by T L Swan
“Goodbye, Natasha.”
I walk out into the hall as if The Devil has been set free from my soul. I can finally breathe.
Chapter 9
It’s just gone dark when the car pulls into the underground parking lot of our apartment. There has been complete radio silence. Joshua hasn’t called, so he obviously knows I’ve left the prison and am on my way home. As we drive around, I see him standing on the curb near the entrance to the elevator. There are two guards standing back and Ben is leaning up against Joshua’s car. They’re all waiting for me. How long has he been standing there? His hands are in his suit trouser pockets, and the look on his face is murderous. I feel my fear rise and perspiration starts to burn my armpits. I haven’t seen him this angry since he found Jesten in my apartment that night.
“Fucking hell,” Max mutters under his breath. “This is going to be good.”
I blow out a breath and Nicholas grabs my hand reassuringly. Nicholas flies back to London tomorrow.
“Thank you for coming with me,” I whisper. “I really appreciate you coming all this way to support me.”
He smiles. “It had to be done. I’m glad you are feeling better.”
Max parks the car and I get out slowly. Joshua stands still on the spot. Something he never does. He always walks to me and then walks me back. He’s severely pissed. I walk toward him and his eyes don’t leave my face.
“H-hello,” I stammer.
He doesn’t say anything.
Nicholas is the first to speak. “Joshua.”
Joshua holds up his hand and cuts him off. “Don’t fucking speak. Get in your car and fuck off before I knock you out.”
My eyes widen. Holy crap, I’m dead meat.
Nicholas takes his cue and bends to kiss me. “Call me,” he whispers awkwardly before taking off across the car park toward his car. Joshua turns and walks to the lift, pressing the button.
“Don’t be rude to Nicholas,” I stammer nervously as I follow him.
His head snaps around, but he holds his tongue and, after a deathly silence, he speaks. “I will do whatever the hell I fucking like.”
We get into the lift with Max and Ben and stand silently. This is so awkward with them around. I think I want to run to Bridget’s. Joshua’s scaring even me. My eyes watch the dial as the floors shoot past. Shit, I don’t want to get out of the lift. The door finally opens and Joshua holds his hand out. My eyes fall to Max and he nods. That’s his I will be out here if you need me nod. I smile in thanks. Joshua opens the door and I walk in, The door closes and he throws the keys so hard at the wall that they put a hole in the plasterboard. I jump in fright and start to shake my head nervously. “Joshua, please understand…”
“Understand what?” he yells.
“I needed answers,” I cry.
His eyes narrow. “I need a few fucking answers myself.” He sneers.
I cringe at the venom in his voice. Oh God, I’ve never seen him like this.
“At what point, Natasha, did you think that going to a prison to see someone who tried to murder you…” His voice is cold and calm and I swallow my fear. “Was a good fucking idea?” he screams.
My tears fall.
He holds up a finger in my face. “Don’t you dare! Don’t you fucking dare start your water works bullshit.”
I stand still, unsure what to say. My bottom lip is trembling. “Joshua, calm down,” I whisper.
“Calm down?” he yells. “Calm down? I am married to a self-centred liar who put my baby’s life at risk today.”
My face falls. “This is the first time I have ever lied to you.”
“I am way, way, beyond fucking calming down.”
“The baby’s life wasn’t at risk,” I try to tell him.
“Wasn’t it?” he shouts.
“I knew what I was doing.”
“Just like the night on the boat when you told Ben to go.” He shakes his head as he gathers his thoughts. “You knew what you were doing that night too, didn’t you? You didn’t need protection that night, either, did you, Natasha?”
My eyes close. He had to bring that up, didn’t he?
My tears fall and I shake my head. “No. I knew you wouldn’t let me go.”
“Because I’m trying to protect you!” he screams so loud that I jump back.
“You’re scaring me,” I whisper.
“You should be fucking scared.”
My face falls. “Stop it,” I breathe.
He stares at me for an extended time and then closes his eyes.
