by T L Swan
“What is his name?”
She walks back over to her desk and picks up her diary. “James Brennan.”
I feel the floor move from beneath me and, as if working on autopilot, I storm toward my office, pulling the door open in a rush.
He stands with his back to me, staring out the window, wearing a dark grey suit and cream shirt. He slowly turns toward me.
“Hello, son.”
I glare at him as shock starts to trickle into my bloodstream.
I feel like it’s the first time I have ever seen his face. We look alike. We fucking look alike. He stands at my height, six feet four inches tall. His hair is greying at the temples and his skin is olive. But it’s the eyes that are the mirrors. I drop my head and swallow the lump in my throat. How can I look like him?
“Get out before I fucking kill you,” I whisper.
He stays still, his eyes hold mine.
‘That’s no way to talk to your father.”
“You are not my father.”
“Ah.” He smiles sarcastically. “We both know that’s not true now, don’t we?”
I step toward him as I feel the adrenaline start to pump through me.
He raises his chin in defiance.
“So help me God,” I whisper. “I will tear you apart, limb by limb.”
He glares at me.
“Get out!”
“No. You will listen to what I have to say.”
“The hell I will.”
“I’m not here for myself. You are too Stanton to ever be my son.”
‘Thank fuck for that.” I growl.
“I’m here for your mother.”
“How dare you? I said get out.”
“You haven’t spoken to her in six months.”
My hostile eyes hold his.
“And you have yourself to thank for that.” I sneer.
“What did you want her to do? Pine her whole life for a husband who took his pleasure in other beds.” I start to hear my heart beat in my ears. “Is that really all she deserved?”
“You were his best friend.”
“And I saw how he treated her.”
“Get out.”
“He never loved her.”
I can’t even look at him and my eyes focus on one spot on the carpet.
“I love her, Joshua. I have always loved her.”
“That’s why you beat her?”
He pauses. “We…” He tries to articulate his thoughts. “It’s true we have a volatile relationship. You don’t know how many times I begged her to leave him – to come out to the world about our love.”
“Liar.”
“She loves me.”
“If she loved you she would have gone with you.”
“Would she?” He raises his eyebrows in question. “You and I both know there is only one reason she stayed.”
I glare at him. “You blackmailed her for my money.”
He shakes his head. “No. She loaned me the money to start up another business. It was a short term loan.”
“Fuck off. You’re lying. What about Wilson? I don’t see you knocking on his door?”
“Wilson is next on my list,” he tells me dryly. “But it’s you that upsets her. Her beloved Joshua Stanton.” He sneers. “She sacrificed a whole lifetime of happiness to live in a loveless marriage… for you. She didn’t know about Wilson until recently.”
“You have approximately ten seconds to get out of here or you will be leaving on a stretcher.”
“You are more like me than you know.” He smirks sarcastically and I frown. “It feels good to be violent doesn’t it?”
Violence has long been my favourite hobby. Dear, God, I feel the pain of truth seep into my bone marrow.
“Some days, you just feel like you will explode if you don’t get the anger out.” He replies.
I drop my head. “No.” I murmur to myself.
“Like the desire to hurt someone will eat you alive if you don’t get it out.”
“Shut up.”
“How many times do you kick someone’s ass in a week, Joshua?”
“Shut up!” I yell.
“Can you imagine being so in love with a woman that you can’t see straight? To have a child with her and for her to deny it to the world? For the child to be bought up by another man?”
My heart starts to race.
“We were in each others arms every damn day, yet she went home to him every night. It killed me.”
I stare at him.
“Do you blame me for losing control with her. Can you imagine if Natasha was married to someone else? If your child was brought up with another man’s name when you knew that she loved you?”
My baby comes to my mind and my eyes mist over. “Get out,” I whisper.
“Yes, we fought, but I loved her. With every ounce of my being, I loved her.”
I can think of anything but my Natasha and our baby. I can’t even imagine what he is telling me. Would I ever hit Natasha if I lost control? No. I could never.
“Talk to your mother, Joshua. She needs you.”
Pain lances my heart. I need her, too.
I don’t know what to say, I have no words. I look at him through blurry eyes. “Goodbye. It’s been nice never knowing you.”
His tortured eyes hold mine. “I wish I could say the same.”
I turn and leave my office on, what I swear will be my last interaction with that man.
I upload the last of the files and blow out a deep breath. It’s three o’clock and I have just wanted to go home since my earlier visit from James, but I haven’t let myself. He’s not getting to me. My door opens and Natasha’s beautiful face comes into view.
“Hello.” She smiles.
I stand immediately and walk over to her. “I thought I was picking you up at four?”
She wraps her arms around my neck and I push her hair behind her shoulders. “I wanted to check you were alright.” Her lips meet mine.
I smile. “I’m fine.”
“Were you shocked?”
“Yes.”
“Did it go ok?”
I shake my head. “No.” I inhale a breath in her hair. “But I didn’t kill him so that’s something.”
