Dingus

by Andrew Larsen

  We walked around the side of the house into the backyard. The tent was set up under the oak tree, back by the shed. The tent was orange and looked like a dome. Four folding chairs and a folding table were set up in front of it. Poppy sat on one of the chairs, reading. Rupert sat on his lap.

  “Hello, campers!” said Poppy, closing his book and standing up to greet us. Rupert jumped off his lap.

  “Rupert!” I said. “Who’s a good dog?”

  “Woopah!” said Sam.

  “That’s right, little bean,” Poppy said to Sam. “Rupert is the best dog in the whole wide world.”

  Rupert ran to Sam and put his paws up on the stroller, his tail wagging like crazy. Sam held Mondo up in the air. Rupert took Mondo in his mouth and gave him a good shake. Sam laughed.

  “This is great, Poppy,” I said, walking around the tent and checking it out. “Are we all going to sleep out here, even Rupert?”

  “You’ll sleep in the tent with Sam and your dad,” said Poppy. “Rupert is going to sleep in the house with me.”

  “Let’s unpack the stroller and put our stuff in the tent,” said Dad.

  “We’re going to have a barbecue tonight,” said Poppy. “Who wants hot dogs?”

  “Doggy!” said Sam.

  Rupert tilted his head, waiting.

  Poppy says Rupert is smarter than Sam. Dad says Sam is smarter than any of us. It’s hard to know who’s right.

  27

  I had four hot dogs for dinner. Four! I had two glasses of root beer. Two! It was great! I was full. Almost too full. I started burping. Every time I burped, I felt a little less full and a little better. Every time I burped, Sam laughed. Then Sam started pretending he was burping, too.

  “Bwwwwap!” he said. “Bwwwwap!”

  “That’s enough, Sam,” said Poppy. “Big boys don’t burp like that.”

  Sam frowned.

  Poppy smiled.

  “Big boys burp like this,” he said, taking a deep breath and letting rip a loud, long burp. “BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBwwwwaaaaaaaap!”

  “Come on, Dad,” said Dad. “You shouldn’t be teaching the kids how to burp!”

  Poppy frowned.

  “Teaching the kids how to burp is my job,” Dad said, grinning. Then he let rip with a burp that was even louder than Poppy’s. I’ve never heard him burp like that. I had no idea he was so talented. He burped more than half the alphabet!

  “AaaabbbbbccccccddddddddeeeeeefffffffffggggghiiiiiijjjjkklllllmmnnnoooooooooP!”

  Sam hopped up and down, laughing like crazy.

  Rupert started barking.

  “Okay, that’s enough, boys,” yelled Poppy. “No more burping. No more barking.”

  “Aww,” Dad said. “I’d forgotten I could do the alphabet.”

  “You’re pretty good at it,” I said.

  “Practice makes perfect,” he said. “It took me a long time to learn.”

  “Can we have some marshmallows?” I asked. “I brought some from home.”

  “A little later,” said Poppy. “First, I have a surprise. I found something interesting when I was looking for the tent in the basement.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “My movie projector,” he said.

  “Where was it?” I asked. “I’ve never seen a movie projector down there.”

  “It was hidden away on one of the shelves that we haven’t sorted through yet,” he said.

  “Did you find our old movies?” asked Dad.

  “What movies?” I said.

  “I have all kinds of movies,” Poppy explained. “I’ve had some of them since your Dad was a boy. Plus, I have a box of movies that I got at a secondhand store a few years ago. They were from a school that was switching from film projectors to video players so they got rid of them. I’ve never watched any of them. I suppose they’re probably educational movies.”

  “Educational?” I said, thinking about the last educational movie I’d seen in health and phys ed. “I don’t want to watch anything educational. How about one of the movies from when Dad was little?”

  “Yeah!” said Dad.

  “That’s my boy!” said Poppy, smiling. “Let’s have a movie night.”

  “When I was a kid, Henry, we used to have movie nights out here,” Dad explained. “Poppy would hang a bedsheet on the side of the shed and we’d use that as a movie screen. All the kids from the neighborhood would come over. We’d watch movies under the stars. It was wicked.”

