Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  “Coming where?”

  “To the airport.” I shrugged. “To Jersey?”

  Forehead still tight, but now his eyes narrowed into a smile. “No one. Who else would be coming to Jersey?”

  “Dre lives there.”

  He opened the door to a small closet and dropped to squat. “Dre left for the airport this morning…very hungover, too,” he mumbled.

  I swallowed. “What about Aivery?”

  “What about her?”

  “Are you two spending Thanksgiving together?”

  “Not this year, no.” Then he stood with a black leather duffle bag. His face opened to a smile. “Did you think Aivery could save you from my company, tomboy?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re so stupid,” I whispered, turning away.

  Why did I not get upset when he called me that?

  I felt him sauntering my way. Ashton pulled me into his tall, hard body. “Why didn’t you meet up with us at the Warehouse?” he asked, nose to my nose.

  “Because your friends didn’t want me there.”

  The Warehouse was an off-campus spot where the BSU Greeks held their parties, at least that’s what Samantha told me. Apparently, Ashton’s fraternity and Aivery’s sorority threw a pre-Thanksgiving bash there. Samantha and her friends went. She invited me to go with them, but I’d gone to the concert with my “boyfriend.” Then ShawnNicole said they were stopping there on a bar hop after the concert and invited me to come with their crew after and bring my “boyfriend.” That was impossible, so I told her we had plans for after the show. So, after the concert, I had the driver drop me off in the back of Greener, hoping no one saw how much earlier I’d come in.

  “I wanted you there.”

  My eyes crawled up his tall body. “To do what you did to me at the concert?”

  His forehead stretched. “You had a problem with what I did to you last night?” I nodded. “What?”

  “You left me.”

  His hard breath hit my face as his eyes closed. “That shit was harder than a muthafucka. You have no idea.”

  I cleared my throat. “I do.” My eyes attention fell to the bag. “Are you giving me this for the trip?”

  I snatched the ribbed leather duffle from him, trying to cool the mood. This shit was too weird with Ashton. Trying to play it off, I inspected the bag as though it mattered. Anything he gave was fine, I was sure. I played it cool when I saw the Louis Vuitton logo stamped into the tag on one of the handles. The luggage was worn and…plain, which relieved me. Quickly, I pulled my things from my book bag and tossed them into the duffle. It was half-filled, but switching bags to get the Prince of Zamunda off my back was the goal.

  “What the hell are you snickering about?”

  I lifted my head. “You, Prince of Zamunda.”

  Ashton scoffed, “I’m the Prince of Zamunda?”

  “Yup. Akeem.”

  “Then who does that make you?”

  I stood to my feet, grabbing the long strap of the duffle and tossing it over my shoulder. “A tomboy with new Louis Vuitton luggage. Clearly, my BSU gear wasn’t good enough for his highness.” I bowed like the people in the movie last Friday.

  “Oh, word?” Ashton widened the space between his long legs and crossed his arms. “If I’m the prince, let me see you bark like a dog.”

  “Remember, I’m good at being a dog, according to you.” I found it funny. Ashton did not. He visibly cringed.

  “Never mind. I forgot we got history with that title.”

  It was too late. I began to bark and on one foot, hopping to the door.

  “Is there anything I can get you?” the flight attendant asked, eyes sweeping between Ashton and me.

  Ashton looked my way for an answer. When I didn’t say anything, he turned back to her. “We’re fine for now. Thanks.”

  He unrolled the blanket the flight attendant gave us and lay it over me. First class, and he gave me the window seat. I was able to see the sun set. And as he said, no one from BSU was with us.

  “You ready to see your family?” he asked, turning over to his side to face me.

  I hated how good he looked, snuggled into the big leather chair with a blanket on himself. His voice was soft and attention completely on me. That felt weird.

  I shrugged. “I guess.” I did call and tell them I was coming.

  “You guess? Man, I can’t wait to see my peeps, especially after losing Brick. My mom and aunt don’t want to spoil the holiday by speaking about his death the whole day. We’ll see who breaks.”

  “That’s gonna be hard.”

