When Colour Became Grey

by A Lorenzen

  ‘Then, what is it?’ He got closer to me. His eyes were filled with fear and shock.

  A phone buzzed. Blake didn’t move. We stood in silence until eventually the phone stopped. Shortly after, it started again. Annoyed he took his eyes off me and walked over to his phone lying on the table. ‘I can’t talk right now-’

  There was a moment of silence. Then, he hung up.

  ‘Meerah,’ he took a moment before continuing. ‘I will ask you a question and I need you to be honest.’ I could see he was tense.

  Blake’s voice trembled slightly. ‘Did you… did you do something to… to… Jesper?’

  It played back in front of my eyes, the knife twisting inside his body and his eyes dying. ‘He deserved it.’

  Blake closed his eyes and put his hands over his face. I could hear him breathe through his fingers. He sighed and brushed his hair back with his hands. ‘Did you…?’

  ‘Yes.’ There was almost a smile on my lips.

  He exhaled loudly and whined desperately. Blake turned away and walked towards his training station, murmuring indistinct words.

  Eventually, he turned back towards me. ‘Do you – do you even realize what you did?!’

  ‘I know what I did. He deserved it.’

  ‘Were you at least defending yourself?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Jesus Christ. The council will find out about his murder, if they don’t already know,’ he said through the hand covering his mouth.

  A sting of fear shot through me. What would happen to me? Probably torture and death…

  ‘Meerah… why?’

  My eyebrows drew together in anger. ‘You know what he did. He killed his recruit and Ben and got away with it!’ My bloody hands formed fists.

  ‘Did anyone see you?’

  ‘No. Not really. A woman may have seen my car, but it was dark and I had left the headlights off.’

  ‘Right.’ Blake looked down at the floor and took deep shaking breaths. He let his hands rest on his hips. ‘Right, this is what will happen.’ He walked up to me and looked into my eyes, ‘You are going to take a shower and go to bed. I will get rid of all your clothes and hopefully nothing will lead back to you. Give me the gun you used.’ He stretched out his empty left hand.

  Slowly I reached into my jacket pocket and placed the blood-covered knife into his hand.

  ‘A knife? Really? You couldn’t just shoot him?’ he asked sarcastically.

  ‘He had to suffer,’ I admitted in a low voice as if I was a child caught playing with my mother’s expensive make-up, but secretly enjoying my mischiefs.

  ‘Did you leave any other evidence anywhere?’ Blake held the knife as if it carried diseases.

  ‘There is a bullet in my car-’

  ‘I’ll get you a new car.’

  ‘My shoes as well…’

  ‘I’ll take care of it. Take off your clothes.’ Blake gesticulated in my direction.

  I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. The blood had made the fabric stiff. Once I had taken all my clothes off and piled them by the door, I laid Jesper’s gun on top of it.

  ‘Are you in the shower?’ I heard Blake shout from behind the door. The shower curtain was drawn, hiding me from the door. ‘Yes.’

  He opened the door and took the stack of clothes I had left on the floor. ‘I’ll be back. Don’t go outside.’

  The blood washed out of my hair when the hot water rained over it. Rubbing and scrubbing every inch of my body, I made sure to erase any evidence that I had committed the horrible crime. There was probably some leftover residue of blood that might be visible under special light, just like I remembered from cop TV shows. Would the council have any of those? Would the council ask to see my naked body?

  The thought made me laugh.

  I stopped the shower when there was no more hot water in the pipes and my skin was wrinkled like that of an old lady. There was nothing to do but wait for Blake’s return. I mixed myself a strong drink and sat down in Blake’s chair by the window, staring outside. My hands trembled, though almost not visible to the naked eye. If I hadn’t been looking for it, I might not have noticed the slight ripples on the surface of my drink.

  The murder played back over and over in my head: the break-in through the conservatory, sneaking up the stairs, the struggle, the gun, the knife, the woman, the escape, blood everywhere. Everything was tainted with blood. Jesper deserved every single pain he felt as he died. If I had to do it all over again, I would. He had gotten away with murder for long enough. Karma is a bitch.