  “Wicked?” said Poppy.

  “Awesome,” said Dad, winking at me. “It means it was really awesome.”

  Poppy sighed “Those were great times. It seemed like the whole neighborhood was out here. People would bring their chairs and popcorn and cookies. Nana would make her famous lemonade. I miss those nights. Isn’t that funny? Sometimes you forget about something, and then when you remember it you realize how much you miss it.”

  “I know what you mean, Poppy,” I said.

  And I did. Because at that very moment I remembered Mom was in Las Vegas. I missed her. I even missed Max. I wished they were both here with us in Poppy’s backyard.

  “Do you still have any of the old cartoons?” asked Dad. “The ones with that crazy dog?”

  “Do you mean Rex the Ruff Rider?” said Poppy.

  “That’s it!” said Dad. “I loved Rex the Ruff Rider!”

  “Wuff widah!” Sam said.

  “I’ve got reels of them,” said Poppy. He turned and looked at me. “Henry, come give me a hand with the projector and we’ll bring up some of those movies.”

  “Sure, Poppy,” I said.

  The projector was way in the back of the basement, on a shelf near the furnace. The projector looked like a big metal suitcase. The movies were in flat, round metal tins, all different sizes, in different boxes. We found the box that was labeled Rex the Ruff Rider. Poppy carried the projector while I carried the box of movies. We made our way upstairs and back outside. It was starting to get dark.

  “Henry, look after your brother while your father and I get everything set up,” Poppy said to me. “Keep an eye on Rupert, too, please.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  Sam started running around the backyard. He wanted me to chase him. It’s a game we play at home. Rupert joined in.

  “I’m going to get you!” I called out.

  Sam shrieked and toddled away.

  “I’m going to catch you!” I said.

  Sam shrieked louder and toddled even faster.

  Rupert barked and jumped around, excited.

  “That’s enough, Rupert!” said Poppy. “Henry, will you please get Rupert to quiet down? His barking makes me crazy.”

  “Okay, Poppy,” I said.

  I looked at Rupert.

  “Sit!” I said, in my most serious voice.

  Rupert sat.

  “Good boy!” I said, petting him on the head. I looked over to make sure Poppy could see how well Rupert was listening to me. He smiled at me and nodded. I turned back to Rupert and said, “Come!”

  I took Sam by the hand and Rupert followed us on a little walk around the backyard. I pointed out the different flowers.

  “Isn’t that a nice flower?” I asked Sam.

  “Mmm,” said Sam. I think he was trying to sniff the flowers but, instead of sniffing, he was blowing air out of his nose. “Good.”

  “And look at that one,” I said.

  “Mmm,” he said. “Good.”

  The whole time Rupert was walking beside me. Just like he does with Poppy.

  28

  Dad and Poppy hung a bedsheet down the side of the shed to use as the screen. They moved the table and put the projector on top of it, facing the screen. Then they set up the chairs in a row. In no time at all we had an outdoor movie theater.

  “Is
this the way you did it when you were a kid?” I asked Dad.

  “It is,” he said. “There were more people out here, but this is almost exactly the way it used to be.”

  “It’s pretty cool,” I said.

  Poppy took the cover off the projector. The whole thing looked kind of complicated, with a bunch of buttons and dials. Poppy moved two metal arms until they snapped into place. One stuck out in the front of the projector and the other stuck out in the back. He got an empty movie reel from the cardboard box and snapped it onto the back arm. Then he took one of the round metal tins, marked “Rex and Friends,” and opened it. Inside was the actual film on a reel. He carefully snapped that reel onto the front arm. He fiddled with the film. Finally, he fed it into the projector and turned it on. You could hear whirring and clicking as the projector gobbled up the film and then spat it out near the back reel. Poppy wound the film onto the empty back reel.

  “Okay, I think we’re ready, boys,” he said. “It’s showtime.”

  Rupert curled up on the grass near Poppy. I got my flashlight from the tent and gave it to Sam to hold. I didn’t want him to be scared of the dark.

