She shakes her head. “I still have some from before. But I’m not... I can’t be. I mean, I can. But...” She groans.
Noah starts squirming in the stroller. “Go. Park. Now.”
“Okay, buddy,” I say, pushing the stroller toward the door, and giving Brynne a sympathetic smile. But she’s already making a bee-line for the bathroom.
A smile stretches across my lips as I take the elevator down. I know Brynne will be a bit freaked out if she is pregnant. But I also know that if she is, there isn’t a luckier kid to have parents like her and Kane.
I might not connect with my brother, but one thing I’m sure of, he’s an amazing dad. Noah and Brynne are his whole world, and this kid would be no different.
“What do you think?” I say to Noah when we’re outside. “Are you going to be a big brother?”
His brows scrunch down and he gives me a look that reminds me so much of Kane. And I laugh.
It’s not that cold today, the snow from last night is gone, and the sun peeks out from behind gray clouds, warming my cheeks. The park is packed with caregivers and kids of all ages, and when I let Noah out of the stroller, I understand immediately why Brynne was thinking about getting one of those kid leashes.
He bolts toward the swings, nearly getting knocked down from a child being pushed on the big kid swings. I grab him a second before the kid’s feet collide with Noah’s head.
“You’re trouble, aren’t you,” I tell him, kissing his cheek.
Noah laughs and points. “Kai-ee. Swing.”
“Okay.” It’s the least dangerous thing here, and it also means I can contain him. I place his chubby legs through the plastic holes, then give a small push.
“High, high.”
“Already an adrenaline junkie,” I tease, pushing him higher and making him squeal with laughter.
I smile and take in a deep breath. Everything is good. At least right now, in this moment, it is. And for the first time in forever, I don’t feel like the universe is about to swallow me whole.
Until I see her.
Blonde pigtails bounce as she skips toward the playset, big blue eyes that are so familiar sparkle as she starts an animated conversation with another kid her age.
A rush of cold fills me.
I blink. Once. Twice. Expecting her to disappear like the ghost she is.
But she doesn’t.
She’s here.
Lucy.
“Skylar,” a woman calls to the child when she starts climbing the ladder. “Be careful.”
Skylar. Not Lucy.
She waves back at the woman, then giggles as she climbs higher.
I watch her, forgetting to breathe, and obviously forgetting to keep pushing Noah, because he starts squirming and crying, “Down, down.”
But I can’t move. Can’t breathe. The little girl looks just like her. Only older.
My world seems to tilt, the ground beneath my feet shifting.
It’s not her. It can’t be. She’s... gone. Lucy died two years ago.
My fault.
All the pain of that night slams into me.
Can’t breathe.
When large arms wrap around me, I jerk back in shock, adrenaline rushing through me - and fear.
“Easy,” Blake says, twisting me in his arms. “It’s just me.” Gray eyes narrow on me. “What’s wrong?”
I glance around, but I don’t see the girl now.
“Nothing,” I manage to say. Except I feel like I’m losing my mind. “What are you doing here?”
He’s still frowning at me. “I was with Kane when Brynne called him. She said you were here with Noah.”
“Oh.”
“Up. Up,” Noah cries out.
Blake lifts him out of the swing, holding onto him when he squirms to get down.
“Kane said Brynne sounded upset on the phone. Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“Yeah,” I lie, because I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest.
It’s not her, I tell myself. But I can’t stop looking around the park for the girl.
Blake places the back of his hand on my cheek. “Are you feeling all right? You look pale.”
“I just need to sit down.” Before my knees buckle beneath me.
It’s not her.
Blake nods and says something I don’t hear when Noah demands to be put down. He sets him down for only a second and he takes off. Blake chases after him, but I’m only half paying attention when he catches up to the toddler, helping him up to the top of the smaller slides.
I rub my temples, a headache forming there.
My mind was playing tricks on me, that’s all. I’m here, and Lucy is gone. There’s no other truth.
Truth. It’s such a fluid thing. Some days I don’t know what my truth is anymore.
I fight the memories that try and surface.
She’s gone. Dead. My fault.
I breathe in deeply, closing my eyes and letting the sunlight warm my face. Giggles and laughter float around me. Happiness that seems untouchable, when just a few minutes before it had been mine. But now it’s gone again, replaced by the weight of my failures.
Lucy, my heart groans. God, I’m so sorry.
When I open my eyes, the girl is only a few feet from me, running and laughing as an older boy chases her. My heart beats wildly at the similarities between her and Lucy.
The boy keeps chasing her, and she trips. Holding her knee to her chest as big tears start running down her cheeks.
I don’t think. I just run to her, pulling her into my arms. “You’re okay.” I rock her back and forth. “You’re okay.”
Those big blue eyes look up at me, blinking away tears. Blue, not green. It’s not her.
It’s not her. My brain already knew the truth, but my heart needed the confirmation. Of course it isn’t her.
The child’s mother is next to me, and when she reaches for the girl, I let her take her from me.
“Mama,” the girl cries out, wrapping her arms around the woman’s neck.
“Thank you,” the woman says to me, even though she’s frowning as she turns to walk away, glancing over her shoulder at me like I’m some kind of lunatic.