She smiles as her tongue gently rims my lips. “Why do I have two extra guards today?”
My hand instinctively drops to her stomach. “Because there are two of you now.”
She raises her eyebrows as she places her hand over mine. “Are you serious?”
“I am.”
“Joshua, I have nine months to go. Are you going to be overbearing the whole time?”
I smile and kiss her gently. “You have seven months and three weeks left, and you have not even began to see overbearing yet, Presh.”
I lead her over to my desk by the hand, drop into my chair and pull her down onto my lap. I inhale her scent deeply and smile. All in the world seems perfect again. We kiss, gently at first and then deeper and I feel my arousal start to rise. Every time, every damn time I think I can’t feel closer to this beautiful woman, something happens to intensify our intimacy, taking it to another level.
I beam.
“What?” She smirks.
“I told you my boys were good swimmers.”
She giggles. “You are such a confident bastard.”
The door opens and Adrian walks in without noticing me. He stops mid-step when he sees me. “N-natasha,” he stammers.
“Hi, baby.” She smiles.
She stands to kiss him and he grabs her in an embrace, squeezing her. He stands back and holds her at arms length and smiles a swoony smile. He squeezes her again. “Oh, you look so beautiful today,” he gushes.
She looks over at me, her face serious. “You told him.”
“Way to go, Murph,” I hiss.
He screws up his face. “But I’m so excited. I promise I won’t tell anyone,” he stammers.
“Did you tell Cameron, too?”
“Maybe.” I wince.
> She smirks. “It’s ok. I told Didge, Mum and Abbie, too. I couldn’t hold it in.”
Adrian sighs with relief and bends to kiss her stomach. “Hello, in there, it’s your favourite uncle. The good looking one.” He hangs off her hips with a huge smile on his face.
I smirk and Natasha rolls her eyes. “This is going to be a long eight months.” She sighs as she puts her hand on his head.
Natasha
I sit in the car as the scenery flashes by, my heart is beating through my chest. I reach over and grab Nicholas’ hand and he squeezes it back in a reassuring gesture. I’m twelve weeks pregnant and about to do something that I know is going to cause Armageddon. Nicholas and I are going to the prison, four hours south of L.A. to visit the young boy who kept me alive when I was held hostage. I have too many questions, too many unanswered things that I need to tie up. I lost twenty-four hours of my life and I can’t let it go no matter how hard I try. I need closure. I need to know what happened to me. Nicholas has been giving me phone therapy sessions from London, and he and I both think that this will give me some sort of closure. He has flown home from London for three days to come with me. Joshua doesn’t know I’m going and I have lied to the guards, telling them we are picking up a stroller from a shop. There is one car in front of us and one behind. I’m more guarded than the fucking Queen these days. Max is driving and I know he is onto something. He keeps looking at me and raising an eyebrow in question. He knows I wouldn’t drive four hours to buy a stroller with Nicholas in tow. I don’t want to do this when I have a baby at home, and I don’t want to go there when I’m noticeably pregnant, either. He could be transferred to another prison or given parole and I will never get my much-needed answers. I need to get this over with now so I can deal with it before the baby comes. Max is driving, so I can’t even discuss with Nicholas what I am going to say. We are sitting here, both pretending that we are on a shopping trip. This Russian spy thing we have going on is only adding to my nerves.
“What is the address?” Max asks for the second time.
Nicholas’ eyes meet mine. I can’t tell him the address until we are nearly there. If he works out where we are going, he will ring Joshua. Shit, this is messed up.
“I have the address in my bag, just head into town and I will find it,” I reply nervously.
“Ok.” His eyes flash at me in the rear view mirror. He calls the car in front of us. “Get off at the next exit.”
“Gotcha,” the voice replies.
I grab the small notepad from my bag and give it to Nicholas who types the address into his Maps app to look it up.
“Actually, Max, while I am here, I want to quickly visit a work colleague.” Nicholas replies casually.
Max’s eyes flicker to me again in the mirror. “Where at?”
“We will go to his work.”
“Where does he work?”
“Turn right up here,” Nicholas instructs.
The car in front of us falls behind so we now have two cars trailing us. My heart really starts to hammer.
“Second left.” Replies Nicholas.
I can see it. The large grass area of the prison and the fences. Fuck, am I really going to do this?
“Natasha, you can come in with me.”
We get to the gates and Max narrows his eyes in thought.
“He works at the prison?”
“Yes, I’m just going to invite him out for lunch with us.”
Max enters slowly and goes into the car park to park the car.
“I-I will come with you,” I stammer as I open the door.
“No, you won’t!” Max snaps. “You will wait here.”
Panic hits me and I start to hotfoot it across the car park to the prison’s front doors.
“Natasha?” Max yells. “Get back here.”
“I’m going in. I need answers, Max.”
His face falls as he puts the puzzle together. “No!” he yells.
The other guards all start to get out of their cars.
I make it to the front doors with Nicholas hot on my heels and turn to look out the window to see Max on the phone. Shit, he’s ringing Joshua.
