“Not anymore. I wish I could tell you that I’ve had deep and meaningful relationships with maybe one or two girls. The truth is I’ve had exactly zero deep and meaningful relationships and way too many girls. I’ve got a history here in Claymont and I’m not proud of it. Not that it is an excuse, but coming home from Afghanistan, seeing the shit I saw, doing the shit I did, I was a loose cannon and I did a lot of things I was not proud of. I’ve changed. I didn’t want to be that person, so I cleaned up my act. I’ve been in and out of therapy dealing with my shit. Selena was something I clung on to, and I have no idea why, but she is out of my life permanently now. She’s not the kind of girl I see myself with; she is not my forever girl, never was and I wish I had of realized it a long time ago.” I stared at him, opened my mouth to speak and was stopped by the unpleasant Lisa who brought our meals over and dumped them before us with absolutely no grace or care.
“Anything else I can get you kids?” She asked, in a voice laced with false enthusiasm. Jax said nothing. We just simply stared at each other as if the world around us no longer existed.
“Oooookay, holler if you need me?” She left, thank God.
“Are you going to say anything? If you don’t want to do this we can eat and I’ll take you right home. I’d be lying if I said I was okay with that, but I want you to know you can trust me. I won’t do anything to hurt you and if dealing with my shit on top of your own is too much, I understand. I’ll back off.”
I shook my head, shaking free the confusion and shock that had settled there. I didn’t picture Jax as the type of guy who slept around and used women. He fought for women, protected them. But sometimes when fighting for your sanity, for your mind and happiness, sometimes it sends you on into a vortex that can get completely out of hand and you end up doing a lot of things you wouldn’t normally do. I of all people knew that lesson well. It was obvious Jax had used sex to suppress his nightmares and escape. Who was I to talk? I had done the exact same thing.
“The women you were with, did you hurt them?” I found myself whispering.
“Fuck angel. Not ever, not once. As much as it shames me to say it, I never spent the night with a girl who expected more than just a night. Mine and Selena’s relationship was always clear. Recently she decided she wanted more and I stopped it right then for two reasons.” Jax stared at me, making sure I was listening.
“One, I didn’t want that with her, a future. For the first time I actually saw her for who she really was, and to be honest, she’s a bitch. Second, I find myself wanting a future with someone else.” I’m not sure if I’m breathing right now. I’m terrified of what Jax will say next.
“I find myself attracted to a particularly beautiful brunette, with exquisite chocolate eyes and a smile filled with sunshine, and yes, I am aware I sound like a pussy right now, but it’s the truth. And I don’t want you freaking out. We will take things slowly. One day at a time. I plan to woo the heck out of you angel.”
“Woo me?” I grinned caught somewhere between thrilled and stunned.
“Woo, as in date, as in force you to see what a catch I am, and make you want me so bad I will consume your every thought. One day at a time Ella, I’m going to give you a future, and you’re going to trust me with your heart.” Holy shit, I couldn’t tell Jax Carter this, but he already owned my heart.
“But before we can continue this,” he stuck a piece of egg in his mouth and chewed thoughtfully before continuing. “I need something from you.” He didn’t elaborate and I grew frustrated.
“What?” I asked him suspiciously.
“I need to know your last name? I can’t be dating someone whose name I don’t even know.” He smirked. A small laugh escaped my lips. I was expecting him to ask for something deep and emotional, maybe even life changing.
“Munroe. Actually, it’s Munroe-Spencer. My mom hated Munroe, she said it sounded common and boring, so her maiden name was thrown in. I always found it a little ironic, because there is nothing uncommon about Spencer.”
“Ella Munroe, I like it.”
“Ella Mai Munroe, my dad always called me Ella Mai. He allowed mom to have the hyphenated surname if she allowed my middle name to be Mai. Dad said it was some sort of spin-off of that girl in that old black and white show, about the hillbillies that struck oil and moved to Beverly Hills and it pissed my mom off.”
Jax laughed loudly. “Elly May.” Just like that the tension that had filled the air disappeared, and my appetite had returned, with a vengeance. I inhaled my meal, just like the last time Jax had brought me here and just like last time, Jax seemed genuinely turned on by the gusto way with which I enjoyed my dinner.
