by T L Swan
Joshua goes to the door and calls the doctor back in.
I close my eyes and ride through the next contraction in silence. Dr. Walton checks me again.
“Natasha, on the next contraction, I want you to push.”
I nod, close my eyes and wait until the contraction comes.
“Now, Natasha, push now.”
Joshua
I am at Natasha’s side holding her hand. She closes her eyes and she pushes. She pushes with everything that she has and, as if by some miracle, our baby’s head appears. Oh dear God. I stay next to my love and don’t have time to think. The next contraction comes almost immediately and she pushes again.
“That’s is, baby,” I whisper appreciatively. For fifteen minutes she continues to push.
“You are going great, Presh,” I chant. “Keep going, baby.”
I feel like I am having an out of body experience. I’m in my own private world watching this from above and I’m terrified.
The contraction comes. She pushes again and finally, I see the baby slide into the doctor’s hands.
I grab Natasha into an embrace and she cries in relief. “You did it, Presh. You did it.”
“Joshua, come and cut the cord,” Dr, Walton instructs.
My heart hammers in my chest and I hold the scissors with shaky hands to cut the umbilical cord. I grab Tash in an embrace again, I can’t believe this is happening.
Tash half laughs and half cries and we both look toward the baby and hear a loud scream.
I smile, as I am overcome with emotion
“It’s a little girl.” Dr. Walton smiles warmly.
“A girl?” I whisper in wonder. We didn’t want to know the sex before the birth.
The nurse wraps her in a blanket and immediately weighs her. “Six pounds, which is a good size for an early baby.” She smiles.
I stand completely entranced as I watch the tiny girl in the nurse’s arms. She wraps her in a pink blanket and hands her to me.
My heart stops.
This baby, this tiny piece of Natasha and me… I have no words as the overwhelming feeling of love infiltrates every cell in my body. My eyes fall to my girl in bed. Natasha is dishevelled and wet with perspiration but she has never looked more beautiful.
I carefully lay the precious little bundle onto her mother’s chest.
I grab Natasha and hold her tight. “I love you,” I whisper into her hair. “I love you, I love you,” I repeat as I squeeze her.
“I love you too, baby,” she whispers through tears. She gently kisses her daughter’s forehead and rearranges her gently so that we can look at her. She’s tiny, with blue eyes and a scattering of fair hair.
Is this real?
Is this our baby?
As if in the twilight zone, this perfect little pink person stares up at me.
“Joshua,” Natasha whispers through tears.
I shake my head in disbelief, unable to speak.
The doctor checks Natasha. “I need to do a little repair work here, Natasha.”
I stand concerned. “What’s wrong?” I frown.
“She needs some stitches.”
My face falls. “Oh.”
“That’s ok,” she whispers as she grabs my hand to reassure me.
“Take your daughter, Joshua,” the doctor instructs.
My face falls and I fumble. I don’t know how to hold this tiny thing without hurting her, but I lift her into my arms and sit in the chair next to the bed and stare at the little girl in my arms.
She’s tiny, so tiny and so perfect. My eyes float up to Natasha. “Are you ok, Presh?” I ask. God, I hate that she has had to go through so much today.
The doctor gives her an injection and she smiles sleepily as she nods. “I’m ok, Josh.”
My eyes fall back to the little person in my arms and I frown, unwrapping a little of her blanket to look at her, and as if by some miracle, she reaches out and wraps her tiny hand around my pointer finger. I feel my heart somersault in my chest as every emotion overwhelms me. My eyes fill with tears and I lift her precious little hand to my mouth and kiss the back of it.
This is love in its highest form.
Tears start to run down my face
“Happy Birthday,” I whisper.
I feel my heart swell with so much love, I could burst.
We did it. We did it. We made a baby.
My eyes rise back to the beautiful, brave woman who did this – the woman who brought me this happiness today. We have come so far and fought so hard and… words escape me. Never in a million years would I have thought, all those years ago when I was filling her void with other women, that this precise moment was in my future… that this higher level of being could ever be achieved.
