Bleeding Heart

by AM Hartnett

  And now he had to figure out what to do with her, didn’t he? He’d been the one to suggest they see where it goes, and he’d told her to her face that he didn’t want a ‘one and done’, but the truth was that he didn’t know what he wanted.

  Except that he wanted nothing to change, and at the same time he wanted to see her again.

  ‘I used to bring Rita sugar and booze when I fucked up,’ he said, looking to Evie. ‘Got a suggestion for the girl I offered money to after sex?’

  She giggled. ‘You’re so cute. You want to be traditional.’ He burned up with embarrassment, but she went on. ‘Just go with the apology. Just be honest.’

  ‘She said she liked vodka in a nice glass instead of flowers. Man, that knocked me back. That’s something Rita would say.’

  ‘OK, I don’t want to be mean, but that shit has to stop. Don’t compare her to your dead wife. That’s…rude, and kind of fucked-up,’ Evie said, surprising the hell out of Seth. She had a mouth on her, but she was gentle. She didn’t like to leave scars.

  ‘I’m not,’ he said, then wondered if that’s what he was doing. There was no comparison between the two women on the outside, and only a little on the inside. Where Rita had been scathing, April was blunt. He liked that, in a very different way, and he said so to Evie.

  ‘Hey,’ Ryan interrupted before his girlfriend could respond. ‘Let’s just take a step back for a minute. Do you like this girl?’

  ‘Woman.’

  ‘Do you like this woman?’

  ‘Of course, I do,’ he snapped, then chuckled. ‘I offered her money after having sex, didn’t I?’

  ‘Then Evie is right about one thing: you just have to be honest. When you go home, knock on her door and just tell her you fucked up. Tell her you haven’t dated anyone since your wife died and you’re kind of a tool as a result, but that you really like her and you’d be thrilled if she was willing to go for dinner with you.’

  ‘Maybe I should write a note and get you to pass it to her. How juvenile is that?’

  ‘I’ll say that thing you don’t want me to say again.’

  Seth gritted his teeth. ‘What if she slams the door in my face?’

  ‘Well, you kind of deserve it, so if she does you just take it and go back to your apartment for a sulk.’

  Groaning, Seth leaned back in the chair and covered his eyes. ‘Can’t I just pretend it never happened?’

  Evie snorted. ‘Sure you can, if you want her to tell all her friends that you have a micropenis – assuming she hasn’t already done so.’

  ‘Steak’s done,’ Ryan announced, and began loading up the plate. ‘Are we eating out here or inside?’

  ‘Out here,’ Seth replied. ‘Far, far away from your liquor cabinet.’

  He wished he had stayed home. Before telling his friends about the previous night, he’d been feeling pretty good about himself. If he had blown off their invite again, he could have remained blissfully unaware of the mess he had made.

  Though, now that he thought about it, he wondered how he could have been unaware of this fuck-up. Offering her money for the morning-after pill. Who did that?

  He didn’t have a clue what he could possibly say to her. In theory. Ryan’s suggestion was the most honest and most truthful, but he wondered if it was a little too heavy. Maybe telling her that the sex had turned his brain to mush and he didn’t know what he was thinking.

  Apologise. That easy?

  God, he hoped so.

  No surprise that the person hammering her door so hard she felt the shake under her feet was Seth.

  He stood on the other side of the threshold, arms crossed and brows drawn together in a scowl.

  ‘Can I come in?’ he asked in a tone that suggested he’d not take no for an answer, then followed up with ‘please?’

  ‘Sure.’ April stepped aside and he strode on in. She was about to offer him something to drink when he spun around so quickly she jumped back.

  ‘I suppose there’s not really a good way to apologise for offering you money after we had sex, is there?’ he said in such a severe tone she was struck with the urge to make apologies herself.

  She didn’t bother to try to fight the laughter that came out. ‘No, there isn’t, but –’

  ‘I should have brought flowers, shouldn’t I?’

  ‘Do you not remember what I said the last time a man brought me flowers?’