“I’m scaring myself,” he replies coldly. He comes really close to my face. “You lied to me today. You betrayed me today.” He growls.
I shake my head as my tears fall. “No, Joshua, I would never do that.”
He turns away from me and punches the wall and it crumbles under his fist.
“Stop it,” I cry.
He turns and his wild eyes hold mine as he struggles for control.
“Please understand,” I whisper.
“Understand this. I can’t be around you right now.” He picks up his keys.
“Where are you going?” I whimper.
“Away from you.”
“No. Joshua, don’t go,” I cry. “Where are you going?”
He turns and walks out of the apartment and slams the door. My face scrunches up, tears falling. Oh God. Now I’ve done it.
I fall onto my bed and wail.
“It’s 2:00 a.m. and Bridget and I are on my lounge watching the clock. Joshua hasn’t come home and I don’t know where he is.
“Where the hell is he?” Bridget frowns. “I’ve had enough of his shit.”
“He was so mad, Didge; I’ve never seen him so mad.”
She rolls her eyes. “What were you thinking? Why didn’t you just tell him?”
I shrug sadly. “I don’t know. I knew he would be mad but I didn’t expect this mad.”
“How mad, like on a scale from one to ten?” she asks as she lays back.
“One hundred.”
“Hmm.”
“Where do you reckon he is?” I ask.
“Getting drunk somewhere.”
“Ring Cameron again.” I throw my phone at her.
She picks it up and dials his number, putting it on speaker. Cameron and Adrian have been out looking for him since about ten.
He picks up. “Hey.” The music is loud and thumping through the phone. “I just found him.”
I put my hand on my heart in relief. “Is he ok?” I ask shakily.
“He’s at a strip club.”
“What?” I gasp. Holy fuck, he’s a dead man.
Bridget’s eyes bulge, and she puts her hand over her mouth as she smirks.
“Are you kidding me?” I yell at Cameron through the phone.
“Shut up!” he snaps. “So, you can secretly go visit killers in prison and he can’t go to a fucking strip club? Pull your head in.”
“He’s having a fucking baby!” I yell in an outrage.
“Last time I looked, so were you,” he hits back. God, his loyalty to his brother is so fucking annoying. “I will text you the address, come and get him.” He hangs up.
I hang up the phone with such force I nearly crack the glass screen.
“How fucking dare he?” I growl.
Bridget bites her bottom lip to stifle a smile.
I stand and storm into my bedroom and yank on my clothes. “Hurry up,” I yell.
“I’m in my pyjamas,” she calls.
“Get dressed then,” I tell her.
I pull on my cardigan. “So help me God, if he’s so much looked at one fucking stripper, I am going to kill him with my bare hands.”
“Great,” Bridget replies, deadpan. “Sounds fun.”
“This isn’t funny, Bridget.”
“Who’s laughing?” she replies dryly.
Half an hour later we walk into a small strip club with five guards following us. Max hasn’t commented and I know they are loving the ret
urn of the vamped up Jerry Springer. My eyes scan the room. A small stage sits in the middle of a ‘U’ shaped room and a girl is dancing around a pole, writhing around on the floor wearing a g-banger. The waitresses are all topless and the way I’m feeling, all mumsy at the moment with even a cockroach in lingerie seeming sexier than me, I feel my jealousy rise.
“I swear to God, if I see so much as a neck crack he’s going to die a slow, painful and bloody death.”
“What are you going to do when we find him?”
“I don’t know,” I answer as my eyes drift around. “I’m a donkey on the edge. Anything is possible.”
“Yeah, I’m kind of picking up on that.” She frowns.
Our eyes continue to scan, and then over in the corner I catch sight of Cameron talking to a waitress. In front of him, Joshua sits at the end of the bench seat drinking a beer, and Adrian is farther down from him.
Joshua’s eyes are fixed on the show but I know he’s not watching. He’s staring into space, miles away.
