Finding Hope (Mail Order Bride: Brides And Promises Book 1)

by Ruby Hill

  Alice looked up into his face, and he could not read her expression.

  “No, my lord. Most of what I have learned I have read in books. My mother loved to read and shared her passion with me.”

  His hands slid into the pockets of his jacket. “How very interesting,” he said, honestly meaning it. “It’s quite wonderful that your mother was educated as well.”

  The corner of her mouth curled into an empty smile. “It is something that I have been reminded of frequently, my lord. However, servants have interests, just like everybody else.”

  Robert was shocked by her brash response and felt a twinge of regret for not choosing his words more carefully. “My apologies, I never meant to condemn you for it,” he added, seeing the hurt in her eyes. “No, just the opposite. I think it is wonderful that you enjoy reading.”

  “Well, thank you kindly, sir.”

  He turned and took a few steps away from her. He didn’t want for her to feel crowded if she was already feeling vulnerable.

  “Are you the only servant that Lady Bridgewater brought from her own home?”

  Alice looked as if she would rather be in any room of the house aside from this one. “I am, my lord.”

  “Has the change been easy for you and Lady Bridgewater?”

  She seemed perplexed by that question, for her brow pinched together into one smooth, red line.

  “Perhaps for Her Ladyship. Even though she misses her family, she loves His Lordship dearly, and she is quite happy.”

  “And you?”

  He was asking her so directly that it was obvious she was uncomfortable. When was the last time that a man of his stature had paid such direct and close attention to her?

  She looked all around the room as if afraid that others might hear her answer.

  “You may speak freely,” he added. “You do not need to fear that others will hear what you say.”

  She stared at him as if she had never seen a human before in her entire life. Surely she was comfortable speaking with Agnes, but he could not expect her to be as free with him as she was with her.

  “I find that the staff here have not welcomed me as openly as I had hoped they would.”

  “That was a very eloquent way of saying no,” Robert replied, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

  She looked at him and glared. “Do not be mistaken. I am happy here. I am treated kindly and am awarded more privileges than most people in my position.”

  He began walking back and forth across the room. Robert wanted to know everything about Miss Alice Thompson. “Lady Bridgewater certainly seems pleased to have you so close. You would think the two of you were sisters, not a countess and her maid.”

  “I am pleased to be able to serve Her Ladyship,” she replied plainly.

  “But the staff? They do not believe that your self-education is as valuable as I do? Or as I assume Lady Bridgewater does?”

  She looked down, and that was enough to confirm his suspicions.

  “Is this why you miss the staff that you worked with back at your old manor?”

  It was as if she snapped. Her head spun to look at him, and the gentleness in her eyes was gone. She did not seem angry with him, exactly, but he had opened up something that he suddenly wondered if he should not have.

  “I do not miss most of the people I worked with at my previous place of employment. The staff here treats me quite the same as they did. It is not as if I flaunt my knowledge or my love for books,” she said. Her graceful demeanor had gone, and she was looking about with her arms crossed across her chest. “It is not as if I spent much of my time telling any of them that they too should be reading, or that I thought any less of them because they chose other things for their enjoyment.”

  He simply watched her, fascinated that she was opening up to him. Part of him knew that this was wrong and he was putting them both in a situation that could harm them both, but he could not help it. She was intriguing, and she seemed just as curious about him and what he had to say.

  She began pacing, slowly at first. “At first, I tried to share my favorite books with the other staff. If I loved it, surely someone else would, and then perhaps I could make friends. Her Ladyship loves to read, so she and I shared books. That was one of the many reasons we’ve remained friends.”

  Alice huffed. “Many simply ignored me, telling me that I was wasting my time. Some told me outright that I was being disobedient. I could never understand how. I was scolded and told to hold my tongue whenever the mention of books came up. The housekeeper here was particularly scornful; she told me that intelligence was not something to be honored in a woman. I should be obedient, gentle, and kind. I would have done better in her eyes to throw all of the books I owned into the fireplace.”

  She scowled, and Robert found her face quite beautiful when she was alive with so much passion.

  “When Lady Bridgewater asked me to move here with her, I knew that it was partially out of pity, but nothing has changed. I am treated the same.”

  Robert meant to protest. He knew that Agnes loved Alice with more affection than some siblings had for one another.

  “She had seen my struggle with the other staff members, and she hoped that finding a new life in a bigger home with more staff would perhaps introduce me to people who were more like me. Lord Bridgewater loves to read, so surely he would have hired some staff who shared the same interests.”

  She stopped, and a sadness passed over her face that Robert nearly felt himself.

  “One of the women looked me straight in the face the other morning and told me that I should remember my place in society.”

  The very statement was a sort of contradiction to the situation in which he and she found themselves. What would this woman say to her if she were to know that she was speaking her mind so openly with a man to whom she was not married? To a man who was the son of a duke, the brother of her master?

  She seemed to realize the same thing at the very same time, for she stood slightly taller and blinked a few tears from her eyes.

  “It is not as if I have been trying to do otherwise,” she finished, and she looked about her.

