Our Muted Recklessness (Muted Hopelessness Book 2)

by Love Belvin

  All I could feel was him: the hard muscles in his thighs, the massaging of his fingers on my ass, the softness of his lips, and the speed of his tongue. This time, Ashton had to keep up with me. I devoured him, and wasn’t shy. It didn’t matter that kissing—tongue kissing was new to me—I stroked his mouth without thinking too hard.

  My hand reached for the elastic waist of his sweats, then beneath his boxers until I found wiry hairs. I was afraid, but not weirded out. And I knew Ashton wouldn’t stop me. I stroked him, still rolling over air. That was until my desperation for friction, and I ripped my thong, trying to pull it to the side. Then I held his hard dick in my hand and rubbed it against myself. I was so sensitive, so frustrated. But I wasn’t afraid.

  Ashton yanked down the top of my dress until my titties spilled out. When I saw them smack his face, my knees went weak. And when he kissed on one then sucked on my nipple, my head rolled back. It felt so good—he felt so good. I wasn’t ready to moan. That seemed silly to me, but if I had the balls, this would be the time to do it. My throat hurt from squeezing them down.

  Then I was lifted and plopped onto the bench I started on. Ashton lifted my thighs in the air, spreading them. His face buried between my legs, tongue calm but heavy. And I was wet. Shit… This was Wet-Wet. Another flash memory of her hands all over her body. My palm went to my breasts, then fingers. I massaged them while he sucked on me. It was a feeling like no other. I felt strong, sexy. Like a woman. Like a female for the first time in my life. I didn’t feel used or manipulated. I felt pleasured.

  His hands reached up and took over. Ashton did a better job. He flicked my nipples and a zap of pain opened to a tingling that had me grabbing his head. The thick carpet of waves felt good against my fingertips, turning me on even more. Oral. Who knew it felt this good?

  Who knew Ashton Spencer would be making me feel this good?

  My stomach lifted, hips began shaking. It didn’t take much time for me to know I was coming. I didn’t try to tense around the explosion. Instead, I relaxed into it, remembering how feminine I was. My body shook from my shoulders to my hips. Legs jerked around his shoulders. I fought off each moan until it all stopped and my feet dropped to the floor.

  Ashton lifted from my sex, still on his knees. His eyes were low and face wet, including his beard. I was still on fire, still wanting him. So I lifted and went for his sweats again.

  When my hand touched his hot and rock hard dick, Ashton made a sloshing sound and backed out of my reach. I didn’t waste a second of feeling rejected. Deep down inside, I knew he wouldn’t deny me right here and now. So I fell into his chest, kissing him again. He received me, kissing me right back. Excitement popped in my belly when he lifted me to straddle him again. I could feel the head of him against my belly.

  He sat back on the bench and I rearranged myself, awkward with my movements, so I could take him in my hand. Horny all over again and beyond teased by his tongue, I rubbed myself against him. I could feel how swollen I was down there. Brushing myself on him, I wet my hand. Feeling my juices didn’t weird me out either. Maybe it was the shots. Maybe Wet-Wet… But I rubbed according to my need. I felt like I was attacking the guy. Still, I couldn’t help it. It didn’t take long for me to explode against him again.

  This time, a moan did escape. Ashton, too. His grunt was deeper than mine. It drove me wild. Our mouths loosely touched as I vibrated over and around him. We stayed that way until I was able to stop. My body was heavy, still humming.

  “What’s wrong?” there was a crack of sincerity in his whisper. Concern.

  “I—I…” I was out of breath, feeling his soft lips against mine. “I want you.”

  “Again?”

  I nodded, then my eyes closed. “No.” Swallowing hard, I decided to go for it. “You. Did you…?”

  Ashton shook his head. “Almost. I want to save it for my place.” Is that where we’re going? I could see his eyes bouncing against mine. “Is that okay?”

  “What?” I whispered with little breath in me.

  “You spend your birthday night with me.”

  I nodded.

  Decided.

  Horny.

