I press my fingers to my mouth, eyes closing as memories of yesterday and last night flood through me. I’d fallen asleep in his arms and woken up to his caresses, his kisses. We’d made love multiple times. And with each touch, I lost a piece of myself to him.
My body still aches deliciously from him being inside of me, and my heart pounds erratically when I remember the way he looked at me as he slid inside me. No one’s ever looked at me like that. Ever. Like I was special. Protected. Safe.
Cherished.
God, I’m falling for him. Hard.
And my brain rings with a million warning bells.
I almost told him everything yesterday.
Part of me still wants to.
To lay my soul bare. To free the demons that terrorize me daily.
But I know he’ll never understand. He thinks I’m the victim. That’s why he’s protecting me. Why he looks at me the way he does. But I’m not. I’m the villain in this story.
And now I have so much more to lose than just a roof over my head and my tense relationship with my brother. I let my guard down, and Blake slipped past my walls, infusing himself in my heart.
Selfish.
Coward.
Imposter.
I’m all those things and worse.
But when I pad down the hall toward the kitchen and Blake sees me, a huge grin spreading across his lips when his gaze meets mine, for a heartbeat, I wonder if I can be the person he thinks I am.
He’s on the phone, a spatula in his hand, and he flips bacon as he ends the call he was on. He moves around the island and wraps his arms around me, kissing me softly. And everything in the world seems right.
“Are you hungry?” he asks against the shell of my ear. Pax barks beside us in response to the question, and he scolds him gently, “You already had your breakfast.”
The dog whimpers and lies down, giving us both a pathetic look like he hasn’t been fed in days.
“One piece won’t hurt him,” I say, taking a slice that’s cooled, then crouching to give it to him. Lady runs up to me, wagging her tail and expecting the same sort of treat. I chuckle and break off a smaller piece for her.
“No wonder they like you better than me,” Blake says, laughing, pulling out a stool, then pouring a large cup of coffee, placing it in front of me when I stand. “I’m going to miss that guy.”
“The center found him a home already?” I ask, frowning and glancing down at Pax.
“There’s a family that’s interested.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure why, but my heart hurts a little.
Blake sets a plate in front of me, bacon, eggs, toast, then sits down beside me with his own plate. “They have a house outside of the city with a big yard for him to run around. He’ll be better off there.” He says it like it’s no big deal, and for some reason, it frustrates me.
I push the eggs around on my plate and frown.
“What?”
I’m not sure why my defenses are up, but they are. “It’s that easy for you to just give him up?”
“That was always the plan. I’m just fostering him until the center finds him a permanent home.”
“Right,” I mutter, putting my fork down.
He spins me toward him, hands on either side of me. “You’re upset.”
“No,” I lie. I am upset, and I don’t understand why. Sure, I’ve grown attached to the dog, but Blake is right, I always knew he was only here until the shelter found him a permanent home. Other than Lady, Blake never kept the dogs he fostered long-term.
“You sure this is about Pax?” Blake asks, gray eyes studying me.
I frown at him. “What else would it be about?”
“You and me.”
I let out a shaky breath and close my eyes. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m worried that it’ll be just as easy for him to give me up when the time comes. Because the time will come. Like Pax, I’m just a temporary fixture here.
“Kiley.” The way Blake says my name, like it’s a command, has me blinking and looking at him. “This thing between us is new. But—”
“I know.” I stand and take my plate to the kitchen sink. “And I don’t expect anything from you.”
He’s behind me almost instantly, his voice a low growl when he says, “I want you too.”
I turn my back against the counter, and I have to tilt my head to look up at him. Fear and hope war inside me. “I can’t.”
“You keep saying that. You can’t. But the only one stopping you is you.” Those piercing gray eyes are trained on me, daring me, pushing me. “You can trust me, Kiley. I won’t hurt you.”
Stupid tears prick my eyes and I have to blink and look away so they don’t fall down my cheek. “You can’t guarantee that.”
He grips my chin and leans down. There’s a fierceness in his expression when he says, “Yes I can.”
I want to believe him.
Need to believe him.
Can’t believe him.
“I’m not who you think I am.” My voice is a hoarse whisper.
“Bullshit,” he says. “I know you, Kiley. You may not be ready to tell me all your secrets. But just because I don’t know everything about you, doesn’t mean I don’t know you. You’re generous, and kind, and good—”
“I’m not.” Those damn tears are back, and one slips past my defenses and down my cheek. “I’m not good, Blake.”
He sighs and pulls me into his arms, kissing my forehead. “I want to beat the shit out of whoever put that lie in your head.”
It’s not a lie. It’s the closest thing to the truth I’ve ever told him.
Blake’s phone starts to ring, and he hesitates to answer it.
“It’s okay,” I say, placing my hand on his chest and taking a step back. “You should get that.” I start cleaning up as he answers the call.
“Yeah, she’s here.” Blake glances over at me, rubbing the back of his neck. “Okay. I’ll tell her.”
“Tell me what?” I ask when he hangs up.
