Keeping Her Close: A Slow Burn Standalone

by Casey Diam

  Still not meeting her eyes, he walked to the sink, washed his hands, and dried them on a nearby towel.

  “Do you want me?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest.

  Meeting his eyes for the first time, she nodded.

  “Good. Place your hands on the counter and spread your legs.” Unbuckling his pants, he walked up next to her, cupped her head, and pressed his lips to her ear. “Am I scaring you?”

  A warm thrill darted through her, and her nipples tightened as she met his rainforest eyes in the mirror.

  “No,” she whispered, and then she remembered. The text. She hadn’t expected him to act on it while his house was jam-packed with people. As she thought of everyone on the other side of the wall, Stephanie’s petite frame stood front and center. “You let her touch you.”

  “You let him touch you,” he said, flattening his hand over her stomach.

  “It’s different; he’s just a friend.”

  Brandon’s jaw ticked as he centered himself behind her and rolled her skirt up to her waist. This moment felt more intimate than the others as she bared everything to him and he revealed nothing in return. His hand dipped between her thighs and massaged.

  She relaxed into him, and his warm breath tickled her neck as he breathed, “I’ll only stop if you tell me to.”

  Snubbing the fear shivering through her, she inhaled. “I won’t tell you to.”

  Ripping the condom wrapper open with his teeth, he pulled her hips toward his body while pushing her chest to the surface of the counter. The smooth, heated skin of his erection brushed against her, and she knew she was dripping wet even before his fingers slipped between her folds. She watched him lift his hand and winced in anticipation of the sting, but when his palm connected with her bottom, the echo was the worst of it. In fact, the spank was so precise, she wanted him to do it again, but throwing her off, he tunneled inside of her. A loud gasp left her from the sudden fullness, and then she was biting her lip as he spanked her once, then twice before caressing the sensitive spot. Gripping her hips, he fucked her hard and fast, incoherent words spewing from her lips as he shoved deeper, burying himself to the hilt.

  The overwhelming pleasure melted her onto the counter, but he grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her head back, arching her back.

  “How does it feel?” he growled.

  “Good,” she moaned. Maybe it was because she knew how gentle he could be, but she couldn’t get enough. “Harder, please,” she begged, then flinched. She’d said that to Todd once upon a time.

  Brandon pulled out of her with a duo of cruel spanks, but the immense pleasure obscured the pain. At this point Todd would’ve punched her, but that didn’t happen. Hurriedly, she brushed away a tear as Brandon unzipped her top, spun her around, and set her on the counter. He ran a hand up her torso to the base of her neck and cupped her throat as he entered her. Her hips writhed against him, wanting more. Before realizing it, she ripped apart his shirt, turning buttons into projectiles as they pinged across the floor and mirror. Tossing her bra to the side, his tongue and teeth teased her while adept fingers twisted and pulled. She bit her moans into his shoulder, then held him tight as he secured his hands beneath her thighs. Lifting her off the counter, he pumped into her, sending sensations streaming through her veins and sparking the bundle of nerves so bright she grew scared of the explosion. It was too much, but before she could catch her breath, he slammed her back into the wall and she came with a crash, tears springing to her eyes from the powerful force of her orgasm.

  “Oh my God, Brandon!” Jordan yelped, squirming between the cold wall and his heated body. But he was unyielding, continuing to pummel into her as her sex rippled around him over and over again, pulling him deeper each time. She fell against him, dazed from the strongest orgasm she’d ever had, but still aware of every bit of his body’s vibration as he let out an animalistic groan, crushing her farther against the wall.

  When she opened her eyes, a gorgeous, glistening face came into view. He smiled and pressed enchanting kisses across her cheek and mouth. “If I didn’t have a condom, I would have impregnated you. No fucks given. Seriously, you have the best pussy. The best.”

  Giggling, Jordan wiped the sweat from his forehead. He said the darnedest things when he was inside her.

  While Brandon tucked in a shirt that looked exactly like the one he’d had on before, Jordan reapplied her light pink lipstick and tried to pat down the mess her hair had become. Unusually quiet, and seemingly deep in thought, Brandon stared at his reflection.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked, walking to him.

  He tapped the tips of his fingers on the counter. “Are you on birth control?”

  “Yeah, I just started. Why? Did something happen with the condom?”

  Biting his lip, he scratched his neck and lowered his gaze. “The condom we used in Utah had holes in it.”

  A low feeling settled in her stomach. “What? Why are you just telling me this?”

  As he raised his hand to touch her, she backed away. “It was never the right time.”

  “I’ve been sleeping here every freaking night. How could it have not been the right time?”

  “Because everything has been so good between us. I didn’t want to mess that up.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “And then I figured most girls are on some kind of birth control. I kind of hoped you were too.”

  “But you knew I wasn’t screwing anyone until you. Why would I be on birth control? It’s not a fucking happy pill. It sucks. Girls don’t go around popping them like party animals. It’s need-based, Brandon. Fucking need-based.” The smile pulling at his lips fired so much anger through her, she wanted to cry. “Even after knowing what happened to me, this is a joke to you? I trusted you. When was the last time you even got tested—or does it matter since you go around using holey condoms? Who knows how many girls you’ve knocked up by this point.”

