Spring’s Wake

by Aurora Rey

  Knowing these new details about Nora’s past didn’t help, either. She’d been hurt, badly. She deserved a woman who could be her hero, a knight in shining armor who protected and championed her. Even if Will wasn’t unscrupulous, she was none of those things.

  “I can see those wheels turning. What are you thinking?”

  Will flinched, forgetting she was in the middle of a conversation. “Sorry?”

  “I asked what you were thinking.”

  “Oh.” Will didn’t want to burden Graham any more than she wanted to do so to Nora. “I’m just not sure it’s that kind of relationship.”

  “God. You’re about as stubborn as she is.”

  Will smiled. That, she’d believe. “Enough about me and all my drama. How’s school?”

  Graham sighed, but didn’t press the conversation any further. “It’s almost done. I have one final and I’m defending my thesis in two weeks.”

  “That’s so great. I’m so happy for you. And if it’s not weird to say, proud of you, too.”

  “Thanks. You know, part of why I came for a visit was that I finished my thesis a week ahead of time.”

  Will shook her head. “You came for a celebration and, well, ugh. I’m really sorry.”

  Graham pointed a finger at her. “No more apologies. That’s over and done.”

  “Okay.”

  “So.” Graham ran her finger through the condensation on her beer glass. “Are you going back?”

  It was a fair question. She had taken off without a word to anyone but Emerson. And she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t considered starting from scratch somewhere new. But she’d learned the hard way that running didn’t solve her problems. They always seemed to find her. And she liked her life in P-town—her job, being close to Emerson, and this newfangled thing of being Liam’s aunt. Even if things with Nora were over and done, her life, her future, were there. “I am.”

  “That’s a relief, especially since the other reason I came to town was an interview. I just accepted a permanent position with the Dolphin Fleet.”

  “Graham, that’s so awesome. Congratulations.”

  Graham smiled. “Thanks. I knew last fall it’s what I wanted, but I didn’t know if they’d have an opening. I might have to tend bar on the side to make rent, but it’s my dream job.”

  “And you deserve it.” The waitress brought the check and Will insisted on paying. “It’s really the least I can do.”

  In the parking lot, Graham gave her another hug. “You’ll come to my graduation, right?”

  Knowing that would likely involve seeing Nora made Will’s stomach clench. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “How long exactly are you planning to mope?” Martha eyed Nora over the rim of her martini glass.

  Nora scowled. “I’m not moping.”

  “Could’ve fooled me.”

  “I was stupid. I let myself make some impulsive, bad decisions. I’m now paying the price for those bad decisions. It’s not the end of the world.”

  “That’s such a matter-of-fact way to talk about a broken heart.”

  Nora sipped her own drink, enjoying the way the brininess played off the herbal notes in the gin. No one made a dirty martini better than Martha. “Who said anything about a broken heart?”

  Martha merely raised a brow. Nora resisted the urge to set down her drink and scrub her hands over her face. The last couple of weeks had been rough. Even still, she hadn’t thought of it in terms of heartbreak. Stupidity, sure. Self-loathing, regret, and a general umbrella of should have known better. She could even admit—if only to herself—she’d developed feelings for Will. But that was a long way from a broken heart.

  Martha finished her drink and popped an olive in her mouth. “Well, your mouth is saying one thing, but the rest of you is screaming another.”

  Nora shook her head. “I’ve been brokenhearted. Like, sitting on the floor of the shower and sobbing, don’t eat for days brokenhearted. This is an aberration.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you aren’t falling apart. But you don’t need to be in a heap to have a broken heart.”

  Nora thought back to the days—weeks—after Jordyn left. The pain and betrayal were overlaid with a profound sense of shame. She’d not seriously contemplated disappearing, but more than once, she’d thought not existing might be preferable to figuring out a way to pick up the pieces. When the fog finally began to lift, she promised herself she’d never open herself up to that kind of hurt, or that kind of risk, ever again.

  And she hadn’t. Even as she and Will got closer, she’d held the softest, deepest parts of herself back. She’d actually started to think she had everything under control—a closeness to Will, sexual chemistry that didn’t leave her completely vulnerable and raw. And Will either hadn’t minded or hadn’t noticed. And then all hell broke loose, threatening her relationship with Graham and making her feel like a complete fool.

  It was that, what her fling with Will could have cost her, that had put her in such a low place now. Not a broken heart. Of course, it didn’t help that Will had gone completely MIA. According to Graham, she and Will had spoken, made up even. And by her accounts, Will should be back in town for work by now. That part, the not even trying to come to a truce, added insult to injury.

  “Look, spring is finally starting to show itself. I’ve got lots of reservations. Tisha is back and everything is smooth sailing. I’ve got nothing to mope about.”

  As if summoned by the sound of her name, Tisha poked her head out the front door. Even though she hadn’t been part of the conversation, Nora half expected her to launch in, too. She’d been back only a couple of days, but Nora got the feeling she sensed something was up and was merely biding her time to say so. “Nora, you got a woman on the phone who wants to book a bridal shower.”

  Nora stood, grateful for the interruption. “I have to take this.”