“You don’t have some sort of weirdo food fetish?” I found myself teasing him.
“Only when watching you eat angel. Don’t worry though, for the most part I don’t want to do anything particularly kinky or weird with the food, though chocolate sauce and whipped cream could prove entertaining.” His grin was wicked and teasing, but his eyes did not betray his desire. Just like that I was blushing again.
My memory of the movie following dinner was vague. It was a comedy and I remember people laughing around me. I spent the hour and a half completely and utterly conscious of the fact that Jax had discretely worked his arm over my shoulder. Every now and again he would whisper something in my ear and the feeling of his breath and lips so close would spend my head into a spin. I was as smitten as a school girl as I sat there silently squealing in my mind how the sex God beside for some bizarre reason, wanted me. Jax was replacing all my missed opportunities and experiences with new ones, and I cherished every single moment.
Chapter 17
Jax
Thursday evening with Ella had been deeply satisfying. She was relaxed, she joked and laughed, she blushed, often. I loved making her blush and it was done so easily. Any touch was innocent and gentle and I had never felt more satisfied. Sure, I wanted her, all of her, but a night of virtuous attention came with its own fulfillment. I was continuing to gain Ella’s trust and inevitably her heart and the journey would be an exploration of learning each other in the most important and simplistic of ways. A part of me still felt as though I was betraying Ella, taking advantage of her. No matter what I told myself though, I could not deny the pull to this angel any longer. I would take things slowly, enjoying the smallest, though possibly the most magical of moments. Holding hands, laughing, teasing, sharing a meal, a movie, Ella seemed enthralled with the most humble of daily activities, perhaps from having been denied so many of them for so long. It was helping me to find a new appreciation for my life as it was now. It almost felt as if every touch from Ella, every smile, every shy glance, was washing away my troubles and making me whole again. I was beginning to feel a resemblance to the man I used to be, happy and carefree.
Saturday was supposed to be my day off. My first day off in over three weeks, but somehow I found myself in the office of Carter Constructions with a thundering head ache, helping Charlie fix up one hell of a balls-up. I had woken up in a cold sweat on the tail end of a grisly nightmare. My day had started badly and proceeded to get worse.
“How the fuck did she order the wrong timber?” Charlie roared. His hair was a mess. It looked as though he had run his hands through it in frustration for the last twenty-four hours solid, which he most likely had done. His eyes were blood shot; he obviously hadn’t slept much last night. Our secretary, Belinda, had ordered several thousand dollars’ worth of timber for a special order, and unfortunately she had ordered the wrong product. That meant we had a shed full of useless timber and we were officially behind on what had been a rush job to begin with. I shook my head as I glanced over the paperwork in front of me one more time, hoping the order might suddenly change. If it had of been our supplier in the wrong, then I could easily send the timber back and refuse to pay, asking for a rush on the correct product. The order was still wrong though, in Belinda’s incriminating and far too neat cursive print. Charlie continued to rant and
rave and to be honest he was making my headache much worse than it need be. I grabbed the phone and called my supplier. Thankfully their office girl Noelle answered and I quickly began charming the panties off her. By the end of the conversation, I was getting a supply on the correct timber at half the normal price, and Noelle was giving me her cell phone number. I hung up and looked to Charlie who watched me in awe.
“How the hell do you do that?” He asked and I shrugged.
“Guess I just have a gift.” I handed Charlie Noelle’s phone number. “Send her some flowers, from you, or the company. Don’t put my name on it though, I don’t want any confusion, I’m not interested.” Charlie shook his head.
"That little girl has got you by the short and curly’s hasn’t she?”
“Stop talking about my pubes, it’s weird. Let’s go get a drink, I need one after this shithole of a day.”
We took my Dodge and headed to Andy’s Office, Charlie’s drinking hole of choice. It was close, only a block away and I had to admit, there was something about the old English style bar that was appealing, especially during winter. Andy had the place running like a dream, attractive friendly staff, good music, warm atmosphere. He had only had the bar for a little over a year, and it was quickly becoming one of the most popular venues in Claymont. Charlie and I made sure we always got in early before the crowds and left as they started to trickle through the doors. Neither of us is really into the whole late night bar scene.
