His Reason to Stay: In the Line of Duty, Book 6

by Cathryn Fox

  Rachel shook her head, and eyed him. “I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

  “Probably.”

  Chapter Three

  Rachel removed the toothpick from her sandwich, adjusted her chair under the outdoor umbrella, and exhaled an exaggerated breath. Thank God it was lunchtime. Noon couldn’t have come quick enough for her. She’d been jittery all morning at work, dropping her scaling tool more than once during a routine cleaning. In fact, she’d been a little off her game since falling on her backside at the park.

  The last person she expected to find watching her and Ava was Kyle. Kyle. A man she’d loved for so many years now. She’d seen so little of him after the wedding. Then again, he’d made himself scarce even before. But once she married his brother she had no doubt he’d been going out of his way to avoid her after the intimacies they shared at the bluff.

  It was clear he carried the guilt of what they’d done like a weighted down rucksack. He’d never want to do anything to hurt his brother. She could relate. She’d never do anything to hurt James—or Kyle—either. In a moment of weakness, she’d given over to the things she felt for him. She never would have allowed that to happen had she still been wearing James’s ring, and while it might have been too soon for them to come together, she comforted herself with the knowledge that she’d been broken up with James at the time, and had no plans to go back.

  And now here he was, temporarily home from overseas and taking care of Ava while she was at work. She never should have agreed to it. Having him around and pretending things were normal was too hard on her head and her heart.

  Kyle had insisted they put the incident at the bluff behind them, that it was a huge mistake and never should have happened. But putting the night she slept with Kyle behind her was out of the question, because that was the night she’d gotten pregnant with his child. Sweet Ava Marie Nelson was his little girl. She had no idea until years later that the baby was his. James had died of a rare heart disorder, and Ava had to undergo a series of tests to determine if she’d inherited the condition. Rachel had learned two things that day. Her daughter’s heart was healthy and strong and her blood type didn’t match hers or James’s.

  Rachel’s stomach twisted, and she dropped the sandwich she was about to bite into, her appetite long gone. How could she possibly tell Kyle? He’d hate her for keeping such a huge secret from him, and hate himself even more for betraying his brother on a whole other level.

  Still, a man deserved to know he was a father, right?

  “You okay?” Sara dropped her tray onto the small café table. The metal chair scraped on the pavement as her best friend pulled it out and plunked herself into it. “You’re staring at that cup of coffee like it’s your long lost friend.”

  She forced a smile and met Sara’s concerned eyes. Sara, now a doctor who worked two doors down from Rachel, had been her closest friend since high school, and the one who’d taken her under her wing when she’d moved to Austin all those years ago. She was also the one who’d introduced her to the Nelson brothers, stood for her at her wedding and knew her better than almost anyone else. Keeping anything from her was next to impossible. The two things she didn’t know, however, the two things no one knew, was who Ava’s biological father really was, and how much she loved the man.

  “I’m okay,” Rachel said.

  “Who you trying to convince of that? Me or you?”

  Did her friend always have to be so astute? Since there was no point in lying, she said, “Me.”

  “Okay, spill.” Sara popped a potato chip into her mouth.

  Rachel pushed her coffee cup away. “It’s Kyle. He’s back.”

  “Oh. That was the last thing I expected you to say. I was talking to Caleb last night and he didn’t mention anything.”

  “I don’t think he’s been by to see any of the guys yet.”

  “And yet he came to see you.”

  “He was anxious to see Ava.”

  Sara quirked a brow, giving her a look that suggested Ava wasn’t the only one he was anxious to see. “How is he?”

  “He’s good.” She forced a laugh, trying to make light of what she was about to say, but it came out sounding more like a strangled cry. “He’s actually taking care of Ava this week.”

  “Really? That’s nice. So why do you seem so sad?”

  “I’m not. I guess seeing him again…” She let her voice fall off. What the heck was she supposed to say? Seeing him again reminded her how much she loved him? How she was holding a secret that would destroy him?

  Sara’s voice was soft when she said, “I know. I totally understand.”