  “Yeah…” He exhaled. “But I can’t wait to rip through my mom’s lobster gumbo.”

  That made me smile. “Sounds…different.”

  “It is. Bangin’, too!” When he quieted, I turned for the window, ready for takeoff. The orange sky gave me vibes. “You lookin’ forward to seeing one of your exes or somebody you used to be checking for before coming to BSU?”

  What?

  My head flew to face Ashton, to ask if he had that quickly turned into the mean human he could be. Bully human. Horrible hum—

  He leaped over the space between us and caught my lips with his mouth. It happened so fast, it took a while for my brain to catch up. But my body felt it right away when my eyes fell closed and breath escaped. When he pulled back, Ashton’s eyes were low as though he was high.

  He licked his lips. “I ‘on’t wanna waste no time talking about no bum ass South Jersey niggas.” I frowned. “Tell me about your Margaret.”

  “What about her?”

  He shrugged, fist beneath his beard, holding his head up. “Anything.”

  Ashton looked…happy, very comfortable and at home this close to me. It was strange, but I didn’t know what to do about it, so I did nothing.

  “She told me to make sure I’m my husband’s first wife,” was the first thing that came to mind.

  It was because that random memory came to me yesterday while under the dryer, getting a deep conditioner.

  “Why?” Ashton asked, face tight.

  My brows lifted. “She said something about if I’m his first wife, all his social security benefits will come to me when he dies, even if you remarry and he remarries.”

  Ashton’s head bounced back. A loud cackle boomed from his chest. It scared the shit out of me, had me looking around to see if it did the same to anyone else. “All his social security benefits?”

  I shrugged, turning for the window for a second. “I think she said so.” I nodded. “Yeah, all of them.”

  Still laughing, but quieter, he requested, “I just learned something new. I gotta ask my moms. Please tell me more.”

  And I did.

  Chapter Four

  -THEN-

  We were off the plane and on our way down to transportation in no time. It was a feasible concept when you traveled with just carry-on luggage. That was an impossible inconvenience when traveling with Aivery. She had to pack for “just in case” events each time, and we’d have to wait for luggage. Tonight, at this late hour, there was no waiting and less traffic in Newark Liberty International, which was my preference. I liked traveling at night.

  As we descended on the escalator, I suddenly realized I was holding her hand and froze. What the fuck? It was a natural grab once we left the plane. I had some place to be and needed to thread through the few bodies moseying the airport and didn’t want to leave Tori behind. When she felt my hand loosen, she pulled hers from me. I didn’t mean for her to do that, but wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. Instead, I went for my phone to confirm transportation was in place. Then I waited until we got off and subconsciously grabbed her hand again.

  On the ground level were drivers with signs. Tori’s name was on one.

  “Here we go,” I murmured, pulling her behind me.

  I acknowledged the driver and followed him to the doors. We were outside in almost no time at all, being met by the frigid New Jersey air. Still trailing behind the driver, I g
lanced around for my ride. He was around…somewhere, per his message.

  “So, this is what it’s going to be.” We stopped in front of the Lincoln Town Car the driver unlocked with a key fob. “Friday, you meet me back here by eleven. Our flight leaves at two. If you’re on time, we can grab brunch here before we board.”

  Tori looked confused. “Where are we going now?”

  I browsed around again, this time locating Louis. “You’re going home to Millville.” I motioned toward the Lincoln. “He’s your driver. I’m going home, too.”

  “How much is the ride?”

  I shook my head. “It’s been taken care of. I gave him the address you sent me a few days ago.” From my peripheral, I could see Louis getting out of the car to let me know he was here. “Friday,” I repeated. “By eleven, the latest.”

  With narrowed brows, Tori shook her head. Those glossed lips too evilly provoking for me not to taste them. I pulled her into me by the back of her head, knowing she wasn’t expecting it. Thrilled she wasn’t expecting it. Lately, I lived for Tori McNabb’s unrest. When I pushed my tongue in her mouth, her frame froze, then shivered. She tasted of stale Doublemint gum but felt like needed heat from the cold. Her hesitant hand cupped my elbows as I held her to me. When Tori melted into me, her body leaning into mine, lost in me, I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and bring her with me on this short trip.

