Dingus

by Andrew Larsen

  “We’re having a party,” I said. “For you! Welcome home, Mom!”

  “Elbith!” screamed Sam.

  “Sam!” said Mom.

  “Mama!” said Sam, running over to jump into her arms.

  “Welcome home, honey,” said Dad, putting his arms around Mom and Sam.

  “It’s good to be home,” said Mom, putting Sam down and hugging Dad.

  “Look at the signs!” I said.

  “I see,” said Mom, letting go of Dad and hugging me.

  “And can you hear the music?” I said.

  “I hear.”

  “Do you know who is singing?”

  “Elbith!” said Sam.

  “Do you know what he’s singing about?” I said.

  “Lath Begath,” said Sam.

  Mom laughed and picked Sam up again.

  “I’ve missed you,” she said. “And you’ve grown since I’ve been away.”

  “Tham big boy!” he said.

  “And look at you, Henry!” she said. “Did you plan this party? Is this your idea?”

  “I didn’t invite anybody,” I said, thinking maybe she wasn’t happy about the surprise. “I know you don’t like surprise parties, but this is just a little surprise. It’s just us.”

  “And Woopah!” shouted Sam.

  “The party is perfect!” said Mom, planting a big kiss on my forehead.

  Viva Las Vegas! Viva Las Vegas!

  We all danced a little bit. Sam did his Elvis shake.

  Mom laughed and did her own version of the Elvis shake.

  Dad leaned in for a kiss.

  “Kith kith!” said Sam.

  “No mushy stuff,” I said. “Don’t get any ideas, Dad.”

  “But I have a great idea!” he said. “Who’s hungry?”

  “I’m famished,” said Mom.

  “Me, too,” I said.

  “Elbith! Elbith!” said Sam.

  Dad cooked up the Elvis sandwiches. I thought they were even better than the first time. Mom said they tasted “interesting.” That usually means she isn’t crazy about whatever she’s describing. It didn’t matter. We were all having fun.

  “Do you know why I like going away?” Mom asked.

  “Why?” I said.

  “I like coming home and giving out presents to my favorite boys in the world!” she said.

  She went to the front door and got her suitcase. She brought it back into the living room and unzipped it. She pulled out a bag and handed it to Sam.

  “Open it up,” she said.

  “Elbith!” he shouted. He held up his Elvis bobblehead and jumped up and down. “Elbith!”

  Mom showed Sam how Elvis’s head wobbled.

  Sam giggled.

  “And for you, Henry,” she said, taking out a big bag and handing it to me. “These are the real deal.”

  I couldn’t believe it. She got me a pair of Chads. Bakers, not Fakers. Mom brought me the exact shoes I wanted.

  Viva Las Vegas!

  49

  We ate all the Elvis sandwiches and listened to the entire Elvis record. Then Mom went down to the storage locker and got some of her other records. We played them and talked the whole afternoon. Mom told us all about Las Vegas. We told her about everything that had happened while she was away. Well, almost everything.

  I told her about the bottle rockets and the camping and how Rupert had run away. I didn’t tell her the part about letting go of Rupert’s leash on purpose. And I left out the part about blaming Sam when I knew it was my fault.

  She was impressed when I told her about how we’d found Rupert. She thought the movie night was a great idea for a reward.

  “You boys are so smart,” she said, hugging both me and Sam. “And I’m so proud of you.”

  I doubt she’d be quite so proud of me if she knew the truth. I hugged her a little tighter.

  We took Rupert for a nice long walk through the park and around the neighborhood. Mom pushed Sam in his stroller. We were on our way back home when I spotted Gretchen Thorn. She was walking Dijon and a big black poodle.

  “Six!” we said at exactly the same time.

  How weird was that? We were totally in sync.

  “Who’s your new friend?” I asked.

  “This is Fred,” said Gretchen. “He’s new. But I gotta go. I’m supposed to be meeting another new customer, and I don’t want to be late. Next time it’ll be seven.”

  “What?”

  “Seven times this summer,” she said. “Later, Henry.”

  “Later,” I said.

  “Who is that?” asked Mom, sounding surprised.

  “Gretchen Thorn,” I said. “She’s in the chess club at school. She’s a friend of Max’s.”

  “It sounds like she’s a friend of yours, too,” said Mom.

  “I guess,” I said.

  Maybe she was.

  I wanted to change the subject so I suggested that we go to Zeke’s again. I thought it was at least worth a try. Mom said Dad was going to make spaghetti. I love spaghetti.

  Sam went to bed right after dinner. I think all the excitement tired him out.

