He gives me a hard look, but when Brynne nudges him, he sighs, and says, “Not at all. Just be good to my little sister.”
Kiley inhales sharply, and I nod at Kane, glad that’s where he went with it.
I keep my arm around her shoulders as we walk to my car. We get a few more comments, and I notice a few photos taken. Once the media realizes who she is, I have no doubt our relationship will be plastered all over the place. I’ve never been one to air my private life. But I want the world to know she’s mine. Mine. Whatever that means.
Kiley tenses against me when a few fans pull out their phones and snap a dozen photos.
“You okay with this?” I ask her.
“People are going to think we’re together,” she says softly.
I pull her tighter. “We are together.”
Despite her attempt to hold it back, I see the small smile curve her lips. “So we’re... dating?”
I smile down at her. “I guess we are.”
“Okay,” she says, that smile broadening. But I notice something else in her expression. It’s faint, but it’s there - fear. It’s almost tangible, lurking in the shadows, hidden in the secrets she’s keeping.
Doubt and insecurities wash through me, voices I’d thought I’d quieted.
You can’t protect her.
Nothing lasts forever.
She’ll be ripped from you like everything else you’ve ever let yourself love.
Love is just an illusion. The only person you can trust is yourself.
“Bullshit,” I mutter, pushing the thoughts away.
“What?” Kiley looks up at me.
“Nothing.” I pull her closer, changing the subject. “I was thinking about Pax.”
“What about him?”
“I was thinking about maybe keeping him.”
“Really?” Her eyes brighten. “Like, for good?”
“Like for good.” I give her a crooked smile.
She beams up at me, then snuggles against my side as we keep walking.
I may not have the house with the big yard, yet. And maybe I’m jumping way ahead of myself, but already I’m thinking about filling that fictional house with laughter and memories and babies. It’s a future I hadn’t allowed myself to think about. One I never really wanted until now.
Until Kiley.
Chapter Ten
Kiley
“I can’t believe I’m signed up for college.” Excitement and nerves buzz through me as I stare at the course schedule.
Brynne hugs me. “I’m so proud of you.”
It’s silly how emotional I am. It’s only part-time, and the courses are pretty much open to anyone who can pay. But I’m excited to learn. Excited to have something that’s mine.
“Who knows,” she says, smiling. “Maybe you’ll start your own fashion line.” She rubs her slightly rounded belly. “You can start with maternity clothes. I have a feeling I’m going to be huge with this one. I’ve already gained ten pounds.”
I laugh. “Maybe it’s twins.”
“Oh my god, don’t even joke about that. I think it has more to do with Kane insisting I eat twenty-four seven. He wasn’t around when I was pregnant with Noah, so I’m pretty sure he’s trying to make up for it with this one.”
Sometimes I forget that their story didn’t start with rainbows and unicorns. Their love was hard won. And it gives me hope.
“He loves you so much,” I tell her.
“Yeah.” Her smile broadens. “He does.” She lifts a brow at me. “And what about you and Blake? Kane told me not to meddle, but I’m dying to know what’s going on between you two.”
“We’re just... I don’t know...” Warmth creeps into my face.
“Have you slept with him?”
“What?” I laugh nervously. “I...uh...”
“So that’s a yes.”
I nod, worried what she’s going to think, but she just keeps beaming at me.
“And?” she asks.
“I can’t believe I’m talking about this with you.”
“Why? That’s what sisters do. Talk about things. Like boys and sex.”
Sisters. God, that sounds so good. And looking at her smiling face, I feel that connection.
But then there was a time when I’d thought of Amy as family too. And I’d betrayed her in the worst way possible. A shiver ripples down my arms and I rub them, frowning.
“Sorry,” Brynne says. “I shouldn’t have asked. You don’t have to tell me—”
“No. It’s okay.” I shake away the dark thoughts. Or rather push them back into the shadows of my mind where they always linger. Cruz said I have until Friday to get the money to him, but Friday came and went, and I still haven’t heard from him or Amy. Which is good, because I only have half of what they asked for.
“You’re sure?” Brynne asks, concern pulling her brows down.
“Yeah.” I force a smile and take a sip of my tea, then set it on the coffee table. “It’s nice to have someone to talk to about that kind of stuff.”
She reaches over and squeezes my hand again. “You really like Blake, huh?”
“No.” I sigh. “I’m pretty sure I’m falling in love with him.”
Her eyes brighten. “That’s great.”
“Is it?” I chew on my bottom lip.
“You’re scared. Trust me, I get that. But I’ve known Blake for years, you won’t find a nicer guy. Just don’t tell Kane I said that.”
I laugh. “He’s more than nice. He’s… well, he’s Blake Starowics. And I’m...” I sigh. “I’m me.”
“You are amazing, Kiley. And I see how he looks at you. I’m pretty sure you’re not the only one falling.”
I see it too. I’d be blind not to. Every time I catch his gaze, I want to fall into it, to be consumed by the heat, the intensity, the promises I see there. And his fear.
If he’s afraid of falling for me when he has this ideal version of me floating through his mind, how terrified will he be if he actually knew the truth of who I am?
