Blissfully Blindsided

by Robin Alexander

  Blaze’s voice sounded strained when she said,” I got a bottle of water out of your cooler and doused myself.”

  “I’m glad I wasn’t here to witness that.” Carey handed Blaze the shorts and balm. “Go on inside and put all of this stuff on.”

  Blaze looked at the jar Carey handed her. “This is for horses.”

  “Yeah, but it makes them happy when I put it on their bug bites.”

  Blaze set the balm aside and pulled on the shorts. “Thank you so much.”

  “It’s the least I could do since you suffered to come out and see me. Just a reminder, you do have a car.” Carey grinned as she reclaimed her seat. “I know you won’t admit it, but you’re gonna miss me when I go on the road with TJ in a few weeks. That’s why you’re here.”

  “Wrong. I don’t see you enough to miss your hermit ass,” Blaze said with a smile and leaned against a porch post instead of sitting down. “I’ve got my fingers crossed you’ll hate riding around in TJ’s big rig, so you won’t retire from the shipyard and hit the road with her.”

  Carey shook her head. “That’ll never happen. She’s been trucking since we met, and we don’t know how to spend a lot of time together. After this trip, I might be divorced. The last time we did this, we argued for three hundred miles.” She took a sip of her beer and sighed. “What’s going on in your life?”

  “Chantal’s here again.”

  “Aw, shit. Did she roll into town in a new luxury car driven by some guy younger than you?” Carey asked with a scowl.

  “She came alone a few days ago in a limo. She decided to drive a motorcycle for the first time at seventy…something years old. Obviously, it didn’t go well. Chantal has a broken ankle, a hairline fracture in her arm and a cracked rib. She claims she’s down to her last dime with no place to go.”

  Carey gawked at Blaze. “Are you about to tell me she’s staying at your house?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

  “Blaze! Damn it! How could you do that after what that woman’s done to you and Ronnie?”

  “She’s banged up and in a wheelchair.” Blaze sighed. “And…she’s my mother.”

  “No, she ain’t. She might’ve given birth to you, but she’s never been a mother by any stretch of the imagination.” Carey slapped the arm of her rocking chair. “I can’t believe she’s got the nerve to show up at your place when she’s down and out. I hope you at least gnawed her ass.”

  Blaze shook her head as she leaned against a porch post. “I can’t.”

  “I’ve never understood that about you or your sister. All the times she came back here, you and Ronnie never asked how she could walk out on y’all when you were nothing more than babies. Y’all just listen to her brag about her life and her acting career and wave when she rolls back outta town.”

  “We don’t ask her anything because we don’t want her to think we care, and we don’t. We’ve lived our lives without her. We view her as a distant relative who we’re morbidly curious about because she lives in a world completely different from ours. Besides, we know why she left. She was more interested in being an actress than being our mother.” Blaze stared out into the darkness. “I know it was stupid to let her stay, but I couldn’t turn her away all busted up and broke.”

  “Do you think you’re showing her you’re a better person than she is?” Carey wagged a finger at Blaze. “She won’t get that. People like her see kindness as a weakness to exploit, and that’s exactly what she’s doing to you. If you can’t pitch her out, you need to tell her you know exactly what she’s doing. Where’s your daddy? What’s he say about this?”

  “He went to stay with his buddy Richard when he found out she was staying with me. He told Ronnie he’s not coming back to town until Chantal leaves.”

  “That was a shitty thing for him to do. He needs to be here supporting his kids, not running off like a coward. I ain’t your momma, but I wanna go over there and put that woman in her place right quick since you won’t do it. I don’t understand you. You can open that mouth of yours and tell off anybody in this town, and they all think you’re a crazy asshole.” Carey took a drink of her beer and sighed. “If it gets out that you took in your momma after what she’s done to you and Ronnie, your rep is gonna be ruined. People are gonna find out you’re too nice for your own good. Most people aren’t like that when they’ve had a shitty childhood.”

  “That’s not true. I was thinking about that today. Grandma, Grandpa, and Dad gave me and Ronnie everything we needed.” Blaze smiled wistfully. “I actually had a happy childhood.”

