Chapter 15
Jax
If I didn’t let go of Ella soon I was going to embarrass myself. My hardened member was pounding against the zipper of my jeans, begging to be released. Well, he was just going to have to calm the fuck down, because until I was home in the privacy of my own bedroom, or bathroom, maybe I’d relent and give in to his demands in the truck, but until then, he was going to remain safely behind the layer of denim. I was trying hard to keep the lower half of me away from Ella. All she needed while I was helping her prevent a panic attack was my dick shoved in her back. I had learnt a long time ago that this particular part of my anatomy functioned quite well without the use of a brain, and right now it was only emphasizing that fact. Ella thankfully moved away, slipping off the gloves that were way too big and quickly shucking her thermal and shirt back on. Her scars bothered me. They weren’t ugly, they didn’t diminish the fact she was beautiful, but they represented a pain she should never have had to endure. I wanted to kiss every one and make it all better for her.
“Who’s Sarah?” The name startled me. I blinked, once, twice, my brain wrapping itself around her question. How did she know that name? “There’s a small plaque in one of the bathrooms.” Of course, dumb shit. I’d arranged the damn thing.
“She was a girl who came to Mercy’s for help.” Just the mention of her name caused me to sweat, my body to tense. No matter how long I talked to Dave about this, it was obviously something I could never move past. My eyes avoided Ella’s. She saw too much when she looked into them.
“Why is the plaque in the bathroom?”
“That is where she died, she committed suicide. It’s small, out of the way. Most people don’t notice it.” Ella nodded.
“I cleaned in there today. If I hadn’t I wouldn’t have seen it. It’s personal, she meant something to you.” I knew what she was thinking.
“Not in the way that you think. Yes, I cared about her, professionally and I let her down. I didn’t see her pain for what it truly was, I wasn’t able to save her.”
“That’s what your tattoo represents isn’t it. At first Ithought it referred to the war and you being a soldier, but it’s not about that at all. It’s about Sarah.‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death, or sorrow, or crying, or pain,’ it’s for Sarah right?” My nod was restrained.
“Am I a project for you Jax? Are you trying to find repentance in me? Because you won’t find it here, you won’t find it anywhere Jax because you don’t need forgiveness, you did nothing wrong.” I shook my head slowly.
“First of all you are not a project for me. I want to protect you because I like you, in the famous words of my best friend Charlie, I like like you. I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy and some primitive part of me wants to be the one that brings you that. Fuck knows if I want forgiveness for Sarah, my mind is all kinds of fucked up over that and a whole truck load of other shit. Dave has done his best to help me work through it but maybe it’s something only I can work through, on my own.”
She stood before me, her eyes searching mine, her brow furrowed looking perfectly beautiful and angelic. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “I care about you, probably too much and in a completely unprofessional way. I want you so bad and it’s unfair to you. I’ve been unprofessional with you angel. I want you to be safe, I want you to have a future, here, in Claymont and I want to be a part of it. I’m a selfish son-of-bitch for wanting that but I can’t seem to fucking help it.” She just kept on staring at me, shocked to her core no doubt, perhaps even repulsed and more than a little freaked out.
“You want me?” She said a little dumbstruck.
“Yes angel, I want you. You’re beautiful, sexy, smart, funny and strong. I’ve never wanted anyone quite the way I want you.” Yep, she was stunned into silence. We stood and stared at each other for what felt like fucking hours. Finally she looked down at her arms.
“This doesn’t repulse you, the things I’ve done, that doesn’t bother you?” She asked, bewildered. What the fuck? She thought I was repulsed by her scars? Her past? I stepped forward, but stopped short of touching her.
“There isn’t a damn thing about you that repulses me. I adore every inch of you, scars, nightmares, demons and all.” She shook her head, and slowly a smile crept into her features.
“I would prefer you lived in a nice big warm cozy house, but not because I pity you or am embarrassed by your living arrangements. I want you to have things, nice things. I want you to be warm and safe.” She sighed and shook her head in what appeared like disbelief, like it was so implausible that someone might care about her or think of her as beautiful and sexy.