I don’t realize I’ve said the words out loud until I catch Brynne’s frown.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve done things, Brynne.” My voice shakes when I say the words, but my secrets are getting harder to contain. “Bad things.” An intense need to tell her everything fills me. Because I’ve already made up my mind what I have to do.
I can’t keep hiding.
She moves to sit closer. “We’ve all made mistakes, Kiley.”
“Not like this...” The words spill from my lips like they’ve been trapped inside a bottle that’s finally been open and I can’t stop them from overflowing. “I did something. Something terrible. I thought... I thought I could run from it, but it just keeps getting bigger and bigger and I’m tired of lying.” Tears burn my eyes and I blink them away, but not before a few fall down my cheek. “I’m tired of keeping it a secret. But I can’t...”
“Whatever it is, we can help you.”
“No.” I shake my head, knowing no one can help me. “Cruz will just keep asking for more.” I drop my face in my hands and try to get control of my emotions.
A warm hand rests on my back. “Who is Cruz?”
“Shit,” I mutter, knowing I’ve just ignited an explosive that will destroy everything. Fear presses on me. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Just forget what I said. Please.” I stand quickly. “I have to go.”
“Is it about money?” Brynne follows me when I start toward the door. “Let me talk to Kane. If you owe—”
“No.” I turn abruptly and beg her, “Please don’t tell him. He already hates me.”
“You’re wrong, Kiley. Kane loves you and so do I. Whatever trouble you’re in, we’ll help you.”
“This isn’t something you can fix.” I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly, knowing I’ve already incriminated myself.
Even though she keeps begging me to talk to her, I leave, forgoing the elevator, I ta
ke the stairwell so I don’t have to stand there and see the desperation in her eyes, the hurt and betrayal, or worse, the disgust that I know I’ll cause if I open up completely.
My phone pings with a new text message as I race down the stairs. My feet falter when I read the message, and I have to grab the railing with my free hand to stop myself from tumbling down.
The message is from the same number Amy called me from, but I can tell by the way it’s worded that Cruz wrote it.
Alleyway behind Hogger’s Bar. 2:00pm. Bring 10k unless you want your mugshot on the front page of the paper.
He doubled the price, but I’m not surprised. I knew after the photos of Blake and I were leaked all over the media that it was only a matter of time before Cruz demanded more.
I know what I have to do.
When I’m in my apartment, I go straight to my bedroom and open the closet, shifting through the boxes on the top shelf until I find what I’m looking for. The cold steel feels heavy in my hand as I stare down at the gun. It’s not loaded. I don’t even own bullets. But I don’t need it to fire, only to scare.
“I can do this,” I mumble, my voice shaky.
One way or another, this ends today.
I take the envelope of cash from my dresser and shove it in my back pocket along with the gun, then pull on a heavy hoodie to hide the weapon. There are a million voices in my head, each telling me how dangerous, how stupid, how wrong this is. And when I step out into the hallway and see Blake coming out of his apartment, there’s a part of me that thinks about listening to those voices.
It’s so much easier to hide than fight.
But today, I need to face my mistakes head-on. And as much as I want Blake to be there with me, I can’t put him in the middle of this. I won’t put him in danger.
“Hey.” The smile he gives me makes my insides flip flop like it always does when he looks at me the way he is now. Warmth floods through me. Safe. Cherished. I want to fall into those feelings, fall into the protection of his arms.
Can’t. I need to end this.
“I was just coming to see if you want to grab lunch.”
I side step him when he moves toward me, afraid he’ll hug me and feel the gun. “I already ate.”
“Okay.” He gives me a puzzled look. “How about coffee?”
“Um... maybe later.” I move past him and push the elevator button. “I have an appointment.” I promise myself that’ll be the last lie I tell him.
He’s frowning at me when I step on the elevator, and he stops the doors from shutting but doesn’t get on. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I force a smile, but I can feel it wobble. “I just... I signed up for those fashion and design courses today, and I’m a bit frazzled.” It’s the truth. Or a slightly altered version of it. “It’s going to be a big change.”
The muscles in his jaw bounce, but he just nods. “Okay.”
I press the Lobby button, but he doesn’t release the doors. “How about dinner?”
“Sure.” He’s still looking at me like he knows I’m lying.
“I’ll come over when I get back.”
“You’re sure everything is all right?” He knows me too well.
“I promise tonight, I’ll tell you everything. Okay?”
“Kiley, if you’re in trouble—”
“I have to do this alone.”
“Do what?” he growls out, glaring at the elevator doors when they try to shut again.
I place a hand on his chest. “You want me to trust you. Then trust me. Okay?”
He hesitates. “Kiley—”
“Please, Blake. I need to go.”
He inhales through his nostrils, teeth clenched, and I’m afraid he’s going to keep fighting me. “Tonight, you tell me everything.”
“Yes.”
“Everything.” He emphasizes the word like there’s no room for argument.
“I promise.”
He gives a hard nod and straightens.
I stand on my toes and kiss him, before stepping back and pressing the Lobby button again.
Despite the war going on behind his eyes, he lets the doors shut this time.