  “Until you were in high school and some kid dug up that old movie Writhe and Scream with Chantal’s famous nude scene in it.”

  “Okay, yeah, that was a rough time. And it was called Crash and Burn, you ass,” Blaze said with a laugh.

  “My title is more appropriate. That’s what she was doing on top of that ugly-ass guy. He was so gross with his seventies porno moustache and teeth bigger than the ones on my horse. Chantal has to be a good actress because she made me believe she was really into what she was doing. She had to be imagining that guy was someone else or with a bag over his head.” Carey took another drink of her beer. “He was only less disturbing than the fact you look a whole hell of a lot like your momma did then. It was like watching you—”

  “Don’t finish that sentence,” Blaze said with disgust. “You told me you never saw that movie!”

  “I hadn’t when I told you that. After you poured out your heart about how that movie wrecked your high school years, I got curious. One weekend when TJ was home, we kinda binged on everything your momma made. Damn smart TVs and the Internet. I tried to stop after watching Chantal’s two movies, but TJ had to go and find her soap opera. I hate those damn things, but I couldn’t look away. I’m ashamed to admit I have seen every episode of Love’s Law. I was amazed at how many times they killed Chantal’s character and she came back. The time they hit her with a bus, I thought this is it, ol’ Evelyn Cleary ain’t gonna survive this, but there she was the very next episode in a body cast. Evelyn was just too mean to die.” Carey chuckled. “I really kinda liked her. You ever binged on—”

  “No. I saw one episode of Love’s Law and the scene in that movie where the boobs I inherited bounced around, and that was enough.”

  “They didn’t bounce. Those things were so firm they hardly moved at all.” Carey gazed at Blaze with unfocused eyes as though she was seeing the scene in her mind. “Perfectly shaped, peach-colored areolas, and nipples on creamy mounds of—”

  “Really?” Blaze yelled and broke Carey out of her trance.

  “I’m sorry, but congratulations on inheriting that…uh…those peaches.” Carey took a long drink from her beer when she noticed Blaze’s scowl. “You know one thing you might wanna consider is, when Chantal was playing Evelyn Cleary on Love’s Law, she was always banged up. Those injuries she says she has now could be just as fake as those in that show.”

  “She may be able to fake an orgasm in a movie, but she can’t fake an ankle full of plates and screws.”

  Chapter 2

  Edie and Dean Breaux stared out their kitchen window at the house across the street that Caleigh had rented. “Why doesn’t she want us to help her unpack?” Dean asked.

  “She’s independent like my side of the family,” Edie said proudly.

  Dean smiled. “She could’ve moved anywhere, but she decided to settle close to us. Out of all our grandkids, Caleigh has always loved us the most. That’s why she’s our favorite.”

  “You’re not supposed to admit that.”

  “We’re alone in our kitchen, we can admit anything we want,” Dean said defiantly. “We could have sex on our table if we didn’t care about dislocating something, and I don’t mean a table leg.”

  “How’s your hip?” Edie asked with her gaze glued on the house Caleigh had rented.

  “It’s fine. You just gotta remember I don’t bend like I used to.” Dean clamped his
lips together for a moment. “Honey, do you think Caleigh really is gay?”

  The question caused Edie to turn and look at Dean. “We’ve known that since she was a teen. Why’re you questioning it now?”

  “It’s just she ain’t anything like Carey. Caleigh has hair, and she wears women’s clothes. Carey and I use the same barber, we wear the same kinda work boots. She works harder than any man at the shipyard, and that’s saying something because she ain’t a spring chicken. I’m not saying Caleigh ain’t strong, but I’ve never seen her pick up a forty-pound piece of steel pipe and throw it.”

  “Carey is what they call butch,” Edie explained. “She naturally feels more comfortable wearing a crew cut and men’s clothes. Caleigh is comfortable dressing kind of…sporty and girly. That doesn’t make her any less of a lesbian than Carey.”

  “Uh-huh, and how do you know about all that?”

  “I’ve traveled extensively, and therefore I’m more worldly,” Edie replied with a smug smile.

