Wanton Christmas Wishes

by Multi-Author

  Ham looked at him then, clearly surprised. “That’s something you should do in private,” he said. “I knew it. The day I arrived and I saw the two of you together, I knew it was this way.”

  “I’m in love with her,” Finn told him desperately, aching to tell him the rest, that with each passing day he wanted Ham just as he wanted Edith, that he’d fallen in love with him all over again and even though he was filled with joy over the love he’d found with Edith, it was tempered with heartbreak over the love he was losing with Ham.

  “I know,” Ham said. “I know what it means to love like that.” He looked at Finn then, and his eyes were full of the love that Finn craved, the love he’d walked away from over ten years ago, the love he needed now more than ever.

  “Ham,” he said, and he let his anguish show in that one whispered word.

  “Don’t,” Ham said quickly. “Just don’t.” He looked away again. “Edith is wonderful. I’m half in love with her myself. You’re a lucky man. I won’t ruin that for you.”

  “My heart is breaking,” Finn confessed in a whisper. “If I hadn’t meet Edith…things would be different now between us.”

  “Yes,” Ham agreed. “I feel the same way I did ten years ago. Not a day has passed that I haven’t thought of you, thought about holding you in my arms.” It was the most Finn had ever heard Ham say on the subject, but rather than elate him it drove the knife deeper into his heart. “But I’ll survive,” Ham added quietly. “I survived then, and I’ll survive now. Just knowing you’re happy with Edith, that she’s happy with you, that’s enough for me.”

  “It’s not enough,” Finn argued. “You deserve more. I never should have left you. I thought of you nearly every day, too, Ham. Thought about what we did, how we felt, what we could have, should have done about it. I was a coward and a fool and I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” Ham told him. “You did the right thing. A love like that would only have gotten us both into trouble. Keep loving Edith, Finn. She’ll love you back and the world will smile upon you both.”

  Somehow Finn knew this was it. Ham wouldn’t be alone with him again, wouldn’t tempt either of them to betray Edith. “Kiss me, Ham,” he whispered. “Kiss me like you did that day at the burn, as if you’d die without me.”

  Ham turned to him, rolling his head and shoulder along the wall, and Finn mirrored him until they faced one another, mere inches apart. “I won’t die,” Ham whispered. “I’ll just feel like I did.” And with those words he leaned in and kissed Finn, dragging him forward along the wall with his good arm until he had Finn wrapped up tight, his mouth hot and damp on Finn’s, desperation making him rough and clumsy.

  The bricks caught on Finn’s clothes, tugging at them, catching his hair the same way. Finn ignored it, ignored the cold and the smell and the fear that Edith would be there any moment to catch them. Instead he focused completely on Ham, on his taste and texture and kiss, memorizing him. Ham’s beard was longer and thicker than his. Softer, too, so that it caressed his cheeks and lips. Finn buried his hand in Ham’s sinful red curls, opened his mouth and let Ham have him. Ham took what he offered. He thrust his tongue into Finn’s mouth and tasted every corner of it, dominated the kiss and Finn and the moment and Finn reveled in it, as he had all those years ago. It was Ham, even though he was several years younger, who had grabbed Finn and kissed him the first time, made him accept his own desires and the change in their relationship. It was Ham would had undressed him and fondled him and possessed him in a way no one had again until Edith.

  Everything about it felt so good Finn groaned into Ham’s mouth. Ham bit his lip, his breath harsh and his hand rough as it squeezed Finn’s shoulder. Then Ham was letting go and rolling away along the wall. He stood there, his head tilted back, his back against the wall, panting as he stared up at the night sky.

  “That can’t happen again,” Ham said quietly, his voice rough. “It isn’t fair to any of us, Edith included, but especially me.” He rolled his head along the wall and stared bleakly at Finn. “I wish I hadn’t done it. The memory of you had faded, now it’ll be like a fresh wound that will never heal. Remind me of that if Edith asks for a Christmas kiss. God knows I don’t need the memory of her lips haunting me, too.”

  “Ham,” Finn said, his voice breaking, his lips aching from the rough kiss.

