…somehow. It was also about people I care about. My family…you…the crew…that…” His eyes blazed with anger. He cracked his knuckles. “Crossed the line. At that point, I knew I had to get out of there. I told her she could stay there alone in the room or I could take her home. But I was leaving.”

  Always a gentleman, even when mad. I couldn’t believe he gave her a choice. If it were me, I would have been so mad that I would have left and not worried how the other person got home.

  “When we were in the car, can you believe she said she wanted to go with me to the diner?” He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “She was worried about what everyone would say and wanted to ‘keep up appearances.’ I told her that I was going alone. I needed some space. So, I took her home.” He took what sounded like a cleansing breath. “It was too late to go running or come here last night, so that’s why I went to meet up with all you guys.”

  That explained so much. How Becca was during the dance, how he seemed at the diner…the cracks Bobby and Jason made.

  “When did she get like this?” Patrick scratched his head and stared at me. “Was she always like this?”

  “I don’t know…” I looked away.

  “Liz…tell me. Remember? Truth.” He begged, “Please?”

  “Well, I didn’t really know her before hanging out with you. But…Becca always seemed…aggressive. Like you said, she knows what she wants…and charms her way to get it. It’s fine when you are on the good end of things and she wants something from you, but if she doesn’t get it…well, I’ve heard some stories.”

  “How did I not see it? What’s wrong with me?” He was filled with self-loathing.

  I wanted to say or do something that would make him feel better. But what? I wasn’t exactly sure what that was. I put my hand on his leg. “You liked her. She likes you, she wanted you. You were on the good end of things. There’s nothing wrong with you. You saw what she wanted you to see, that’s all.”

  “God, why didn’t I see how bad she was?”

  “I’m not saying that there isn’t good in Becca. There is. She has her moments. You always see the best in people. It’s one of the great things about you. Don’t let her ruin that. You can’t say that you guys didn’t have fun, right? So, maybe things have changed. Maybe she has. It happens.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, I guess it does. Doesn’t make what I have to do easier though.”

  So, I guess he had made his decision. I didn’t envy him. “No, it doesn’t.”

  We sat there for a while, watching the waves and surfers, just hanging out. After a while, Patrick got up and asked if I wanted to check out the rest of the bluffs. I guess he was starting to feel a little better or didn’t want to think about Becca anymore. We walked along a partial trail that led into a nature preserve. The view was beautiful—the trees and flowers overlooking the ocean. I could easily see why it was his favorite place to think. We must have hiked about a mile or so before turning around and walking back to the car. It wasn’t until we got back to the car that we realized how hungry we were. We decided to get something to eat before heading home.