  “Honey, you’ve traveled from Louisiana to Arkansas and Texas, that ain’t extensive. Tell me where you’re getting all this gay knowledge from.”

  “She’s right under your nose every workday. I guess the only thing you and Carey ever talk about is fishing and whatever you’re working on.” Edie walked over to the stove to check on dinner.

  “I’ve been through a shitload of classes that taught me I’m not supposed to talk to her about anything sexual or personal.”

  “Well, we do need to talk to her about Caleigh.” Edie wagged a finger. “Nothing makes you put down a root in a place like love. We have to find a nice lady for Caleigh to fall in love with, so she’ll stay here.”

  “You wanna fix the baby up with Carey?” Dean asked with a frown.

  “Of course not, honey, there’s a twenty-three-year age difference between them, and that’s a little steep,” Edie said with a laugh. “Carey will be able to tell us which women in town are lesbians. We’ll pick a good one and wave her in Caleigh’s face like a carrot in front of a plow pony. Now be quiet, I just saw the baby pass the window.”

  A few seconds later, Caleigh walked in the back door and exclaimed, “My coffeemaker was broken during the move. I’m gonna die!”

  “We have coffee here. You want me to make you some?” Dean asked.

  “That’s right,” Edie agreed. “We have coffee, food, laundry detergent, anything you need. There’s no reason to even bother with getting another coffeepot.”

  Caleigh smiled. “We talked about this. I’ll come over often, but I wanna make my own nest. Where does a person in this town find a decent coffeemaker?”

  “At The Old Store,” Dean said. “I’ll run you over there after dinner.”

  “No, not there,” Edie interjected. “Their stuff…it’s just…too expensive and not good.”

  Dean made a face. “Half the stuff in this house came from there.”

  Caleigh didn’t mention she’d gotten a flat tire when she arrived the night before. She wasn’t about to admit she’d had a road hazard she couldn’t handle, so she didn’t mention meeting Blaze and hearing about the changes at the store. “I love that place with its old wooden floors and things that didn’t go together on the shelves like bread and plumbing supplies. Do they still sell chicks and bunnies at Easter?”

  “Oh! No bunnies. Don’t ever mention bunnies within a mile of Blaze Sonnier.” Edie wagged a finger. “She—”

  “Now don’t bring that up,” Dean said with a grimace.

  “Caleigh needs to know for her own safety,” Edie argued. “I personally saw Blaze chase Paul Tibby out of the store with a broom when he asked her if she had any Easter decorations.”

  Caleigh looked back and forth at Edie and Dean. “Does she have a bunny phobia, or is she anti-holiday decorations?”

  “She has a problem controlling her temper,” Edie said. “She attacked two women in a parking lot of the nursing home dressed as the Easter Bunny. It was all over the news, even the national news. I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it. Blaze punched one of them out, knocked the other to her knees, and did a vulgar dance against her face. When the police hauled Blaze off, she had blood all over her fur, and she was showing her teeth to the camera like a snarling dog.”

  “Now to be fair, it was Blaze who was attacked by those women,” Dean interjected. “They punched her in the face three times, and she was forced to defend herself. That’s really why the fur flew.” Dean shrugged. “As for the face humping, I don’t know what was happening there.”

  “And just how do you know she was attacked?” Edie asked with a hand on her hip.

  “Carey told me, then she showed me the video on the Internet. You always forget she and Blaze are friends. What they showed on the news was only a little bit of what happened. Blaze really wasn’t the bad gal,” Dean grinned, “or bunny in that situation.”

  “She humped someone’s face while wearing a rabbit costume?” Caleigh asked incredulously, trying to reconcile what she was hearing about the woman who’d helped her the night before.

  “Easter Bunny,” Edie corrected as though it made a difference. “I have a hard time believing she was attacked because of her history. She got mad at the principal because he told her she couldn’t go to the prom unless she wore a dress. Well, she cut the backside out of her marching band pants and showed everyone her butt as she marched across the football field during a halftime performance. She wasn’t wearing any panties either. She burned her daddy’s woodshop down because she got tired of helping him clean it out. The stories go on. Caleigh, you need to stay away from Blaze Sonnier, hear me on that.”