  Martha waved a hand at her. “I have to go anyway. I’m picking Heidi up in an hour.”

  “Leave the glasses. I’ll get them when I’m done.”

  Martha stood, came over, and gave Nora a hug. “If you want to not fall apart over drinks again soon, you call me.”

  Nora smiled. “Will do.”

  She spent the next half hour on the phone, planning a bridal shower for twenty for early June. Since she had only two of her rooms still open for the weekend, she gave the maid of honor some suggestions of other accommodations close by. When she hung up, Tisha stood nearby with her hands on her hips. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

  “Low key bridal shower in June. Afternoon tea, in the garden if the weather cooperates.”

  “That’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

  Nora sighed. Tisha wouldn’t nag, but she’d work in subtle digs until Nora talked. It was easiest to save them both the trouble now. “I dated someone over the winter and it ended. Nothing major, but Martha is a worry wart.”

  Tisha narrowed her eyes. “Did you end it or did she?”

  “I did.” Technically, that was true. Although Will seemed perfectly happy to walk away without a second thought.

  “And you’re glad it’s over.”

  “Not glad, but it’s for the best.”

  “Okay, then. As long as you’re okay.” Tisha nodded slowly. “I’m glad you got some.”

  Nora laughed in spite of herself. “Thanks. Now, don’t you have some work to do?”

  Tisha spread her arms wide. “It is all done. A well-oiled machine.”

  “Are you heading out for the day?”

  “Yeah. The snacks are ready to go and all the morning’s laundry is done.”

  Nora smiled. “I’m glad you’re back.”

  Tisha flashed a wide grin. “Me, too. My sister, she was driving me crazy.”

  Tisha left and Nora looked at the clock. She had two check-ins due to arrive any minute. And one couple was already out doing some shopping. It might not be the cozy quiet
she enjoyed when Will was around, but this was how she liked things—busy, efficient, and steady.

  * * *

  Will walked into her apartment. She’d only been gone a week, but the space had that almost foreign feeling that comes with a much longer absence. Kaylee and Cheyenne were gone, probably at work. Will appreciated the chance to re-acclimate and settle in solitude.

  She carried her bags to her bedroom, putting clean clothes back in her dresser and closet. Toiletries and books went back to their homes. When she was done, Will stood in the small living room and looked around. It felt like home. There was something to be said for that. When she’d come to P-town originally, she didn’t know if she would find that again, or at least not as quickly as she had.

  Will contemplated calling Nora. She also considered showing up at the inn. They should talk, although Will had no idea what she’d say. Mostly, she wanted to hear Nora’s voice. See her face. But Nora likely had guests, and she wouldn’t want a scene. And she hadn’t given Will any indication that she wanted to see her.

  Will wandered into the kitchen and perused the contents of the cabinets and refrigerator. The eating habits of her roommates had diminished significantly in her absence. Kaylee must be working nights again. There were a lot of boxes of macaroni and cheese. Will chuckled. She’d remedy that. And a trip to the grocery store would make her feel like she’d accomplished something.

  She pulled out her phone to make a quick list and found a text from Graham, checking to see if she’d arrived. Will smiled, grateful they’d been able to clear the air and put their friendship back in order. Even if she couldn’t have Nora, it helped to know she hadn’t lost Graham, too. She typed a reply, then sent a similar text to Emerson. Emerson replied right away, asking to get together. Perfect.

  Happy to have two items on her agenda for the afternoon, Will headed out. She met Emerson on MacMillan Pier. They got sandwiches from the little deli and walked down the pier a ways. They sat on the edge, dangling their feet over the beach below.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” Emerson said.

  Will took a deep breath. “Me, too.”

  “Did you find what you were looking for?”

  The choice of words gave Will pause. Had she? “I guess so, considering I was mostly looking to get away for a little while.”

  Emerson nodded. “Good.”

  Unspoken questions about Nora and Graham hung in the air. Part of her was glad that Emerson didn’t pry, but she knew Emerson worried and wanted to know. “I saw Graham.”

  “Yeah?”

  “My friend’s place was only about an hour from where she is, so we met for beers. We ended up having dinner, too. I think we’re good.”

  “I’m glad.”

  Will recalled their conversation and chuckled. “Turns out she had a bit of a crush on me.”

  “Ah.”

  “Yeah. I had absolutely no idea.” She didn’t disclose the kiss or the fact that maybe she shouldn’t have been so clueless.

  Emerson laughed. “You’ve always tended to be oblivious to having admirers.”

  “Is that true?”

  “Uh, yeah. Definitely in high school, but even beyond that. We’d be out and people would try to catch your eye or keep your attention. You pretty much never picked up on it.”

  “Am I that self-absorbed?”

  Emerson shook her head. “Not at all. If anything, it’s because you’re humble. It doesn’t occur to you that people find you attractive.”

  “I guess. It’s so weird. Anyway, turns out Graham’s thing really was a crush and not a whole I think I’m in love with you sort of thing. She freaked out mostly because she was so shocked. Well, that and she felt like two people she cared about and trusted were keeping a giant secret from her.”

  “That would do it.”