  Rachel nodded. No doubt Sara would have come to the most logical conclusion—Kyle’s presence upset her because he reminded her of James. No one needed to know the real reason.

  Sara went quiet for a long time, then she reached out and touched Rachel’s hand. “You love him.” It was a statement, not a question.

  Rachel’s head jerked back with a start. “What? Of course I don’t,” she countered, the denial spilling from her lips.

  “Rachel, it’s me.” Sara glanced around, then lowered her voice. “I know you love him. You’ve always loved him.”

  Wait! Maybe Rachel was simply reading more in to this. Maybe Sara was simply stating that she loved him, not that she was in love with him. “Yes, of course I love him,” she responded, playing it off. “He is James’s brother.”

  Sara let her hand go and reached for her soda. “You know that’s not what I mean.”

  Her nerves twisted. “What exactly do you mean?”

  “I’ve seen you around him, the way you look at him, touch him. You love him. Just like you loved James.”

  She shook her head. “I married James. I loved him.”

  “I know you did, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t in love with Kyle too. You can love two people equally, you know.”

  Rachel sat there, guilt eating at her as her heart crashed against her chest. She never wanted to hurt James, but it was true, she did love Kyle, as much today as always. She took a big breath and let it out slowly.

  “Sara, it’s not—” she looked into her friend’s perceptive eyes and her protest died on her tongue. The fight went out of her, the strength to deny her feeling fading like an old black and white photograph. “How long have you known?”

  “Since the day I introduced you to the two of them.”

  A car sped by on the street, its horn blaring at another driver, and she watched it until it disappeared. “How is it possible to love two people at the same time? Is there something wrong with me?”

  Sara made a face that suggested she was being ridiculous. “Of course not.”

  Her gaze dropped to her plate, and she reached for her napkin, twisting it in her fingers. “But it’s not normal.”

  Her friend bit in to her sandwich, chewed, and then, going into professional mode, said, “Actually it is. Empirical evidence proves that someone can love two people at the same time.”

  The waitress came by, and Rachel asked for a glass of water, needing something to wash away the grit in her throat.

  “Rachel, honey…” Sara paused and looked down, like she was choosing her next words cautiously. “James has been gone for two years, and it’s time you moved on. You deserve happiness. Everyone does.”

  Loneliness nipped at her soul. Even if she moved on, went after what her heart wanted, then what? She’d endured so much loss over the last decade—her father’s death, James, and then her mother. She couldn’t give herself over to her feelings for Kyle only for him to up and leave again. It would surely kill her.

  “Sara—”

  “Ask yourself this. Why haven’t you been able to move on?”

  Kyle…

  “All I’m saying is this. Take what you need, give what you can, and forgive the rest.”

  “That’s pretty profound. Even for you.”

  Sara nodded, and popped another potato chip into her mouth. “My yoga teacher
said that once.” A beat passed and she continued with. “Go for it, Rachel. Go after what you want. Don’t you think that’s what James would want? For you to find love again and be happy?”

  The waitress came back with her water, and she took a much needed pull from the straw. She pushed the glass away, planted her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her palms. She let loose a long sigh. “I don’t think I want to talk about this anymore.”

  “Okay, but I think you should take this time to see if there could be more between you two.”

  “Even if I did, he’s leaving after Easter.”

  “That’s a couple weeks away.”

  “Are you suggesting an affair?”

  “I’m suggesting you give him a reason to stay.”

  Damned if she didn’t have one hell of a reason. Kyle was a man of character. If she told him about Ava, he’d stay and do the right thing. He’d hate her, and himself, of that she was certain, but he’d stay for his daughter. She’d never want him to feel trapped, and if he stayed she wanted to be a part of the reason too.

  Rachel turned her head and twisted her ponytail, a heaviness falling over her. “It’s complicated.”

  “Then uncomplicate it. Life is short.”

  Don’t I know it.

  Rachel glanced at her watch and called the waitress over to pack up her untouched sandwich. She’d be starving by her afternoon break and might be able to eat it then. “I need to get back.”