“Well then, you might be happy to know that I am moving in with Annie and Eli on Sunday.” It was now my turn to stare. I knew my smile had dropped, and Ella looked suddenly nervous and worried.
“That’s a good thing Angel. If I seem disappointed it’s only because I’ve kind of gotten used to you being here, near me.” She still looked nervous.
“Don’t worry, I’ll be dropping by regularly to check on the three of you and I hope you want to drop in here to check on me occasionally. You know, make sure I’m eating my Wheaties and all.” Ella laughed.
“You eat Wheaties?” I laughed and shook my head.
“Never.”
“Maybe I’ll drop by and make sure you’re not threatening the health of the girls here by attempting to cook.”
“Very little chance of that, Mary would slice my fingers off if I tried to mess with her kitchen. Since I have this incapacity to cook and I tend to eat out a lot, maybe I will ask you to join me sometime, for dinner?” Fuck, did my brain and mouth even work together? Ella looked a little taken a back, but finally she composed herself as she walked towards the staircase.
“As in a date?” She asked suspiciously. I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.
“I guess me asking you out to dinner, just the two of us would fall under the premise of a date. But if you think you might say no I might revise the invitation and make it breakfast or lunch, that’s less date like.”
“I’ve never been on a date before.”
“Is that a yes?” She left me hanging for the longest time. I’d never been turned down by a girl before and if this particular one said no I think I might just turn celibate and give up women altogether.
“Maybe.” Her smile was a little seductive as she looked back over her shoulder at me and slowly climbed the stairs out of the basement. Holy shit, I had just asked her on a date and she had said yes. Well, maybe but that was good enough for me. I rubbed my eyes and looked around the dimly lit basement. I wanted to dance a little, perhaps strut a quick M.J Moonwalk across the grubby floor. I rubbed my tired neck. Since when did I get all goofy over a date? I guess since meeting Ella.
The next week crept by far too slowly. I didn’t see much of Ella, not more than a quick hello in the morning and occasionally a goodbye in the afternoon if she made it back to the shelter before I left. Carter Constructions was pretty busy. With the holiday’s approaching everyone wanted everything finished yesterday and Charlie was working a sixty hour week just to keep on top of things. I found myself leaving Mercy’s to put in another four hours at my own office. Moving day for Annie, Eli and Ella came and went in a flurry of action. Between Dave, Charlie and me, we got all the furniture and boxes up into Annie’s apartment in a couple of hours. They didn’t really have much. Dave and I managed to track down some goodwill furniture and between all of us we were able to find plenty of people willing to donate necessities, like plates, dishes and cutlery. Charlie was most impressed with Ella. The little spitfire gave Charlie as much grief as he gave her. Charlie liked to torment, he prided himself in it. In fact, I wondered if he had attended a school I didn’t know about in torment, mockery and practical jokes. But Ella handled him like a pro and she had Charlie practically eating out of the palm of her hand. I had to give him a number of stern back-the-fuck off l
ooks before he finally dragged my lovesick ass down the stairs as the sun finally disappeared for the day.
Now, it was Wednesday and I hadn’t seen Ella for three days. I was surly and irritated as I beat the shit out of the bag in the basement trying to blow off steam, wishing like fuck that Ella was here. The unforgiving beep of my phone caught my attention and I glanced at it sitting on the table behind me curious who the message was from. It was a number that I didn’t recognize. I pulled off my gloves and checked the message.
Hi
I stared at the innocuous word for a moment wondering who the hell it was from before finally sending a quick message back.
Um, hi, who’s this?
The next message came back quick.
Angel
And just like that I was grinning like an idiot.
Angel! Saving ur number now. Are u ok?
I’m fine. I wasn’t sure about txting protocol, but just wanted to say hi.
Txting protocol requires no less than 2 txts a day. Ur behind ;-)
Hmmmm, then so r u
But I didn’t have ur number, otherwise ur phone would be full of messages from me. U free tomorrow night?
