“Benjamin.” Emma almost chokes as fresh tears start to fall from her eyes, but she can’t keep her smile off of her face at the sight of the mann. That smile fades as she shakes her head however, mentally preparing herself for what she has to say next. “Benjamin I-I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” The boy’s face falls as these words are spoken. All that Joshua had tried to assure him of turns out to be wrong after all. He truly feels he has ruined the greatest love between a mann and woman that he has ever felt in his lifetime.
“… Why?” He finally manages to ask, after the shock has dulled to pain deep within his heart.
“Because,” Emma looks down at the porch decking, ashamed of herself again. “I’m only causing trouble for you. If I stay, that’s only going to keep getting worse; I can’t stand being such a burden to you Benjamin. I really don’t want to leave, I’ve been thinking this over and over so much, but there’s no other way.”
“Don’t say that.” Benjamin tells her suddenly, sounding so much stronger than he had the last time he spoke. Emma looks to him, startled by the order that the mann has given, but the reassuring smile she can see on his face once her vision is raised takes away the worries that she may have angered him. That’s something she dreads doing during this last meeting between the pair. “You’re not a burden to me Emma, and you never will be. Any trouble I may have to go through, will always be worth it in the end if it means I can get to stay with you, even for only a day longer.” He tells her firmly. Emma is left speechless by the kindness the boy has shown after everything she has put him through since arriving her. She wants so dearly to run to the mann, as he had tried when he first saw her this evening but she knows the preventive reaction to her doing this will only be the same as his.
“Emma.” Ruth speaks up, drawing the girl’s attention away from the supportive and loving soul still standing before her. “We should start heading back now. Jonah will be wondering where we have gotten to.” Emma swallows hard at the reality of the decision, but nods and follows the woman as she starts to walk away from Daniel’s haus all the same. “Goodbye Benjamin.” Ruth is the one to bid the boy this, and she doesn’t receive a response for it either as both he and Emma can only stare at each other longingly as they’re taken from each other again.
As far as Benjamin knows, this may be the last time he ever sees the girl, as she never gave him any other indication after he’d given her his assurance of how he still, and always will, feel about her. Emma’s own silence stems from her still conflicted feelings; she doesn’t want to have lied to her ant about this being her last visit before leaving for the city again, but now that she’s heard Benjamin’s words she deeply wants to stay again. There has to be a way for that to happen. One where Benjamin and she can truly love each other again, in peace and with the blessing of all those they hold dear.
Chapter 9
“Everything’s ready for you to leave Emma.” Jonah tells the girl the next day, once he’s sorted out how the chores are going to work around the buggy ride he’s going to have to take into the city at such short notice. Emma’s bag is still packed from when she had tried to leave with Benjamin, so not hearing any response from Emma her uncle picks this up and starts carrying it out of her room. Still remaining silent Emma follows him; going back to the city is the decision she has made and she can’t keep changing her mind about this so much. It’s already getting in the way of her familye’s work around their farm.
“Aren’t you going to get inside?” Jonah asks, once he’s climbed into the buggy himself and looked back at Emma to see that she is only standing just outside of the buggy, looking at the floor and wringing her hands nervously. “This is what you want, isn’t it? Ruth told me you wanted to go back to the city, to your maam and daed.”
“I thought I did.” Emma finally speaks up again. “It’s not that I don’t miss my parents, but… there’s someone here I know I’d miss so much more if I had to leave this place.” Jonah smiles kindly.
“You can visit your ant and me anytime Emma. I know you’ve really taken to Ruth since you’ve come here and she feels the same way.” He tells the girl. Emma shakes her head at the mann’s misunderstanding.
“No. I’d miss you too, both of you. But the one I’d miss more than anyone if I had to leave him behind… is Benjamin.” She finally reveals. Jonah shakes his head with a heavy sigh. He’s disappointed in Emma at hearing this, but this love between Benjamin and her is clearly not something that is going to fade away easily. Jonah climbs out of the buggy, guessing that this isn’t going to be used anymore, at least not for the reason he brought it here.
“Then what are you going to do Emma?” He asks the girl. “Your relationship with Benjamin can’t keep going on the way it has been, not practically. Your ant and I may not like the idea of you seeing the boy again, but Daniel is far more against that, you should know.” He informs her.
“What can I do to change that?” She asks. “How can I show Daniel that I truly love his son? And convince him to give our love… even marriage his blessing? I’ll do whatever I need to.” Emma surprises her uncle with the determination behind these words she is saying, after how mousy she has been all the time he has known her. This surely must be something dear to the girl’s heart.
“Keep doing what you were doing.” Jonah tells her. “You were on the right track to start with, wanting so much to adapt to our lifestyle. Over all this time, you not being able to do that has been Daniel’s main concern; he just doesn’t want his son getting hurt. Don’t let his questioning your faith in Gott discourage your belief Emma, let your faith strengthen because of that; just like you could have done in the city. That’s all the mann meant. Once you’ve fully adapted to our ways Emma, if that’s still what you want to do, Daniel won’t be able to find any fault in you wanting to marry his son. It seems a long way off now I know, but perhaps it’s for the best if you don’t see Benjamin again until that time. You’ll become as faithful and hard working as any of us, without the distraction of him around. Put that determination to see him again, the determination I hadn’t even known you had in you, into adapting to our way of life, and you’ll be able to find your way all the sooner Emma.”
