Loving Hearts

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  When the music stopped, Esther pivoted toward the sidewalk, positive the next song would be another raucous tune, but instead, the band swayed into another sweet song.

  Ian didn’t let her escape, but drew her even closer to his chest. She looked into his eyes, and seeing his smile sent her heart skittering.

  “Having fun?” he asked.

  Afraid to speak, she nodded.

  In the distance she caught a glimpse of Rachel and Jeff clinging to each other like two lovesick teens. Esther’s heart flooded with sadness, and she wished her father would relent.

  When she tensed, Ian seemed to notice and he shifted his head in her sister’s direction. He turned back and gave her gentle smile. “Have faith. God will work everything out.”

  God will work everything out. If only she had Ian’s confidence.

  He nuzzled her cheek, and she closed her eyes, loving every moment yet fearing the future. What would she do when the charade ended?

  Esther yearned to be his friend, but she’d left the realms of friendship long ago. Her feelings had blossomed and grown to something sweeter and more lasting, and though Ian treated her with kindness, she sensed he had no intentions concerning anything other than what they’d stated—a silly scheme. Ian seemed to enjoy the fantasy.

  The lazy melody drifted to an end, yet Ian held her fast, swaying to imaginary music. She would have stayed there for hours, if she could, wrapped in contentment.

  When he slowed, then stopped, Esther looked into his face and regarded Ian’s mouth descending to hers. She wanted to step back, to stop his lips from caressing hers, but she lost the inner battle. Instead, she tiptoed to meet his soft mouth and languish in the tender touch of his lips.

  After she eased away, confusion and pleasure battled in her heart. “Why—wh—what happened?”

  “I kissed you.”

  “I know, but I mean…why? Were Rachel and Jeff watching us or…?” She didn’t know what she meant, but she wanted to understand why he’d kissed her so sweetly.

  “Sure,” he said.

  “Oh,” was all she could say, disappointed that the kiss had only been part of the scheme.

  Hearing the knocking, Esther slipped into her denim slacks and hurried toward the door. Ian couldn’t be there already, she was sure. He’d said eleven, and it was only a little after ten.

  She pulled open the door and saw Rachel standing on the driveway, her face pale, her eyes red rimmed.

  “What’s wrong?” Esther pushed open the door and stepped back.

  Rachel marched inside, headed for the living room and caved into a chair. “I’m so frustrated I could scream.”

  “About what? Is it Jeff again?”

  “Him, too,” Rachel said, “but it’s Dad. Nothing has changed except he admits he was wrong.”

  “Dad?” Esther’s body straightened with the news. If it was true, then Rachel’s distress seemed inappropriate. She should be leaping for joy. “Did I hear you say Dad admitted he was wrong?”

  Rachel nodded. “He did, but he said it didn’t matter.”

  Esther’s happiness spiraled into confusion.

  “Dad thought that out of respect for you—being the oldest—I should wait until you’re engaged before Jeff and I can talk about marriage. I hope Ian’s about ready to ask you.”

  Esther’s shoulders drooped and her legs buckled beneath her, sending her quaking body to the sofa. “Rachel, it’s useless.”

  “Why? What do you mean?”

  The guilt of Esther’s deceit rose in full fury. “I’m not going to be engaged. Ever.” She ran her hand across her face and covered her mouth as reality struck her with force. Rachel needed to know the truth.

  Rachel slid to the edge of her seat. “But what about you and—”

  “It’s a charade. We have no relationship. We did it so that you’d get off my back about dating.”

  Rachel’s face blanched the color of new snow. “You can’t mean this.”

  Sorrow flooded Esther. “But I do.”

  “No, Esther. You two look so…so good together. I know I’ve seen a special spark between you. You can’t be serious.” Rachel’s hands quivered as she ran them along her throat.

  “I’m so sorry. It started out as a way to keep you and Jeff from manipulating my life. We should have ended the ruse long ago.”

  Rachel’s blank stare sent ice through Esther’s veins, but she continued. “Ian and I had to work together on the project…so we just let you think…” Tears welled in her eyes as she saw her sister’s heartbreak. “I do like Ian. A lot. But it’s one-sided. Nothing will come of it. So stop hoping.”

