Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  When Tori’s hips slowed and eyes opened, she was out of breath. “I wanna…” Her lidded eyes fell to my pounding cock.

  I shook my head. “Not now.”

  “Then what about you? You gotta be…” Tori faltered. Sex talk—the mutually beneficial type—wasn’t something she’d been accustomed to. “I still wanna…”

  My face opened in a lazy smile. Tori wanted more. My attention moved to her firm tits. “Grip the sides of your breasts,” I growled, so fucking ready to explode.

  Slowly, Tori’s hands drew up to the sides of her chest. I corrected her hand position, pleased by the sight of her touching herself. Her facial expression was awkward, but eager. I wet my dick between her deliciously-slimy folds, rubbing against her to lube me up. When I had enough, I shuffled up her toned body and straddled her chest, sandwiching my heavy cock between her tits. I covered her hands with mine and applied more pressure as I moved in and out of her firmness.

  “What are you thinking?” my voice was strained when I asked. Tori shook her head. “Are you uncomfortable?” Her head shook again. My thrusts turned less than confident. “Nabby-girl, you’re gonna have to tell me something—”

  Her head dipped and she suctioned in the head of my dick on my upward stroke. Her mouth felt so damn silky and warm. But still, I stopped.

  “No, bae,” I moaned like a bitch.

  Her body tensed beneath me. “Why not?”

  “Because I don’t want you having a moment of a flashback from anything nefarious.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean. I want anything we do to bring you pleasure; nothing you’ve had before. All an equal exchange, if not you receiving more. I want you to enjoy everything we do.”

  “And getting you off isn’t supposed to be enjoyable to me?”

  My face folded. “Okay. What do you mean?”

  Her hands moved to my hips, bringing me closer up her body. She lifted just enough to capture my dick in her mouth and ran her tongue over the head several times, making my stomach do the freefall in no time.

  “I want to make you feel good, too,” she murmured, eyes still heavy, but voice turned cold. “I didn’t tell you my secrets for you to make me out to be handicapped. I’m safe. I’m with you. You won’t hurt me…doing this. I know you won’t.”

  It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her words, but for a while, I searched her face for an ounce of doubt. I had no fucking idea what I was doing with Tori, but I knew I didn’t want to stop. I knew sex wasn’t necessary, but having the privilege of being this intimate with her was a drug I couldn’t live without.

  Without consent, my hips moved, thrusts met her hungry mouth. And Tori made it so fucking good. She was generous with the secretions and her bobbing game was rhythmic. The visual of being sandwiched between her breasts and my head going into her mouth sent me adrift. Oddly, I closed my eyes to a squeeze, enduring the contractions in my damn abs. The heat blossoming in my feet. My head spun, drowning in bliss. Hurled over her, I gripped the headboard with white knuckle force, trying not to let go.

  But when I opened my eyes and saw the softness in hers, nothing expressing distress or displeasure, once again, my body acted on its own accord, and I blew. The first of it landed on her chin, then Tori pushed up from the neck and caught the rest in her mouth while I lost a bit of my sanity with each squirt. She was deliberate and fearless, weakening me. The moment she released me from her mouth, I pulled from her tits and reversed down her body, pushing her thighs apart and burying my face in the apex. I licked and sucked and stroked with an unusual companion: passion. It was my burning pleasure to service and satisfy this girl. A girl who didn’t belong to me, but I’d felt an uncanny sense of connection to and protectiveness of.

  “Ashton…” spilled like a cry of fear until her hands gripped my head, holding me in place as she assaulted my mouth deliciously, growing my addiction.

  I licked until she slowed then kissed until she relaxed each limb in her body and collapsed boneless around me.

  When I felt him leave my bed, an eyelid cracked. From the light being on in the bathroom, I could see him slowly get dressed. My eyes swept up to the alarm clock on my nightstand. It was just after eleven. Samantha would be walking in any minute now. I would have overslept if it wasn’t for Ashton. Stupidly, I missed him already and he was only feet away, putting on his clothes. I was mostly naked, wearing just my shirt. He forced me out of bed and to the bathroom after making me come for the third time. Then I helped him do the same for the second time.

