Affliction ab-22

by Laurell K. Hamilton

  ‘And when my gun isn’t against your head, what’s to dissuade you then?’ I asked.

  ‘My temper is hot, but your cold steel has dampened the flame of it.’

  ‘Fancy talk, but how do I know you won’t get all hot and bothered later?’

  ‘Mischa,’ Jean-Claude said.

  ‘Yes, my lord.’

  ‘Give us your word of honor that you will not in any way, through any means, seek retaliation against Truth, or Wicked, for this incident.’

  Mischa went so profoundly still that I could feel the change in his body through the barrel of my gun against his head. I knew that if I’d dared to raise my gaze from his center body mass to his face, it would have that unreadable emptiness to it that the old vampires got when they went very still, as if they were well-crafted statues rather than people.

  ‘Mischa,’ Jean-Claude said, ‘give your word.’

  ‘And if I do not?’

  ‘Then ma petite will finish this argument for you.’

  ‘My death may take Goran’s life, as well.’

  ‘It would be a shame to lose him for such an inexplicable reason, but he understood the risks when he joined the battle at your side.’

  ‘Truth stopped Mischa from hitting you a second time,’ Wicked said. ‘Why did you join the fight on his side?’

  ‘He is my master,’ Goran said, as if that explained everything.

  ‘Wives attack the police when they try to take their abusive husbands to jail. It’s one of the reasons that police hate to go on domestic disturbance calls,’ I said.

  ‘Why would you help your abuser?’ Truth asked.

  ‘I don’t know, but they do,’ I said.

  ‘Better the devil you know than the unknown,’ Jean-Claude said.

  ‘What?’ I asked.

  ‘Never mind, ma petite; Mischa, give us your word and we can all go to bed for the day.’

  Now that he’d said it, I could feel the press of dawn above us like the hand of some giant hesitating over a butterfly, except we were the butterflies and knew what was about to happen.

  Mischa gave his word.

  ‘You may put up your gun, ma petite. Old-school vampires are many things, but we are not oath breakers.’

  I hesitated for a fraction of a second, but he was right. It was one of the few things that made dealing with the really old vampires better than dealing with the weaker modern ones. Modern vampires lied just as easily as people did, and their word wasn’t worth shit.

  I took my finger off the trigger and eased my gun back. The mark of my barrel was imprinted on his skin where I’d pressed it tight. If he’d been human it might even have bruised. I stepped back before I raised my gaze enough to meet his blue eyes. I expected to see anger in his eyes, but instead I saw respect, even admiration. I had not expected that.

  ‘May I get up?’ he asked.

  Jean-Claude said, ‘You may.’

  Mischa kept looking at me and didn’t move.

  ‘You heard your lord and master,’ I said.

  ‘But he will not kill me and you will.’

  ‘He won’t shoot you,’ I said. ‘That’s not the same thing as not being willing to kill you.’

  ‘Fair enough, my dark queen, but you have the gun and he does not.’

  ‘Get up, Mischa, but don’t do anything stupid.’

  He sat up carefully, never taking his gaze from me. ‘You would have killed me.’

  ‘It’s my job description,’ I said.

  ‘Killing someone you have a warrant of execution for, who has already taken human life, is one thing, but you would simply shoot me for thinking about harming Truth. Either you value him as your lover more than we thought, or you would have done it to protect any of your guard.’

  ‘I don’t point a gun at someone unless I’m willing to pull the trigger. I don’t pull the trigger unless I’m willing to kill. And I never bluff, Mischa; do we understand each other?’

  ‘No, but if you are asking, do I believe that you will kill me, then yes, yes, I do. I’m looking in your eyes and there is no remorse, no relief that you didn’t have to shoot me. You simply don’t care one way or the other, no real emotion at all about what has just happened. I didn’t know that about you.’

  ‘Know what?’ I asked.

  ‘That you killed coldly. I thought you would kill in hot blood like you fuck.’

  ‘I don’t enjoy killing,’ I said. ‘I enjoy sex.’

  ‘I enjoy killing,’ Mischa said, and smiled just a little bit when he said it, which was disturbing. He watched my face and I knew he’d caught that flicker of distaste from me. ‘That bothered you, that I enjoy killing. Why did that bother you? I am no worse than your werelion, Nicky, but he is your lover. If you were squeamish about such things, why would you fuck him?’

