Bill and the Sting of Death

by Gary McPherson

  Bill answered, “Let’s go to Mac’s for some BBQ.”

  Carol nodded, “That sounds good. From the rumbling in the media, we may not have many days left to go out.”

  Bill stood, “Yea, what’s going to happen if things are shut down? I mean, how will we see each other?”

  Carol answered, “Isn’t that the advantage of having powerful friends? Besides, it’s nobody’s business if we see each other. We’ll just need to avoid the public because of the pandemic, like Garcia said.”

  Bill pointed to the opened door leading into the house, “Well, let’s grab some food while we still can.”

  ***

  The smell of sea salt filled his nostrils. Bill played in the sand with his toes and let the sun warm his face. Carol sat on her beach towel, stacking a pile of sand in the center of Bill’s stomach.

  Bill commented, “You know, that’s a really slow way to bury someone in the sand.”

  “I’m trying to decide how much of you I want to bury.”

  Bill shaded his eyes with his arm and looked up at her. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re leaving me.”

  Bill sat up and the sand tumbled onto their towels. He ignored the gritty dirt working its way into his bathing suit as he turned to face her. He reached for her hands and held this tight. “I am not.”

  Carol cocked her head, “I thought you’re moving to California.”

  Bill sighed, let go of her hands, looked at the sky, and then back to Carol. He sighed again. “I don’t understand. I mean, I thought we were going to California.”

  Carol held up her graceful dark hand, “Do you see a ring anywhere?”

  Bill leaned in to kiss her fingers and she pulled her hand away. He crossed his arms and looked down. “You said I had to ask your dad’s permission before I could even think about giving you an engagement ring.”

  Carol nodded, “That’s true. So, you shouldn’t assume I’m going to be leaving all my family and friends for you before I say I do.”

  Bill stood up, “I need to go for a walk.”

  “May I join you?”

  Bill extended his hand; Carol took it and the two strolled along the beach together. The warm water washed over their ankles and across their feet. They held hands and strolled towards the Ocean Isle pier.

  Suddenly, Carol let go of him and dove her hands under the water. She came up with a fresh sand dollar. She handed it to Bill. “Here, to remember our trip. Be careful, it’s fragile.”

  Bill took it and the two continued walking. He stopped after another ten yards. “Is this a game to you?”

  Carol’s mouth dropped open. “A game? Why would you say that?”

  Bill pointed back from where they came. “Oh, I don’t know. Over there you made it sound like we could break up, and then you hand me this sand dollar to remember the trip like it’s rainbows and lollipops. I can’t tell if you love me or if you’re toying with me.”

  Carol wrapped her arms around him. She whispered in his ear. “I’m doing a little of both.”

  Carol stepped back and Bill cleared his throat. “When you say it like that, it takes on a whole other meaning. But, you have to understand, I didn’t grow up like other guys. I haven’t really dated, at least not until college, and even then, it was never serious. Of course, Lori and I were serious, but that was different. You’ve taught me so much about men and women and healthy relationships, but I still feel lost sometimes. You know, like I’m going to fail you, us, this whole thing.”

  Carol gently pushed her fingernail into his chin and guided his face so they were looking into one another’s eyes. Bill swallowed at the dancing dark eyes that seem to look deep into his soul.

  Carol said, “This isn’t a test. The only way to fail is to stop trying. Love isn’t about making mistakes and losing. The only way to lose at love is to give up when you do make a mistake. We’ll both succeed and fail together. When we do fail, we’ll forgive each other and move forward together.”

  Bill nodded and then pointed over his shoulder, “Let’s head back to the hotel.”

  ***

  The two sat on the wooden deck of Bill’s hotel room. Their legs were propped up on the railing and the two of them slowly sipped their drinks. Bill watched a brother and sister burying their father in the sand. He pointed between the posts, “You see, that’s how you bury somebody.”

  “To be fair, there are two of them, and they are much younger than I am.”

  Bill laughed, “True.”

  “What? Are you calling me old?”

  Beer shot out of Bill’s nose and he choked and laughed. Once he had gotten his air back he replied, “No, you’re just not a little girl.”

  Carol smiled but said nothing in return.

  Bill’s eyelids began to feel heavy when Carol poked his shoulder and asked, “What are you going to do when the bigots come?”

  Bill rubbed his face, dropped his feet on the deck and turned towards Carol. “Come again.”

  “You know, the bigots, racists, whatever you want to call them. You know they’ll try and cause trouble. A black woman and a white man, there’ll be problems.”

  Bill grabbed her hand, “Why didn’t you bring this up before? I mean, if it scares you, I don’t want to force you into something that could hurt you.”

  “That’s not what I mean. I’ve lived with it my whole life. I want to know what you are going to do. I can tell you, both black and white people won’t like what we’re doing. Are you able to handle it?”

  Bill laughed, “I think you’ve seen what I can handle.”

  Carol pulled back her hand. “That’s my point. I don’t want you in jail, or worse for attacking someone. Are you going to be able to walk away?”