Yes, why?
Movie?
Ok
I’ll pick u up, 6pm? Dinner first at Pit Stop? My shout cause I’m inviting. That’s the dating protocol.
Ok, but I get to choose the movie. That’s dating protocol too, so I’ve heard..
I’d watch a five hour operetta if it meant hanging out with Ella. She could choose whatever the hell she wanted.
Deal. See u tomorrow angel X
Tomorrow night couldn’t come quick enough, and when it finally did, I raced home from Mercy’s and dressed like a man possessed before returning back into town. I was standing on the doorstep of Annie and Eli’s apartment at five minutes to six. The door opened before I even had a chance to knock and Eli pummeled into me. I grabbed him and swung him over my shoulder fireman style.
“Totally uncool little man. What if it had of been Megatron at your door? You’d be captured and I’d have to dig out my damn cape to rescue you, and I have no idea where it is right now.” Eli giggled out loud as I deposited him on the couch. Annie appeared from down the small narrow hallway, still in her uniform from Danny’s Diner. “Hi Annie, you look tired.” She nodded and I suddenly felt like an impolite prick for pointing out the obvious. “But you look happy too. You look good, apart from the big dark rings under your eyes, but otherwise perfect. And the dark rings are barely noticeable.” Annie burst out laughing.
“Smooth Casanova,” she teased. “I’ve worked every day this week and I’m working the next two nights. I’m kind of beat. Ella has been a God send. I don’t know how I would do this without her here. She was even able to get off work early to pick Eli up from school today and Rebecca let Eli hang out at Bouquets. Apparently my boy is very good with roses.”
“I helped Ella cut the thorns off!” Eli said proudly.
“Good stuff little man. Did you bring a flower home for your mom?” Eli looked a little guilty and shook his head.
“I’m sure if you ask Rebecca nicely she will let you bring one home.” He jumped up and ran to Annie, wrapping his arms around her waist.
“Maybe next time mom, but only if you’re good,” he giggled.
The apartment looked good. It looked lived in, like a real family’s apartment should look. Ella’s backpack sat neatly beside the couch, apart from that you wouldn’t have even known she was living there.
“Where’s Ella?” I asked just as she appeared in the hallway and nervously entered the small living room. I was reduced to a speechless chump within seconds. She wore a pair of jeans that hugged her body like a second skin. An equally tight fitting long sleeved top in a radiant shade of red, scalloped at the neckline and giving a teasing glimpse of the swell of her breasts. Her long hair hung loosely over her shoulders. She looked stunning, glowing, a far turn from the tired looking angel who had slipped across the shelter’s doorway over two weeks ago.
“Wow angel,” I finally exclaimed.
“Momma reckons you will think she’s hot,” said Eli in childlike innocence. Ella blushed and I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Yeah, hot is one word for it.” Ella still looked uncomfortable. Annie cast me a knowing look.
“Well, the sooner you two get out of here, the sooner I can get this little man with the uncontrolled mouth off to bed and I can enjoy having the T.V to myself.” Ella reached for her coat and I snapped it up, holding it out for her to slide her delectable little body into. Once we were comfortably in my pickup, Ella cast me a nervous glance and cleared her throat.
“You look nice,” she noted shyly. I was wearing a pair of old frayed jeans, a long sleeved black shirt and my favorite black all-weather jacket. Not really much different to what I wore to work each day.
“You look more relaxed than usual. I guess this is how you look when you’re not working.” I did feel a little more laid back than usual. The constant underlying layer of death that followed my memories for some reason felt a little more distant tonight.
“I guess. I haven’t been out in a while it feels good to do something normal.” Ella’s head tilted in thought.
“I don’t really know what normal is,” she whispered.
“Well angel, it’s about time you learned.”