  ‘Enough,’ Jean-Claude said, and his voice was harsh enough that everyone looked at him.

  Mischa and Goran bowed low again. Truth and Wicked did more bows from the neck and put their right fists over their hearts. I couldn’t see what Lisandro and Emmanuel did, but I doubted either of the wererats showed that formal a reaction. I just stood there not quite sure why everything had turned so stylized.

  ‘Dawn is almost upon us.’ He held his hand out to me and I went to him, holstering my gun as I moved. He took me in his arms and kissed me less thoroughly than he had earlier, but I could feel the sun on that edge of hovering nearness. There had been nights when I fought just to have the sun rise and help save me from the vampires, and now I was in the arms and heart of the biggest vampire in the country. The irony wasn’t lost on me, but I’d stopped worrying about it.

  Jean-Claude spoke low, but quickly. ‘Asher will be here tomorrow night. The territory he is visiting is close enough that he will be driven here and then fly back with us when we leave.’

  ‘And he wanted to see you sooner,’ I said.

  ‘He wanted to see all of us,’ Jean-Claude said.

  I sort of doubted that, but I kept it to myself. I knew who Asher loved best, and it sure as hell wasn’t me, or Nathaniel. I was pretty sure it was Jean-Claude but wasn’t positive where Dev fell in the list of Asher’s affections.

  ‘So the talk went well?’ I asked.

  ‘Very well,’ Jean-Claude said, and smiled, giving that flash of happiness I’d noticed when he first walked out of the back room. It made me smile and I went on tiptoe to press my smile against his, because when someone you love is happy, you’re happy for them, even if what they’re happy about is another love of their life. Or that’s how it works for us. The only person in our little group who suffered from jealousy was Asher. Here was hoping that when he came back to us, he left the green-eyed monster behind. I’d have crossed my fingers if they hadn’t been too busy touching Jean-Claude.

  51

  It was an hour past dawn; all the vampires were tucked in their coffins. Lisandro and Emmanuel took Goran with them; I wasn’t sure if he was going to be in the duty rotation, or if Claudia was going to give him the third degree, because I’d taken Lisandro to the side and told him about Mischa hitting Goran and about Nilda’s anger and panic at the plane in St Louis that had gotten her kicked off the detail. I wanted to know if others of the Harlequin vampires were abusing their animals to call, and how bad the abuse was, because it wasn’t okay in my book.

  Nicky and Dev were with me, and the three of us were still covered in drying bits of zombie. I’d learned years ago that no matter how tired you are you never go to sleep without showering first, so … ‘We’ve all got to shower,’ I said.

  Dev grinned at me. ‘You said you’d help me clean up.’

  ‘I didn’t agree to giving up shower sex,’ Nicky said.

  Dev looked at him. ‘Hey, I’ve been traumatized.’

  ‘Just because you got your combat cherry popped doesn’t mean you get to have shower sex with Anita and I don’t.’

  ‘You keep this up and I’m showering alone,’ I said.

  They both looked at me as if
I’d spoken in tongues.

  ‘You love shower sex,’ Dev said.

  ‘You love sex,’ Nicky said.

  ‘I’m tired, I’m cranky, and you’re arguing over who gets to have sex with me in the shower without asking me if I have a preference. I’m standing right here, guys.’

  They looked at each other, and then Dev looked embarrassed, and Nicky gave me a very direct look, as if he were trying to read more than just my expression. He probably was. ‘Who do you want to shower with?’ he asked.

  ‘Right now, neither of you,’ I said, and it sounded cranky even to me. I wasn’t even sure why I was saying it. They were both wonderful lovers. It was easier to get the dried crud off with someone to spot and help.

  ‘So, what, Nicky helps me get the stuff out of my hair?’ Dev asked, and the look on his face was almost funny.

  ‘Not my job to be your shower boy,’ Nicky said, but he was looking at me.

  My phone rang; I would have ignored it, but it was Edward’s ring tone. I hit the button and said, ‘Yeah, Ed … Ted, what’s up?’

  ‘Don’t fuck this up,’ he said.

  ‘What? Fuck what up?’

  ‘Dev and Nicky, to start with,’ he said.