My heart is thumping so fast.
Nicholas walks to the reception. “We have an appointment to see an inmate.”
My eyes turn to look back outside to see the guards all pacing. They aren’t allowed to touch me and I know they won’t physically drag me from here.
My phone rings and I jump. The name Lambo lights up the screen and I flick it to silent. Nicholas turns and looks at me, shaking his head.
Fuck. I run my hands through my hair.
The phone rings out but then rings again straight away.
A text beeps through.
ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE!
Oh my God. He’s going to kill me.
It rings again and I close my eyes as I answer. “Hello,” I whisper.
“Where the fuck are you?” he shouts.
“I need answers.”
“Where are you?” he screams.
“I’m at the prison. I’m visiting the boy who kept me alive.”
“What?” He yells so loud, I have to hold the phone away from my ear.
“Get in the fucking car and get your ass back here right now. How dare you do this?”
My eyes tear up. It’s been a long time since Joshua has been so angry with me. I forgot how scary he is.
“Don’t you even think about going in,” he growls. “I mean it! So help me God, Natasha.”
I swallow my fear. “I love you.” I hang up and turn my phone off. I will deal with him later.
The large door bolts open and Nicholas turns to me. “You ready?”
We walk down a long corridor and into a room. It reminds me of the room I used to see Jes in when we first met.
Nicholas takes a seat next to me and the young boy is led in. His eyes meet mine and he drops his head in shame before he sits down.
I sit and stare at him as he looks at the floor. Is he fucking kidding? He put me though Hell and doesn’t even have the guts to look me in the eye.
Nicholas’ phone rings and he switches it straight off. Shit, that was Joshua.
I sit still as my time locked in that room is replayed in my head. He doesn’t look up and he doesn’t acknowledge me.
What a fucking coward.
Fury starts to rise and I take a deep breath to calm myself down. Nicholas and I talked about me getting upset could endanger my baby. I need to stay calm and get my answers, then leave.
“Why?” I ask.
He looks down.
“I asked you a fucking question. Answer it.”
“Why do you think?”
I glare at him. He’s different to what he was in the house. Prison hasn’t been kind to him. He’s harder, colder.
“She offered me money, more than I could refuse.”
“How long was it planned?”
He shrugs.
“Think!” I snap.
“Couple of months.”
“Who drugged me?”
He sits back and rolls his eyes. “If you came here for an apology, I’m sorry.”He sneers.
I sit forward as fury rips through me. “I didn’t come to you for an apology, you conceited little prick. I came to find out how you got me off the boat.”
His eyes hold mine.
“And the sooner you tell me the sooner I will leave. Who drugged me?”
“A waitress.”
“Who was the waitress?”
“One of Amelie’s friends. You nearly didn’t drink it.”
I frown as a cold shiver runs down my spine. There were people watching and waiting for me to drink fucking poison at that wedding.
I swallow my anger. “When I got back to the boat… what happened?”
He doesn’t answer me.
“Answer the question.” Nicholas growls.
“There were two scuba divers already under the boat when you arrived.”
I frown.
“Carl and another man.”
“Go on.”
“As soon as the boat you arrived on drove off, they climbed aboard.”
“Straight away?”
“They needed the sound of the engine to drown out them climbing into the boat.”
Oh God. I put my head into my hands as fear runs through me.
“They were only on there for ten minutes when you were unconscious.”
I stare at him through tears.
“He was only supposed to nick your vein, but the knife was too sharp.
A tear falls onto my cheek as I run my thumb over my deep scar. I can almost feel it cutting me again.
“There was too much blood. They had bandages to wrap it before they put you in the water.”
I frown as I imagine men in scuba diving gear smearing my blood all over the deck and wrapping my arm in a bandage.
“You were off the boat within fifteen minutes of them climbing on it.”
I frown. “I thought this happened in the still of the night?” God, the guards would have all been chatting only two hundred metres away.
He shakes his head. “It had to be done straight away or they would have been heard.”
“They swam you back to shore and gave you oxygen from their tanks.”
A wave of emotion starts to flood my senses as if memories are coming back to me.
“That’s where I came into it.”
I raise an eyebrow in question.
“I was in the back of a horse float by the water in the forest. They loaded you into the back of it and I looked after you while they drove us to the house.”
“You stitched me in the back of a horse float?” I ask. Oh my God, I can’t believe this shit.
“Yes. I couldn’t stop the bleeding. I had to.”
Nicholas grabs my hand for support.
“When we got to the house, I gave you a transfusion of my blood.”
He saved my life. I stare at him for an extended time. “Thank you,” I whisper through tears.
For the first time he looks remorseful.
I sit for a moment, not sure what to ask next. There are more things I should know but I just don’t want to be here anymore. It was the getting me off the boat information that I so desperately needed. I don’t want to hear any more of this vile horror. I look at him one last time and I stand.
“I’m ready to go. Goodbye.”