  Sam started shining it all around.

  Rupert stood up and chased the light. I think he wanted to bite it.

  “Go, dog, go!” said Sam.

  “That’s enough, Sam,” I said. “Come here, Rupert! Sit!”

  Rupert sat at my feet.

  Finally, we were ready. A clear beam of light shot out from the projector onto the screen. Then we saw a series of flickering numbers. It was like a real live countdown:

  9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1!

  The cartoon started.

  “Look, guys!” Dad said. He was excited. “It’s Rex the Ruff Rider!”

  We watched a bunch of Rex the Ruff Rider cartoons. There was one called “Little Red Riding Rex.” Rex is driving through the woods on his way to his grandma’s house and the Big Bad Wolf is chasing after him. Sam watched in horror. I guess he was afraid that Rex would get eaten. There was another cartoon where Rex sings the national anthem in front of a crowd of spectators before a race. Rex holds a single note for a really long time. It looks like he’s going to pass out.

  Rupert suddenly seemed very interested. His ears perked up. Something about Rex’s singing voice made him want to sing, too. Instead of singing, though, Rupert howled.

  “AAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO …”

  “Shhhhhh,” we shushed him.

  “AAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO …”

  Once Rupert started howling, there was no shushing him. Poppy said he’d had enough.

  We watched the end of the cartoon, and then Poppy turned off the projector. We sat in the dark and looked up at the stars. There weren’t many to see. I went to the tent to get the marshmallows. We ate them right out of the bag. It was too bad we couldn’t have a real campfire to roast them, but they were delicious anyway. Poppy pointed out the Big Dipper. Dad pointed out the North Star.

  Sam fell asleep in Dad’s arms, and Rupert fell asleep on Poppy’s lap. Then Poppy fell asleep and started snoring. Then it was just me and Dad. We sat there without saying anything, just looking up at the sky and eating marshmallows.

  There was nothing fake about it. It felt like a real camping trip.

  29

  Sam woke us up in the middle of the night.

  “Mondo!” he screamed. “Mondo!”

  “Shhhhhhh,” shushed Dad.

  “What’s wrong?” I said, barely awake and very confused. “What’s going on?”

  “It’s Sam,” said Dad in a whisper so loud it was almost a shout.

  “Mondo!” yelled Sam.

  I reached under my pillow for my flashlight. I turned it on and pointed it at Dad.

  “Turn that thing off,” he said, squinting his eyes and waving the light away.

  I pointed it at Sam. His eyes were closed. Closed! He had a big smile on his face. He was sound asleep, holding Mondo in his arms.

  “Mondo,” said Sam, his eyes still closed.

  That’s when it started. It came from somewhere outside the tent.

  “AAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO …”

  “What is that?” I said.

  “AAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO …”

  “It sounds like Rupert,” said Dad, listening carefully. “Or at least I think it’s Rupert.”

  “WOOPAH?” said Sam. He was definitely awake now.

  “AAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO …”

  “WOOPAH?” Sam said, even louder.

  “Sam!” shouted Poppy from his bedroom window. “Quiet down out there! Go back to sleep. You’ve woken Rupert with all your noise.”

  “WOOPAH?” said Sam.

  “AAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO…” Rupert continued to howl from inside the house.

  “That dog sounds like a wolf,” I said.

  “WOOF?” said Sam, clearly alarmed. “BIG WOOF? BAD WOOF?”

  “It’s not the Big Bad Wolf,” said Dad, trying to calm him. “That was just a cartoon. There’s nothing to worry about. Go back to sleep, Sam.”

  Sam stood up, still holding Mondo, and marched out of the tent.

  “What are you doing?” said Dad. “Come back into the tent, Sam.”

  “Bye-bye, Woof,” said Sam, poking his head back into the tent. “Tham home.”

  “What are you talking about?” I said, worried about where all this was leading. I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to stay in the tent all night. I wanted to wake up in the tent in the morning. “Listen to Dad, Sam! Get back in the tent! We’re not going home. Just go back to sleep. Everything’s okay. When we wake up we’ll have waffles with Poppy. Come on. PLEASE! Don’t ruin everything.”