  ‘You warned me in the elevator, I remember.’

  ‘You remember, but you still sound pissed. I know that tone. It means you’re being hostile and bitchy and are going to say, or do, something that you’ll regret.’

  ‘Did you even take time to shower before you called to give me advice on my personal life?’ I asked, and I sounded angry. I was angry, but I was also confused. ‘Since when did you start giving me advice about men?’

  ‘I just got out of the shower, but I figured if I waited to dress you’d have started a fight with one or both of them. And we’ve been criticizing or giving each other advice on our personal lives almost from the moment we met, which was sort of weird if you think about it,’ he said.

  That stopped me, because he was right. ‘Your advice used to be that I complicated my life and I should just find someone to fuck.’

  ‘I didn’t understand you, or me, back then; now I’m telling you to not take your mood out on Nicky and Dev. Nicky’s a good guy, and Dev stayed in the fight and cleanup afterward until it was pretty much over, when he was probably scared shitless and overwhelmed. Don’t sell either of them short and don’t aim your bad mood at them.’

  ‘Well, aren’t you just a wellspring of dating advice?’

  ‘If you think it’s bad advice, then don’t take it,’ he said.

  ‘I didn’t say it was bad.’

  ‘Then don’t pick a fight with them. Remember, you love one of them and like the other one a hell of a lot.’

  ‘Yes, sir,’ I said, but it sounded petulant, even pouty.

  ‘You can do what you want to do, Anita, but in the mood you’re in, sleeping alone may not be the best idea.’

  ‘I used to sleep alone all the time.’

  ‘Yeah, and you were miserable. I may not understand how your life works with everyone in it, but this is the happiest I’ve ever seen you. I’m not sure how much of that happiness is due to Nicky, or Dev, but some of it is, so keep that in mind in the next few minutes. I’m getting sleep before someone with a badge calls with another emergency.’ He hung up.

  I was left standing there with the silent phone and the two men. Dev was looking a question at me. Nicky was trying to be all neutral, and he was, except the very emptiness of his face and body screamed just how not neutral he was feeling.

  I sighed and looked at them. Finally I said, ‘I’m sorry.’

  They looked at each other, then back to me. Nicky said, ‘For what?’

  ‘For being pissy and taking my bad mood out on both of you.’

  ‘It’s okay; I’m your Bride, you can treat me the way you want.’

  ‘Do you know how much I hate that you mean that?’

  ‘Yeah, but it’s still true, and, Anita, if you hadn’t made me into your Bride I would have killed you and helped my pride kill Jason, Micah, and Nathaniel. I was, and am, a very bad person. I am a bad guy, or would be if your sense of moral outrage didn’t control me.’

  ‘I know, I know, I’m your Jiminy Cricket.’

  ‘No, you’re more than that,’ he said, and took a step closer to me. ‘You said you loved me tonight. I felt that you meant it.’

  ‘I did mean it,’ I said.

  He held out his hand, and I took his hand in mine.

  ‘That’s okay,’ Dev said. ‘You guys have fun. I’ll find another room.’

  Nicky and I looked at each other. I raised my eyebrows at him.

  ‘He doesn’t have to go on my account,’ Nicky said.

  ‘Stay,’ I said.

  Dev looked at us both. ‘You just said you loved each other for the first time. You should have a night to yourselves.’

  ‘Why?’ Nicky asked.

  ‘Because you love each other,’ Dev said, as if that made perfect sense.

  ‘Anita saying she loves me doesn’t change everything,’ Nicky said.

  ‘But shouldn’t it?’ Dev asked.

  ‘Why should it?’

  Dev looked to me then. ‘You explain it to him.’

  ‘Explain what? I agree with Nicky.’

  ‘Shouldn’t you want a night alone to sort of celebrate the love thing?’

  I squeezed Nicky’s hand and smiled at him. ‘One of the reasons I love Nicky is that he’s okay with sharing me with Nathaniel and Micah, and Cynric, and Jean-Claude, and Asher, and’ – I shrugged – ‘all the people in my life.’

  ‘It doesn’t bother you to share her?’ Dev asked, and I knew he was asking Nicky.

  ‘Nathaniel says you share better than I do, so why are we having this discussion again?’