Chapter 16
Ella
I was on a date with Jax, my first date ever and I curiously didn’t feel nervous. I was worried about what Jax would think when he first saw me. I had borrowed some of Annie’s clothes and she had even insisted I wear some mascara and lip gloss. She had given me a tiny bit of foundation to help cover the scar by my eye, and for the first time ever I had looked in the mirror and felt attractive. My eyes were bright and clear, my pale cheeks had a slight flush to them. I felt like a woman, a woman about to go on a date with Jax Carter. Oh who was I kidding, I was nervous as hell.
I was glad Jax was taking me back to The Pit Stop. I knew that place now, it was familiar, safe, and most importantly it wasn’t fancy. I didn’t do fancy, I didn’t even own a dress and I wondered if Jax liked that sort of thing, women in sexy dresses looking all seductive and beautiful. Selena was definitely the type of woman who liked to dress up. I couldn’t be more further from that if I tried.
“Benny,” Jax smiled in greeting as we entered The Pit Stop.
“Jax, Ella. You two look like you need a table tonight.”
“Candle lit table with your best view,” Jax joked. Benny scoffed.
“Blah, you don’t need candles, the ambience in here is perfect for romance.”
Jax chuckled as he led me to a table by the front window. The snow had begun to fall outside and the streets were dark and empty. I was warm and safe. I was on a date about to enjoy a hearty meal, not completely homeless and pathetic and not at all scared. How could my life take such a drastic turn after so many years of indifference and fear? Where would I be now if I hadn’t of run? How ruined would I be? I shivered at the thought.
“Where are you right now angel?” Jax asked. It brought my thoughts back to here and now, back to warm and safe.
“Sorry, sometimes I just kind of, fade out.”
“I’ve noticed. Tonight you stay with me though, okay. I’m your typical male, easily emasculated when the girl he’s having dinner with loses interest and starts thinking about other things.” I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just nodded. A woman saved me from any embarrassment by sliding up to our table to take our orders. She took in Jax with appreciative eyes, and she looked at me with all out hostility. Jax ignored her though, his eyes on me only.
“What will you have angel?” I quickly glanced at the menu. The butterflies in my stomach had caused my appetite to retreat, but thinking about the breakfast I had enjoyed with Jax a week ago made me salivate.
“I don’t suppose we could have the same as last time we were here?”
Jax grinned. “Two all-day-bre
akfast’s with the lot, a chocolate shake and orange juice.” I almost moaned at the thought. I was suddenly starving.
“Not a problem Jax,” beamed the waitress. “How’s Selena, I haven’t seen her in a few weeks?” The waitress’s eyes cut to me with a sly grin. Then I was assaulted with a horrifying thought. Was Jax still supposed to be dating Selena? I had assumed it was over, but what if it wasn’t? This girl probably thought they were still together and wondered what he was doing out with me. My stomach had gone from starving to nauseous in seconds.
“I have no idea Lisa. I haven’t seen Selena in a while either. Could you bring the drinks out first please?” I could tell Jax was irritated, I could see it in his eyes but he didn’t give Lisa the benefit of knowing she had rattled him.
“Sorry,” he offered once Lisa had moved away from the table. I shrugged feigning nonchalance.
“I guess if you’re seen out with me instead of your girlfriend people are going to wonder.” Jax looked a little pissed at that comment.
“Angel, Selena is not my girlfriend, nor was she. We were just friends, who..” Jax seemed to be trying to find the words. “You know, barely friends, just a guy and a girl who..” He was stuck again. Friends who what? Had snacks and wine in his mother’s office? My blank face made him chuckle. “Shit Angel. We slept together, sometimes. But we weren’t exclusively dating, it was simply I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine.” First, I was mortified. I didn’t like thinking of Jax with other women, but I couldn’t really talk, I was definitely no saint. Then my mortification was replaced with anger. I knew I wasn’t experienced when it came to men and dating but I knew I wasn’t interested in that sort of relationship with anyone, especially Jax and if he assumed that I was that kind of girl, he was wrong.
“She was your fuck buddy?” I gasped with indignation I wished I didn’t have.
Saving Ella (Mercy's Angels) Page 13