  I still hadn’t taken off my new Chads. I wanted to sleep with them on. Before I went to bed, though, I wanted to write to Max.

  from: Henry <9999Henry9999@jmail.com>

  to: Max

  subject: Hey

  Hey Dingus,

  Did you do any archery today?

  You’ll never guess what happened to me today.

  Have you guessed?

  Wrong!!!

  The correct answer is: I got a brand new pair of real Chad Bakers.

  Bakers not Fakers! Real not fake!

  My mom brought them back from Las Vegas. They’re wicked. Did you know that Las Vegas is full of people who dress up like Elvis Presley? Do you know who Elvis Presley even is?

  My mom brought an Elvis bobblehead back for Sam.

  When is your camp finished? I’m going to be in a camp later this summer. I can hardly believe it! I tried to sign up for a computer camp but it was full. That’s what happens when you wait until the last minute. Anyway, my mom got me into a baseball camp instead. She signed me up tonight. My dad says he’ll help me get ready by playing pitch and catch with me. I’m getting a baseball glove tomorrow from Duke’s.

  Tell me when you’re coming home.

  Write to me.

  Your friend,

  Dingus

  P.S. Tell me if you want to do the movie night at Poppy’s.

  I pressed Send.

  Then I looked for the email I wrote to Poppy. I opened it and read it. Now that everything had turned out okay, maybe I didn’t really need to tell Poppy anything about what really happened. It’s not like Rupert was going to tell him that I let go of the leash on purpose.

  I deleted the email. It felt good. Well, mostly good. I tried to ignore the not-so-good part.

  I decided that my mom’s return from Las Vegas marked the official-official start of my summer vacation. These last few days had just been a rehearsal. This, though, was the real thing. Mom was home. I had my Chads. I was signed up for a camp. The gravitational pull of nothingness had totally lost its force.

  I signed out of email and logged off the computer.

  “Come on, Rupert,” I said quietly. “Come on, boy.”

  Rupert got up and followed me into my room, his nails clicking on the floor.

  50

  Mom didn’t have to work on Friday. She had been in Las Vegas for almost a week and her boss said she deserved some time at home. She was making bacon and eggs for breakfast. Sam was playing with his Elvis bobblehead on the kitchen floor. Dad and I got ready to take Rupert for a walk.

  “We won’t be long,” sa
id Dad.

  “Okay,” said Mom. “I’ll have breakfast ready when you get back.”

  We walked Rupert around the block. He was pretty quick about the whole thing.

  I could smell the bacon as soon as we got off the elevator when we got back from our walk. I love the smell of bacon. Rupert likes it, too. He was excited. He sniffed around the door to our apartment. Then he started barking.

  “That’s enough, Rupert!” a familiar voice called out from the other side of the door. “Quiet down!”

  The door swung open.

  “POPPY!?!” I said, surprised.

  “RUPERT!” said Poppy. He knelt down and covered Rupert with kisses. Rupert’s tail wagged like crazy. He licked Poppy’s beard.

  “What are you doing home?” I asked. “I thought you were coming back tomorrow.”

  “I missed my boy,” he said. “Besides, the weather was lousy up north.”

  “Woopah wun away!” said Sam.

  My heart flopped.

  My stomach flipped.

  “What?” said Poppy.

  “Woopah wun away,” Sam said again.

  “What is he talking about?” said Poppy, turning to Dad.

  “It was just a little accident,” said Dad. “It was no one’s fault.”

  “What was an accident?” asked Mom, coming out of the kitchen.

  “What happened?” said Poppy. “Tell me what happened!”

  That not-so-good feeling I had tried to ignore earlier, when I deleted my email to Poppy, came rushing back. I didn’t know what to say.

  I just started talking.

  51

  “We were in the park,” I began. “Rupert was being really good. I was holding on to his leash, and everything was fine. I told him to stay, and then I let go of his leash just for a second. At first he stayed. But then he went chasing after a baseball, and he didn’t come back.”

  It felt good to finally tell the truth.

  “YOU LET GO OF RUPERT’S LEASH?” boomed Poppy. “ON PURPOSE?”

  Poppy sounded like he was going to explode.

  “It was a test,” I tried to explain. I could feel my cheeks getting hot.

  “A test?” said Poppy. “What kind of test?”

  “To see if Rupert would listen to me the way he listens to you,” I said. “He didn’t, but everything turned out okay. We found him.”

  “I didn’t know you let go of Rupert’s leash on purpose, Henry,” said Dad. “Why did you blame Sam? And what made you think you deserved any part of the reward? That’s what I want to know.”