  “I know, Finn,” he said, and Finn knew he meant it. He knew exactly what Finn had left unsaid.

  Chapter 6

  HAMISH LAY ON his cot smoking his pipe as he watched Edith changing his brother’s bandage. Edith had come to think of him as Hamish since the night she’d eavesdropped on he and Finn. She’d been confused and hurt for days after, avoiding both men, worrying about what to do. She was too in love with Finn to walk away from him, and he’d said as much about her. But her own heart was breaking knowing they were hurting Hamish. She wasn’t sure what that meant.

  Over the last week she’d made it a point to observe the two men together, while finding excuses not to meet with Finn alone. She knew his patience must be nearly at an end, as he didn’t have much to begin with. Now that she knew how Finn and Hamish felt it was glaringly obvious to her in their lingering glances and awkwardness with one another. But they both watched her with hungry stares, too, Finn’s possessive and Hamish’s as inscrutable as ever. Hamish had taken to following her, like a brooding watchdog, when she made her rounds of the wards. It was a strange love triangle. She’d come up with a bold plan, one that most women wouldn’t dare try. Then again, she wasn’t most women and never had been or she wouldn’t be in Scutari in the first place.

  “He can fend for himself you know,” Hamish said. “His fever’s been down for weeks.”

  At his words Edith started, dropping the bandage. She glanced over at Hamish but had to look away or else everyone would see how he affected her. His legs were bare to above his knees. Those kilts were very nearly indecent, but lord how Edith loved them.

  “He had the fever for weeks and the wound needs to be protected,” Edith said calmly. “He’s earned a little mollycoddling.” She’d learned how to deal with Hamish. He liked to give orders by subtly couching them in observations. That was, of course, when he deigned to speak at all. Most of the time he simply watched, observing her with that hungry intensity that made her feel hot and bothered.

  “I’ve earned it,” his brother said. “Shut it.”

  Hamish laughed. “My arm is still in a splint,” he told her. “Will you be mollycoddling me next?” There was something about his words that had Edith turning sharply to stare at him wide-eyed. From the heated look he was giving her she knew she hadn’t misunderstood the less than appropriate meaning behind his words. He looked away first, clearly uncomfortable with his own boldness. Instead of disconcerting her, his uncharacteristic flirting calmed her nerves, helping convince her she’d made the right decision.

  “No,” she said simply. “I think you can take care of yourself.”

  “Here now,” Lieutenant Fletcher said, moving away from her. “I can take care of myself, too.” He finished wrapping the bandage around his arm and tucked it up. “See?”

  “Indeed,” Edith said, sending Hamish a grateful look. She’d been trying to figure out how to get his brother to take over so she could spirit Hamish away.

  “Would you care to take a walk?” she asked Hamish politely as she stood and smoothed out her skirts. “My shift is over and I have time to do as I please. We could even go out into Scutari.”

  Hamish swung his legs over the side of his cot. His kilt crept up his thighs and she both feared and hoped it would rise to an indecent length. He held out his hand to Edith, who only saw it because it cut off her view of his manly, well-muscled legs. She jerked her gaze up to meet his amused one. “I’d love to stretch my legs,” he said. He grabbed his jacket and slid his good arm into it, draping the other side over his shoulder, his splinted arm held close with a sling. When he was done he tucked her hand in his arm and grinned at her as they
set off down the aisle of the ward.

  “Where’s Finn?” he asked after they’d exchanged greetings with several patients.

  “He had something to take care of in Scutari,” she told him. “I believe his landlady’s child is sick and Finn offered to take a look at her.”

  “That’s our Finn,” he said with no small amount of pride. “Always ready to help.”

  “You’ve known one another a very long time?” she asked. He nodded.

  “Yes, since before I could walk,” he said. “He was a friend to my brother Douglas.”

  “How many brothers have you?” she asked, glancing back in the direction of Lieutenant Fletcher. “I’ve heard you talk of several.”

  “Five,” he said. “Rowan, Douglas, Conall and Brodie—the twins—and Bram, the baby. He’s fifteen now. Rowan and Bram stayed behind. Dougie and Brodie are over here with the 93rd as well.”