  Robert felt helpless, unsure of what to say to her. He knew that he needed to say something, for she stood there in front of him, and the moments were passing slowly between them.

  “Whatever anyone tells you, Thompson,” he began slowly, choosing his words carefully, “Intelligence is a wonderful thing. Those who do not agree are too naïve to understand the joys that it brings.”

  Her poise had returned while he spoke, and once more, they were a man and his sister-in-law’s lady’s maid. She was dignified and responsible, and they were safe from any sort of problems their interactions could have caused.

  “Thank you, my lord. I will keep that in mind.”

  He looked around, amazed that they had remained undisturbed for so long. He collected his book from the table, walked across the room to her, and offered it out to her.

  “Here. Take this. I think you will find it most interesting, especially with your love for literature.”

  She looked at him with eyes like a doe before she took it slowly from his hands.

  “When you are done, just place it back here.” He pointed to an empty gap in the shelf. “I imagine it won’t take you long to read it,” he smiled.

  She held the book as if it were something special, something fragile.

  “I…” she stammered, and she met his gaze with her wide, grey eyes. “Thank you, my lord.”

  He smiled at her.

  “I really must be getting back to my duties,” she said, and she tucked the book into the apron around her waist.

  “I understand,” he said, and he returned to the chair he had been sitting in.

  “My lord?” she said, standing beside the door.

  He looked up at her, and he felt his heart clench. He wished that she could have stood there and looked at him all day like that, the sunlight behind her, causing her hair
to look as if it truly were licks of flames. He was sure that he would think about it later.

  “Yes, Thompson?” he said, trying to keep his voice from cracking.

  “Thank you,” she said, and the formality was not present.

  He smiled at her. “It is my pleasure, Thompson.”

  And then she left the room, leaving an emptiness that Robert was not sure he had ever experienced before.

  4

  Life at the manor had started to become easy and comfortable. Agnes and John were getting familiar with their new home. Agnes had a routine that she followed each day, and it brought her joy and contentment.

  Each morning she enjoyed breakfast with her husband, and then she retired to the stables for a ride on her horse. Once she grew tired, she would take a walk around the gardens, and then after luncheon, she would enjoy some reading on the terrace. By evening, they often had obligations to attend parties, dine with friends, or host their own guests. The evenings varied night by night, but Agnes would often lie down to sleep before the moon had risen too high in the sky.

  That morning was no different from any other, for Agnes happily enjoyed breakfast with John and Robert, who was still visiting. The time of his visit was drawing to a close, and she wished that it was not, for she so enjoyed his company. He had business to attend to in London soon after he left, and he ensured her that he would be returning to see them.

  As much as she was pleased to have him around, something about his presence did make her uneasy. Not because he was an ungrateful guest. No, she had cause for concern because he was beginning to pay a little too much attention to Alice.

  At first, she thought it was harmless. He was an agreeable man after all, and she believed he was simply attempting to be polite. He would ask her how her day had been, and if she was still pleased with her accommodations at the manor. Never did it cause her to glance a second time.

  But then she heard him ask her once what she was reading. She found that odd because Alice felt her education was a source of contention with everyone around her, aside from herself. How was he aware of it? She brushed it off, assuming that he had caught her reading at some point, and since Robert was such an avid reader himself, she wanted to believe he was just being kind.

  She could have ignored all of that if he had not attempted to do all he could to remain in the same room as Alice. He would engage both of them in conversation that bordered on inappropriate, and yet, she could see that he was entirely innocent of wrong intentions. She almost pitied him, seeing how he chased after her like a puppy.

  What frustrated her was that she had seen Alice resist at first, despite Robert’s handsome smiles and amiable questioning. She was polite, but she was dismissive.

  Good, she has listened to me, Agnes thought. I might have to have a word with my husband if this keeps up.

  But now, Alice was returning the smiles, and often, the two of them were sharing glances that were far too long for people who were supposedly so unfamiliar with one another.

  Agnes understood the appeal. Robert was a man of great connections; his father was a duke, and while not the heir, he would inherit much more than Alice would ever hope to want. And he was a handsome man, with strong features, a wide and gentle smile, and an intelligence that was unmatched.

  And Alice was a very beautiful woman, and Agnes had never thought otherwise. Many of the male stable hands and servants had made mention of it, and many had attempted to woo her themselves. But she was too hurt, as many of them had looked down on her for her love of reading and books. Some of the same men that told her to remember her place in society had tried to ask for her hand. Alice spent many evenings in Agnes’s room in tears, feeling as if she had failed herself and her family for turning them down.

  Agnes wished, not for the first time, that Alice had been born to a different family, so that she did not have to bear the burdens she did. Alice was too frail a girl to be in the situations in which she found herself.

  On the morning of Robert’s departure to return home, Agnes heard Alice and Robert speaking to one another in low whispers around a corner, entirely alone, in a hallway just off the dining room. Agnes waited until Alice turned the corner, a girlish smile on her face.

  “What exactly do you think you are doing?” Agnes’s words came out far angrier than she had meant, but it caused the reaction she hoped.

  Alice, who had been lost in her own thoughts, nearly stumbled as she looked up at Agnes, and the realization came immediately after.