  Will sighed. “Yeah. She actually just accepted a full-time job with the Dolphin Fleet. She’s going to be moving here permanently after graduation.”

  “Oh, that’s great. So…”

  Emerson trailed off and Will knew what she was dying to ask. “I haven’t talked to Nora.”

  Emerson crumpled her sandwich wrapper and looked out at the water. “Do you want to?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you going to?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Emerson turned to her, raised a brow. “Why not?”

  Will took the last bite of her sandwich and chewed it slowly. She tried to distill the cacophony of questions and doubts in her mind to a couple of key points. “I don’t know if she wants to see me. I don’t know what to say. The last time I saw her, she made it clear everything about us had been a mistake.”

  Emerson sat quietly. Will imagined she was looking for a kind way to say that maybe it was all for the best. “I don’t think it’s fair to hold someone to things they said in a moment of crisis.”

  Not what Will expected, by a long shot. “You don’t think that’s when a person’s true feeling come to the surface?”

  “I know it’s not.”

  Will folded her arms. “Care to elaborate?”

  “When Liam got hurt last summer, Darcy and I had a huge fight. Darcy accused me of overstepping and I said some horrible things in return. I still regret it.”

  “What did you say?” The question came out and Will realized she was asking Emerson to relive it. “Sorry. You don’t have to elaborate.”

  “I told her she was treating me like an irresponsible babysitter, who also happened to be a fuck buddy.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Exactly. In the moment, it’s exactly what I felt. But it was over the line. I think, if anything, I’ve learned that when it involves a third party—like Liam, or in your case Graham—sometimes the focus is so much on what’s going on with them that you can’t really tend to the relationship itself.”

  Will sighed. It made sense, but a little voice in her mind told her that she and Nora didn’t have that kind of relationship. Yes, she was in love. And it felt like Nora might be starting to reciprocate those feelings. Yet, Nora seemed perfectly content to brush off her hands and move on and not look back. “That assumes there is enough of a relationship in the first place.”

  “I saw the two of you together. I can’t pretend to know what she’s thinking now, but I’m certain the feelings weren’t one-sided.”

  Will thought back to those magical weeks. Not only had she been happy, she’d allowed herself to believe she and Nora had a future. With the memories came the feelings that went along. “She hasn’t called or texted me. Not once. It’s been over a week.”

  “You could call her.” Emerson’s tone was mildly impatient.

  Will thought back to her last text from Nora. “She made her feelings clear. I have to respect her wishes.”

  “She said that stuff when she was freaking out.” Emerson sighed. “Does she even know you’re back?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Don’t you think you should tell her?”

  “Yes, but…” Even with Emerson, who she trusted more than anyone in the world, Will hesitated to own just how much of a coward she was. “Waiting keeps the possibility alive. There’s no resolution, but there’s no rejection either. I’m just not ready to have the door shut in my face. Permanently.”

  Emerson slung an arm around her shoulders. “I can see that.”

  “I’m a total chicken shit. I know. You don’t have to tell me.”

  “I wasn’t going to. If anything, I’d tell you that you have a tendency to sell yourself short.”

  “I appreciate the attempt to prop up my ego, but—”

  “No buts and no propping. Like I said before, you’ve always been humble. But Kai really did a number on you. She convinced you that you should be grateful for whatever crumbs of love or affection people toss your way.”

  “God, you make me sound pathetic.”

  “Bruised, not pathetic. Those kind of head games take their toll.”

  For every time that Kai to
ld her she was lucky to have anyone love her, she also showered Will with compliments. And Kai’s jealousy had always seemed designed to make her feel special. Only now did Will realize how much it left her second guessing herself. And the fact that Nora went from cold to hot back to cold didn’t help. “Yeah.”

  “You’re afraid to talk to Nora because you’re afraid she doesn’t want to be with you.”

  Will rubbed her forehead. “I think we’ve already established that I’m a coward.”

  “Do you feel like your behavior was unforgivable?”

  “No, it’s not that. I’m not sure she really wanted to be with me in the first place. Like, in a real relationship.”

  “Because?”

  “Because we went in with a lot of ground rules. Her rules. And because she’s beautiful and smart and amazing and I’m…”

  “Not worthy of that?”

  In that moment, Will’s angst faded. Regardless of what happened with Nora, she was so grateful that she’d come to P-town. She’d spent several years convincing herself that the distance between her and Emerson was a natural part of growing up. That wasn’t true at all. In leaving Kai, she’d not only escaped a crappy relationship, she’d reclaimed her sister. And her life. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too. You’re changing the subject.”

  “I mean it, though. I’m so sorry that I let us grow apart.”

  Emerson looked her square in the eyes. “We both did that. And then we came to our senses.”

  Will nodded. “Yes. I’m very glad of that. And that I came here. It feels like home. I didn’t realize how much I missed that feeling.”

  Emerson’s gaze went to the harbor. “P-town has that effect on people. Having it and you in one place is the best of all worlds.”

  “And a soon-to-be wife and son who adore you.”

  Emerson grinned. “That, too. And speaking of, I didn’t forget what we were talking about. You deserve that, too. Whether it’s with Nora or someone else, you have so much to give. Don’t ever doubt that.”