  Bill sat silent. He had only recently learned who he really was inside. Could he keep the beast from showing itself if the love of his life was threatened?

  Bill answered honestly, “I don’t know. I mean, if it’s just words, I can tell them to mind their own business. If they keep going, I can say something Joshua said once to an irate worker, “Do you kiss your momma with that mouth?” However, if they won’t go away and threaten us, I will defend you.”

  Carol took his hand back. “Okay, that’s all I could ask of any man. Just so you know, there’s a history with our family.”

  Bill nodded, “I wondered. I mean, your hair appears to be, you know.”

  Carol twisted a long strand around her finger and gazed into Bill’s eyes. “You mean, it’s not an afro.”

  Bill shrugged, “Well, I admit I don’t know much about any races or genetics. Just what they taught at the orphanage and college, and I doubt most of those white professors knew anything beyond the campus boundaries.

  “It isn’t something I think about, honestly. I mean, I love your hair, but I’m in love with you, if that makes sense.”

  Carol kissed Bill’s cheek, “That makes complete sense. That’s part of the reason I love you. In so many ways, you’re still just a boy trying to figure out the world and all you want is to find a family. I wish we were all that innocent.

  “Unfortunately, for the rest of us, life has never been that simple. I need to warn you, my family’s history may cause you some trouble the first time you meet my family. My great-grandmother married a white man. Although she came from a poor family, they had land. Once she married my great-grandfather the family disowned her. She had nothing except what she and her husband built.

  “It took until my father’s generation for them to become landowners again. Before that they were basically sharecroppers. There are some in my family that will see us together and fear history is repeating itself.”

  “Like your dad?”

  Carol shook her head. “No, like my brother. Are you going to be okay putting up with that? I mean, my brother can be abrasive, and he defends me like you do. So, before we take the next step, you must gain his approval as well as my dad’s. I don’t want to live in a situation where I have to play referee
between my brother and the man I love.”

  Bill finished off his beer and staired at the waves.

  “Well?” asked Carol.

  Bill turned to Carol and leaned in until their lips almost touched. “For you, I will find a way to make it work, no matter what.”

  Her soft lips barely touched his, and she stood up. “Good, I need to head back to my room and get things packed up for heading home tomorrow. Think about all of this. It’s only a few days before you meet my family.”

  Bill stood and held his breath as he watched her saunter out in her bikini. She lingered for a moment after opening the front door, and then disappeared. Bill realized he was holding his breath and exhaled. Bill looked up at the sky, “Any hints or ideas would be helpful.”

  Only the roar of the waves and the laughter and squeals of delight rose and fell across the wind. Somewhere in the back of Bill’s mind a thought came forward. “Just be yourself.” Bill stood still and wondered if any other thoughts would pop in his brain. After several seconds, he headed inside to start packing.

  ***

  The odor of diesel filled Bill’s nostrils as it wafted back from the exhaust pipe sticking out of the top of the old Ford skip loader. It was chilly by Wilson Mills, North Carolina standards, around forty-five degrees. Carol’s father, Doug, and her brother, Evan, stood there with their arms crossed.

  Bill waved and pointed to the disc harrow. He slid the gears into low third, lifted the bucket, and eased off the clutch. The tractor lurched forward and Bill feathered the foot pedal to steady the engine. After a few quick turns, he backed the tractor to the implement. Bill manhandled the three-point hitch this way and that to get it into the correct slots and secure it in place with cotter pins.

  Doug walked around, reached in, and cut off the tractor.

  Bill wrinkled his forehead, “Did I do something wrong?”

  Evan said, “I didn’t know rich white boys could handle a tractor.”

  Doug added, “Not to mention looking happy about the work. My daughter told me you’re Wall Street.”

  Bill waited for Doug to walk back over to Evan and then answered. “When I was growing up at the orphanage, the groundskeeper, Mr. McCray, took me under his wing. I learned how to use tractors, lawnmowers, trimmers, anything to do with landscaping. I’m your man. We had a tractor just like yours that I worked with as a teenager.”

  Doug replied, “Ain’t you full of surprises. I reckon you never mentioned your time at the orphanage to my daughter. I’m sure she would have told me if you had.”

  Bill cleared his throat. “Well, sir, it’s a little hard to explain.”

  Evan interjected, “Why don’t you try.”

  Bill rubbed the back of his neck, “Alright. Well, I only got most of my memories back over the last few months. I mean, I’ve never forgotten Mr. McCray. It’s just, merging what I knew with my repressed memories took some time.”

  Evan shook his head. “I knew it. Carol’s got herself mixed up with some crazy white boy. I told her to stay away, but she’s one of these girls that don’t see her hand in front of her face. She says it’s all about the soul.”

  Doug turned to his son, “You mind what you say about your sister, boy. She’s a godly woman, and you could learn some things from her.” Doug turned back to Bill, “I’m aware of what you’ve been through. That ain’t none of my business. I only want to know your intentions with my daughter.”

  Evan added, “And my sister.”