  “I should be angry at you,” Rachel said. “I should get up and walk out of here, but I can’t.” She lowered her head to her lap, then lifted it. “Jeff and I were wrong to play matchmaker. I knew it when I agreed.”

  “I know,” Esther said.

  “But what will I do now, Esther? How can I tell Jeff that Dad’s sticking to the whole thing even though he knows he’s wrong? It doesn’t make sense.”

  Esther agreed with that. It made no sense at all. “I’ll talk to him tonight. At least I can be truthful with him now.”

  “He really likes Ian,” Rachel mumbled. “I think seeing you two together gave him confidence that you would…” Her voice faded in defeat.

  Her father’s attitude struck an unpleasant chord, and Esther’s anger grew. “I’ll tell you what I just realized,” she said, her voice sparking with indignation. “I thought this was like old times. I had to do everything first. But this is different. Dad’s been matchmaking in his own way, Rachel. He’s as bad as you and Jeff.”

  She rose and paced the floor. “He wants both his daughters married and cared for, so to make sure it happened, he insisted you wait until I married. See. It puts pressure on me—who’d been happy and content as a single person—to find someone, so you can be happy.” She slammed her hand against the doorjamb. “He’s done it all our lives.”

  “Do you really think he did that?” Rachel asked.

  Esther clamped her hands into fists. “Do I think? I know. Can’t you see it?”

  “What will we do? What will I do?” Rachel asked, rising and crossing to Esther. She lifted her arms and wrapped them around Esther’s neck.

  “I can’t think right now,” Esther said. “I’m leaving in a few minutes. I have plans.” She avoided mentioning Ian. His name would only stir up expectations. More hopes. “But I’ll see Dad tonight like I said. I’m upset, but I’ll think of something.”

  Rachel’s arms slid from their embrace and hung at her side while her eyes narrowed and her mouth pinched with thought. “Something’s just struck me. Something important.”

  Esther’s pulse tripped as she watched her sister’s face. “What is it?”

  “God’s telling us something, Esther. I feel it.” She grasped Esther’s shoulders. “I’ve been fighting the Lord and manipulating you. I’m frustrated with Dad. It’s not right.”

  Imagining what Rachel had in mind, Esther’s stomach churned with concern.

  “I’m putting everything in God’s hands. That’s all I can do,” Rachel said. “If Jeff loves me—really loves me—he’ll pray with me and let God’s will be done. Maybe our marriage isn’t meant to be.” Though she said the words, tears welled in her eyes.

  “Don’t do anything rash,” Esther said. “I’ll be gone all afternoon, but we can talk when I get back. Is that okay?”

  Rachel nodded. “I feel better already. Pray with me before I go. Okay?”

  Her heart fluttering in her chest, Esther grasped Rachel’s hands as they prayed.

  Ian’s hands faltered as he raised the sails then settled back in the cockpit. Esther seemed thoughtful, but she acted calmer than he’d seen her in months. Maybe ever. He wondered what had caused the change. Whatever had generated it, he felt grateful.

  Sailing had a romantic allure for many people. Today Ian had chosen the setting for his own purpose, a purpose he�
�d tossed around in his mind for the past weeks ever since he’d known for certain he loved Esther.

  “Want a soda?” Esther asked, sitting nearby on a bench.

  “Sounds good,” he said, watching her rise and grab the door to make her way down to the cabin. Her windbreaker rustled in the crisp breeze. He hoped she’d be warm enough. If not, his arms would do the trick.

  His thoughts drifted back to the Streetfest. The image of holding Esther in his arms, her petite frame so close he could feel her breath against his cheek, sent longing skipping through his chest. When they’d first stepped into the street she’d tensed as he swayed to the music, but in a heartbeat her body had moved with his, slow and easy like the sailboat on a still summer afternoon.

  Esther had become his summer. His sailboat. His dream. No longer could he play this game, pretending it was only a make-believe romance.