  His silence spurred her on.

  “So, I’m guessing this is the real you? Girls pour their hearts out, tell you what makes them vulnerable, trust you, and then you just stomp—” Tears burned behind her eyes as a huge sob rose in her throat, but she couldn’t cry, not right now. Not in front of him.

  “I get tested all the time,” he finally said. “I’m clean. Also, in my experience, the person who meddles with the condoms is the person I’m sleeping with—not me. And I’m usually more careful, but you’re my friend, so I didn’t even think about it. Actually, you know what? It’s not entirely my fault, because as I recall, somebody wanted the lights off.”

  “Are you trying to say I did that?” She watched as he shook his head, and a new pain surfaced as she began to process everything. “Is that why you came to my room that night? To remind me I needed to take a morning-after pill?”

  Brandon blew out a breath. “No, Jordan. Fuck! Kelly was the one with access to my wallet and condoms. I’m guessing she thought I was going to sleep with her—I don’t know, okay? I came to your room when I realized what had happened with the condom, and you were sad. I didn’t want to make it worse, so I didn’t tell you. Can we talk about this later?”

  Her chest grew heavy. “You watched me drink champagne tonight when I could be pregnant—even after I shared with you what happened to me, and what happened to my baby.” Shaking her head, she bolted to the door. He caught her arm, his touch singeing her skin. “Please, don’t. I can’t be around you right now.”

  The heartbreaking truth of having someone she trusted lie to her—even by omission—struck her, kicking her thoughts into a swirling confusion again. Was he such a womanizing bastard that he couldn’t let her be? He had to ruin her too, leaving her possibly pregnant and infected with some disease he probably caught from one of the million chicks he couldn’t stop himself from screwing.

  As soon as she opened the door to Brandon’s room, Andrew came in, and her disgust at the entire situation materialized into an unreserved queasiness making its way up. Covering her m
outh, she rushed past Brandon right back into the bathroom.

  “Hey. Sarah is . . .” Andrew started before pausing. “Wait a minute, what’s this? What’s going on? And, dude, there’s no way you can lie your way out of this one.”

  Jordan dropped to her knees at the toilet, throwing up everything she’d consumed.

  “Uh, she’s not feeling well,” Brandon said.

  Brandon didn’t come back to the bathroom, but Andrew did, bringing her a towel. She couldn’t decide if she should be upset at Brandon for leaving her alone or thankful he was giving her the space she’d asked for. Either way, she felt used, neglected, and disgusted with herself.

  At nine in the morning, the sunlight outside was evident at the corners of her black-out drapes, but she preferred the darkness inside. It was soothing to her tarnished soul. Feeling broken and disgruntled after a restless night’s sleep, she hugged her pillow. Holding everything inside was killing her, and some words of advice from Adrianna would be appreciated. But what would she say? “I took your advice to get laid and it backfired, possibly leaving me knocked up and with twenty sexually transmitted diseases.”

  Brandon hadn’t even tried to contact her since she left the party last night. Not one phone call or text. And considering she was dying to text him, she had started to wonder if he’d already given up on her, given up on a problem he’d created. What if she was pregnant? Would he forget her and the baby? Or tell her to have an abortion? Too many tears . . . Why won’t they stop already?

  Her phone buzzed next to her, and her heart skipped a beat. But of course it wasn’t him, just a message from Sarah.

  Sarah: I didn’t see you leave last night. Andrew said you weren’t feeling well. Are you okay?

  Jordan: Yeah. Just still a little under the weather.

  Sarah: Brandon was moping after . . . I think he was worried about you.

  When she didn’t respond, Sarah called. She didn’t want to talk, but it was kind of hard to feign an excuse when she’d been texting moments before, so she cleared her throat and answered. “Hey.”

  Sarah’s voice sounded groggy, like she’d just woken up. “Hey, so talk to me. And don’t bullshit me, either. Because I’ve known Brandon for years, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”

  “I don’t really want to talk about it. But since you asked, I feel like such an idiot for liking him. He’s despicable and horrible at anything that matters—like realizing that I’m going completely crazy over him. And I hate that. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to like him. It fucking sucks, Sarah!”

  Everything spilled before she could stop it. The confession alone lifted a ton off her shoulders, but made way for an even heavier burden. She didn’t just like Brandon. She was in love with him. Her eyes filled with more tears. Dammit.

  “Remember when we were getting our nails done, and I asked you about Brandon? You told me you guys were good friends, like, you could sit and talk about anything. Then I asked you about Greg, and you said he didn’t make you feel vulnerable. He was sweet and safe. But you broke up with him. Did you break up with him because of Brandon?”

  “No. Yes. I don’t know. It didn’t feel right. God, I’m so pathetic.”