I watch Natasha intently as our relationship hits another stratosphere.
I fucking love this woman with every ounce of my being.
“What’s her name?” The doctor asks.
My eyes drop to the precious bundle in my arms. “Jordana May Stanton,” I whisper.
“What a beautiful name.” The doctor smiles.
“It is,” I reply, totally distracted by the tiny little person in my hands.
The doctor finishes twenty minutes later, and I hand our baby back to Natasha. The nurse arranges her to try and feed. I stand still and hold my breath as I watch. She latches on and starts to suck and I feel the floor fall from underneath me. This is one of the most basic human needs, and yet it may just be the most intimate and beautiful thing I have ever seen. I watch the woman I love turn into a mother. My eyes well up again and I wipe my tears with the back of my hands.
Natasha smiles up at me with love in her eyes. “Josh.” She smiles. “Look what we made?”
“I love you so much,” I whisper as I sit on the bed and watch her feed our child. For half an hour, we stay silent and still as we watch our baby. I am in awe. There is nothing on Earth that could ever compare to this feeling. Natasha hands her back to me and I sit and stare at her in my arms. I know I should go outside and tell everyone the news, but I don’t want to break this moment. This is time that I can never get back and they are all going to have to wait.
“Can I take a shower?” Natasha asks. “I feel like I have just fought ten rounds with Mike Tyson,” she murmurs.
“Of course,” the nurse replies. “I will–”
I cut the nurse off. “I will take care of Natasha.”
I lay Jordana in her little wheel around crib and help Tash out of bed, and then I push the crib as I help Tash. It seems weird having two people to look after now.
“You can leave the baby here. I will watch her.” The nurse smiles.
“I can take care of them both,” I reply. Now more than ever, my protective instincts have kicked in. I’m not leaving either of them alone for even a minute.
I park Jordana into the corner of the bathroom and lead Tash into the shower, helping her wash the blood from her body gently.
She’s so swollen and she has lots of stitches. “Oh, baby,” I whisper, this is horrific. “Are you ok?”
She nods and holds me tight.
To be honest I’m feeling a little fragile myself, that whole birthing thing is other worldly.
She kisses me, and it’s as though our relationship just hit a whole higher level of intimacy.
“I have never loved you more than I do today,” I whisper.
We stand alone in the shower in each other’s arms, selflessly blocking out the rest of the world as we kiss and celebrate the making of a perfect little girl.
Jordana May Stanton.
Four Years Later
Natasha
“Jordy why are you in different clothes?” I ask as she flits around the kitchen in a little pink ballerina costume.
“I got dirty,” Little Miss replies.
I shake my head at Joshua and he smirks. This is her fourth outfit today. Jordana, A.K.A, Jordy, Jay or Jay bird, is… hmm, what’s the word for it? Strong willed, just like her f
ather.
She gives the word defiant a whole new meaning. She’s super intelligent and super bossy.
We live at Willowvale now with Jordy and our other two children. Estella, who we call Ellie, is two and a half, and Blake, our son, is one. We are outnumbered. There are more little people in this house than adults and we don’t stand a chance of getting out of here alive.
The beautiful mansion that I once thought was a museum is now strewn with toys, highchairs and nappy wipes. Joshua’s office has Lego on the floor and tiny little handprints are all over the windows. Ellie waddles after Joshua and holds her hands up. He picks her up without thinking. Ellie is the only placid child we have, and Joshua says she’s the only drama free person in the house. Being attracted and married to a dominant male is hot… but bringing up his two dominant children is just damn hard work. Ellie points to the walk in pantry and Joshua walks over and opens it for her. I watch them together. In fact, I watch him with all of our children. This huge, muscular man is a pussycat at the mere mention of the word daddy.
“A banana?” he asks as he holds one up.