  How did this happen—again?

  The bigger question was my regret. I would spend the next few hours and days searching for it. It was hard with him. Dangerously hard.

  Ashton had no idea I was awake when he stalked back over to the head of the bed and kissed my cheek. I watched him creep to the door.

  “Ashton…” He turned to me. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “Being my mom.”

  He shook his head and quietly claimed, “You’re not your mother, and are far from a whore.” There was a long pause before he continued, “You just so happen to start your college career at a time where I’m in a fucked up situation. Trust me, it’s not you at all.”

  How could he still sound so convincing? It felt like getting affirmation from the big brother you trusted to protect you. But Ashton was not my brother. He wasn’t even an official friend, I didn’t think. He was just…a lot. So much at this point, it scared me.

  “Thanks for the flowers.” He’d had them delivered yesterday, congratulating me.

  “Thanks for not running away from me.” He chuckled.

  In the quiet of the dim room, I whispered, “Why didn’t you tell me your father owns B-Way Burger?”

  “Because he doesn’t.” His soft tone had a bite to it. “He’s dead.” I was stumped, didn’t know what to follow that one up with. Was he upset that I knew? When would he tell me? Was I wrong for wanting to know? “Night, Nabby-girl.”

  He left my dorm without room for me to respond.

  I didn’t realize I was in her checkout line until Samantha peppered a chortle in the air, bidding the customer in front of me a good night.

  She does work here…

  Suddenly, I recalled seeing her a few times since the start of the semester. I was just about done loading my items on the belt when the other customer left.

  “Hi,” I asserted, feeling awkward, but knowing if I didn’t speak first, Samantha wouldn’t have said much.

  It was something I learned being popular on campus. Those who were not, shrunk themselves. I didn’t want to play Tori’s roommate like that, seeing I was just in their room last night.

  “Oh, hey!” Excitement burst from her eyes as she paused from scanning my things momentarily.

  She rang up my shit. Shit I wasn’t so easy on her seeing, like feminine deodorant, shampoo and conditioner. It was for Tori. When she stayed at my apartment, she was winging it on those products. So, before I crept out of their room last night, I made sure to take a peek at what she used. As fucked up as it was, I wanted Tori comfortable when she was at my place. But Samantha didn’t need to know that. No one did. Just like Samantha didn’t need to know the reason for some of these items I managed to find in the personal care aisle here at the grocery store.

  After our run this morning, I invited Tori over tonight to use my tub for a bath. She was complaining about still feeling sore after her fight with Rodriguez. I was sure her trainers recommended her using the facilities on the athletic compound, but knowing Tori’s stubborn ass, she wasn’t following orders.

  As I waited, Samantha exclaimed again, “Oh, my god! You use this brand of lavender?” Before I could answer, Samantha continued with diarrhea of the mouth. “Oh, and you got Epsom salt, too. I guess it’s essential for you athletes. You know, I just told Tori I could have made her a good mixture of Epsom salt and a few plants to induce relaxation. But there’s no need; we don’t have a tub
for her to soak in.”

  As I swiped my credit card in the machine, I forced my chuckle to remain inside, but I couldn’t fight back a big ass smile. “Thanks, Samantha.” She handed me the receipt and I grabbed my bags. “I hope it works out for Tori.”

  I took off. There was another stop I needed to make before heading back to campus.

  “I will.” She sighed. “Wish me luck on finding her a birthday gift.” I tripped over my damn feet. “You okay?”

  I recovered quickly, bags still secured and balance steady. Next, I had to get my damn brain there. “How long do you have?”

  Samantha slapped her forehead as it shook. “Two days.”

  Two fucking days?

  “The twenty-ninth?” I quickly added up the days.

  Samantha lifted her head. “Yeah. And me being the sucky roommate I am, I waited till the last minute to figure out a damn gift. I was thinking of throwing a party in the lounge area of our floor, but Tori would hate me. I’m not sure if you know, but she doesn’t like…humans.”