  Why did I do this?

  It wasn’t right feeling so goddamn territorial over a girl who wasn’t mine. No matter how much she felt like it. So much, in fact, I managed the fold of cash from my pocket and slipped it into the back of hers as I bullied her tongue in between lip-smacking. My palm squeezed her ass to distract her. Then I pulled back because I had to. It was a difficult task, but the onus was on me to keep us on the ground. Tori’s eyes opened slowly, and still, she couldn’t look at me. I had a few guesses as to why, but this was not the time to address it.

  “Are you going to be okay getting back up here?” I asked. “I can arrange for car service on Friday morning.”

  Tori rolled her eyes, wiping the side of her mouth where the gloss had shifted. “Ashton, I’m not a kid. I can, at least, make my way up the Turnpike.”

  “Okay.” I stood gazing at her. Tori had come a long way from the “dog” I’d encountered in September. She had, in fact, never been a dog, just a diamond in the rough—and by choice, I now believed. Her hair was done, brows shaped, and clothes fitted femininely. There was no major surgery or endless volumes of hair or makeup creating her beauty. It was the opposite. She lost the layers, and I could now see what had always been there. Well, just the surface. There was a sea of knowledge about her buried inside. I yanked my left ear, prepared to step off. “There’s a few bucks in your back pocket. Tip the man no more than twenty bucks. He’s been paid and tipped already.”

  I turned and walked off, knowing I’d extended this parting piece too long.

  “Spence,” she called behind me. I turned to find her with one foot inside the car. “Thanks for this.” There was a fighting grin playing at the corner of her mouth when she rolled her eyes.

  I nodded. “You’re getting better at it.”

  Tori shook her head and dipped inside. Slowly, I turned for the Benz awaiting me. I let myself inside.

  “Mr. Spencer,” Louis greeted.

  I cringed. “He’s long gone, Louis. You know I’m just Ashton, man.” I pulled out my phone while grumbling.

  “Very well. Shall I take you to the house now?”

  “Nah. I have to be in Saddle River.”

  “Okay!” He exhaled, taking the car out of park. “Saddle River, then the house.”

  “I’m staying at my mom’s this trip, Louis. Actually, you can drop me off in Saddle River, then take my things to Newark while I’m there. When you come back to get me, I should be ready to turn in.”

  My father’s long-term employee, even now in his wake, nodded, gazing my way through the rearview mirror. “Let’s do it.”

  My gaze was at the top of the damn near two-story wall ahead. The intricate frame design was one of the dopest I’d seen. The house was built over forty years ago and still felt modern. It had to be because of upgrades like this.

  “A penny for your thoughts.” I glanced down at NormaJean across the large wooden table. She lifted a champagne flute to her berry lips for a sip while her cheeks were blithely hiked.

  “Pewter.”

  Her eyes traveled over the bare walls of her dining room. Then she swiftly turned to face me again and affirmed. “Pewter.” She shrugged with her lips. “It’s clean, fresh.”

  “So that’s the new motif around here?”

  She nodded. “I needed it.”

  “When were the renovations completed?”

  “By the time I got back into the country, they were finishing up my sauna.”

  I twisted my neck. “Oh, my. We now have a sauna,” I teased.

  “I need it. I’m serious about this new lease on life. From top to bottom, I want a change. I feel thirteen…fourteen…fifteen years younger since being in remission.”

  “Fourteen years younger would make you a year younger than me.”

  “I am younger than you, spirit-wise.” She winked. “I still reserve the superiority of wisdom. You don’t think I can tell something’s eating at you?” She nodded toward the opening of the massive room. “You carried it in here tonight.”

  I observed the coordinated serving dishes on the elaborately topped table. NormaJean prepared a delicious pre-Thanksgiving spread for me tonight.

  “This was the bomb, exquisite.” I reached for my glass of wine. It was my third.

  “You’re avoiding my confrontation.”