She shakes her head. She has sandy hair that curls on the ends, and large blue eyes. She is fairer than the other two
“Yogie,” her little voice tells him.
“Yoghurt?” he questions.
She smiles broadly and nods as he takes it from the fridge. He fills her a bowl and sits her in her high chair, placing everything out for her to devour.
He watches her lovingly for a moment as she spoons it into her mouth. This one has him wrapped around her little finger.
Jordy and Blake look like Joshua with darker hair and darker skin and blue eyes. They are like him in personality, too – strong willed and unmanageable. Joshua is getting payback, and I love every moment of watching him try to control them. It’s a battle of the wills, constantly.
The dog barks and we hear the crunch of tyres. Jordy’s eyes widen in excitement and she runs to the front of the house to peek out the window.
“Mercy is here!” she yells excitedly.
Mercy… also known as Murphy, as in Adrian Murphy.
Jordy heard the boys calling him Murphy once and couldn’t say it, so she started calling him Mercy and it stuck. Now the other kids just think that’s his name.
The door opens and Jordy squeals in delight and he picks her up, laughs and spins her around. Cameron is behind him and he growls like a monster, chasing them up the hall as Adrian runs with her in his arm.
“He’s scary.” Adrian laughs. “Hide me, Jordy. Hide me.”
She laughs out loud as Cameron pretends to chase them. Jarvis follows them in, carrying a couple of suit bags. They burst into the large kitchen area. We have extended and now have another living room off the kitchen, seeing how we seem to be here all the time with the kids. Cameron swoops Blake off the floor and kisses Ellie gently on the head as she continues eating her yoghurt. The boys all dote on the children. They come to visit them weekly, not us, I’m sure of it.
Bridget is living in Australia and so is Abbie. Bridget is coming for a visit next week with Mum, not that I’m counting the days or anything. Mum lives between here and Australia. She has met a nice man from the village here who she calls her friend. Cameron is back at University to be a surgeon and Adrian is running the company for Joshua and living in L.A.
Joshua works from home for four days and in the office in L.A. on the other day. I have opened a small psychology practice in town here but I only open two days a week. Birgetta helps Joshua with the kids on those days.
Ben has returned to South Africa after he went and worked with my brother, Brock, for a while. Oh, and get this: Jesten works with my brother. There are five ex Special Forces men working together in his security company named Marx. Pretty cool, hey?
“Did you remember the dresses?” I ask Adrian.
He rolls his eyes. “Yes, that’s the reason we came, isn’t it?”
He puts Jordy down and she runs upstairs while Jarvis retrieves the suit bags for Adrian. I smile broadly and kiss Jarvis on the cheek as I take them from him. He has become so dear to all of us and I am beyond grateful that Joshua brought him into our lives.
Joshua stands behind me, slips his arms around my waist and kisses my temple. I smile against his lips. How did I ever get so lucky? Cameron spins Blake around and he laughs out loud.
“You are growing up, little man.” He smiles broadly.
Blake puts his hands on Cameron’s face and squeals with laughter and then he spots Joshua and all is forgotten in the world. He holds his arms out to him and scrunches his little hands open and closed. Joshua takes him from Cam and kisses the top of his head.
“Dad, Dad, Dad.” He smiles.
Adrian opens the suit bags on the kitchen table.
“So, we have this one.” He pulls out a black dress and Cameron and Joshua roll their eyes at each other. Jarvis smiles and flops onto the lounge.
“This is important!” I snap.
We have opened a charity: The Stanton Mental Health Institute, and we have our first annual ball next week. I’m speaking and I’m as nervous as hell. I have to look amazing. Nicholas is on the committee and we are following his lead from his work in Australia.
He pulls out a black gown.
“Oh, wow.” I smile, and I hold it up to me. “This is gorgeous.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Adrian smiles. “But I think I like the pink one better.”
He starts to unzip the bag but we are interrupted by Jordy.
“I’m going riding,” she announces. She is wearing her full riding kit, jodhpurs, boots, a little hard hat with her two dark plaits hanging down.
