Fire Inside Me

by J. Hali Steele

  “Fuck’s sake, Sage. That’s…I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, Mario Sabatini won’t make a move until he gets what he wants.”

  Ignored Wiley’s comment about Em leaving him. “I hung on to a few incriminating journals.”

  “That would be what his brother misplaced. Thank God you didn’t pass them to Syl. Shades of the old days.” Wiley grunted. “When will people stop writing shit down?”

  “Computers are no better. Always some fucker eager to make a buck cracking source codes and finding back doors. Why do they call the malicious fucks black hats? Now I’m envisioning that yellow ball with a mouth zipping around a maze eating white dots and colorful blips.”

  “For crying out loud, there you go with the babbling shit, Sage.”

  “Kiss my ass, Wiley, and if you say it, I’ll punch you in the goddamn face.”

  “What? I like sandboxes.” Grin split his face. “Just prefer mine over yours.”

  “Bitch.” Sage leaned against the door to prevent Wiley opening it. “How did you live so long without Vick?”

  “I understood she needed to come to a place where she could accept all of me. She had to experience what a shitty place the world can be. Funny thing, my saving Vick from malevolent motherfuckers didn’t show her. I was just another cruel bastard. One, she found herself attracted to. Fuck, Sage, I don’t know what changed it for her. Vick calls it love and I’m going with that.”

  “At least she didn’t hate you.”

  “She did. Hate’s a compelling emotion we should not waste on anyone we don’t love.”

  “Does Vick listen to your tidbits of wisdom?”

  “The future Mrs. Coyte values my judiciousness.”

  “What the fuck is your last name?”

  “It’s time you know it but a single joke about pronunciation or a goddamn road runner will end you in a similar manner as the last man who tried such comparison.” Wiley pulled aside his lapel.

  “You wouldn’t dare use that pea shooter on me.”

  “Try me. Now, are we ready?”

  “Fucker.”

  Emory had shown up on his parent’s porch with his bags and a cat in a carrier. They gathered when they visited California for a weekend to attend Emory’s graduation that something was going on between him and Sage. Rusty was unhappy as hell and argued with Sage about taking advantage of his little brother but they worked through it. No one questioned Emory’s motive for coming home nor did they disparage Sage.

  His mom prepared the bed in his old room and dug out a pan for Vegas to use as a litter box. Em filled it with torn up newspaper until he could buy supplies and he’d better hurry because the furball was developing quite a taste for fancy white albacore.

  Surprised him Rusty discerned something seriously amiss and insisted they talk.

  Em told him about the guy who tried to rape him in a dirty motel room and he was glad he did. They talked, really talked.

  “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  “I was ashamed. God, I was so easily conned by a jerk.” Emory studied his brother. “I thought you didn’t like me. I mean, I know you loved me but like, Russel, you never seemed to like me.”

  “I was afraid and it surfaced as anger.”

  “Afraid? Why?”

  “Not long ago I told Sage you were brave, courageous; I meant it. Em, how many other boys do you know with enough heart to walk into high school wearing a dress or skirt? You did. You thumbed your nose at society and said this is who I am and how I want to look. I was so fucking worried for you every goddamn day. Large cities are more diverse and accepting. Coatesville is small, it’s a gritty steel city full of people who would hurt someone like you for… Sage, they did it to him. Couldn’t break him when he came out but they tried and one day I thought they succeeded. He couldn’t wait to get as far from this place as he could.”

  “Why’d he leave?”

  “A bunch of high school punks, they, Jesus, I came on them in the alley and I still remember their laughter but can’t say I heard a sound from Sage. He never cursed or cried out, Em, he never gave that satisfaction.”

  “What happened?”