  Edith was intrigued. “Four brothers fighting together? That’s unusual.”

  “Not for highlanders,” he informed her with an indulgent smile. “Do you have brothers here, too?”

  They had arrived at the coat rack. He helped her into her black coat and she helped him close a few buttons on his jacket to keep him warm. She waited to answer his question until they were out in the street. It was brutally cold and she clutched her arm to her, seeking his warmth. “My brothers?” She shook her head. “No. At least, I don’t believe so. I haven’t seen them since before my marriage.”

  “Why?” he asked with a frown. Unconsciously he began to rub his hand over hers on his arm, warming her more.

  “They did not approve of my husband.”

  “Was he a bully?” he asked gruffly. “A gambler?”

  She chuckled because the descriptions were so far from the truth. “Not at all. Charlie was very sweet, considerate and careful with money. But he didn’t have much of it. He was a mere sergeant, you see.”

  His frown grew fiercer. “Your family’s a bit high in the instep, then?”

  “I’m afraid so,” she said with a sigh, remembering her strict parents and her neglectful brothers. “After my husband’s death, they reached out, but it was too late.” She looked directly at him. “I am my own woman now. Any decisions I make are mine and mine alone. I need not consider how my family would react.”

  He looked sad. “I can’t imagine not having family around me.”

  “I am not alone,” she told him with a smile, pleased that he had no idea what she had planned for him. She stopped and looked up at the building in front of them. “We’re here.”

  Hamish looked around. “Where?”

  “Finn’s apartments.” She started for the door but stopped when Hamish didn’t follow her. She turned back and held out her hand. “Come, Hamish,” she said softly

  After a brief hesitation he slid his hand into hers and followed her inside.

  Chapter 7

  FINN OPENED THE door to his room expecting to see Edith. He’d been intrigued by her note earlier today asking to meet him here. She’d been avoiding him for a week and he’d feared that she was through with him. But her note had mentioned a happy surprise. The surprise was seeing Ham with her. “Edith,” he said warmly, catching her hand and dragging her inside to kiss her cheek. “And Ham,” he said, his greeting just as warm. He couldn’t be sorry Ham was here, even if it meant he still couldn’t touch Edith the way he’d been wanting to for a week.

  “She brought me,” Ham said, pointing to Edith’s back. “I should be getting back to the hospital now that I’ve seen her here safely.”

  “Nonsense,” Edith said firmly before Finn could respond. She reached back and grabbed Ham’s hand, pulling him inside. She shut the door and leaned against it, as if to prevent Ham from fleeing. “We’re here now. You might as well stay for a bit, and then you can walk me back. Right, Finn?” she asked.

  Finn nodded, not sure what was going on. He could tell Edith had something up her sleeve, but had no idea what. She wandered over to his bed, unbuttoning her coat as she went. Finn had stoked the fire in the little stove in anticipation of her visit and the room was nice and warm. Edith had never been to his rooms before, their stolen moments restricted to the freezing cold alcove behind the hospital and a kiss or two captured in a storage room. Finn liked the look of her here.

  She struggled a bit to get her coat off and Ham beat him to the punch when he stepped over and helped her off with it. She took it from him with a smile that would normally have heated Finn right up from his nose to his toes, but this time it was directed at Ham. Finn’s heart raced at that smile and what it might mean.

  Edith tossed her coat on a chair already overloaded with books and papers and clothes. She sat down on the bed and arranged herself very precisely. She leaned back on both arms, straining the front buttons of her dress across her breasts. Then she crossed her legs, showing her ankles and began to bounce her foot up and down, making her skirt dance around her slim legs. She looked positively wanton sitting there on his bed like that.

  “What has Finn told you about us?” she asked Ham casually, leaning down to pick something off her skirt. She inadvertently folded the fabric up, showing more of her calf, shapely even in the thick woolen hose she wore.

  “He told me you like to meet him outside for a smoke now and then,” Ham said cautiously, casting a wary look at Finn.