  Sarah sighed. “I didn’t want you and Brandon to date because you’re my cool new friend, and frankly, it never worked out with anyone he does his friends-with-benefits shit with. I can tell you that Stephanie was pretty pissed last night and also left early, so there goes another friend. But as I said, the way he looks at you and the way you two treat each other, drive each other crazy—someone would be blind not to see there’s something between you. So, take that however you want, because now you’re my friend, and he’s my friend, which means I’m Switzerland. But I’m sure you guys will figure it out.”

  Jordan’s mouth quirked in amusement for the first time since last night. It felt good getting someone else’s perspective, even if it wasn’t much.

  “So, what I got from that is, he doesn’t commit, but good luck trying to make him.”

  Sarah laughed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I’m just trying to make you feel better while telling you the truth.”

  “Well, I guess you did make me feel a little better. Thank you. Is Andrew there with you?” She almost wanted to spill the beans about sleeping with Brandon—if Sarah hadn’t already read between the lines. But she didn’t.

  “No, he went to work. I teach yoga at ten at the studio. You should come release some of that tension, or come to one of my pole-dancing classes later.”

  “Maybe another day. I need to go make coffee or something,” Jordan said, without moving from her sprawled-out position on the bed.

  After hanging up with Sarah, her mind wandered back to Stephanie and Kelly and how quickly Brandon had gotten rid of them. And how could she forget that text from Tina? Four girls, including herself, in one week, chasing after a man who didn’t want to be caught. Was that why he’d agreed so easily not to tell anyone about them? Was he planning to get rid of her too? Even with a baby? His baby?

  Oh my God, stop thinking, Jordan. Stop . . .

  Jordan stood inches from the door, unable to move. Subtle knocks had turned into punches, causing the door to vibrate in its frame. It was three in the afternoon. He’d waited almost all day to call or text and then showed up. What was wrong with him?

  “Jordan, I know you’re in there.”

  Her heart felt like the pincushion she wore on her wrist most days. Each time he spoke, another needle penetrated.

  “I can’t see you right now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I can’t.” Tears spilled down her cheeks.

  “You don’t have to do this alone.”

  Maintaining silence, she stepped forward, only to lean her back against the door and slide to the floor.

  “Jordan,” Brandon pleaded. “I’m sorry.”

  “I can’t do this with you.” Sniffling, she swiped a tear from her eye.

  “No, you don’t mean that, Jordan.” He paused for a beat before continuing. “I can’t lose you this time. I was being stupid. Please, we need to talk about this, and I’m leaving town for a few days. I should be at the airport already, but I can’t leave without seeing you. So unless you want me to get into your apartment using any means necessary—like calling one of my guys to remove the door from its hinges—you might as well open up.”

  As much as she wanted to send him away, she wanted to see him too. Using her hands to fan her face, she took a deep breath and opened the door.

  Brandon breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of her and cupped her face in his hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how or why I didn’t say anything. It was stupid. I’m not good at doing this, but I want to be better. I’m so sorry.”

  He wrapped her in an embrace, and she held him, enjoying the warmth and completeness he brought her. And it was confusing, because she should’ve been mad at him, but she couldn’t find the strength anymore.

  “Whatever is happening between us scares me, especially now that it’s hurting,” Jordan said. “How do I know when to quit before . . . it’s too late?”

  Her last, unhealthy relationship had lasted three years, and it took the help of her best friends to get her out of it, even after she’d lost the baby. She didn’t want to be that girl again—the one who was too ashamed and devoted to quit even when she was hurting.

  “It scares me, too, and I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. It’s the last thing I wanted to do. That’s why I didn’t tell you. I was afraid, but I know that was wrong. I won’t keep anything from you again, I promise.” He rubbed his hands over her back. “Please, just don’t quit on me. I need you, Jordan.”

  She nodded, then sighed. “My mind still goes to all those girls . . . I feel like you’ve fucked everyone. It sucks.” She shook her head. “How do I know, Brandon? How do I know I’m any different than—”

  “This wasn’t some grand plan to keep you around
until I fucked you, and you should know that. I’ve kept you in my life because I knew I wasn’t good enough for you, but I still wanted anything I could get, even just your friendship. But we’re past that point now. You’ve made me want to be better, and I am determined to be what you need. But I can’t change my past. I wish I could, but I can’t. You just have to trust me, Jordan, because the day you gave yourself to me, I became yours. I don’t want anyone else.”

  Jordan lifted her head so she could see his face, unable to hide her smile. “I thought girlfriends weren’t your thing.”

  “You’re my thing, and you’re mine, which makes you my girlfriend.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “I wish I didn’t have to go, but I’ll be in Australia for two days closing a deal and working through some details. Then I need to get back in time for the charity event. Damn, I almost forgot—stay here. Don’t move!”

  Brandon ran down the stairs to his car and returned with a brown paper bag and flowers. “I didn’t know which you’d like more, so I got them both—doughnuts and chocolate truffles.”

  Her brows puckered. “So you’re trying to get me fat in more ways than one.”

  The warmth in his eyes melted her. “We have so much to talk about. See you when I get back?”

  Setting the flowers in water, Jordan read the handwriting on a folded piece of paper stuck to the box of truffles. It does matter. She opened it to find his STD testing results, and he was right. She shook her head in wonder. He was clean.