  “She ain’t the devil, Edie,” Dean said as he took a seat at the table. “You know how stories evolve around here as they get told. You got the baby’s lunch done yet?”

  Edie smiled and kissed Caleigh’s cheek. “I don’t normally cook red beans and rice in the summer, but I did today because I know it’s your favorite. I’m just waiting on the rice, there’s nothing else to do. You sit down with your Gramp.”

  Dean pushed a chair out for Caleigh with his foot. “Tell me the real reason you left your job.”

  “I was tired of traveling, that is the real reason. Gramp, do you think I got fired?” Caleigh asked with a slight smile as she took a seat.

  “Well, you just all of the sudden called up and said you were gonna work at the shipyard. That’s kind of a step down from what you’d been doing.”

  “Not really. I’ll make a little less, but the cost of living is cheap here, so I think it’ll even out. I signed up for notifications on human resources jobs in south Louisiana on a website, and I was surprised to see an opening at the shipyard. I emailed my résumé, and someone called me two days later to set up an interview over the web. After the interview, they offered me the job the next day.” Caleigh threw up her hands and laughed. “And here I am.”

  “Your daddy told me your mom was upset you didn’t look for something close to them in Baton Rouge. I told Will to tell Karen we rank higher,” Dean said with a grin.

  Caleigh reached over and patted Dean’s face. “Y’all do. I love Mom and Dad, but living here was too good to pass up.”

  “You’ll like the shipyard, it’s a great place to work.” Dean patted his chest. “I’m well past retirement age, and they haven’t tried to push me out like most places do with the old folk. They got me working in safety now, but I’m still on the dock where I wanna be. Are you sure you’re gay?”

  “Dean Breaux!” Edie snapped.

  “What? The baby and I have always talked frank on things.” Dean shrugged and met Caleigh’s amused gaze. “I’m just making sure because I only know one other gay woman, and you don’t look anything like her.”

  “I explained to you there are different types of lesbians,” Edie said testily. “Now you’ve got Caleigh thinking you don’t approve.”

  “She knows me better than that.” Dean winked at Caleigh. “Don’t you?”

  “Yep, a
nd I’m really super positive I’m a lesbian. There are some women who’ll validate that if you want to talk to them,” Caleigh said with a laugh.

  Dean shook his head. “I’m gonna take your word on that from here on out.”

  “What about the girlfriend you told me about? Are you still gonna try to see her now that you’re not on the road?” Edie asked as she set two glasses of tea on the table.

  “She wasn’t a girlfriend, I haven’t had one of those in years,” Caleigh said. “I tried to have relationships early on in my career, but I learned I couldn’t do that on the road. I had casual acquaintances in the cities I traveled to most often. We went out and had fun, but I didn’t get attached.”

  “You little shit, you had a woman in every port just like a sailor.”

  “Dean! She means she had friends she went out with to do things,” Edie said. “Don’t be nasty.”

  Caleigh grinned at Dean. “Yeah, what Gram said.”

  “Uh-huh.” Dean nodded as he regarded Caleigh skeptically and whispered, “I was in the navy. I know what casual means.”

  *******

  When Blaze arrived home from work that evening, her sister met her at the back door before she could get inside her house. “That woman is devious,” Ronnie whispered as she pushed Blaze back onto the porch and closed the door. “She told me she was going to take a nap in her room, and instead of sleeping, she ordered herself a crutch scooter from a home health store. A guy showed up this afternoon, delivered the scooter like a pizza, and took the wheelchair in exchange.”

  “She must’ve forgotten about her last experience on something similar to a scooter already.” Blaze cocked her head. “It’s not motorized, is it?”

  “No. It’s a scooter with handlebars, a little basket on the front, and a padded seat she rests her knee on. She pushes it around with her good leg. I don’t like it. She has a hairline fracture in her left arm. If she falls again, she’s likely to shatter that weak bone, and it’ll be full of plates and screws like her ankle.”