  ‘Not really, but I’m not the kind of guy who tries to give a woman money after sex, either. We are clear that it was for the morning-after pill, right? I don’t want you thinking I was –’

  ‘Seth, I think I got it, and for Christ’s sake sit down. You’re making me nervous standing there like a kangaroo on steroids. I’ll get you a beer.’

  His deep sigh followed her as she went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle, just one, which she split into two glasses. There was no point in wasting two beers if he was going to follow up by saying he wasn’t interested in another round.

  This time, when he took the sofa, he sat at one end and left her ample room at the other. She took it and handed him his drink.

  ‘That was awkward,’ she told him honestly, ‘but it’s worse in your head than it actually was. Avoiding me afterwards was the bigger insult.’

  ‘I wasn’t avoiding you. Well, not really. Not at first, until I realised I might have fucked up and our next run-in would get me a kick in the balls. I’ve got to admit, I’m a little intimidated by you.’

  April nearly swallowed her tongue. ‘Me? You’re intimidated by me? You, the guy who’s an admitted pansexual who had sex with not one but two people at the same time in this apartment mere months ago, are intimidated by me? Why?’

  ‘You seem like the type of girl who would rip my pride out and squash it under your foot like a juicy bug, not intentionally, but just as devastatingly,’ he said, then worry flashed on his face again. ‘Fuck, now it sounds like I’m getting ready to fall madly in love with you, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Sounds more like that voodoo vagina magic I was doing the other night worked,’ she teased.

  She slid closer to him until her leg rested against his. Maybe it was her imagination, but she would have sworn under oath that she felt a slight current running along her leg even through the layers between them.

  ‘I haven’t dated anyone since my wife died,’ he said on a sigh. ‘I’ve had sex, but nothing more than casual. Except for the time before you, I could barely remember their names. I like you. I like running into you and I want to keep doing it, just as much as I want to get you in bed again. But I’m going to suck at it, if last night was any indication.’

  April pressed her lips together. She wanted to laugh because he sounded so sweet and helpless, but she was worried he’d take offence, so she swallowed it and smiled.

  ‘Are you trying to ask me out?’

  Seth looked relieved, like she had let him off the hook. ‘Yeah, I am. I want to take you out somewhere, or we could stay in. We should probably go out, though. We’d get more talking done that way.’

  ‘Agreed.’ This time she let her laughter out. ‘I’d love to go out.’

  ‘Tonight?’

  ‘Um…’ Oh, boy, her mother would lay on the guilt really thick if she didn’t visit like she’d promised.

  Worry came back to Seth’s face. ‘If you’ve already got plans, that’s fine.’

  ‘No, nothing I can’t break,’ she said, deciding in that instance that she could take the guilt trip in exchange for spending the evening with Seth. ‘Tonight is good.’

  He seemed to struggle to smile, but once he did he broke into a big one. ‘Six o’clock?’

  She agreed and walked him to the door, noticing that he was far less tense than he had been. When he had walked in, she could have broken a chair over his shoulders and he probably wouldn’t have felt it.

  Once he had gone, she leaned against the door and let her giggles out.

  April never thought she’d describe someone who looked
like Seth as ‘adorable’, but there was no other way to put it. She’d seen the shy side, the sexy side and now the discombobulated side. She liked all of them equally.

  Well, maybe she liked the sexy side a little more than the others, but she’d save that sentiment for further exploration later.

  She jumped at the rapping on the door. Peeking through the peephole, she once more found Seth on the other side, and for a moment worried he had changed his mind.

  ‘I was just wondering,’ he said once she opened the door, then laughed. He was red-faced, the colour creeping into the apples of his cheeks. ‘Where do you want to go? I mean, get dressed up and go somewhere or just do burgers?’

  ‘What about somewhere in the middle? A sit-down joint that serves burgers that don’t come in paper wrappers.’

  ‘Perfect. Sorry, I just…’ He shrugged, and laughed again. ‘It’s been almost twenty years since I asked someone out, and back then it was to wherever they wouldn’t kick us out. I just want to make sure I don’t fuck up your night.’