  Esther appeared in the companionway, carrying two sodas and with a bag of potato chips tucked under her arm. “Thought you might like a snack,” she said, handing him a soft drink.

  She set hers on the bench and tore open the chip bag, extending it toward him.

  He patted the seat beside him. “Only if you sit here. We can share.”

  The sun drifted behind a cloud, and a gust of colder wind whipped through the sails. Esther shivered with the chill. “And you can block the icy air.” She sat beside him, propping the sack on her thigh.

  He plunged his hand into the bag and pulled out a handful, maneuvering a few to his mouth. Crumbs fell and sailed away on the breeze.

  They sat in silence, munching and drinking soda. With each gust, Esther nestled against him, using him as a barricade.

  When the cloud drifted and the sun brightened the sky, Esther straightened. “That feels good.”

  “This is why I store the boat at the end of September. We might have a few warm days, but out here it gets cold.” He struggled with himself, wondering about the best time to initiate his confession.

  “I’m feeling better today,” she said, standing a moment to look out at the sun-sprinkled ripples. “You guessed the truth when we first met. I did miss sailing, but the fear paralyzed me. Little by little, I hope I feel more confident.”

  “You will,” he agreed. “The more positive experiences you have, the more your anxiety will fade.” The words had deeper meaning for him. His feelings for Esther had secured themselves in his heart.

  He tugged on the hem of her jacket. When she looked at him, he pointed to the seat and extended his arm for her to nestle beside him.

  She grinned and sat in his embrace. “I know. And I can give my fears to God.” She paused, then added, “I hate to put a damper on today,” she said, “but I had another unpleasant half hour with Rachel before you came.”

  “That’s too bad.” He’d sensed something had happened, but no matter how unpleasant, he knew she’d gained a new resolve. Something had calmed her.

  She told him what had happened—her father’s admission of wrong-thinking, but his determination to remain unchanged.

  “We prayed,” Esther finished, “and I felt covered by a reassuring calm. I realized that God’s in charge. I can’t force things in my own direction, and neither can Rachel. It’s a simple concept, but one we Christians have a hard time accepting.”

  Ian nodded. “I know exactly what you mean. I ask God for guidance, and then I strike out on my own, never waiting to listen.”

  “We are stubborn children, aren’t we?” Esther said.

  She quieted again, the only sound the splash of the water against the hull and an occasional cry of a seagull overhead. When Esther lifted her head, Ian saw a different look in her eyes. “As I prayed with Rachel, I asked God for forgiveness.” She shifted her body to face him. “I talked with her, Ian. I don’t want to ruin one of your last days out here on the lake, but I told Rachel about our charade.”

  His pulse quickened as alarm trickled down his back. “How did she take it?”

  “Better than I expected.”

  “She wasn’t angry?”

  Esther shrugged. “I think she was hurt more than angry. But she did have a revelation. We’d upset each other trying to maneuver our own lives.” She ran her hand along the back of her neck. “Now I don’t know what will happen with Jeff.”

  “You mean when she tells him?”

  “When she tells him she’s not doing anything without God’s direction.”

  Ian understood her concern. Jeff didn’t seem the type who had a close relationship with the Lord. He was a believer, Ian was sure, but his rash, hyperactive spirit didn’t make him seem like one who’d wait on God’s bidding. “I can see why you’re concerned,” he said, realizing the conversation had set up the perfect opening for his confession.

  Adjusting the sail into the wind, he felt the boat slow as the wind left the mainsail with a snap and flutter. He shifted to face her more directly and took her hand.

  Seeming surprised, she jerked her head upward and a look of confusion settled on her face.

  “I might have a solution for this whole situation,” Ian said, hoping his timing had been directed by the Lord and was not another of his own bad decisions.

  “A solution?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Esther’s eyes widened in seeming disbelief. “What do you mean?”

  Ian swallowed, ready to admit the truth. “The day I suggested you let Rachel think we were dating…well, I did it for a more selfish reason.”

  Her perplexity shifted to a scowl. “What reason?”

  “I’d always admired you, Esther. My visits to the library were sometimes motivated more by talking with you than borrowing a book.”