  What would Ben think of this? Would he be happy? Would he be relieved? Proud? Ben had rarely spoken about Jesper but when he did, it was always in anger. Jesper must have inflicted him endless pain… It made me sick to imagine the torture the poor recruit had gone through by those vampires. How could a master leave their protégé behind like that? How could one continue living knowing you were responsible for the torture and death of someone else, someone who depended on you, someone you were supposed to protect? And then blame it on someone else? I hoped Jesper was in hell, burning in eternity, being cut open by thousands of knifes making him bleed to death over and over again until the sun burnt out.

  It was mid-morning when Blake returned. He tossed a set of keys my way.

  ‘Your new car,’ he said. Exhausted he sat down in the chair next to me, laid his head back and closed his eyes.

  ‘Why did you do it?’

  ‘You mean why am I protecting you?’ he rephrased, not opening his eyes.

  ‘I killed someone and you’re ok with that?’

  He took his time answering. ‘Protecting you from the council and being ok with your actions are two different things. And for the record…’ He tilted his head my way and opened his eyes. ‘I’m not ok with you killing someone, even if it was Jesper.’

  Blake closed his eyes again.

  ‘What’s gonna happen to me?’ I dared to ask, taking a big gulp of my drink.

  ‘You will most certainly be called into a hearing. And when you tell them you didn’t do it, I will vouch for you and say you were with me all night.’

  It seemed too easy. ‘And they will believe it?’

  ‘Either they believe us or we’re both dead.’ Blake got back up onto his feet. ‘If you feel the need to kill someone else, don’t.’ With those words he walked up the stairs and shortly afterwards, I could hear gentle snoring from his bedroom.

  Why was he protecting me? Why was he risking his life? An echo of the conversation he had with Caleb came to me. Could he still be… in love? It felt strange to even think it! What now? Should I ask him about it? Obviously, I cared for him even if he drove me crazy, but I couldn’t imagine being with him!

  This was all too weird. I needed another drink to calm my nerves. Just as I was putting the finishing touches on it, my phone vibrated in my pocket.

  ‘Caleb, what a nice surprise.’ My voice was way too high-pitched to sound normal.

  ‘I have just been summoned for another hearing about Jesper.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘So have you and Blake. Tell me you at least got rid of the evidence!’

  I swallowed the alcohol and bile in my mouth. ‘Blake took care of it.’

  ‘God, what have you done?! I can’t leave you alone for five minutes! Tell Blake I’m coming back tonight!’ His anger was audible, but I couldn’t sense it like I usually did. Was it the moloch blood? Where was he coming back from? The human world?

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.

  ‘I hope you are, considering the trouble we’re in now!’ He hung up.

  Now that the thought had entered my mind, the desire for moloch blood grew. Last night I didn’t have much and I missed its liberating effect. My fury had overpowered me, robbing me of any relief or ecstasy.

  I had told myself I would stop! No more! Maybe just once… No! What if I got caught? Would Blake bail me out for this too? I had to be careful.

  The more time passe
d, the more nervous I got about either of them uncovering my secret. I wasn’t sure they would be willing or even able to cover that up. The itch for more blood grew steadily alongside it…

  When Caleb finally arrived, it was pitch black outside. He let himself fall into one of the chairs in the living room. Blake made his way towards him but kept a safe distance. He chose to lean against the table, crossing his arms over his chest.

  Hesitantly, I sat down next to Caleb. The irritation and anger were palpable in the room.

  ‘So, who would like to start?’ I broke the silence.

  ‘Tell us what happened,’ Caleb instructed.

  There was no need to give them any details on the actual act, so I brushed over it quickly, hoping they wouldn’t see me as the murderer I was. They remained silent. When I looked down at my hands, I could still see the blood dripping off them.

  ‘How did you recognize Jesper?’ Caleb finally said.

  ‘I had seen him before,’ I said. My answer spilled out faster than my brain had time to think. Blake and Caleb threw each other a look and I knew I had said too much.