  “I thought I deserved some of the reward because I helped find Rupert,” I said. “And I didn’t tell you about letting go of the leash on purpose because I knew you’d get mad at me.”

  “You’re right about that,” said Dad, crossing his arms. “I am mad at you.”

  “And so am I,” said Poppy.

  This was bad.

  “And so am I, Henry,” said Mom, giving me a look. “Although I’m more disappointed than mad.”

  This was very bad.

  “It’s the second time Rupert has run away while you’ve been holding his leash,” said Poppy, looking straight at me. “Do you remember when it happened last summer at the ice-cream truck?”

  “You never told us about that,” said Dad.

  Sam was sitting on the floor next to Rupert, watching us all.

  “If your parents agree, you’re going to come to my house every day for the next two weeks,” Poppy said to me. “That’s your punishment for letting Rupert run away. By the time you’re done you’ll know everything there is to know about taking care of a dog.”

  “I’m sorry, Poppy,” I said.

  “I know you are, Henry,” said Poppy.

  “I’m sorry, Dad,” I said.

  “I know,” he said. “But you’re going to have to earn our trust back.”

  “What does that mean?” I asked.

  “We’ve talked about this a million times, Henry,” said Dad. “You have to be more responsible. You aren’t a little kid anymore. And you didn’t act the way a big brother is supposed to act.”

  I turned to Sam. “I’m sorry, Sam,” I said.

  “Okay,” he said.

  Then I turned to Mom. I figured I should probably apologize to her, too.

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  “So am I, Henry,” she said.

  “What?” I said. “Why are you sorry?”

  “There’s going to have to be a consequence for this,” she said.

  “What kind of consequence?” I asked. “Poppy just gave me a punishment. Isn’t that enough?”

  “I think Henry should have to give his allowance to Sam for the next two weeks,” she said to Dad. “Henry blamed Sam when he knew all along it wasn’t Sam’s fault. It’ll be Sam’s reward for helping to find Rupert. What do you think?”

  “Sounds fair to me,” said Dad.

  “It doesn’t sound fair to me!” I protested. “I thought our reward for finding Rupert was a movie night.”

  “That was before we knew the whole story,” said Dad. “We’ll talk about having a movie night after we’ve seen how you do at Poppy’s.”

  “Promise?” I said.

  “Promise,” said Dad.

  “So … are we good?” I asked.

  “We’re good,” said Dad, with a nod.

  “Goody,” said Sam.

  “Good,” said Mom. “Are you staying for bacon and eggs, Poppy?”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” he said.

  “Then let’s eat,” said Mom, picking up Sam.

  We all headed into the kitchen, Rupert right by Poppy’s side.

  52

  At breakfast we heard all about Poppy’s camping trip. I told Poppy the story of everything that happened when Rupert had run away. I didn’t leave anything out. I told him about how we’d found Rupert once I was able to figure out what Sam had been trying to tell us all along.

  “You’re almost as smart as Rupert, you clever little bean,” Poppy said to Sam. “You solved the mystery of the runaway dog. You’re like one of those Hardy Boys.”

  “And I guess I’m a dingus,” I said.

  “What’s a dingus?” said Poppy.

  “It’s hard to explain,” I said. “But it’s better than being a doofus.”

  Sam laughed. “Henwy dinkth!”

  After breakfast I walked with Poppy and Rupert to the elevator.

  “Come by tomorrow at nine, Henry,” Poppy said. “We’ll get you started on dog duty.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  “And maybe you can explain what a dingus is,” he said with a wink.

  “Okay, Poppy,” I said, smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Rupert.”

  When I got back to the apartment I went to my room and closed the door. I’d done something stupid. Really stupid. But I was finally smart enough to admit it. So I was definitely a dingus, not a doofus, which was good.

  And I’d kept the promise I made on the last day of school, which was also good, I guess. I’d made a mistake. It wasn’t an amazing mistake — I hadn’t shot for the moon. But summer was just starting and there was lots of time for that.

  “Henry?” Mom knocked on my door. “Sam and I are going down to Park Street. Do you want to come?”

  “Sure!” I said. “Just a minute.”

  I grabbed a marker from my desk and sat down on my bed. I took off my Chads and wrote a single word on the tongue of each shoe:

  Now I was ready for anything. Mistakes and all.

  ANDREW LARSEN is the author of several children’s books, including A Squiggly Story, The Not-So-Faraway Adventure, In the Tree House, The Imaginary Garden and Bella and the Bunny. Dingus is his first book for middle-grade readers. Andrew lives in T
oronto, Ontario, with his family, who loves him even when he behaves like a dingus.