When I’m alone in the elevator, fear comes tumbling back, this time stronger than before.
No more lies.
No more running.
No more hiding.
I square my shoulders and prepare to finally meet my demons head-on.
Chapter Eleven
Blake
Trust her.
It would be a hell of a lot easier to do if I didn’t know she’s hiding something.
I pace my apartment, squeezing a tension ball in one hand so that I don’t do something stupid like use the Find My Phone app I put on Kiley’s cell when she’d been sleeping. Yeah, I’m that kind of asshole. But my trust issues go deep. And so does this damn need to protect her.
I keep replaying our conversation in the elevator over and over, and the more I do, the more I know I shouldn’t have let her go. But her promise to finally tell me everything had given me pause.
Trust her.
I want to, but that sinking feeling in my gut keeps getting worse.
“Fuck,” I growl out, tossing the ball across the room, then pull out my cell, fingers hovering over the app.
Pax whimpers and looks up at me from his spot on the floor.
“What do I do, boy?” I ask, dragging my hands through my hair.
He stands up and nudges my hand with his nose so that I’ll pet him.
My cell rings and I answer it when I see Brynne’s name pop up on the screen.
“Have you talked to Kiley?” she asks right away, and there’s something in her tone that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.
“I saw her twenty minutes ago. Why?”
“It’s probably nothing...” She lets out a shaky breath.
“Tell me.”
She hesitates. “She left my place earlier, and she seemed really upset.”
“Did she say why?”
“I shouldn’t be talking about her like this, behind her back, but I’m worried.”
“What did she say, Brynne?”
“She mentioned some guy named Cruz. Do you know who that is?”
“Maybe.” I grind my back teeth, having a pretty good idea. “Did she say anything else?”
“Just... she was talking about mistakes. I think she might be in trouble. I would have called Kane, but I thought—”
“I’m glad you called me first. Just keep it between us for now. Okay?”
She doesn’t answer.
“Brynne. I’ll deal with it. I promise.”
“Okay.”
I hang up, and the moment I do, I don’t hesitate to pull up the app and search for Kiley’s phone. My chest constricts when it finally pinpoints her location. I don’t know the spot, but I know the area of town. I’ve volunteered at a soup kitchen near where she is.
That voice telling me to trust her is silenced now, replaced by the pounding of my heart in my ears. I know she’s going to be pissed when she finds out I tracked her phone. But I’m prepared for her anger.
I’m prepared to face anything as long as she’s safe.
Chapter Twelve
Kiley
It’s two in the afternoon, but the buildings create shadows in the garbage-filled alley behind Hogger’s Bar. The stink is almost unbearable, and so are the sounds of the man and woman screaming at each other from one of the open windows above.
An older man, wearing nothing but rags, sleeps on a cardboard box in the far corner and I wince when a large rodent scurries around him before burrowing under one of the mounds of garbage.
I shiver, but not from the cold wind that whips around me. From the memories, and the truth that this would still be my home, my reality if my brother hadn’t literally pulled me out of the gutter.
Two years. I’ve lived a different life. A life I didn’t think existed for someone like me.
It does
n’t, my head reminds me. I let out a shaky breath and wait for Cruz. He’s ten minutes late, but I’m not surprised. Ezra was the businessman, not his brother. As cruel and wretched as Cruz is, Ezra was that much worse. It’s like they were both born with some essential part of them missing.
Their soul, maybe.
I never understood Ezra’s cruelty, but I know why Cruz hates me. Why he thinks I owe him. But killing his brother isn’t the sin I regret. It may be the one I’ll be locked up for, but I don’t regret it. It’s what I did after that, that will haunt me for the rest of my life. That’s why I'm here. To finally right my wrongs.
To save her.
A door swings open and for a second I can hear the music and shouting from inside the bar before Cruz walks out and it slams shut behind him.
Instinctively, I take a step back as he gets closer. Tall, like his brother, he’s thinner, his face gaunt. His pupils constricted from whatever drug he’s currently stoned on. Judging by the track marks on his arms, I’m thinking heroin.
“Where’s the money?” he demands, his breath foul when he gets in my face.
I fight the urge to take another step back, and square my shoulders, not wavering when I give my own demand, “I want to see Amy first.”
That’s what this is about. What it’s always been about. Freeing her from my mistakes. To make up for not saving her or Lucy when I could have.
He grabs my arm and jerks me toward him. “You think you can give me orders?”
“You want the money, don’t you? I just want two minutes with her. That’s all.”
His lips twitch, and he hesitates before stepping away and banging on the door he came through. A man I don’t know answers, and they speak in low tones before the guy disappears inside.
Cruz pulls out a cigarette and lights it, glaring at me as he takes a long draw. He doesn’t try to make idle conversation, and I’m glad for it. I hate him as much as I hated his brother.
Finally, the door opens again, and a woman I barely recognize steps out. Her hair, which used to be the same color as mine, is now a dull, dirty blonde that hangs around her thin face in greasy tangles. Her skin is pale, almost translucent, except for the dark bruise on her jaw. Blue eyes, that were once so similar to mine, seem muted, empty.
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