  ‘Where did you see him before?’ Blake continued.

  I couldn’t admit I remembered the conversation they had had when they thought I was unconscious. The only reason I remembered was because of the moloch blood! The moment that red liquid had touched my tongue all of Caleb’s magical effects to cloud my mind had evaporated.

  ‘I… I remembered seeing him…’ I tried to think of an answer that would make sense.

  In a quick motion Caleb laid his hand on my arm. The positive sensation overpowered me instantly. All my willpower went straight out of the window. ‘Where did you see Jesper?’

  ‘In your house. I ran by your house and wanted to talk to you, but I saw a man arguing with you and it was him,’ I admitted without hesitation.

  ‘How did you know it was him?’

  ‘Because I heard you tell Blake that he came to your house.’

  Caleb looked away from me and towards Blake. ‘Could this be right?’

  Blake shrugged. ‘It’s possible.’

  Caleb let go of my arm and I was thrust out of heaven and back to reality, like a rollercoaster pulling into its final destination, coming to an abrupt stop.

  ‘Did anyone see you?’

  ‘A woman saw my car, but she didn’t see me, no.’

  Caleb sighed deeply and retreated into himself. His eyes stared at the floor; his forehead laid in wrinkles. ‘The council wants to see you tomorrow,’ he said without looking up.

  ‘… Ok, I’ll… be ready,’ I stammered. Would I be? Could I keep it together?

  Once again, within the blink of an eye Caleb closed his hands around my arms and catapulted me back into obedient heaven. But this time it was stronger than before, he had separated my soul from my body again and I was floating in a sea of whiteness.

  ‘You shouldn’t keep doing that to her,’ Blake’s voice echoed in the background.

  ‘She needs to be calm at the hearing! I can’t have her ramble on about injustice! One wrong word and you’re both dead!’

  Silence.

  ‘I can sense something in her, something… dark,’ Caleb said.

  ‘Could be the fact that she just murdered someone,’ Blake snorted.

  ‘When will you let go of your anger towards me?’ Caleb snipped at Blake.

  ‘When you stop lying to me!’ Blake barked back.

  ‘Blake, I am sorry. I was trying to protect you.’ His voice was much softer now.

  Blake breathed in deeply. ‘There is something dark in her; I see it too.’

  ‘What do you think it is?’ Caleb’s hands gently stroked my arm.

  ‘Not sure… She drinks a lot. More than once she passed out on the street-’

  ‘Follow her again,’ Caleb instructed, ‘I want to know what she does.’

  I drifted into a peaceful sleep.

  THE BLESSING

  The council meeting had gone well as far as I could tell. Though, I faintly remembered slashing Jesper’s stomach open with a knife, it felt like a distant disturbing dream. Maybe the anticipation of the hearing had given me nightmares. If I had killed someone I would have remembered, therefore it had to have been a bad dream.

  Blake told them I was at home the night Jesper was killed. We had trained and then watched a movie. I assumed it was correct. I couldn’t remember exactly. It was all a blur. When the council asked me what movie we saw and I couldn’t answer, I noticed Blake tense up. He couldn’t respond since it was my turn to answer questions and any interjections from him would have looked suspicious.

  ‘I fell asleep to be honest. I was really tired after the training with Blake.’

  The council members all leant forward. When I didn’t flinch, they gradually leant back again and accepted my answers. Their dark robes floated in the air as if they were made of feathers floating in the wind. Before we were free to go, the council reminded us of our duty to eliminate molochs and vampires. Apparently, there had been an increase in their numbers and not enough counterattacks from our side.

  I had made plans to see Kim after the hearing. Caleb and Blake did not speak during the ride to Santa’s pub. I got the feeling there was tension in the car, but I couldn’t really tell. My thoughts weren’t forming properly, and I felt far away from reality.

  Without a word exchanged, I got out of the car and entered Santa’s pub. The music was upbeat and the warm yellow light made me forget all my troubles.