  “My lady,” she said, bowing her head. “I…My apologies. I just…”

  Agnes grabbed the Alice by the arm and guided her into the adjacent sitting room. She rounded on her as soon as she was sure they were alone.

  “Alice, what did I tell you about keeping your distance from His Lordship’s brother?”

  Alice’s face had lost all of its color. Her lips were almost white, and her grey eyes were like deep pits of despair.

  She stammered, her hands clutched in her apron around her waist. She mentioned something about it being an accident, and how she never meant to, but he just was so nice, and…

  Agnes sighed heavily and sank into the chair behind her. She felt lightheaded and immensely responsible for what was happening to her maid.

  “Sit down,” Agnes said, gesturing to the chair across from her.

  Alice looked as if she could not move even if she wanted to.

  “Sit,” Agnes said again, her voice firmer. She disliked having to be authoritative with Alice, since they were friends, but in that moment, in order to protect her, she set some of her own feelings aside.

  Alice slowly lowered herself into the chair, straightening the fabric of her dress as she did so.

  Agnes stared at her friend, unsure of how to proceed. She hoped that she would just confess to everything, having been caught speaking to Robert in the first place. But Alice’s face was blank, aside from her wide eyes.

  Agnes sighed heavily and felt that it brought no relief.

  “I should not have to say this again,” she began, but she stopped when she saw Alice’s distraught expression.

  And it made Agnes’s heart clench when she saw tears in Alice’s eyes.

  “No, you are completely right,” Alice began, and her voice was tight. “I have been a complete fool. And yet, I cannot seem to help myself.” She buried her face in her hands and began to cry in earnest.

  Agnes rose from her seat and sat herself down on the sofa beside Alice. She wrapped her arms around her shoulders and pulled her close.

  “I am so sorry, mistress,” Alice said. It felt like a blow to Agnes, since Alice had not called her mistress since they were little. “He has been so kind to me, and he understands me like no one else ever has.”

  She sniffed into Agnes’s shoulder. “Well, no one aside from you, of course.”

  Agnes smiled.

  “What has happened?” Agnes said, helping Alice to sit up straight again. She wanted to look into her face when she answered.

  Alice shook her head, her cheeks still shining with tears. “Nothing, my lady, of course nothing. We have just talked.” She looked down at her hands which were in her lap, and a few tears splashed onto her delicate fingers. “He asks me such kind questions, and he has given me books to read. He…” she smiled, and it seemed to be painful, “He is such a wholesome man. He would never do anything to put me in any sort of danger or damage my reputation.”

  Agnes nodded her head. The answer was somewhat of a relief, but Alice was still in danger if she was not careful. Somehow, she had to make that perfectly clear to her.

  “He is a man of great stature.” Agnes began, hoping that if Alice remembered this fact, then she would remember that there was no way that they could ever have a relationship of any sort. How could she communicate this as gently as possible?

  “I know,” Alice replied. “I have not forgotten.”

  “It just… it can never work. As cruel as it sounds, as much as it hurts,
it can never work.”

  She decided on the direct approach. There was no way around the truth, after all. She had to face the facts, and perhaps head on was the best way.

  Alice nodded solemnly. “I know. And I believe he knows. We’ve never even discussed it, and yet…” her voice trailed off. “There is something there. And I know he feels it, too. I can see it in his eyes when he looks into mine.”

  Agnes felt her heart breaking. How rare was it for two people to find love in such a strong and evident way? She certainly had not with her husband; it had been painful and a struggle for them. How unfair it was that her friend found the love of a man who she could never have.

  Agnes saw her own thoughts reflected in Alice’s eyes as she looked at her. Alice sighed, and wiped the tears from her face.

  Alice continued. “You are right. Nothing can be done to change the situation. He is the son of a duke, and I am a servant.” she sighed. “I feel as if I have been reminded of that a great deal as of late.”

  “I know…” Agnes said. “And for what it is worth, I’m sorry.”

  Alice looked over at Agnes, and she smiled. Tiny shimmers of light caught in her eyelashes. Agnes felt as if she was being torn apart from the inside out.

  “So what will you do?” Agnes said.

  Alice looked back down at her lap. “I don’t know. Try to forget, I suppose. Nothing else can be done.”

  Agnes sighed. “I wish things were different. Perhaps it is better that you don’t see him again. It may make things easier for you.”

  “It’s no matter. He just left, remember?”

  “Heaven help us all, that is good news,” Agnes replied sadly.

  “It is good news,” a voice said, and Agnes felt as if she had been stabbed through with a blade of ice.

  A striking blonde woman stepped into the room. She wore a smirk that looked anything but kind and a dress that was as deep blue as the ocean. She seemed almost amused to be walking into such a private and obviously distressing conversation.

  It was Lord Bridgewater’s middle sister, Lady Jane Stone.

  Jane was a beauty among women. Agnes had been reminded of it time and time again from friends and family. Jane knew it as well. In addition to Jane’s good looks, she was the daughter of duke and would receive a handsome dowry when she married. She had many suitors, and she made no effort to hide the fact.