I walk over to the table and drop down into the seat next to him. His eyes drift to me, then back ahead in front of him.
“Go home, Natasha.” He sighs.
“No.”
He continues to ignore me.
I put my hand on his forearm and he shrugs it off. “Don’t touch me.”
“I needed to know what happened to me, Joshua, and I knew you wouldn’t let me go.”
His cold eyes hold mine and he tips his head back and drinks his beer.
“Baby, I needed to do this for me.”
“What about what I need?”
I grab his hand on the table. “What do you need?”
“You know damn well what I need.” He spits angrily.
“Joshua,” I whisper.
“I need to know you are safe. This isn’t just about you anymore, Natasha. I’m sick of your selfish fucking attitude.”
I pick up his hand and kiss the back of it. His eyes stay down and guilt fills me. I hurt him today. I grab his hand and cup it around my cheek as I tear up.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“Doesn’t feel like it.”
I hold my head to the side. “I do. You know I do. Please let’s go home and talk about it.”
“No.”
“Why did you walk out on our argument today? You should have stayed and talked it through with me.”
His eyes hold mine. “You don’t want to know.”
What’s that supposed to mean? “Yes I do.”
“I was so angry that I didn’t trust myself to be near you.”
I frown. “Why?”
He puts his head back and drinks his beer as he thinks. “Maybe I’m more like James Brennan than we all realise.”
My heart drops. “Joshua.” I sigh. “You would never hurt me and I know that for a fact. You would never lose control.”
His haunted eyes hold mine.
“You proved that to yourself by leaving. Don’t beat yourself up because you were furious with me. You had a very good reason to be angry.”
He takes another swig of his beer.
“Joshua, I was off the boat in ten minutes, the guards were still awake. There was no way you could remember a thing, nobody expected something to happen when everyone was around.”
He frowns. “He told you that?”
I nod and his face falls. He needs to know he couldn’t have stopped it.
The girl on stage starts to moan into the microphone as she gives it to herself with a vibrator, and I hear Bridget and Adrian laugh in horror. I put my hands over the front of my stomach. “Close your ears, baby Stanton, Daddy has us hanging out in a pussy parlour listening to fake orgasms.”
Amusement flickers across Joshua’s face.
“Why would you do that?” he whispers.
I shrug. “I don’t know. It seemed like a good plan at the time.”
“He could have upset you. Anything could have happened.”
I kiss his hand. “I won’t do anything like that ever again, I promise.”
A topless blonde with huge boobs walks over and bends over Joshua to take his empty beer bottle on the table. She gives him a dirty smile and he raises a brow at me.
I look at her, my face straight. “Buzz off, Blondie, before I stick this bar stool up your ass,” I warn her.
She pulls a face and moves along.
A trace of a smile crosses his lips. “Stick a bar stool up her ass?” he repeats.
I smirk. “It would probably fit.”
He smiles into his glass and I know I’ve got him.
“Are you taking me home, baby daddy?”
He shakes his head in defeat. “Stop fucking with my head, Natasha.”
I lean in and kiss him gently. “That’s my job.” I rub my hand over his short dark hair.
He frowns, his lips against my lips.
“Wives fuck up their husband’s nights at strip clubs all the time,” I whisper. “It’s a common occurrence, Mr. Stanton. Get used to it. I will do it again.”
He smiles and shakes his head to himself. “Once a show stopper, always a show stopper.”
“Baby, your show starts when we get home. I’m going to make it up to you.” I kiss his shoulder.
He grabs my hand as he stands. “Pregnant woman aren’t supposed to be horny all the time.”
I smirk. “Most pregnant women don’t have a Lamborghini parked in the garage.”
Five Months later.
I stand with my hands on my hips as I look around baby Stanton’s nursery. I’m feeling very proud of myself. We are at Willowvale and I am just putting the last of the new furnishings in. The renovations are complete and there is now a doorway between the four adjoining bedrooms so that we can be closer to the incoming crowd.