  “Okay, but just think about what I said. It’s time for you to move on and go after what you want.”

  Rachel’s head was swimming as she made her way back to work. She lost herself in the monotony of her job, and the rest of the day zipped by in a blur, her thoughts on Kyle, and Ava, the tree house they were building. By the time five o’clock came around, she hopped into her car and drove home. She pulled into her driveway, parking behind the truck Kyle had borrowed from Jack and showed up in earlier this morning. The sound of a hammer hitting nails reached her ears as she exited her car.

  She walked around her small house, and when she reached her back yard, she stopped dead in her tracks, her heart wobbling at the sight of father and daughter. She took in the stack of wood near the tree, and a shirtless Kyle, his skin tanned and slick from the hot desert sun as he showed Ava how to pound a nail into wood.

  She’d been lying when she said he looked like he’d been living off rations. He was all broad shoulders and hard muscles. Even though he was big and strong he moved in a graceful, sexy way. Heat flooded her core, making her hyperaware of how much she wanted to touch him, to run her fingers over each rippling muscle and lose herself in him again.

  His hammer stopped midair, and Kyle looked up and gave her a grin that set off a chain of events inside her. She worked to recover, to present normal, even though her knees were trembling so hard she was sure she was going to land on her ass again.

  Take what you want, give what you can, forgive the rest.

  Sara’s words pinged inside her head, but she forced them out. Yes, she loved him and needed to move on, but after everything that had happened, everything she was hiding from him, trying to forge a deeper relationship was wrong. Right?

  “Mommy,” Ava squealed. Dressed in a pair of jean coveralls, a small tool belt around her waist, and her hair in lopsided braids, she came bouncing over. Rachel picked her up and gave her a hug. “Mommy, we had so much fun. Uncle Kyle took me to see the dogs, and then we got some new clothes and boots.” She thrust her leg out. “They have a wheel in them so I can kick anything and it doesn’t hurt.”

  “A wheel? Do you mean they’re steel-toed boots?”

  “Yeah, that’s it.” Without missing a beat she continued with, “And then we went and got all this wood for the tree house and then he showed me how to use a hammer so I can help.”

  “Well, aren’t you a lucky lady.” She glanced up as Kyle came toward them. His thick muscles shifted in ways that had her pulse leaping as he pulled on his shirt and winced as he stretched out one shoulder. Had he hurt it? “I hope she wasn’t too much trouble,” Rachel said.

  He tugged on one of her pigtails. “We had a great day. Didn’t we, squirt?”

  Ava giggled. “Uncle Kyle calls me squirt.”

  God, hearing her call him uncle was like a knife to the gut. She needed to tell him the truth. But how?

  “Does he now?” Rachel lowered her daughter, her gaze racing over all the supplies. “Looks like you two have your work cut out for you.”

  Kyle opened his mouth to speak but Ava put her hands on her hips so he stopped to let her have the floor. “It’s a hell of a lot of work but it’s going to be worth it. Isn’t that right, Uncle Kyle?”

  Rachel’s jaw dropped and Kyle cursed under his breath. He twisted away so she couldn’t see him, but it wasn’t hard to tell he was holding back a laugh.

  “Ava—” Rachel scolded, but Kyle dropped to his knees and put his hands on Ava’s shoulders. She beamed up at him, and Rachel’s heart nearly split in two.

  “That’s right, Ava, it’s going to be a lot of work but remember what I told you. We don’t repeat what we hear at the lumber yard.”

  She crinkled her nose, cupped Kyle’s face and squeezed. “Right, I forgot.”

  He turned Ava toward the lumber. “Why don’t you go put the hammers in the shed?”

  “Okay.” Ava skipped away, her pigtails flopping over her shoulders.

  Rachel put her hands on her hips mimicking Ava as she glared at Kyle. “I think that might be Ava’s last trip to the lumber yard.”

  Kyle climbed to his feet, his look so sheepish all she could do was laugh. “Sorry I guess kids her age are pretty impressionable.”

  “To say the least.”