  “They ran and Sage refused to let me call policemen, get help or even tell mom and dad. Look, I wanted something good for you and Sage took you away from here, he saw to it you received your degree. Would I have picked him to be the man you fell in love with? No. But you are in love with him or you wouldn’t be questioning if leaving him was right. I know you, Emory. You’d be sad but already planning your next move. You’re in this thing with Sage and it’s not my place to divulge what he wants to keep to himself.” Russel sat back and filled his lungs with air. “Go back, Em, make sure it’s over. If you ask him about that day, be prepared to share everything with Sage. He deserves that.”

  Had no idea Sage had such a bad time growing up.

  He felt for his lover what Russ felt for him. Fear. Whenever he was gone, Em waited on pins and needles for him to resurface and he would love Sage so hard. Physically. God, those nights were wondrous but they were born out of fear. What if he was shot or blown up? What if law enforcement got their hands on him? Vigilantism was a crime. Imagined courts would be horrified to uncover Sage had been paid to carry out a death sentence.

  “He’d never disclose that secret.” Sage would accept punishment which, for him would be worse than… “Fuck’s sake, what if he got hit by a goddamn bus?”

  Vegas curled by his head. Unsatisfied, she fidgeted and pawed, scratched and dug the empty pillow until finally settling down. Claws embedded in the case, she rolled to her back and closed her eyes. “I miss him too, girl.”

  What did they do to you?

  Chapter Thirteen

  S

  age prevented Syl’s departure. “Somebody I’d like you to meet.” Wily remained still as a statue as Sage buzzed the guard he inherited along with the job of controller. “Send my guest in.” Sage had yet to greet the man. When he entered the room, he gripped the desk. The eyes in the basement window. This son of a bitch, who resembled his brother, followed him. He faced Syl. “No need to ask how Mr. Sabatini discovered my whereabouts in Pennsylvania.”

  “His brother’s infraction…Sage…look…I...”

  “Why, Syl?” Wiley strode to stand toe to toe with the man he’d known much longer than Sage.

  Both had trusted him with their lives hundreds of times. What threw him over the edge? Sage reminisced the first call regarding Farrington and Syl’s request for Sage to meet the man. Thought the conductor was growing soft when all along he was plotting to cover his ass.

  Flopping in a chair, it poured out. “My wife threatened to divorce me and take everything. Goddamn it, because of sexual desires, I got careless. She had me followed to…to… I have a predilection for being dominated and she discovered it. Jesus, there were pictures of me and dominatrixes…” He laughed hysterically. “Imagine me being followed in my line of work.”

  “You son of a bitch.” Sage was pissed Emory had been jeopardized over sexual assignations. Nobody gave a shit nowadays who or how anyone fucked or got off particularly if it was consensual. “I knew something was off. You had no plan to reconnect with her.”

  “I couldn’t put hits on every lawyer or judge who may have become involved. Don’t you understand? Everything. She wanted every penny.”

  “That’s not good enough, Syl.”

  “You’re right. Michael passed WWIA information to Farrington who had promised him huge construction contracts once elected. When Farrington was unsatisfied, Michael threatened me with leaking to the press pictures he’d stolen from my wife. The private investigation agency suddenly didn’t exist and I didn’t want to be next.” He eyed Sage. “I knew the way you’d fallen for your mark you’d take out anyone you felt a threat to his wellbeing.” He arrowed eyes at Mario. “When we spoke, I hoped for a different outcome.”

  “You used me to kill Sabatini to get from unde
r his thumb?”

  “Yes.” Syl hung his head. “Billions, she would have gotten billions simply because I craved something the bitch couldn’t provide.”

  “And you told his brother where I’d be with hopes he’d take me and Emory out. My guess is you announced you intended to offer me your position. No one would dare think you had a thing to do with my death.”

  “I worked hard, I made decisions no one else wanted to. I had nightmares over many I knew should not have transpired.” He glared up at Sage. “Imagine that, Sage, because you will experience the same phenomenon. There will be nights you walk floors unable to sleep. There will be days you’ll stare out that window over there and consider jumping. Then someone snatches it all from you over…”

  “A piece of ass, Syl? That’s what it boils down to. I don’t give a damn if you were locked in a cage or chained to a wall. That’s your thing. You were sloppy and got caught.” Sage grasped a handful of shirt and yanked him to his feet. “I do give a shit you almost got Emory killed.”