“… I’ll do it.” Emma says with resolve this time. “I’ll work towards your way of life, and faith in Gott, harder than I ever have uncle. I don’t want to let being unable to do that come between the love Benjamin and I feel for each other. Gott will see this, and so will everyone else.” With this firmly decided, Jonah takes the girl back home.
Ruth is ecstatic to see that Emma has decided not to leave after all, and once she hears of this new decision her niece has made she immediately sets about teaching her the Amish ways. They dutifully complete the household chores together and then Ruth begins teaching Emma about the activities taken part in by the women of this community. From sewing to gardening, the girl makes a fine start on learning all these practices, with her goals in mind of growing her faith in Gott, despite what others may say, and of seeing Benjamin again once all of this teaching and her baptism into the Ordnung is complete.
* * *
“So Emma’s really left?” Joshua asks his friend as they work. They have since spoken about the boy’s brief meeting with the girl he loves, but over the last few days Joshua has heard no further news, or any indication that Emma has left or stayed.
“I suppose she has…” Benjamin says, choosing to focus on his work, rather than letting his mind wander to thoughts of the woman he, as far he knows, will never be seeing again. His daed has made that clear enough.
“You do not know?” The older boy questions. Maybe Emma making her decision to go back to the city known had been enough of an indication that this is what she was going to do soon, but Joshua still believes there should have been some other sort of clarification, once she had left.
“And how am I supposed to find out for sure?” Benjamin asks, a little irritated at his friend continuing this topic of conversa
tion. “My daed would never let me go to Jonah and Ruth’s house now. Besides… if she truly has left, maybe I’m better off not knowing in this way. At least if I don’t know for sure either way, then I can still feel and have faith that Emma is still around.”
“But that’s not enough for you; I can tell that well enough Benjamin.” Joshua goes on. The younger mann is close to covering his ears to block out his friend’s words by this point. He doesn’t resort to something so childish however, instead he runs, leaving the work unfinished for now as he makes his way back to the cart. “So what if I visited Jonah and Ruth to ask about this?” Benjamin freezes in his tracks as his friend offers to do this, giving Joshua the chance to catch up to him. “There is no reason why I should be barred from doing this.” He speaks again, breathlessly as he reaches his friend’s side. “And at least in this way you would know for certain if Emma has stayed.”
“Joshua…” The boy looks up to from the hands he had on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. He can see now that familiar, yet almost forgotten, big smile of his friend as Benjamin looks at him so hopeful. “Denke. You are truly a great friend to have.” Benjamin tells Joshua at last, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder. Joshua gives a smile of his own at the happiness he seems to have brought about for his friend. This is something he is truly grateful to see himself.
So this time, the boys continue their work with their spirits raised and conversation flowing more freely between the pair of them. At the end of the working day, Benjamin dashes straight home as he has been instructed to do so every day since he took his familye’s horses and tried to leave for the city with Emma. Joshua however, doesn’t make his way to his own home just yet. He goes straight to the haus of Jonah and Ruth, to discover the whereabouts of Emma, just as he has promised Benjamin he would.
* * *
“Why ja, Emma’s still here.” Ruth tells the young mann when he enquires about this. She invites Joshua in to see this for himself as Emma sits sewing by the fireplace. She truly has gotten gut at this very quickly, though she has only taken up the hobby so recently. “I’m surprised you haven’t already heard this news from Benjamin though. Jonah and I let Daniel know about the new decision Emma made the day she told us.” Ruth looks confused for a moment, but then smiles at being able to be the first to tell Joshua the news. “She’s decided to stay and give her all in adapting to our way of life, haven’t you Emma?”
“That’s true.” Emma nods happily. “But has Benjamin truly not mentioned this?” She asks, a little more worry in her voice now as she thinks about why this might be. Her love for him may not be her only reason for wanting to live this Amish way, but it makes up a big part of it. She knows she can trust that her ant and uncle have told Benjamin’s daed about her new decision, so she has to wonder why the boy hasn’t mentioned this to the one she has come to understand is his close friend. “I thought for sure that he would have.” The thought of the mann forgetting about her importance in his life so quickly leaves Emma somewhat disheartened. She puts the sewing she had been working on to the side for the moment.
“I am not sure Benjamin has even been told.” Joshua tells her thoughtfully. “He has been so melancholic over the past few days, truly believing that you have left as you first said you would. But when I offered today to come over and confirm this to be the case or not myself, he was happier than I’d seen him for a long time about the idea.” He assures Emma kindly and this does make the young woman feel better. Benjamin does still love her and that’s just what she wanted to hear. She takes up the sewing again and continues the task with the same resolve as she has had since she made the decision to fully embrace the Amish way of life.