  Kim wasn’t there yet and as usual, I didn’t wait for her before getting myself a drink. The pub was not too full and there were some seating areas available. While looking for the best spot, my gaze fell onto a dark corner behind the bar, with two tall green chairs and a small table with an old candle stuck on a wine bottle. That was where I had first met Ben, many nights ago. This was where it had all started.

  An odd feeling of melancholy washed over me. There was something intense I felt in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t identify what it was. Logic told me it was sorrow, but I couldn’t tell, I couldn’t… feel.

  I moved to an empty red booth, with high backs. The booth was not the most comfortable one, but it was close to the bar.

  Kim came in and hurried my way. ‘You have no idea how much I’ve been looking forward to this!’

  ‘It’s been too long!’ We hugged tightly. Kim told me she was still with June and things were going well. Kim had come out to Dominic and he had met June. Apparently, it had been as much a surprise to him as it had been to me. Kim now felt free enough to be herself. She still flirted with men but would at some point mention she was gay when she got bored of them. I gently asked if June ever got jealous of her flirting, to which she replied June didn’t know she flirted casually. I remembered all too well my one and only interaction with June. It surprised me she hadn’t made her jealousy clear.

  The pub had filled up and the bar was no longer visible from our seats. We took turns getting new drinks and avoided talking to anyone we didn’t know. I told Kim about Jesper’s death and the council accusing me of having something to do with it. Of course, she asked me if I had killed him and I assured her I hadn’t. I was certain of it! It gave me a weird sensation knowing that Ben’s master had finally gotten what he deserved.

  We drifted off into conversations about our human lives and the hours flew by. All too soon Kim was tired and ready to go home, so we left the bar and said our goodbyes at her car.

  Across the parking lot we saw movement. A low hiss gave them away. Kim and I instinctively drew our guns. When the three creatures appeared behind a row of bushes Kim whispered to me to take the left one and she would take care of the two others. We fired simultaneously and two of the molochs went down. Kim grazed the third one with another shot, but it escaped yelping into the bushes that lined the back of the parking lot.

  ‘We should check if the third one is close-by,’ Kim announced, already heading towards the corpses.

  I follow
ed her and felt a cold shiver down my spine when I saw the blood oozing. It was disgusting to look at. My stomach growled.

  No!

  ‘Can’t see it. Lucky bastard.’ Kim turned away from the dense and dark bushes. ‘I’m tired, let’s go.’

  I stared at the molochs on the ground. As I walked away, the urge in my head got louder and louder, like an itch screaming to be scratched. I wanted blood. I needed help. I couldn’t keep going like this. I knew what I had to do.

  ‘Kim, wait.’

  ‘What’s going on?’ she asked opening the door to her car.

  I looked around to make sure no one was close. Just the thought of uttering the words made me nervous.

  ‘Close the door.’ I opened the passenger side and climbed into the car. She followed suit.

  ‘Kim, I have to tell you something,’ I started, anxiously checking we were still alone. The parking lot was empty. It was dark and only a few streetlamps by the entrance of Santa’s pub illuminated the surrounding.

  ‘I… I have been doing something.’ I leant closer and lowered my voice, ‘Kim I have been drinking moloch blood.’ My voice did not feel like my own. It all seemed surreal.

  ‘What… do you mean drinking moloch blood?’

  ‘The first time was an accident but it, it made me feel good. So I did it again and it made me feel better and better. It gives you this incredible high!’ I whispered trying to hold back the smile on my face. It was as if I had gotten away with murder.

  ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘Yes! It’s better than drugs Kim; it’s so good!’

  ‘Ameerah you sound crazy! How could you do that?! It’s basically human blood!’

  I had hoped she would understand. Now I realized how foolish I had been. How could anyone possibly understand and endorse what I was doing?

  ‘It’s moloch blood! I could never drink human blood!’ I exclaimed at her accusation.

  ‘But Meerah, you can’t do this! You have to stop! It’s… it’s…’

  ‘What? Dangerous? Illegal?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Where does it say that? I was never told not to drink moloch blood. I get Caleb’s blood transferred into me when I’m hurt anyway. What’s the difference?!’