At the entrance we were greeted by Beef and Paris who gave us a friendly smile and stepped aside. Beef was called beef because, well, he looked like a great big slab of beef. He was huge, as tall as me and a whole lot wider. He rarely smiled with a shit scary glare permanently in place. Paris was tall and lithe, with short spiky blond hair and adorned with tattoos and piecing’s. She looked fierce as hell and I knew she was fierce as hell. She was also Andy’s wife and she was witty, funny and smart. I liked her, I liked Andy, hell I even liked Beef. A few patrons who lingered outside were being given a hard time by Beef over their clothes and they barked obscenities at mine and Charlie’s easy entrance. I chuckled, because frankly they were dressed a hell of a lot better than us. But we were regulars, had been since the first day and the thing about Andy, he looked after his regulars, especially those who spent big and caused no trouble. Charlie bought the first round and we escaped to a small ‘L’ shaped sofa in the back corner. In no time at all I felt the drifting peace that the exact right amount of liquor can bring. I knew one drop more would cause me to stumble over that cliff, so I slowed down and grabbed a bottle of water much to Charlie’s dismay.
“You’re being stalked,” Charlie murmured behind his long neck of beer. I groaned and sat back into the sofa.
“I’m not interested, you take it.” I knew Charlie was rolling his eyes. We had been friends since grade school so I didn’t need to look to know what he was doing or thinking.
“She’s fucking hot,” he continued. I didn’t care, unless of course she was a brunette with brown eyes named Ella. Suddenly a tall leggy blonde strutted up in front of us, her dress might have been sprayed on it was that tight and short. She was beautiful, in that forged way that had some women pouting, smiling and laughing as if a camera were continually on them.
“Jax?” She carefully asked. Shit, was I supposed to know her? Perhaps she was a girl I once hooked up with. I looked at her face. Blue eyes, perfectly arched eye brows, bee stung lips. Nope, I’d remember her.
“Can I help you darlin’?” I asked, trying to find a friendly smile when really I just wanted her to go away. She smiled and it was a killer smile if you were into that kind of girl, and I wasn’t anymore.
“I’m Noelle, from Tennison’s Timber.” Oh fuck, the Noelle from the phone call at my office only a couple of hours ago? What the hell was she doing here, now?
“I know we’ve never met in person, but one of the girls I was with recognized you.” She settled down beside me and I moved along to make a clear space between us.
“Oh, I see.” I said awkwardly. I wasn’t used to being awkward with women. If I wanted in Noelle’s panties I’d be fine. The fact I didn’t though had me feeling like a bumbling fool. Charlie chuckled reminding me I wasn’t alone in my awkwardness. “This is Charlie you’ve probably spoken to him on the phone. He’s my manager at Carter’s.” Noelle nodded, but her eyes did not leave me.
“Nice to meet you Noelle,” said Charlie ignoring her ignorance of him. “Can I get you a drink to say thank you for today?” Noelle again nodded, her eyes still focused on me. I on the other hand had my eyes focused on anything but her.
“I’ll get it,” I interjected in a hurry.
“No boss, this one is on me.” He winked at Noelle and he might have finally drawn some of the attention off me. “What will it be honey?” I had been assured by members of the opposite sex that Charlie was in fact easy on the eye and his flirty easy going attitude saw him rarely going home alone. But for some reason when I was there alongside him, the female eye seemed to draw my way. I personally had never found it a problem, until now.
“Merlot.” Charlie disappeared into the crowd leaving behind an uncomfortable silence. It was Noelle who finally broke it.
“So, where is Selena tonight?” I was getting a little pissed with people asking about Selena. We may have had something going on for a while, but it certainly wasn’t exclusive and we were rarely out together.
“You know Selena?”
“Not really. But I know a friend of hers. I was under the impression that you and Selena were together.” I took a long drink and shook my head.
“Nope, not with Selena.” Noelle smiled, her eyes alight with interest. How she wasn’t picking up on my not-into-you vibes was beyond me. I decided a direct approached was needed.
“But I am kind of seeing someone, so sorry.” Her smile fell.
“Very presumptuous to think I am interested in you,” she recovered gracefully and I found myself smiling. Her fuck me eyes and pouty lips told me she was definitely into me.