  “He’s mine.” Mario Sabatini had stood by silently. “You pulled the trigger but Syl killed my brother. I’ve been in this business as long as Wiley and when Syl discovered I was in town, he gave you up too easily. I followed you to the university with the idea of speaking to you. Unfortunately, that did not come about.” Eyes shuddered. “I planned to be at Sabatini and Sons’ office that fateful day to retrieve…something of value I could no longer trust to Michael’s keeping.”

  “Would have changed circumstances of our meeting.” Sage wondered whether he or Mario would have died.

  “Yes. I thought to inform Wiley but I wasn’t certain. I began to suspect there was more and after going through my brother’s belongings, I started adding things up. There were records on many others I destroyed. Found these pictures which have no bearing now as Syl’s wife will inherit everything.” He threw the envelope on the desk. “Michael grew greedy and did not perform due diligence. He wasn’t the best person and had lots of faults but he was my brother.”

  “I didn’t know.” Sage stared at Mario. “I’m sorry.”

  “For a cowardly controller’s actions? Wasn’t your fault. I have a wife and children I love very much and I’d have done the same as you to anyone I thought threatening.” He punched Syl and Sage heard bone break as he let go of Syl who dropped to his knees. Blood poured from his nose.

  “I’ll handle…”

  “No.” Sabatini yanked Syl upward. “If either of you try to stop me, conditions will alter drastically.” Sage and Wiley lifted hands. “There is another matter.”

  “First, your word this will never come back on Emory or his family.”

  “Done. You are now a controller. I would no more harm you than I would Wiley. But I want my property.”

  “I will personally deliver the ledgers.”

  “I’ll be in touch.” Mario Sabatini left with Syl in tow.

  Wiley looked at Sage. “Shit, if I was his wife, I’d have tied him up and whipped shit out that ass.”

  “Wiley, it’s not…it’s more than that.”

  “Yeah, well, thank God there are so many sandboxes for us all to happily play in.”

  “Get the fuck out.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I have my own jet thanks to World Wide.” Sage crossed to the door. “I’m going to bring Emory home.”

  “Sage…”

  “You can’t stop me. I want him, Wiley.”

  “I was going to suggest you contact your pilot who will take it from there.”

  “Oh, I’ll call on the way.” He opened the door.

  “Sage?”

  “Fuck’s sake, What?”

  “Syl was right. There will be night’s…”

  “I don’t give a fuck.”

  “If he chooses not to return?”

  Sage had considered that. Resuming his orderly life would be difficult but not beyond his ability. Sage took pride in controlling every aspect of his life. Until Emory. “I lived without him before and I can again.” Could he? “Shit.” It’d been a week and Sage missed disarray the pretty bastard had brought to his life. “Having Emory will make those nights bearable.”

  “Mrs. Welton, can I come in?”

  “Sage, you’re welcome here anytime.”

  “Wow, it’s pasta night. You always made the best.”

  “Well, we won’t tell tonight’s chef.” She pulled him in and led him into the living room. “Next to mine I’d say is Em’s. We won’t bother him.”

  “Em cooks?”

  “Yes. He never prepared a meal for you?”

  “Ham sandwiches.”

  “Oh, my. I’ll see how his dinner’s coming along.”

  Front door opened and Russ blew in followed by his family. “Sage, hey.” Maddy headed to the kitchen with a covered dish. “Em know you’re here?”

  “No. Just got in.”

  “I see.”

  Something rubbed against his leg. “Vegas. Hey, baby girl. Missed you.” He picked the kitten up and nuzzled its ear. Vegas curled into his lap as if she never planned to leave again.

  “I’m going to see if mom can take over. You two need to have a serious talk before dinner.”