  I pulled in a deep breath, sitting back in my seat, arms stretched high in the air. “I’m feeling nice off the vino. Don’t take advantage of me in this vulnerable state.”

  She threw a dinner roll my way that I was able to catch. I laughed hard as hell. NormaJean was gorgeous as shit when unusually growing frustrated with me. “Talk. Now.”

  I shook my head, considering my peripatetic thoughts. Tori hadn’t called or Blackberry messaged me saying she’d touched down in South Jersey yet. She could still be on the road, but I wondered if she was hungry. We’d eaten something on the plane, but neither had anything heavy. I wished we could have left for the airport earlier. That way, I could have fed her rather than sitting here distracted by her hunger or lack thereof.

  “People always talk about falling in love or meeting the love of their lives, but how significant is infatuation?”

  She smiled, eyes closed. “Cue Jamie Foxx’s Is it just infatuatiooooooooon!”

  I nodded coolly with hiked brows and a mild smug grin. “Whose maturity is superior now?”

  “Awwwww, Pooh!” She straightened in her seat. “You know I’m kidding. And,” her voice lowered. “I give that Foxx a side-eye, with his messy ass.” I tittered quietly, going to refill my glass. NormaJean knew lots in Hollywood. She’d been in the porn industry since twenty years old. I didn’t think there were many she hadn’t encountered professionally or socially. She had stories for days. “Okay.” She exhaled, sobering physically, straightening her silk duster robe. “Let’s start by defining it. It’s a strong, but temporary inclination to a person or things. As it regards to people, it’s no more than a crush—a temporary strong passion. So, by definition, people experience infatuation lots.”

  My finger circled the rim of the wine glass. “I don’t.”

  “Well, handsome, that’s because you haven’t looked beyond young Aivery since her purity tempted the virile beast in you.”

  I nodded, mouth twisted, considering that. “It’s true. I’ve been willingly faithful to my girlfriend. I’ve always known what I wanted in life. When I saw I could have it in Aivery, I locked it down.”

  “Monogamy isn’t natural, and it damn sure ain’t fair for a young man your age. I know what you like: I taught you most of it. Those are things she could
never fulfill.”

  I laughed off her dig. NormaJean was willing to battle “Monogamy isn’t all that bad. I’ve been doing it.”

  “Until recently.” She bit her lips at that sharp estimation.

  With pouted lips, I gave a neck bow. “So let’s explore that. What if there’s no sex in the equation? What if it’s purely discovering another person’s mind? Exploring it, wanting to overdose on it?” I licked my lips, thinking about Tori’s mouth wrapped around the root of my dick. “Exploit it a little? What if it’s mental and possibly emotional?” My eyes returned to her. “Is that infatuation?”

  Her darkly lined eyes grew in size and cheeks spread. “That shit sounds real to me,” her tone warning.

  I let out a breath, picking up my glass. “Yeah. That’s the scary part.”

  “Who is she?”

  “Iiiiii don’t want to say. If I put a name on it, I’ll make it a thing.”

  “Well, you’ve already made it a thing, because I know you’re not talking about Aivery.”

  I shook my head, being honest. “No. I’m not talking about Aivery.”

  “Well, whoever it is, I don’t think you should stress over or try to define it so soon. Why rush?”

  My eyes grew wide, computing that question. “Because it’s that fuckin’ intense.” I wanted her. Bad. So bad my fucking sac swelled at the thought of her. “And I need to figure out what it is—like how serious it is—because it’ll help me not fuck it up. And not fuck up in general.”

  “Not fuck up what in general? Aivery?” She scoffed. “I think that horse is out the stable.”

  “I don’t know. I think it’s easy for anyone, including me, to dismiss what Aivery and I have because of her…pretentious tendencies. But I know my girl. I know her heart. She does have one. She just doesn’t have the emotional capacity to be mature about certain things and people. And the fact that I can sense that, makes this other thing a thing.” I grab my head absorbing that revelation.

  “What? You’re confusing me.” I feel her soft, warm hand cover mine from across the table. “Because of this girl? The infatuation?”