  “I have a lot to learn. I don’t know much about kids.” He scratched his head. “Are all little girls as chatty as her?”

  She laughed and turned to her daughter, who looked absolutely adorable in a work belt, and her new steel-toed boots.

  “Thank you for this,” she said quietly.

  He stepped closer, too close, and her breath caught in her throat. “Thank you,” he said, his voice too soft, too low.

  “What are you thanking me for? You’re the one doing me a favor.”

  “No, Rach. It’s the other way around. Ava is an amazing little girl, and I’m happy that you’re letting me be a part of her life.” His hand touched her face, the rough calluses on his palm rasping over her skin.

  “Why wouldn’t I?”

  He opened his mouth and closed it again. His shoulders sagged under the weight of his guilt. Did he think she’d keep Ava away because of what they’d done? Heck, he wasn’t the only one on the bluff that day. She was about to tell him that when he spoke.

  “I should probably get going. I haven’t even been by to see my parents.”

  “I was going to order a pizza,” she said quickly. What the hell was the matter with her? She should just let him go before she did something stupid, like take Sara’s advice, but she was so afraid he’d leave and never come back again. “Do you want to have a slice with us first?”

  “I don’t think—”

  “Pizza,” Ava called out. “Can I have soda too?” Ava came skipping back over.

  “Sure.” Rachel inched away from Kyle. “You deserve a treat after being so good today. Now why don’t you go on in and get washed up.”

  Ava shaded the late day sun from her eyes and blinked up at her. “Can we eat at the picnic table again?”

  Kyle groaned, and Ava giggled.

  “How about we eat inside tonight,” Rachel said.

  Ava grabbed Kyle’s hand, giving him no choice in the matter. “Come on, Uncle Kyle. We have to wash up. Mommy doesn’t like dirty hands.”

  Rachel breathed against the tug in the center of her chest as the two people she loved most climbed the steps and entered the house through the kitchen. She followed and worked to get her emotions under control.

  She opened the screen doo
r and stilled. It wasn’t squeaking. Why wasn’t it squeaking? “Did you fix the door?” she called out.

  Kyle stuck his head out of the small powder room. “Yeah, it just needed a bit of oil.”

  She opened and closed it again. Nice. “Thanks.” He disappeared back inside the bathroom and the water turned on. They washed up, and Ava chatted on endlessly to him as Rachel grabbed the phone and called her favorite pizza place.

  The two came out of the room as she was hanging up, and Rachel opened her cupboard, careful not to pull it from the hinge. It opened with ease. “Kyle—”

  “I put some liquid wood filler in this hole, to give the screws something to grab on to.” He leaned over her, his breath hot and distracting on her neck as he tested the filler with the tip of his fingers. Her entire body tensed, his closeness messing with her mind as she pictured him touching her body in much the same manner. One spot in particular.

  “You…you’ve been busy,” she managed to get out past a tongue gone thick.

  “I’m hoping to fix the front door and the hole in the wall soon.” He stepped back and she grabbed three drink glasses. “I have to pick up some plaster. We didn’t have time for it today.”

  “You’re a man of many talents.” She turned and the glasses nearly fell from her hand when she saw the way he was looking at her, or rather her mouth. She remembered what happened the last time he gazed at her like that.

  “I want to help out while I’m here, Rach. Just let me know what you’d like fixed and I’ll fix it.”

  She swallowed. “You’re on vacation. You don’t have to do all this.”

  “I want to.”

  “Okay,” was all she said, knowing better than to argue. When Kyle set his mind to something, there was usually no swaying him.

  “Mommy, can we play Go Fish until the pizza comes?”

  Thankful for the distraction, she pointed to the stairs. “Sure. Go grab the cards.”

  “You remember how to play Go Fish, don’t you?” she asked Kyle as she grabbed the bottle of soda from the fridge and filled three glasses, putting a little less in Ava’s.

  “World champion three years in a row,” he said, and Rachel laughed. Ava came back with last year’s Easter basket. She plunked it on the table and pulled out the deck of cards.