And I realize why. My own face is wet with tears, and I have to hold back the sob that threatens to escape my chest.
“Kiley.” Blake crouches down beside me and his arms wrap around me, lifting me to my feet.
“Where’s Noah?” I ask, panic clawing at my chest.
“In the stroller.”
I glance over and see Noah munching on Cheerios, oblivious to what just happened. But Blake isn’t. I see the questions in his eyes, the concern that tugs at his brows.
“I’m not... not feeling well. I need... need to go.” I stutter over the words.
“Okay.” He keeps an arm around me, steadying me.
I look around for the woman, for Skylar. But they’re gone.
And I feel it again - the heaviness of the universe crashing down on me. When I close my eyes, I see that field burning in front of me. A fire I set. One that I can’t run away from anymore.
Chapter Seven
Blake
“Brynne’s pregnant.” A smile stretches across Kane’s face when he opens the door and announces the news.
“Oh my God,” Brynne groans behind him. “You can’t start telling everyone already.” She gives him an irritated look, but I can see the happiness shining in her eyes, the way her own lips curve up slightly.
But as much as I want to share in their joy, my only thoughts are of Kiley. She pushes the stroller into the apartment, and I see the forced smile she gives Brynne, but her eyes are haunted, face still void of color.
I don’t know what the hell happened at the park, but whatever it was, it obviously shook her to the core. Brynne must see it too, because she glances over at me and raises her brows in question.
“Sorry for coming back so soon,” Kiley says, although her words come out in a whisper. “I’m not fe
eling well.”
Kane frowns and asks gruffly, “What’s wrong with you?”
Kiley doesn’t even look at him, but I see her flinch. And I want to hit him for always being so callous with her.
“Come in,” Brynne says. “I’ll make you some tea and soup—”
“The last thing you need right now is to catch what she has,” Kane says, taking Noah out of the stroller.
Brynne is about to argue, but Kiley interrupts, “He’s right. And honestly, I just need to lie down.” She gives a tight smile before turning and walking toward the elevator.
I’m about to go after her when Kane stops me. “Make sure she’s all right.”
I nod. “I always do.”
His back teeth clench and he nods. I can feel his gaze on me when I walk away, and I don’t care that he’s watching when I pull Kiley into my arms as we get onto the elevator. She leans into me, but she feels almost limp, like all her strength has been sucked from her.
“Stay with me tonight,” I tell her when we get off on our floor.
She doesn’t argue, and I’m glad for it, because this isn’t something she’d win.
“I’ll make you something to eat.”
“I just want to lie down,” she says softly, starting toward the bedroom.
I stop her, pulling her back into my arms and kissing her forehead. She’s freezing. Like all the blood has rushed from her body.
“First a hot bath.”
A shiver wracks through her. “Blake—”
“You need to warm up. You’re frozen.”
She sighs. The normal fire that’s behind her eyes, gone.
In the bathroom, I start the water. After I undress her and help her into the tub, I remove my own clothes and join her in the oversized jacuzzi. I pull her back against my chest and wrap my arms around her.
She’s silent, staring blankly at the stream of water that fills the tub. I can feel her pain. It vibrates from her. An ache so intense I swear it fills the entire room. I’ve learned to read her emotions. Learned her subtle nuances that she doesn’t even know she does. The slight twitch of her mouth when she’s sad. The way her breathing speeds up when she’s worried. The way her pupils widen when I touch her.
But this, the lack of anything, it scares me. I’ve seen her like this only a handful of times. Numb. Empty. Like she’s drowning in despair and has no energy to fight her way back to the surface and take the breath she so desperately needs.
I take her hand and twine my fingers with hers. “What happened at the park?”
Silence.
I don’t think she’s going to answer me, but then she lets out a choking breath. “The little girl...”
I press my lips against the back of her head and wait.
“She... I thought... thought she was...” She lets out a shaky breath, then shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t her.”
“Wasn’t who?”
More silence.
“Lucy,” she finally whispers. There’s so much pain in that one word that my own chest squeezes with it.
Despite the warm water that surrounds us, Kiley is trembling almost violently, and her teeth are chattering. I lean over and turn off the water, then twist Kiley toward me.
“Who’s Lucy?” I keep my voice steady, despite the fear that races through me. Whoever Lucy is, I know she’s a key to the tormented secrets Kiley’s been keeping from me.
I want to beg her not to shut down, to tell me everything, but at the same time, I wonder if pushing her now is going to break her. She looks so damn vulnerable.
So I wait.
Kiley glances down at our conjoined hands, and when she starts to speak, she’s so quiet I barely hear her words. “The last foster house I was at...”
I stroke her hair away from her cheek. “Tell me what happened.”
She lets out a shaky breath. “I can’t.”
“Why? What are you afraid of?”
“Everything.” She looks up at me, unshed tears making her eyes glisten. “Don’t you get that. I’m afraid of everything.”
“You’re one of the strongest people I know. Whatever happened—”
She scoffs, a sound filled with bitterness. “If I was strong, I would have protected her.”
“Protected who? Lucy?”