  Sounded ominous. What if Emory had already announced to his family he wasn’t returning? No, hell, no. Em’s coming home. “Vegas. You’re coming home.”

  “She missed you.”

  Sage jumped. Seeing Emory lounge in the doorway caused his heart… Fucking palpitations. He was gorgeous in pink leggings and his signature oversized, off the shoulder top in maroon. Damn if he didn’t have on flip flops sporting a two-inch heel. “Can we go for a walk?”

  “Sure. Let me change my shoes.”

  Sage intentionally turned the corner and headed to Buttonwood. As they entered the street which was no more than an alley, he came to a spot beside a garage that used to house a dilapidated shed. “Guess it fell down.”

  “What?”

  “Used to be an old shed here.”

  “Sage…”

  “Three older boys attacked me when I was on my way home. They dragged me here. One carried a wire hanger. While two held me down, he heated it with a lighter until coating melted off.”

  “Don’t…”

  “He pressed it against my navel. While they wrestled with me, he heated it three, four more times and branded my stomach. I had the tattoo you pointed out done in an attempt to cover scars.”

  “Oh, Sage.” Emory hugged him. “Why, why?”

  “I had come out a few months earlier.” He buried his face in Em’s shoulder. “Biggest guy, the one who wielded the hanger, said every faggot needed a pussy—I’m making one for you.”

  “No, no, God no!”

  “Rusty was much smaller but he frightened them away yelling and throwing shit.” Sitting on the concrete, he continued quietly. “Saw the kid who burned me hunting with his father one day and I shot him. So many people had guns and illegally prowled those woods bagging deer and small game, local police had no idea where to start. They considered it an accident. I slept good that night, Emory.”

  “Jesus!”

  He gazed up. “The mutilation he performed on me contaminated my soul. There is no right to what I do but it’s what I do. I’ll answer for it if and when I must.” Rising, Sage stressed, “I have waited forever for a man like you. I’ve waited for you.” Traced Em’s mouth, wanted to kiss and hold him forever. “You bring me some peace. Without you the fire inside me will likely rage out of control.” Sage kissed him softly. “It’s selfish as hell but I don’t want to talk about it every damn time I come home. I won’t—I. Can’t.”

  Em took his sneaker off and lifted his foot allowing Sage to see disfigurement on the sole. He told his story. “He attempted to rape me and I wanted to cut his heart out. Sometimes I wonder if I saw him again might I do it? It changed me. Wary of trusting or believing men who attracted me, and in
searching for what I needed and desired, there were too fucking many one-night stands.”

  “Hell of a wounded pair, huh?”

  “But we’re a pair.”

  “Are we?”

  “I want to go home.”

  “Fine, Emory.”

  “California.”

  “Thank God.” He embraced Em. “It’s been lonely without you.” As they strolled hand in hand back to the Weltons’, Sage asked, “How come you never made me pasta?”

  “You’re always fiddling in the kitchen. Plus, all those gleaming pots with glass lids, I’m like, what if I drop and break something in Mr. Perfect’s house? Hell, I’ve been known to get sauce on the ceiling. That would not be a good look in either of your houses. Heck, I didn’t know you liked pasta.” They had reached the porch. “Em twisted to look at Sage. “I’ll still probably find something to bitch about.”

  “I know.”

  “Remember that first time in your garage, on your car? I thought then—the man whose sins I’d gladly overlook if I could have him.”

  “I’m yours.”

  “But what if…”

  “Hummingbird, shut the fuck up and kiss me.”

  The End

  Thank you for taking time to read FIRE INSIDE ME. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling friends or posting a short review. Word of mouth is an author's best friend and I would appreciate it greatly. J. Hali Steele.

  Other Books: by J. Hali Steele found at: Amazon BN Kobo

  Find me at: All Author and QueeRomance Ink

  For more, visit: Changeling Press or Liquid Silver

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