  “Talking with me? But you took out so many books.”

  He realized his direction had veered away from his purpose. “I like to read. That’s not the point. The point is I’ve admired you and enjoyed your company from the beginning. I used the charade idea to spend time with you and get to know you better.”

  She stared at him, her eyes shifting from him to the distance and back as if she were trying to pull together threads of meaning from what he was saying.

  “It’s not a game anymore, Esther.” He lifted his hand and caressed her cheek. “I really like you.” He wanted to say more, but he hesitated, fearing he needed to study her reaction before dumping any more news on her. “And I enjoy being with you. So let’s forget the charade and have fun together. You won’t have guilt feelings over our friendship.”

  As if arising from a dream, Esther closed her eyes and opened them again, her face expressionless. “But when you kissed me at the Streetfest I asked why, and you said because Rachel and Jeff were watching us.”

  Ian lowered his gaze, feeling the pressure of his untruth. “No, that’s not exactly what I said.”

  A deep frown wrinkled her brow. “But I’m sure—”

  “I remember what happened. You asked why I’d kissed you. Then you asked, ‘Were Rachel and Jeff watching us?’ I answered ‘Sure.’”

  “Right, that’s what you said.”

  “If you remember,” he said, feeling guilty for his distortion of the truth, “they had been watching us, but not then. Not when I kissed you. But my answer was the truth.”

  Esther’s distress softened. “But why didn’t you tell me it was because you wanted to? That would have made all the difference.”

  All the difference? Now he was confused. “How?”

  “Because I would have told you I wanted to be kissed.”

  Emotion kicked him in the ribs. He drew her closer, eye-to-eye, one hand on the wheel, and gazed into her eyes. “Are you telling me you feel the same? That you’ve wanted to be with me and…”

  Before he finished his sentence, she nodded. “It didn’t happen the day we met, but soon after.” She rested her hand against his arm. “I really enjoy spending time with you, Ian. I—”

  He silenced her words with a kiss. A small gasp escaped her lungs and her warm breath sent a shudde
r down his limbs.

  His heart filled with pleasure as he felt her lips captured beneath his, and for the first time she yielded fully to his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck. Her mouth tempted his in rhythm to their beating hearts.

  The boat swayed, and Ian eased back and opened his eyes, gazing beyond Esther’s countenance to study a passing sailboat. He glanced at the sky, noticing that the sun was lower than he’d expected. “I suppose we’d better head back.” When he moved his foot, a telltale crunch sounded from the floor.

  Esther shifted, and her laughter blended with the crackle beneath his feet. “Forget the chips,” she said. “They’re potato dust now.”

  Ian looked toward his feet to see the toppled sack, pulverized on the floor. He didn’t care. Who cared about food when love filled him?

  He shifted the crumbled chips aside with his feet, and his laughter joined hers, reminding him that he’d wanted to rename his sailboat. Maybe to commemorate this extraordinary day, he’d name the boat Mr. Chips.

  Rachel twisted the engagement ring in circles on her finger as she stared at Jeff. “I want to wear it. You know I do, but I can’t.” She looked down at the lovely ring, the solitaire diamond flickering in the afternoon light. “I’ve already explained it to you.”

  “Let me get this straight.” Refusing to sit, Jeff leaned against the door frame, his body tense, his words unyielding. “Your father sets up this hopeless situation based on the Bible. Then he tells you he’s wrong, he’s had second thoughts…but he won’t change his mind.”

  With her voice knotting in her throat, Rachel only nodded.

  “And you’re going to follow along with this ridiculous line of thinking.” Jeff laced the last words with sarcasm.

  Trying to answer his double-bladed question, Rachel felt her words tangle in her heart. Tears rolled from her eyes and dripped onto her left hand. She brushed them away, and the diamond sent a spectrum of color into the air. A beautiful gem, but weighted with trouble. Rachel captured her courage. “Jeff, my father might be foolish and stubborn, but the Bible tells me to honor and obey him. I’m so confused. So frustrated. All I can ask you to do is give me a little more time. Let me—”