The nursery is cream with white furnishings, cream carpet and touches of mint, finished off with taupe and mint drapes. A pair of large, cream, wing back chairs and ottomans, all in the same fabric as the drapes, sit in the corner next to the window. The room is big and spacious. Adrian and I designed it and, of course, and it looks better than anything I have ever seen in a magazine. This nursery is to die for. I’m not even going to tell you how much I have spent on this house. Baby brain is making me lose all budget sense. Either that or I am getting accustomed to having nice things. Either way, I’m totally spoilt.
The bathrooms have all been remodelled and a large entertaining pool has been put in. We will be moving back here as soon as the baby is born in approximately four weeks, so we wanted all the work done before we came here permanently. We have been coming here on Thursdays and staying most weekends throughout my pregnancy. It feels like my home now and I hate leaving on Monday mornings. I can’t believe it. In four weeks I’m going to have a baby, and I don’t even know what to do.
The dog barks and I look out the window to see my man come up from the stables from his morning ride. I smile to myself. Those jodhpurs will be the very death of me. I have truly been adored by Joshua throughout this pregnancy. Actually, no. I have been worshiped throughout this pregnancy. Joshua cannot get enough of me and we are so physically in tune with each other, it’s frightening. I’m heavily pregnant – huge – and at a time when I imagined feeling fat and frumpy, Joshua is making me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet. How did I ever get so lucky to have a man like him love me with everything that he is?
He walks to the door and peers in. He’s wet, covered in perspiration in his riding gear, and he looks edible.
“Hello, my beautiful Presh.”
I smile. “Do you like it?” I hold my hand out at the bedspread I have just put in the cot.
He smiles warmly. “I do.”
“How was your ride?”
He takes me in his arms and kisses me tenderly. “My first ride was ok.”
“Just ok?” I whisper as his lips drop to my neck.
“My second ride will be much better.” His hands roam lovingly across my stomach.
“Are y
ou insinuating I’m a horse?” I ask in mock horror.
“No, I’m insinuating I need you naked in my bed.”
“You’re a sex maniac. You do know that, right?”
He smiles and bends to kiss my stomach. “How could I not be when you look like this?”
He smiles up at me as he kisses me while on his knees, and I rub my hand over the back of his head.
“How do I look?”
“You’re curvy and round and constantly fucking wet for me. I could come just by looking at you at the moment. Never have I been so visually aroused in my life as I am now.”
His lips take my nipple in his mouth through my flannelette pyjamas.
“I’m only going to be pregnant for four more weeks, Joshua.” I smile as my eyes close in pleasure.
“I might keep you permanently pregnant.”
I giggle and he stands to lead me into our bedroom where he lays me down on the bed and props me up on pillows before he takes my pyjamas off me. He spreads my legs open.
He takes my hand and kisses it and then puts my two fingers in his mouth and sucks on them as he takes my hand and puts it between my legs. “Warm yourself up for me while I shower.”
His eyes darken as he pushes my two fingers into my body and back out slowly. My eyes close. God, he’s so fucking hot.
“Deeper,” he whispers. “I want to see it faster.”
I start to pick up the pace and I feel myself moisten as I slide in easily.
“Oh, fuck, yeah.” He groans.
My eyes drop to the large erection I can see through those jodhpurs and he rearranges himself.
“Shower,” I murmur.
He frowns as his eyes stay fixed on my disappearing fingers.
“Does that feel good?” he whispers.
“Not as good as your cock’s going to feel. Hurry up.”
He hisses in approval and jumps from the bed and I hear the shower turn on. One minute later I hear it turn off and I smile. He walks back into the room as he dries himself, then drops to his knees at the side of the bed.
“I need me some clarity, baby.”
Hmm, my eyes close as his mouth takes me with slow gentle adoring licks. He can’t get enough of the taste of me, of the feel of me and I can’t get close enough to him. I need him wrapped around me, inside of me.
“I need you,” I whisper.