  I didn’t process much of what Samantha was saying. Tori had a birthday coming, and I had no fucking idea. I knew what the girl tasted like between her thighs, knew her childhood horror. Yet, I had no fucking clue of when the goddamn tomboy that invaded too many of my thoughts was born.

  The fuck?

  Slowly, I began backing away, mind reeling. “Tell McNabb I said whaddup.”

  I jumped off the counter when the doorbell rang, excitement shooting from my core to each branch of my body. When I swung the door open, her uniform caught my attention first. It was wrinkled and disheveled, shirt halfway tucked, and pants stained.

  “How was your day, dear?” I mumbled with a raised brow.

  “First, my run with you, then classes.” Her head swung left to right with each detail. “Then I trained with my team, where Luke tried to kill my ass for slipping with Rodriguez. Then work.” Tori took a deep breath. “On my ride to campus, all I could think of is what would Maureen do?”

  My face folded. “Who the hell’s Maureen?”

  Casually, she sighed, “My Margaret.”

  “Was her name Margaret or Maureen?”

  “It was Margaret Maureen McNabb. I started calling her my Margaret when I turned ten. She said I was two steps from being grown and I should act like it. So instead of calling her Maureenie as I did since I could talk, I started calling her my Margaret.”

  I laughed. “What did that signify?”

  She shrugged. “If I was about to be grown, I’d call her by her first name.”

  “And you added the prefix, “my” for possession.” I murmured my surmise.

  Tori’s eyes turned oblong, and I feared a dollop of a tear soon. “What would Maureen do? I don’t wanna be an adult. I want to be happy and…carefree…and clueless, and…”

  “Protected this time?” Had to be.

  Tori may have had an awesome grandmother, but not even Margaret Maureen McNabb was able to protect her from being violated as a child. Tori desired something she never had. Something I could only wish to give her, but not even I had that superpower. This was the real world, and she was indeed an adult, ready or not.

  “I’ve been working at the romper room zoo for about six weeks now.” Hope ignited in her eyes. “I can apply for a credit card then quit.”

  My face dropped and I shook my head. “No.”

  “It can really work!” I felt her move closer, her soft hand at my lower arm. “Just hear me out.”

  “No!”

  “Why?”

  “For the same reason Blakewood doesn’t allow credit card companies on campus. You haven’t begun a professional, income-sustaining career yet. Credit cards are nothing but loans—some high ass interest loans. You have no means of paying it back when you use it, no matter how small they are. It’s a game best played by the wealthy. Leave it with them.”

  “With you?” Her forehead stretched.

  “I’m a college student who is seeking out his wealth via the League. Don’t go there, Tori.”

  “I’m just saying. Now that I know who you are—no thanks to you.”

  I exhaled, irritated by her jab. “Look. What do you need?”

  She sucked in a breath. “I’m not asking you to do more than you’re already doing, Ashton! You already groom me.” I sputtered laughter at her use of the word groom. “What’s so funny?”

  “Dogs get groomed. You’re a young woman, a hard-working one who deserves to be treated well.”

  “You make… What? A couple hundred dollars a week?”

  She crossed her arms. “That’s none of your business.”

  Yeah. Just like your birthday…

  “Tori, you’re a competitive athlete with a full course load. Your focus should be narrow.”

  “Yours isn’t,” she argued. “You still tutor. Who does that? Tariq Evans didn’t.”

  My proverbial hackles raised. “What do you know about Evans, tomboy?”

  Tori shrugged, arms still crossed. “I hear things…watch your little ESPN interviews.” She rolled her eyes away.

  I leaned into the doorjamb. “That’s cute, and all, but I guess you ain’t heard I dropped tutoring.”

  Her eyes blossomed wild. “When?”

  “Before Thanksgiving.” I shifted to lean down close to her face, and whispered, “Betcha don’t know as much about me as you think.”

  The muscles in her face and shoulders visibly relaxed. It fucking thrilled me that I had this kind of effect on KaToria fucking McNabb.