  “Tham home,” said Sam. “Tham home.”

  “AAAAAARRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOO …”

  “Bye-bye!” Sam shouted, marching into the darkness. When we caught up to him we came back to the tent, got our things and put on our shoes. We walked home in our pajamas.

  ....

  We all went straight to bed. I could hear Sam. He was still talking in his crib. Or maybe he was sleep talking. I don’t know.

  “Bye-bye, Woof,” he kept saying. “Bye-bye, Woof.”

  30

  I woke up the next morning and my first thoughts were about the night before. If Sam hadn’t called out for Mondo in his sleep, Rupert wouldn’t have howled. If Rupert hadn’t howled, Sam wouldn’t have freaked out about the Big Bad Wolf. If Sam hadn’t freaked out about the Big Bad Wolf, we’d still be at Poppy’s. We’d be having waffles for breakfast. And I could’ve looked for Dad’s old baseball cards.

  I expected to see Sam in my room, but after wrecking our camping trip, maybe he was smart enough to stay away. Either that or he was still asleep because he’d been up so late.

  “Is Poppy bringing Rupert over today?” I called out to my dad. “We’re supposed to be dog-sitting. Remember?”

  “We’ll see,” Dad answered from my parents’ room.

  “When are we going to find out?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” he said.

  “Are you still asleep?” I asked.

  “Yes,” he said. “You should be, too.”

  I couldn’t sleep, though. I wanted to know what we were doing for the day. I wanted to make sure we would still be dog-sitting.

  A little while later the phone rang.

  “Hi, Dad,” I heard my dad say. “Yes … Yes, we’re all fine … Yes … We went to sleep as soon as we got home … Yes, we can still dog-sit … Yes, we’ll take good care of him … Yes, Dad … Yes, I know he’s a good boy … Okay, Dad … Bye.”

  I ran into my parents’ room.

  Dad was lying in bed.

  Sam was standing in his crib looking very pleased with himself.

  “Woopah come,” he said. “Woopah good
boy. Woof bad.”

  “Poppy’s bringing Rupert over after breakfast,” Dad said.

  “YES!” I exclaimed, pumping my fist. “YES!”

  “YETH!” shouted Sam.

  I lifted Sam out of his crib, and we did a little happy dance. I forgot all about last night.

  It was a new day.

  31

  I was excited about Rupert coming over. I tidied up my room. I even made my bed. Then I checked my email. There was a new message from Max.

  from: Max

  to: Henry <9999Henry9999@jmail.com>

  subject: no meat

  Hey Henry,

  How come you haven’t written to me yet?

  It’s bad enough that my parents didn’t tell me there’d be girls here at Kanakwa. But it gets even worse. They signed me up for the vegetarian meal plan! It’s horrible. No steaks. No burgers. No hot dogs. I’m eating salad and tofu burgers and veggie dogs. Last night was chili night. I had to eat some sort of weird 4-bean chili. Beans, beans, they’re good for your heart!

  I tried to tell the chef that I want to eat regular food, but he doesn’t listen to me. I don’t think he cares what I eat. I don’t think he cares IF I eat. Why would a chef be like that? And how could my parents be so mean? I emailed them so they could fix everything and get me on the meat-eater’s meal plan, but they haven’t emailed me back. We’re not allowed to phone our parents unless we’re sick. I’m not sick, but I’m getting sick and tired of vegetables.

  Write to me.

  Yours truly,

  Your best friend,

  Meatless Max

  P.S. It turns out I’m really good at archery.

  Archery?

  I still didn’t write back.

  32

  When Poppy came with Rupert he brought a bag full of Rupert’s bowls, treats and food. He handed me Rupert’s leash, and I unclipped it from his collar. I love the sound of Rupert’s nails clicking on the floors of our apartment as he walks around. I filled one of his bowls with water so he could have a drink. Rupert slurped and splashed as he drank.