Her eyes squeeze shut. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to forget.”
I pull her tighter. “Okay.”
“Make me forget. Please.”
The desperation in her voice cuts through me.
“If I could take away all your pain, I would,” I say, covering her lips with my own, and cup the back of her neck, holding her in place as my tongue strokes hers.
She whimpers, a moan vibrating from her throat as her hands bury in my hair, and she twists around to straddle me.
Hunger blazes through me, the ridge of my cock hard against her pussy as she grinds her hips against me.
She groans when I break the kiss. “Don’t stop. Please, Blake.”
I spread a line of kisses down her neck, over her collarbone, and her head arches back, her hips moving against mine, needy and desperate.
My fingertips rasp against her swollen nipples, and she lets out a sigh when I pull one into my mouth, tugging the tender tip with my teeth.
Emotions I can’t explain or control lash through me, stronger than they’ve ever been. Consuming and raw, and I don’t bother trying to contain them.
The need to protect her.
To consume her.
To make her mine once and for all.
“Need to fuck you, Kiley.” My voice is guttural, rougher than it’s ever been.
“Yes,” she whimpers. Her need just as strong as my own.
And even though I know she’s using our connection, the blazing lust between us as a shield, I can’t fight it anymore.
Her legs and arms are still wrapped around me, and I stand, carrying her to the bedroom. The cool air rakes across my skin, but it does nothing to lessen the fire that burns in my veins.
I lay her on my bed, never pulling away, not knowing if I’ll keep breathing if I do. I need her. This. So damn bad. She’s more than a drug, she’s fucking oxygen.
My fingers stroke along her wet curves and she shudders beneath me, her hips arching when I palm her pussy. I part her folds, watching her expression, the darkening of her eyes when I slip one finger inside her.
“Don’t tease,” she begs, breathless.
As much as I want to take my time, to savor every inch of her body, I know that’s not what she needs right now. I reach over and grab the box of condoms I bought earlier today and rip through the packaging.
Her eyes are wide, watching me as I sheath myself.
“You want this?” I ask, pushing her thighs apart and moving above her. “Because once we do this. It changes everything.”
“Yes,” she whimpers. But I’m not sure she knows what she’s agreeing to.
I’m not even sure I understand the full significance of it either. I just know that this is more than just sex.
“Please, Blake.” Her fingers pull at my hair, her hips arching against the head of my cock.
I fight to hold back the ravenous urge to dominate her. To take her hard. But the look she gives me begs for it. And I feel like a starving man, ravenous for the one thing that’s consumed my every waking thought. I sink inside the clenching depths of her pussy with a single stroke, and she cries out.
A growling moan vibrates from my throat. Her tight, hot flesh spasms around my cock, and for a second, I can’t move. I’m locked inside her, our eyes meeting, and I swear to God a part of me merges with her. And all that bullshit about love and forever - in this moment it seems almost possible.
The ripples of her pussy around my length feel like a vise grip, and I know I need to give her a moment to adjust to my size.
“You okay?” I ask, pressing my lips against hers, looking into her eyes and searching for any signs of pain. Damn, my lack of sel
f-control.
Her breath is shaky. “Don’t stop. I want to feel you, Blake. All of you.”
I kiss her, hard, hearing the need in her voice. The same need that fills me. To push her to the edge. To possess her. Claim her. Mark her.
Long, hard, deep strokes. Each thrust stretches her sensitive flesh, her face flushed, lips swollen from my kisses.
Her pussy flexes around me, and I can feel the orgasm beginning to rise inside her.
“Yes, Kiley,” I groan, my strokes harder, faster.
I’m fucking her. But it’s so much more than that. Every cell in my body screams as pleasure builds in my balls, my muscles tightening with my encroaching release.
She cries out, ecstasy blazing in her eyes as her orgasm rips through her.
“That’s it, sweetheart.” A harsh groan tears through me. I thrust to the hilt one last time as deep, heavy spurts erupt from my cock.
I collapse, unable to move. Paralyzed from the white-hot ecstasy that keeps sending little pulses of cum shooting from my dick.
“Holy shit,” I groan against her neck, knowing I’ll never recover from whatever the hell that just was. Because I swear to God, it changed some essential part of me.
Kiley whimpers beneath me, and when I finally find the strength to roll off her, her eyes are already drifting closed. Exhausted and sated, I discard the condom, then pull her into my arms.
It’s not long before I feel her body relax, hear the soft sounds of her breathing, letting me know she’s fallen asleep.
I’d been right thinking I’d lose myself in her if given the chance. She’s branded my soul. Somehow, she’d snuck in and filled all the empty, dark corners of my heart.
And it doesn’t just scare me. It terrifies me.
Because I’m not sure I can handle losing another person I love.
Chapter Eight
Kiley
Blake isn’t beside me when I wake up, but I can hear his voice, and the scent of coffee and bacon waft through the slightly open bedroom door. I pull one of his t-shirts out of a drawer and pull it on, then pause when I catch my reflection in the mirror. My hair is a wild tangled mess, and my lips are puffy from Blake’s kisses.
Second Goal Page 6