  Dev smiled, shook his head, and said, ‘Because I keep getting hung up on the clan tiger idea that eventually you fall in love and become monogamous, and when Asher comes back I’m going to try to be monogamous, so … I guess it’s how I’m thinking. Honestly, I don’t know, but somehow love should change everything, shouldn’t it?’

  ‘If you’re doing it right, love makes you more of who you are, not less,’ I said.

  ‘What does that mean?’ Dev asked.

  ‘It means if we were a happy little polyamorous group before I said I loved Nicky, why should saying it and meaning it change that?’

  Dev seemed to think about it, nodded, rolled his lower lip under, and then nodded again. ‘Okay, your logic beats out my sentimental whatever. Now what?’

  ‘Shower isn’t going to be big enough for all three of us,’ Nicky said.

  ‘Regular hotel shower would fit me, Nathaniel, and Micah, but not the two of you. Your shoulders alone won’t fit.’

  Dev grinned suddenly, the serious mood gone so that his blue tiger eyes sparkled with it. ‘The shower is one of the biggest I’ve ever seen in a hotel, almost as big as the one that Jean-Claude had put in at the Circus.’

  ‘Cool,’ I said.

  ‘So we clean up and then we see about shower sex for all of us,’ Nicky said.

  ‘Sounds good,’ I said.

  Dev laughed. ‘Sounds better than good, sounds amazing. I never thought I’d get you out of your clothes.’

  ‘I don’t think he’s referring to me,’ I said.

  Nicky sort of hung his head and sighed, and then he laughed. ‘If you hadn’t said anything, you could have groped me and said you misunderstood.’

  ‘I’ve seen you hit a heavy bag; I don’t want any misunderstandings between us,’ Dev said, smiling.

  Nicky laughed again. ‘Fair enough; we’re sharing Anita, not each other.’

  ‘You okay with accidental touching?’

  ‘Sure,’ Nicky said.

  Dev’s smile blossomed back into that grin of his, the one that was part mischief, part sex, and all charm. ‘Cool.’

  And it was.

  52

  There are moments when undressing isn’t sexy; being covered in
dried blood, guts, and brains is one of those moments. Weapons first and there were a few bits of dried zombie on them, too. We’d clean them later. Our body armor had left a clean spot on our shirts underneath. The vests were all going to need cleaning, and since mine was a custom-fit job I didn’t have a backup vest. Men’s vests didn’t fit right on women, though I could borrow a man’s vest and because it was really too big for me it didn’t crush my breasts the way it did on women who were bigger through the shoulders and rib cage. But holding up the vest and looking at some of the stains on it, I thought a second vest might not be a bad idea.

  The three of us paid attention to our weapons and body armor, and it was sexless. Shirts first, and Nicky looked at my bra, all right, he looked at my breasts, they just happened to be in a black satin bra.

  ‘I like that about you,’ Nicky said.

  ‘What, my breasts?’

  He grinned. ‘Those, too, but you don’t bitch if I stare at your breasts.’

  ‘I’m wearing a push-up bra; if I didn’t want people to look at my breasts I should probably wear something else.’

  ‘Yeah, but I know that Nathaniel packed for you, which means it’s all going to be push-up, satin, or lace.’

  I smiled and shook my head. ‘I’m not sure I own anything else.’

  ‘I like that about you, too,’ he said. He took off his shirt in one movement. I heard the cloth stick on one shoulder as it came off, but at least the vest meant the whole shirt hadn’t been covered in gunk; bad for the vests, but good for our peace of mind and a lower ick factor. I concentrated on the muscled expanse of his chest and shoulders; they almost distracted me from the flat plains of his stomach.

  ‘Hmm … an eight-pack.’

  He grinned. ‘Some of the other guards are pissed, because they can only do a six-pack, if they work their asses off.’

  ‘Eight is genetic; not everyone can do more than a six-pack no matter how hard they work out,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah,’ he said, and he looked pleased with himself.

  There was a small sound in the room, the kind that makes you look up and try to locate the source, and depending on who was making the sound, you’d either pretend you hadn’t heard or comfort the person making the noise. Dev had his belt unbuckled, but his shirt was only partially untucked. He held his hands sort of awkwardly away from his body, as if he didn’t want to touch something or already had touched something and didn’t want to transfer it from his hands to his clothes.