“I don’t think I formally thanked you for today, you helped us out of a tight spot.” Diplomacy was on the agenda. She did help me out today and she did work for our biggest supplier, there was really no need for me to be a complete asshole. Noelle shrugged and brushed her hair back over her shoulder, her eyes lowered as she watched me through her thick false lashes. It was a seductive move to lure my attention to the graceful arch of her neck. I had seen it used hundreds of times before and at one time it might have caught my interest. Here and now her seduction was wasted.
“You’re a big client; it’s in our best interest to help you out from time to time,” she brushed my thanks off with nonchalance. Charlie saved the day by bringing back our drinks, water for me, thank fuck, but he soon disappeared again, leaving me once more all alone with the temptress in the too tight dress.
“Your friends aren’t looking for you?” I asked, hoping she would finally leave. She leaned in close and I could smell the subtle layer of perfume. It was nice, but I preferred Ella’s fresh scent of ocean coconut.
“I don’t want to hang out with them right now Jax, I want to hang out with you.” I felt the weight of her hand on my thigh and flinched as it began to make its way higher. My body responded appropriately, but my mind was not into it. Her lips found my neck and for the briefest of moments my hand found her thigh. Feeling the soft warm flesh made my heart spike and dick jump, but I didn’t want this. There would have once been a time when I would have grabbed this girl and dragged her to a back room for a quick fuck, no strings, just a few moments of freedom from my troubles. But I didn’t need this kind of freedom anymore, this detachment and ugly wanton desire. My freedom, my desire was sitting in an apartment twenty minutes from here. As her hand inched higher, her wine laced breath on my neck I spotted Charlie and abruptly stood up from the sofa.
“Sorry Noelle, I told you I’m seeing someone. I’ve gotta’ go.” My voice didn’t hide the irritat
ion I was feeling at that moment and I pushed my way through too many bodies, I’d been here too long and if Charlie wasn’t so damned wasted he would realize that too. He was whispering something into the ear of a pretty blonde who blushed furiously and giggled.
“I’m going to leave you to it.” I slapped him on the back to get his attention and he swung around to give me his best fucked up grin. “You wanna ride?” I asked. He shook his head and glanced back at the blonde who was now staring at me like desert had just been served. I shook my head.
“Get out of here, you’re stealing my thunder,” Charlie groaned. I slipped out of the front doors of the bar and called out a quick goodbye to Andy who was talking with Beef and Paris. As I sat in my truck I sent Ella a quick text message.
What you doing?
Less than a minute later her reply came through.
Teaching Eli the importance of rock paper scissors. Want to join us?
Hell, that’s an important lesson. I’m on my way. Pizza?
No anchovies, and Eli says no pineapple… & since I’m inviting you. I’ll pay. Fix you up when u get here. ;-)
I couldn’t remember a time when I was so excited to see a girl, particularly one who I wasn’t going to be sleeping with. I needed to see Ella tonight, to wipe away the feeling of betrayal and cheapness Noelle’s touch had made me feel. I needed to immerse myself in something good, and Ella was my answer.
Chapter 18
Ella
Jax had been at a bar. He wasn’t drunk though, but his clothes were smoky and there was the taste of beer on his breath. I hated bars, they were too crowded, men were too touchy feely in those situations and often mistook a no for a hell yes. I wondered who Jax had gone to the bar with and found a small ugly twinge of jealousy lacing my thoughts. Eli laughed as he and Jax played best of five with rock-paper-scissors. It was an attempt to get Eli to go to bed. He was rather hyped up and it had been my fault. I had bought rocky road ice cream earlier today as a surprise and this was my first mistake in childcare, do not feed it to them half an hour before bed. Watching Jax play with Eli made me smile. He was so natural and carefree you would never imagine the blood and death he had seen in his short life. A combination of being at war and Sarah had obviously left him with his own internal battle raging on but he hid it well. No wonder he had been concerned about the scars on my wrists the first time he had seen them. I sighed, wishing I could wipe away his bad memories. Life would be so much easier if we could just take a giant eraser and get rid of the things that bothered us. I guess we wouldn’t be left with the memories of our mistakes, we would never learn, destined to commit the same fuckups over and over again. He glanced at me and winked. He had won and Eli was being marched off to bed.
Saving Ella (Mercy's Angels) Page 14