  Chapter Eleven

  -THEN-

  After I tipped Steve, the driver, while holding on to birthday bags and balloons whipping into the autumn night wind, I reached back into the limo to help Tori out. When I saw her shoulders out in the brisk air, I peeled off my cardigan sweater and wrapped it around her bare arms and shoulders. As the limo pulled off, I wrapped the balloon strings around my hand to secure them, grabbed the gift bags, then pulled her into my side.

  Tori didn’t whisper a peep as we approached the security desk. Big man Elijah shot me a nod and wink as we strolled past him to the elevators. I’d already “checked” Tori in earlier. He, thankfully, didn’t ask to verify her identity. I wanted to warm her chilled body and get her fed. It wasn’t until we made it to the elevators behind the booth that she spoke.

  Her face lifted, eyes tight. “Are we going to do more shots?” she murmured.

  Hell no! You’ve already had two…

  Unless someone had given her more without me knowing, Tori had one shot on the way to Ebonies, and a second while there. That was enough, unless she was a real drinker. I didn’t think she was.

  “Do you want to?” She nodded. That conflicted me. On one hand, I wanted her to have whatever she wanted on her birthday, and didn’t want to deny her a single wish. But on the other, I knew Tori McNabb wanted me to fuck her, and I didn’t want that desire while she was intoxicated. If she wanted me, she had to be of clear mind. I didn’t want the gray area. She was different, and so was I. “I think you’ve had enough for nineteen years old.”

  The elevator tolled and I kissed her forehead as the door opened. Once on, I punched my floor and waited for the door to close. The moment it did, a hand swung to motion it to stop and re-open. The hand belonged to Tomeka Cox, the head coach of the Panther cheer squad. Her first reaction to recognizing me was a soft smile. Then I caught the slight break in step when coming onto the elevator when she discovered Tori.

  Tori was significantly taller and darker than Aivery, and thicker, too. I could only imagine how surprised she felt.

  “Tomeka,” I acknowledged, along with a nod.

  “Spencer,” she returned, clearing her throat.

  We rode in silence, and I worried about what this meant. Tomeka was a hardcore coach from the heart of Compton. She was tough and not afraid to get her hands dirty. There was a cheer competition in Oak Cliff, Texas, and afterward, the rival cheer team got brolic with the Panthers over the loss. They followed the girls to their buses, some picking up sticks and bottles. Aivery and her crew popped mad shit during the competition, provoking those girls. The loss to BSU intensified their beef. No cheerleader from BSU was about that street life, and didn’t have to be. Tomeka Cox managed to get those girls on the bus and pulled out a nine on the girls from the other team. It was enough to scare them off so the bus could break out of there.

  She was protective of her girls. But Tomeka and Aivery practically hated each other. They argued constantly over routines. Aivery felt she knew as much as a tenured vet. So, the chances of her being confrontational right now were slim. Still. My grip around clueless, tipsy Tori tightened. I needed to protect her. If word got out about us, she would be the target of hate and harassment on Aivery’s behalf. I wouldn’t have that.

  The elevator tolled and Tomeka moved up toward the door, preparing to leave. When it opened, Professor Dixon was there, leaning into the frame. His eyes were dark when he reached for her. He stopped when he realized Tomeka wasn’t alone on the elevator. His lids widened as he took in Tori and me. Tomeka cleared her throat, ducking her head while getting off the elevator. Dixon’s mouth twisted, making it clear he was uncomfortable. It was likely because his wife and kids from their hometown of Charlotte, North Carolina had just spent Thanksgiving here with him. Dixon eventually turned and walked away as the
door was closing.

  We made it to my floor and left the elevator. I let us into my apartment and noticed right away the music was low in the sitting room. After dropping the bags near the chair, I went to go check on my fish. First, I corrected the volume, then I fed them. That’s when it occurred to me. Stephan was home.

  Shit.

  I grabbed the bags and balloons and led Tori to the back of the apartment. From the bags on the peninsula in my peripheral, I could see the food had been delivered as I’d planned. I had a couple of this line’s pledgees pick the order up and drop it off here earlier.

  “I’m gonna run a bath for us. Is that okay?”