  “Did he?” she said in a low, soft voice. “Don’t tell anyone else about the smoking. Miss Nightingale would not approve. What else did he tell you?”

  “What else should he have told me?” Ham asked. He’d situated himself in the corner of the room, watching Edith and Finn, trying to read the situation as always. Finn was no help. He had no idea what Edith was up to. He had hopes, of course, but knew them for fantasies rather than possibilities.

  “Nothing,” she said, leaning on the bed with studied nonchalance. “Except that we are lovers, of course.”

  “Edith,” Finn said with a warning in his voice. Did she somehow know about him and Ham? Was she trying to make a point? He wouldn’t let her hurt Ham like that, no matter what he felt for her. “What are you doing?”

  For the first time since they arrived she looked uncertain. “I’m not really sure,” she said, sounding slightly exasperated as she sat up and plopped her hands in her lap. “How on earth do you seduce two men at once?”

  Finn looked up at the ceiling and mouthed, “Thank you,” to the powers that be.

  “No,” Ham said firmly, bringing Finn crashing down to earth.

  “Why ever not?” Edith demanded. “Don’t you want to? I thought you wanted us both.” She stood, looking between him and Ham, confusion on her face. “Was I wrong?”

  “Why?” Ham asked, crossing his arms and glaring at her belligerently.

  “Why?” she asked as if she didn’t understand.

  “Yes, why. Why are you trying to seduce me? Is it a lark? Do you think it will make Finn happy? Why?”

  Finn hadn’t even thought to ask he was just so thrilled she seemed to want the same thing he did. But now that Ham had asked, he needed to know, too. He didn’t want Edith doing it just because she thought it was what Finn wanted.

  Edith sighed and sat back down, her shoulders slumping. “I heard you two talking, last week,” she said. She waved her hand in the air. “Outside.” She looked at Finn. “You kissed him.”

  “I knew it,” Finn said. “I knew somehow you’d figured out what was going on.” He sat down next to her and took her hand in his. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Edith. Ham and I, we’ve known one another since we were children. Those feelings…they just happened. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.” She surprised him by laughing.

  “Oh, I know that,” she said dismissively. “I worried about it at first, but you still treated me the same, still looked at me like you wanted to sneak out and fuck every chance you got.” Finn had trouble breathing when she used such coarse language with Ham in the room. “And you,” she said, pointing at Ha
m, who was still standing there with his arms crossed. “You looked at him the same way. And at me.” At her words Ham looked away.

  “So you think it’s what Finn wants?” Ham said, stiff and unrelenting.

  “Of course it is,” she said. “But it’s what I want, too.” She’d shocked both men with her blunt statement. She just shook her head at their surprised looks. “You men are so unobservant. For a month I’ve been worrying myself sick over my growing attraction to Hamish, over what I perceived as a betrayal of you, Finn. And then I thought I’d come between you. But that’s not true, is it?” she asked, looking at them in turn. “You both want me. And I want both of you. We’re adults, there’s no one here to see.”

  “If someone found out,” Ham said, shaking his head. “I can’t do that to you, Edith, no matter what you think you want.”

  “Don’t condescend to me,” she snapped, making Ham frown. “I told you, I’m my own woman. I make my own decisions. Kindly do me the honor of accepting those decisions. I won’t make yours for you, but don’t base yours on what you think I should or shouldn’t do. That is my decision.”

  “I don’t believe I have ever loved you more than I do at this moment,” Finn said, dangerously aroused at her fierce independence.

  “Well, you might have told me that before now,” she said, exasperated. “But being an intelligent woman, I figured it out.”

  Ham laughed then, the sound as unexpected as it was delightful. “Fine then, Edith, I won’t make your decisions for you. But I will make my own.” He looked at Finn. “This is what you want?”

  Finn nodded. “Yes, it’s what I want.”

  Ham took two long steps to the bed and surprised Edith by pushing her back onto the mattress. He straddled her hips and pulled off his cap, tossing it towards the overburdened chair. “Fine then. My mind is made up. I’m going to fuck you, Edith, and take everything I can from both of you before I have to leave Scutari.”