  April melted a little, and her crush grew a bit bigger as she took in the concern in his face.

  ‘You won’t fuck it up,’ she said quietly. ‘You could bring me a sub and we could sit on the fire escape, and it would be OK with me.’

  Seth opened his mouth, but nothing came out. For a moment, April held her breath as his gaze travelled over her face, then she let it out in a gush as he crossed the threshold once more.

  The door slammed shut, just in time for him to lift her off her toes and push her against it. She didn’t believe in kisses that made the earth move under her feet, but, as he crushed his mouth against hers and their bodies locked together, the whole universe seemed to shake.

  Though hard and magnificent at first, the kiss softened as Seth let her down onto her bare toes. She could have stayed like that for ever as they drank one another in. He curled his tongue around hers, and when she chased it past his lips he groaned and stepped back.

  ‘I wanna fuck you, but I’m going to be a gentleman and buy you dinner first.’

  ‘Uh huh’ was all she could manage as she stepped away from the door.

  For a second time, Seth offered up that sheepish smile. He lingered just long enough for her to think about grasping the front of his shirt and dragging him back in, but before she could act on it he headed down the stairs.

  ‘Oh, that’s not good,’ she said to herself as she leaned against the door.

  The apology and the wounded eyes had been enough to take her crush up a notch. That kiss, though…

  Hoo, boy, that kiss was the beginning of big trouble. She’d gone from crush territory into something else, and even though it felt heavenly she didn’t really trust it yet.

  Chapter Eight

  ‘I don’t mean to sound rude, but this place is so you,’ April said once the waitress left them with their menus. ‘As I was putting on my makeup, I thought to myself, “He’s a steakhouse kind of guy.”’

  ‘That’s not rude. I am a steakhouse kind of guy,’ he said, turning the menu around.

  He gave her a second glance and she caught a smile as he started reading, and she gave his foot a nudge under the table. ‘What?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘I just caught you, so you might as well tell me.’

  He set the menu down in front of him and grinned. ‘When I first met you, I thought you looked like a sushi kind of girl.’

  ‘OK, that’s rude. How dare you? I like my fish fried in batter and served with chips, and that’s the look I aspire to. What is it about me that screams sushi?’

  ‘You’re kind of, what’s the word? Cosmo? Cosmopolitan. Like you’re on top of all the trends.’

  ‘Well, allow me to completely destroy that image of me by ordering nachos to start.’

  He was fairly dressed down, still in jeans and short sleeves, which she supposed was his version of dressed up. The denims weren’t splattered with paint or grease and he had put on a black polo that was just as generous to his chest as those faded T-shirts he wore. He’d pulled his hair back into a ponytail and she caught a whiff of aftershave coming from him.

  And while he seemed to have relaxed after the white-knuckled drive in his truck, she still caught him twisting his fingers together and his chest rising slowly as he took a deep breath.

  First date in almost twenty years? Being on a date, period, could be an agonising experience. She couldn’t begin to imagine what that must be like for him when the last date he had was probably at Burger King.

  Not that her nerves were settled. She was too giddy, still thrilling after that kiss and eager for another and more at the end of the night. As she ran a finger down the menu, she was caught between wanting to take his hand and tell him to relax and wanting to get their food to go so they could head back to Winsloe Court.

  Setting the menu down, she reached for the drink menu. ‘You mind if I get a beer?’

  ‘Get two. I’ll have what you’re drinking.’

  Once the waitress had taken their orders and delivered cold, watery beer to their tables, Seth leaned forward. Beneath the table, his foot rested comfortably against hers.

  ‘This is OK, right? Coming out to dinner like this?’

  April raised her brows. ‘Sorry?’

  ‘The other night when we were talking before, you said you weren’t looking for anything serious. I said the same thing. I’m not sure where going out for steak and beer fits in there.’

  Plucking the lime from the edge of her glass, April thought about it for a moment. If he was looking for some sort of wisdom from her, he’d be waiting a long time.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she said honestly. ‘I mean, it’s a little surprising. I know I said I wasn’t looking for a one-time thing, but splitting a plate of nachos wasn’t really what I expected for a second date.’