  Her heavy eyes rolled up, making me wonder if she was tired now. But she nodded her head against my shoulder. I dropped her balloons and gifts next to a wall in the living room and we continued toward the back. A few feet from my bedroom door, Stephan was coming out of his room. Similar to Tomeka and Dixon, there was a delay in his actions when he registered Tori’s being before continuing.

  “My bigga nigga, Spence!” his greeting wasn’t as spirited as usual because he was stumped.

  But he tried to remain cool. Stephan called me “bigger” because as tall as I was at six feet four inches, he was taller at six-six and outweighed me. It was stupid, but our vibe.

  “Beefy, you’re back.” I let go of Tori to give him some dap. “My aquarium residents announced your return.”

  “Yeah. Just for a few days, though.” He chuckled. “My bad. I meant to turn the music back up, but got distracted. I came in as a call came through from my advisor. They’re looking good, man!”

  “Thanks.” I smiled. “We’ve been vibin’.”

  “And well, I see!” His big eyes went to Tori.

  “Beefy, this is BSU’s new sports sensation, Tori McNabb. She’s the program’s first female boxer, and is undefeated.” I peered down on Tori. “Nabby-girl, this is my roommate, Stephan Williamson. I told you about his marine geology work.”

  She nodded, but I felt her tense beneath me the moment we ran into Stephan. “Hi, Stephan. Cool major.”

  I was surprised by the second sentence and the bonus smile from her. Tori wasn’t very social—even if she liked you.

  “Cool, Tori. I hope to catch one of your fights soon.” Then his regard turned to me. “I need to grab my shirt from the dryer. I’m meeting the crew at Verti tonight, then we’re hitting up the clubs out west.”

  “That’s what’s up.” I moved aside to let him pass. “Have fun.”

  Stephan went toward the kitchen, and I continued Tori to my room. “Take off your clothes. I’ll go get the water ready and bring back a robe.”

  “Should I go? I didn’t know…”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t know he’d be here either, but it’s all good. It was bound to happen with his schedule. Don’t worry. It’s your birthday. All fun. No stress.”

  She twisted her lips, eyes into the distance as she considered my point. Then Tori nodded. I left for the bathroom, closing the door. The first thing I did was bring back my robe for her to change into. Then I returned to the bathroom to clean out the tub, then run the water. As it filled, I bleached down the shower, too, feeling suddenly self-conscious about having her in a nasty ass bathroom. Why did I care? It was Tori McNabb.

  Because it’s Tori McNabb…

  When finished, I ran down to the kitchen to pull out the food I ordered from an Italian spot off campus. The containers were nearing room temperature, which didn’t surprise me much. I decided I’d warm it up when we were ready. Then I thought to grab a bottle of water from the fridge in case Tori was parched from those two little shots that seemed to have set her ass off. Did I enjoy a tipsy Tori? Hell yeah! But I much preferred a sound one who was just as eager.

  “Hey, man.” Stephan had come into the kitchen. “So…” He tossed his chin toward the back of the apartment. “What did I miss with Aivery?”

  I shrugged with my lips. “Nothing and everything, I guess.”

  “You guys broke up?”

  “Not exactly.”

  His eyes blew the hell up. “So, you’re still together?”

  I shook my head. “Not exactly.”

  His arms flapped in the air, then his palms fell to his waist. “Dude, you’re fucking me up here.”

  “Welcome to my world as of late.” I moved around him to leave the room.

  “So…” His hesitation caught my attention and I turned to him. “If I were to be asked about seeing her here?”

  Guy code, I understood.

  “Would I be devastated if you answered honestly?” I shook my head. “Not at all. But if you did, I’d be inclined to skip your next birthday.”

  Stephan busted out laughing and I had to, too, on my way back to my room.

  “I thought you only lit candles to write?”

  I looked up from rubbing her pretty red toes to see her face across from me in the Jacuzzi. Then my eyes brushed around the bathroom lit by my candles.

  “I do. Now, you’re gonna have to replace them for when I write.”

  “How much are they?”