“Brynne was just checking in on you. She said if you’re feeling better to stop by her place and she’ll help you apply to the college program you’re interested in.”
“Oh.” I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. “Right.”
“I didn’t know you were interested in college.”
“I’m not even sure I want to do it. I mean, I barely passed my GED.”
He takes my hand and kisses each knuckle, making my knees weaken. “If it’s something you want, you should do it.”
“I’ll probably just flunk out.”
He grunts. “If it’s something you’re passionate about, you’ll be the best in your class.”
“You don’t even know what program it is.”
He shrugs. “Doesn’t matter.” A smirk tugs at his lips. “Like I said, I know you. And when you put your heart into something, nothing will stop you.”
I wish I had that kind of confidence in myself. “I think you’re mistaking me for my brother.”
“You’re more similar than you think.” He pulls me back into his arms and presses his lips against mine. “For one, you’re both frustratingly stubborn.”
I laugh. “That might be the only thing we have in common.”
He smirks down at me, watching me, his expression tender and firm at the same time. And my walls start to crumble, and that warmth, the sense of security wraps around me just like his large, powerful arms.
He kisses my neck, then rasps against my ear, “Tell me about the program.”
“It’s...” I swallow over the moan that rises in my throat.
“It’s what?” he asks, hands roaming under the t-shirt I’m wearing, and palming my bare ass.
“It’s a fashion and design course. Brynne thinks I can do it part time. But...”
“But what?” He pulls back slightly to look in my eyes.
I shrug, my hands on his chest. “She wants to pay for it.”
“And?”
“They’ve alrea
dy given me so much.”
“Then let me pay for it.”
“I don’t need your—” His mouth is on mine, silencing my protest. “Come to the game tonight,” he says against my lips, hands roaming over my body, igniting that flame inside of me that threatens to burn away all my common sense.
“You want me there?” I whimper, head tilting back as he palms one of my breasts, his other hand pushing my thighs apart.
“I want you wherever I am.” There’s that look again in his eyes. Hungry. Possessive. Consuming.
I swallow. “Okay.”
“Good.” He grins at me, lifting me in his arms so that I’m straddling his waist, the hard ridge of his cock pressing against my entrance. “I have a few hours before I have to leave.”
* * *
I’m still smiling hours later when I’m back in my apartment and checking my voicemail after getting out of the shower. Brynne called a few times, her last one hinting that she knows I spent the night with Blake.
My cheeks heat, but I don’t care. Of all the things I’ve done in my life, being with Blake is the one thing I’m not ashamed of. He makes me feel safe, cherished, complete. Even if it’s all just an illusion, I can’t help but feel like I’m somehow different today than I was yesterday.
A little bit stronger.
A little bit more... me.
Stupid, dangerous thoughts, Kiley, my head warns.
But the warning is dulled by the pounding of my heart, and the wicked throbbing between my legs.
Trust me, Kiley, he’d said, his body fused with mine. I’ll never hurt you.
And maybe it is stupid and dangerous, but I believed him.
When my phone rings, I answer it quickly, thinking it’s Brynne calling again.
“I’ll be up in five minutes,” I say, unable to stop smiling as I pull on a pair of clean pants.
“Kiley?” A woman’s voice that isn’t Brynne’s cracks when she says my name.
“Amy.” My throat constricts, knowing nothing good will come from this call. “Are you okay?”
“I need more money.”
I sit down heavily on my bed. Crack. Crack. Crack. I swear I hear it, the fragile sense of happiness and hope I’d allowed myself to feel shattering. “How much?”
“Just a few thousand. Five max.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. “I don’t have it right now.”
“I’ve seen where you live—”
“I gave Cruz everything I had the last time.”
A short silence. “Can’t you ask your brother? Cruz said he googled him, and he makes like ten million a year. Five thousand is nothing to him.”
My head starts pulsing right behind my temples. “I can’t keep asking him for money. I want to help you—”
“I’m trying to help you, Kiley. I don’t know what Cruz will do if I don’t get him the money.”
A shiver races through me, because I know exactly what he’ll do. First, he’ll take his anger out on her, and then he’ll come for me.
“Okay,” I mutter, not sure how I’m going to make it happen, but knowing I have no other option. “I’ll get the money. But this has to be the last time.”
She doesn’t say anything, and I know that her silence is a guarantee that this will never end, or it’ll end with me behind bars.
Maybe that’s where I should be.
“I thought I saw her,” I say softly.
“Who?”
“There was this girl at the park that looked so much like Lucy—”
“Don’t.”
“I can’t stop thinking about what happened. If I’d just—”
“I said don’t, Kiley. Just get the money.”
There’s yelling in the background and something crashes. Amy lets out a little gasp, one that sounds like it’s caused by pain. A sound I know too well.
“You have until Friday,” a man rasps through the receiver. The voice sounds so much like Ezra’s, and it makes me shiver, even though I know it belongs to Cruz.