  Seth laughed. ‘I think this is our first date. The last time doesn’t count.’

  ‘Oh, really? So what was last time?’

  His smirk gave her tingles from her head to her toes. Did he have any idea how ridiculously sexy that simple smile was?

  ‘Dirty?’ he murmured.

  She bit her lip and nodded. ‘Very.’

  ‘Wet?’

  April glanced around. This wasn’t exactly a fast-food joint and there were no children allowed in the downstairs bar area, but it still didn’t seem like the right setting for naughty talk.

  But he knew that. It was written all over his face. They’d barely been out of the apartment for half an hour and he was getting her warmed up, a bit of foreplay over beer glasses and to the soundtrack of classic rock over satellite radio.

  ‘Very,’ she replied.

  He laughed, low and sinful, and the blush in her cheeks spread all over. Another minute of this and the wait staff would think she had broken out into hives.

  ‘You’re cute when you get turned on,’ he said, his gaze focused on her mouth. ‘I might spend the rest of the night thinking of ways to get you into trouble.’

  ‘Behave, Mr Axworthy. This is supposed to be a nice, friendly dinner date.’

  ‘You don’t sound like you mean that.’

  She narrowed her eyes at him and half-heartedly fought her smile. ‘I can be a tease, when I want to be.’

  ‘So can I.’

  Unlike her taunting, his left a promise between them as he settled back against the bench. She got the impression that he was watching what it did to her, and she loved every second of it.

  His grin faded. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘I’m afraid to say yes,’ she replied, and with good reason. He could probably get secrets from any previous lives she’d had if he really wanted to.

  ‘I’ve been wondering: does anyone in the building talk about me?’

  ‘You’re asking me? God, you’re the only person in the building I’ve talked to.’

  ‘Are you serious?’

  ‘I’m not very good at meeting new people on my own,’ she confessed
. ‘When I’m out in a crowd or put on the spot, I don’t have any problems getting comfortable, but I don’t have it in me to just strike up a conversation with someone I meet in the hall, or even in the laundry room.’

  ‘And I’m different because?’

  She grinned. ‘Other than walking around with your shirt off half the time?’

  ‘Are you saying you only want me for my body?’

  ‘No, that’s not it.’

  She took hold of her glass with two hands and sipped, wondering how she could possibly put into words how she’d look forward to seeing him on a daily basis, without sounding like some desperate weirdo.

  ‘You’ve got a way about you,’ she finally said. ‘You’re good at the talking and the listening. Most people are only good for one or the other, and that makes me a little nervous.’

  ‘You don’t strike me as the nervous type, or the shy type, and I’m not just talking about the other night.’

  ‘Once I’m comfortable, I’m easy. I’m not just talking about the other night, either,’ she added with a smile. ‘I like you. You strike me as the type of guy who is comfortable with himself and you say what you think. It makes me feel like I can be the same way when I’m with you.’

  ‘I don’t know how comfortable I am with myself, but I’m glad you feel like you can loosen up around me.’ He raised his glass. ‘Cheers?’

  ‘Cheers.’

  They clinked glasses, and after they both took a drink – hers a sip and his a big gulp – he spread out a little more, both arms now stretched out over the back of the seat.

  ‘I get the feeling that Q&A time isn’t over yet,’ she remarked.

  ‘I’m just getting started. You’ve got me curious, now. Actually, you’ve had me curious from the time I walked you through the apartment and you were looking at everything like it was the most serious business ever. Mind if I ask why you moved out when you did?’

  She hesitated. If there was one thing she hated talking about, it was her family. ‘I will, as long as you tell me why you were wondering what the other tenants were saying about you.’

  Seth shrugged up one shoulder. ‘I was just wondering. I didn’t have much to do with the tenants before. My late wife dealt with the people side of things. She did the walkthroughs, she collected the rent, she fielded complaints. I’m just curious as to whether those looks I get sometimes have to do with something I put out there.’ He cocked his head. ‘Your turn.’