  I shrugged. “Like thirty bucks.”

  “Thirty dollars?” She gasped. “They’re not even scented.”

  “What would I need with scented candles?”

  “For thirty bucks a pop? A lot.” She rolled her neck. Tori got quiet for a minute as I continued with the massage. “Do you light these for her?”

  My hands froze. “My writing candles? Hell no.” I scoffed.

  “Then what candles?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe hers.”

  Slowly, I picked up her other foot to massage it. Earlier, she complained about them being swollen from the heels she wore.

  “Who’s NormaJean?”

  That was another abrupt ask throwing me askew. I couldn’t even hide my surprise, but I tried playing it off. “My friend.”

  Her head fell to the side. “Not your grandmother?”

  I laughed, hard. “No, Nabby-girl. NormaJean isn’t my grandmother. She isn’t old enough to be.”

  “What kind of friend then?”

  I nodded, considering that. “A good friend. The closest female friend I have.”

  “So, she’s your best friend?”

  “I guess you can say that.”

  When I was expecting more questions about the infamous NormaJean, I was met with silence. Tori’s head lay back on the padded rest as she ruminated. I secretly hoped this wouldn’t turn weird. Something I prided myself on was honesty. I had no reason to lie to anyone, including Aivery. The question had always been could my truth could be handled. And NormaJean and I held a complicated truth.

  “Do you love her?”

  I tried answering with the same speed her random question came. “Yes.” I nodded. “I absolutely love NormaJean. She’s a close confidant.”

  “No.” The one word so sharp, my face snapped up to see her. “Aivery. Do you love her?”

  My eyes narrowed and face wrinkled in confusion. “Sure, I do.”

  “Then why are you here with me?”

  A plausible question, I had to give it to her.

  My brows knitted and I smirked. I dropped her foot then swiveled to her side, sitting next to her. Exhaling, I shared, “I’m guessing it’s for a similar reason to you being here with me.”

  “I don’t know why I’m here with you,” she murmured.

  “Now, that…” I waggled my wrinkled index finger in the air, splashing a little water. “That’s bullshit.”

  Her eyes fell and I noticed the mascara bleeding from her lids. The look was sexy and downright fucking erotic. Tori was an enticing woman, so unlike the mean ass tomboy crashing on campus three months ago.

  Her eyes were on me again. “Have you ever cheated on Aivery…before me, I mean?”

  “No.”

  “Not with NormaJean?”

  “Never with NormaJean.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “Ge
t what?”

  “Why you’re like this with me.”

  Feeling defeated, I lay back on the headrest. “I can ask you the same thing.”

  “No, you can’t. I’m not popular. I don’t have a boyfriend,”

  “Neither did you know how to tongue-kiss before a few weeks ago. You’ve never been touched the way you’ve allowed me to touch you—by male or female. That makes you equally confounding.”

  “And it’s wrong.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not wrong. We’re wrong for doing it.”

  “Then what is it?”

  Tori’s voice was rather deep for a female; croaky and often flat, similar to Laila Ali’s. So when she spoke a girly language, it did shit to me. How could she doubt her sexuality and femininity? She was all woman—physically. Who she was emotionally remained to be seen. And that’s where I could get my fucking heart ripped out, in a sense.

  “What do you think about us being friends?” I proposed.

  “Friends like…” Her eyes bounced around as she thought. “…Samantha and me?”

  “I think it was established earlier at the club with Wet-Wet, you prefer sausage to fish.”

  Her face tightened. “What?” Then she pushed me from under the water. “That’s gross!”

  I rolled my eyes. “It was corny at best, but you get what I mean. We can be friends, Tori. I’d actually like that.”

  “Why?” Her tone was suspicious.

  “Because you’re cool. That’s why?”

  “Cool how?”

  It was my turn to eye her warily. “You fishing for compliments?”

  Her brows knitted tighter. “What?”

  “Never mind.” I knew she wasn’t. That would require Tori to think something of herself. And so far, out of the ring, she didn’t take herself very seriously. I hated that. “You’re vulnerable, caring as hell, smart, and a quick learner.”