Everybody smirks. What next?
“No, you are not. We already went riding this morning,” Joshua tells her.
“Yes, I know. I’m going again. I need to practice to get better, Dad.”
I smirk, like Joshua, Jordy is mad for horses.
“No, you are not. You can go again later,” Joshua replies.
“I am. Max will take me.” She heads out the back door.
“Jordana,” Joshua calls after her. “Come back here now.”
“No!” she yells as she marches down toward the stables.
“This fucking kid,” Joshua mumbles under his breath, and we all laugh. He takes off after her and we hear them have a full stand up argument on the path.
I smirk and turn the jug on. “You want some tea, boys?” I watch Joshua and Jordy fight on the pathway. His plan for six children could be the very death of him, and he would die if he knew I suspected that I’m pregnant again.
“Yes, please.”
“Jordy still whipping his ass around Willowvale?” Cameron smirks.
I smile. “Trying to.”
Jordana comes marching through the door in tantrum, tears everywhere, followed by Joshua.
“You can go up to your room, thank you,” Joshua says sternly.
She folds her arms in a huff. “I am going to my room,” she cries. “And I’m slamming my door.”
Joshua’s eyes narrow. “Don’t you dare.”
“I am!” she yells as she storms past us.
Cameron and Adrian smile into their tea. It really is fun watching Joshua having stand up arguments with a sweet looking four-year-old girl. Most grown men don’t cross him.
“I can’t fucking wait until she’s sixteen, man. It is going to be on like Donkey Kong.” Cameron smiles.
Joshua fakes a shiver.
We all laugh. Let the games begin.
Natasha
My eyes flick over to Joshua who stands at the bar with his father, mum, Bridget, Cameron and Stephanie. Stephanie is Joshua’s father’s new girlfriend. She’s beautiful and only four years older than Scott.
Margaret is here to support us, although the invitation didn’t extend to her fiancé, James Brennan. I’m happy that she’s happy, but I will never get over the lies she told. They went on for far too long. I tolerate her for the sake o
f my children, but who knows what the future will bring? I don’t want them to see me have contempt for my mother-in-law. It’s a daily struggle, one that I would walk away from if I didn’t know how hard we fought to keep the family together. My eyes look around at the opulent ballroom in amazement. This is something out of this world. I am so proud of all that we have accomplished.
We are at the first Stanton Mental Health Institute charity ball and I am flitting around the room with my committee. Nicholas and I have joined forces and we make a mean team.
The voice echoes from the stage. “Can I please welcome to the stage, Natasha Stanton.”
The crowd clap and I make my way through the throes of people, walking nervously up to the stage.
I take my place behind the microphone and I feel my heart swell with pride. This is what I was meant to be doing. This is my calling. I have never felt so strongly about anything as I do about being an advocate for mental health.
I am wearing a heavy lace fitted black dress and my hair is out and full. Adrian has done well with this little number. I feel confident and comfortable.
I smile nervously and give a little wave to the crowd
Everyone laughs softly, and my eyes search the crowd for my man.
“Hello. I would, once again, like to thank you all for coming tonight.”
This is my second speech of the night. The first one I gave had people in tears.
“The Stanton Mental Health Institute has one goal and one goal only. To advocate, care for and create funding for research on mental health. With your help, we can break down the stigmatism and create hope and quality care.”
I open the envelope and smile broadly as I read the next line. Oh my God, is this the true figure?
I look up and find Joshua in the crowd and I feel myself tear up.
“It is my great pleasure to announce that, thanks to your generosity, we have raised eleven point two million dollars tonight.”
The crowd all cheer and I drop my chin to my chest to hide my emotion. The committee and everyone involved have worked so damn hard on this project. Cameron, his father and Joshua have called on every contact they know to make this a success. We are all so proud of this charity.
I can’t do anything but stand and applaud along with the audience for an extended time.