“Wait,” I say, but the call ends. I flop back on my bed, my insides twisting, and my head spinning wondering how the hell I’m going to get the money. I know Brynne will put cash in my account if I ask her. I can tell her that I need new clothes, or I could use the money that she wants to give me for college. Pretend that I’m taking the classes and...
Lies.
Lies.
Lies.
They keep building and building until I’m nauseous from the deception.
No more.
I can’t keep doing this. Even if I get the money to Cruz, it’ll never stop. He’ll always demand more. The threat will always be there. And it still won’t change what I’ve done.
I need to come clean. Confess what I’ve done. Finally take responsibility for my sins.
You’ll lose everything, that voice in my head warns.
Maybe. But maybe Blake is right. Maybe I’m not just my mistakes. Maybe I can still be the woman he thinks I am. But if there’s any chance of a future with him, first, I need to face my past.
Chapter Nine
Blake
“And the first MVP for tonight’s game, Blake Starowics.” The crowd cheers as I skate to center ice and raise my stick in the air, glancing up to the box where I know Kiley is.
I can’t see her face, but just knowing she’s here makes my chest swell. I had one of the best games I’ve had in a long time. But the only thing I can think about is getting her home and back in my bed.
“Good game,” Kane says when we’re done with the post-game interviews and back in the change room.
“Maybe Coach won’t have to trade you after all,” Tyler says from across the room.
The kid is just talking out of his ass, but Kane is already on him before I get a chance to respond. “Pretty sure it’s your ass that’ll be on the chopping block if you keep getting called for stupid penalties.”
Tyler opens his mouth, then shuts it when Kane glares at him. I just chuckle, because nothing, not even Tyler Slade can put me in a bad mood tonight.
“Anything you want to tell me?” Kane asks when it’s just the two of us.
“Like what?” I know exactly what he’s fishing for, and I have no doubt it’s Brynne who put the idea in his head.
“You seem...” He tilts his head, lips twisting as he studies me. “I don’t know. I guess you seem obnoxiously happy.”
A deep laugh rumbles in my chest. “I am.” I wink. “Obnoxiously happy.”
“Yeah?” His eyes narrow. “Does this have anything to do with Kiley being here tonight?”
“It has everything to do with her being here.”
“And?”
“And I’m still trying to figure out the and part.” I rub the back of my neck and glance around making sure no one is listening. “I’m falling for her.”
Kane takes a steadying breath. “Okay.”
“That’s it?”
“Like I said before, you’re both adults.” I hear the but in his voice and see his lips turn down.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Just say what you want to say.”
He leans forward, forearms on his thighs, mouth pursed and a knot forms in my gut when he doesn’t answer right away. “Look, it’s probably nothing, but... Kiley’s bank account is connected to mine, that’s why I noticed. I wasn’t prying—”
“Noticed what?”
He scrubs a hand over his jaw. “Her bank account is empty.”
“Then put more money in it. Or I will.”
“It’s not about the money. You know I’ve made sure she’s comfortable. But...” He shakes his head. “Are you sure she’s not using?”
“I’m getting really sick of you accusing her.” I stand up, tension forming in my shoulders, my fingers balling into fists ready to defend her, even from her brother if I have to. “She’s clean. Always has been. She’s not your mother—”
“She’s taken out several thousand doll
ars in lump sums over the past year. This afternoon she emptied it again. What the hell am I supposed to think?”
Fuck. What the hell are you still hiding, Kiley? “It’s not what you think,” I mutter. Even though my own suspicion builds. Not that I think she’s using, but I have no doubt this has everything to do with that asshole I’d seen her with in the alley.
“You know something?” Kane asks, gaze searching mine.
I shake my head. “She owed someone money, that’s all.”
“She told you that?”
“Yeah.” I rub the back of my shoulder, muscles tense.
“Who? How much?”
I wince, knowing in a way I’m breaking her trust by telling Kane. “I don’t know. Some asshole from when she was living on the streets. I’m taking care of it.”
“You’re taking care of it how?” he asks, slowly, suspicion creeping into his voice.
“Doesn’t matter. Let me figure things out. The last thing she needs is you lecturing her.” And the last thing I want is her running.
Silence stretches between us, an unspoken power struggle that I eventually win when he looks away and nods. We leave the locker room, not speaking. Despite the calm I presented to Kane, I can’t help but feel a sense of panic pinching the back of my neck. She took out more money, which means she lied to me. She still owes that douchebag more. And she still won’t tell me why.
Brynne and Kiley are waiting for us when we come out.
“Da-Da.” Noah runs at Kane who scoops him up, tickling him until he’s giggling so hard his face is bright red.
Kiley shifts from one foot to the other, fidgeting when she looks at me. Not caring what Kane or anyone else thinks, I pull her into my arms and kiss her. She gasps against my lips, then I feel her smile.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
Her cheeks fill with color when a couple of the guys coming out of the locker room whistle and make remarks.
“Ignore them,” I tell her, keeping her attention on me. “They’re just jealous.”
Her fingers curl in my shirt, and she says quietly, “I can feel Kane watching us.”
I grunt and glance over at my best friend. “You have a problem with this?”
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