“Then… do you think Daniel has been keeping this from him?” Ruth asks, though she doesn’t like to think that the man would be so cruel to his own son.
“We can’t be sure of that.” Joshua tells the woman, but deep down he disagrees with his words. The only thing that he can be truly uncertain of is why Daniel would choose to do something like this.
“If his father won’t tell him that I am staying,” Emma starts, bringing Joshua’s attention back to her, “Then can I please ask that you will Joshua? I know that you do not know me well, but I love Benjamin dearly. The thought of him suffering… it’s not something I can bear thinking about.” She looks at the mann with pleading eyes.
“I shall tell him.” Joshua smiles understandingly. This woman truly cares for his close friend’s feelings and he can whole-heartedly appreciate that. “You have my word.” With this said, Joshua bids the women farewell and swiftly makes his way to Benjamin’s haus to tell him the wonderful news.
* * *
“Daed… why didn’t you tell me Emma had stayed?” Benjamin waited until Joshua had left to finally head back to his own home, before coming to his daed’s room to confront him about this. The boys had jumped around and danced with happiness, Benjamin because he found the girl he loves really hadn’t left his life for gutt, and Joshua because he could share in that happiness with his friend. Now that all of that is over however, Benjamin knows that it’s time to seriously question this mann about his reluctance to be the one to let his son know what was going on. Daniel sighs, placing his pen down before answering the boy. He’s going to make sure to discuss what has been revealed with Joshua’s parents as well.
“Because of your impatience Benjamin.” Daniel informs the boy as he stands to face him. “It’s high time you learned to not let that get the best of you. Overall you’re as well behaved a child as any parent could hope for, but your recklessness is your biggest downfall. I knew full well that if you heard about Emma remaining here that you would want to rush to her immediately. That is not what I have agreed upon with Jonah and his fraa. They, and I, want to wait until Emma has learnt of our ways of life and become baptized, before allowing you to see each other again.”
“But I don’t have a problem with Emma not being baptized, I never have daed.” His son argues weakly.
“But you have a problem with patience, as I have said.” The mann stands his ground. “If you truly love Emma, then you shall have to overcome that. Wait for her, as I have been trying to tell you all along my son. Emma is willing to do this and if you are not, then perhaps your love was never meant to be.” All of this revealed, Benjamin leaves his daed’s room. He goes to his own to think all of this over. It doesn’t take him long to come to the conclusion that he truly loves Emma and will wait as long as he may need to show this, as hard as that may be.
Chapter 10
“Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
So, both Emma and Benjamin wait patiently for the day that they shall be reunited. With the want to leave for the city well and truly out of the boy’s mind now, he works his way back into fully accepting the Amish way of life, as Emma is learning to do so for the first time alongside him, though the two are kept apart. Although they are both patient, the longing in their hearts to see each other again doesn’t cease. With this being so strong, even when they are apart for such a length of time, it reaffirms the belief in them, and all of those around, that Gott must want them to be together, because he surely would not be making them feel this way if not.
Benjamin catches glimpses of Emma around the community, and at church when the two of them go, but they are always made to leave soon after the services, their familye’s not wanting for all they have worked for to be for naught. Even at each other’s eventual baptisms into the Ordnun
g this is the case. Still both willingly and wholeheartedly accept Gott into their hearts in this most fullest of ways.
By the time the young lovers see each other again there’s such a difference in both of them that neither can be sure that the other one shall accept this new personality of theirs: Benjamin’s becoming so much quieter, while Emma’s come out of her shell and truly become less worrisome. If nothing else, Ruth has had to admit to herself, as she’s spent so much time around the girl, that Benjamin must have been a gut influence upon her in this way.
Now both he and Emma stand before each other again in the church, their familyes at their side waiting to see whether their love has withstood this test of time. Even Emma’s parents have visited from the city to see both their daughter and the mann who has so been hoping to love her up until now. There a pause that is almost agonizingly long as the pair take in each other’s new demeanors and appearances. Then Emma runs to Benjamin. She wraps her arms around his neck, as she has so longed to do for all of this time, now that she has worked up the bravery to be this bold. Benjamin is surprised by the suddenness of this, but brings his arms to rest tenderly around Emma, as he holds her lovingly. The families do nothing to interrupt this tender embrace.
“I’ve missed you Benjamin.” Emma tells the mann. He can feel tears dampen his shirt as the girl speaks these words. “Staying away from you, it’s been so hard but I know now Benjamin. I know what I want for us now more than ever after having so long to think about it… I want us to be married Benjamin. I’m not afraid anymore about how others are going to see that. I have enough faith in Gott to believe that he shall see me through all of that now. We don’t need to go to the city for this; I want to stay here, where Gott is truly loved, and spend the rest of my life with you. Please tell me you feel the same way.” She finally asks of Benjamin, unused to him being so silent for so long as she says all of this, but it doesn’t lessen her love for the mann in any way. Benjamin rests his head on hers, a smile of pure bliss gracing his face.
Everlasting Amish Love (Amish Romance): Amish Love Stories Series: Emma & Benjamin Page 6