  I heard her sniffle like a hound. “Is that garlic I smell?” She moved toward the door to investigate. “Is that piz—Margherita pizza?”

  Rolling my eyes, I stood straight. “I can answer that as soon as you tell me what you need a week to sustain your ‘high maintenance’ lifestyle.”

  “Ashton,” she warned.

  “Whatever it is, is getting cold.”

  “Ash—”

  “Right along with your bathwater.”

  “Fine!” She stomped her foot. “Could I at least shower the kiddie cooties off and eat first? I’m so hungry, I can’t think!”

  She pushed her way into the apartment, leaving me feeling accomplished and finessed at the same damn time.

  I snorted and whispered into the air. “Dare I say, the tomboy could be fuckin’ adorable at times?”

  Chapter Ten

  -THEN-

  I walked into the crowded, noisy cafeteria starving. It was buzzing with countless bodies everywhere. As usual, I kept my head low as I made my way to the sports counter where my meals were planned and organized. The goal was to eat and head off for my last day at work.

  “Hey, Tori!” ShawnNicole was waving me on from across the way. She was with Andrea and another girl, I didn’t know. “Come eat over here. I wanna show you pictures of a style I want to try on you.”

  My first thought was no. I didn’t want to eat with humans. And I certainly didn’t want to be around Ashton and Aivery’s friends. I could spend better time alone. But then I remembered how cool ShawnNicole and I had become. So I committed a single nod, made my way over to the counter, and tapped on the kiosk.

  As I waited, I was once again reminded of how different things were for me. I was counting down the time for me to quit my job. Ashton Spencer offered to help me out financially so I could focus on boxing and school. I could never take him up on the offer, but with what was coming in my next check, I would be okay for a week or two.

  I still couldn’t get over how last night, Ashton had food and an Epsom salt bath waiting for me. Dude had an actual Jacuzzi. I didn’t pay much attention to it the first few times I used his bathroom because I was rushing in and out. But I soaked in hot silky, flower-fragranced water for a whole hour, unbothered after I showered and ate bomb ass Margherita pizza.

  And after I soaked and showered again, Ashton and I talked and talked, and even laughed before we fell asleep in his bed, both beneath the same comforter. He didn’t try anyth
ing with me. Didn’t touch me in a sexual way. What was odd was he made me feel like…girlfriend material. Last night, Ashton treated me like we’d had dinner and winddown time every night for years. It wasn’t about getting off. It was about me feeling like a proper human. It was so bad—or good—that I made it super awkward when I left out this morning. He was offering me breakfast to my back as I hauled ass out of there. I needed to get to my dorm to get dressed for our morning run. And, as usual, Ashton and I didn’t talk during the run.

  “McNabb!” That boom snapped me out of my thoughts.

  My food was ready. I grabbed the tray and left the station remembering my promise to ShawnNicole. Hesitantly, I made my way over. Her smile on my way to her warmed me. Andrea’s face was buried in her Blackberry, thankfully. I went for the hand sanitizer pump the moment I sat down, then for my food.

  “Here’s what I wanted you to see.” ShawnNicole’s excitement bounced off the table as she turned her laptop screen my way. “I want to try it on you.”

  “You wanna cut my hair?” my voice lacked concern, but it was a sincere question.

  I’d never had my hair cut. I could barely comb, no way I could maintain getting it trimmed on a regular basis.

  “What you think?” ShawnNicole’s face lifted to get a good look at me, creating a glare in her glasses. Glasses I was sure she wore just for fashion. “Can you live on the wild side?” She wiggled her shoulders as Andrea and the other girl looked on.

  “Ohhhhh!” A deep, vibrating shout neared me. “Is that a Panther over there, scarfing down that chicken?” I recognized the country accent before I could see Al.

  And he was with a gang of guys, at least eight. Eight hyped up Panthers approaching me with speed and purpose. Paulie’s frame couldn’t hide among the crowd, he was so tall. Ashton was amongst the crew. His speed was slower, confident, but just as purposeful as he bit off a piece of a fry.