  His dad looked back at Evan and nodded once in approval.

  Bill looked down and kicked a pebble at the toe of his boot. He sighed and looked Doug right in the eye. “Mr. Lewis, I wanted to have this conversation later, privately.”

  Doug answered, “I think it’s best we do it now. I’ve got a busy weekend, and I’m liable to fall asleep before my butt hits the chair this evening.”

  Evan walked up and stood on his tiptoes until his nose almost touched Bill’s. He snarled, “I want to know too. I’m not going to let some white boy disrespect my sister.”

  Bill looked into Evan’s eyes that were almost reaching his. He thought about how similar they looked to his sister’s.

  Bill snarled back, “Good.”

  Evan took two steps back, and Bill continued, “I know you’re protecting your sister. I want to protect her too. Carol means the world to me. Our friendship has grown over our time together, and I’ve come to realize I can’t live without her. She understands me, knows how I think, sometimes she knows what I’m going to do before I do.

  “I’ve always wanted a family, but I went about it the wrong way the first time. I tried to possess the woman I loved. I cornered her into becoming a family instead of giving us time and growing together. It wasn’t that we didn’t love each other. We did. Her death nearly destroyed me. But, Carol has helped me to understand that this is the better way, the way God intended.

  “We understand each other. No, we aren’t alike. That’s part of what I love about her, but don’t get me wrong, I’m not living in some fantasy. I understand we may have issues down the road, and our children may get picked on. I know there’ll always be racists, but I don’t let people like that decide how I’m going to live, and neither does your daughter.”

  Doug interjected, “It ain’t just white people that are racists. Some of our relatives may quit talking to Carol, and maybe even the whole family if she marries you. You can expect some black folks to be less than kind to your kids, depending on how they come out.”

  Bill replied, “Carol told me that. We both know we’ll have to work hard for our family.” He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “It doesn’t make any difference, though. She and I love each other. I’m not saying love solves every problem, but I will do everything in my power to make sure she knows she is wanted and loved.”

  Evan reached down, picked up a rock, threw it, and then said, “Dang. I ain’t ever loved a girl that much. If you mean it. But if you don’t.” Evan quickly snatched up another rock, and it ricocheted off Bill’s boot.

  Doug pointed at the disc harrow, “Have a seat.”

  Bill backed up and eased down onto a cold metal bar.

  Doug put his boot up on the bar next to Bill and stood over him.

  He said, “Alright, I’m convinced you’re sincere, and I know you can protect my daughter from what she’s told me.

  “Now, I want to talk to you man to man for a minute. What’s your game plan for when you hurt her, or she hurts you?”

  Bill’s eyes narrowed, and he glared at Doug. “I’d never hurt her.”

  Doug dropped his leg and sat next to Bill. “Uh-huh. That’s what we all say. I’ve been married to the same woman for forty years. I quit counting the times we’ve gotten mad at each other. Although my wife could probably give you the number.”

  Doug snickered at his own joke and continued, “Listen to me and listen good. Young people all think they’re different from the older generation. The truth is, we’re all repeating the same mistakes over and over again. So, I want to give you some free advice, and I suggest you take it for more than it’s worth.

  “When you fight, and you will fight, watch what you say. When the person you love disappoints you or makes you angry, you’ll tend to want to lash out verbally. Before you do, stop and ask yourself if it’s worth it. If Carol says something that hurts you, are you going to take it or give back as good as you got?”

  Bill pursed his lips for a few seconds before answering. “I don’t know. I can’t imagine ever getting that mad at Carol.”

  Doug replied, “Well, imagine it or not, it’s going to happen. So, let me make this easy for you. You can argue with my daughter, yell at her, and even make her cry. However, if you ever demean her, if you make her feel like she’s less of a woman than she is, you and I will have words. And if you ever lift a finger against her, I’ll kill you.”

  Evan walked up until his feet touched Bill’s. He said, “That goes double for me.”

&n
bsp; Bill nodded, “Message received.”

  Evan backed up.

  Doug asked, “So, do you still want to marry my daughter and be a part of this family?”

  Bill stood, dusted off his hind end, smacked his hands together to make sure they were clean, stuck his hand out to Doug, and said, “If you’ll have me.”

  Doug shook Bill’s hand, “Welcome to the family.”

  Evan walked over and stuck out his hand, “I sure hope my sister is right about you.”

  Bill smiled, “Me too.”

  Doug invited Bill to disc a five-acre field so he and Evan could take care of some maintenance in the shop. Bill was ecstatic. He spent the next couple of hours thinking back to the happy memories with Mr. McCray. The sun was seated just above the tree line when he pulled up to the outbuildings near the maintenance shop. Carol came out with a cup of hot chocolate, and Doug joined her.

  Bill slid off the tractor, and Carol handed the warm cup to Bill. It was a welcome change from the cold breeze on the tractor.

  Carol kissed Bill on the cheek and then said, “I was just telling Daddy that you may be taking a job in California.”

  Bill felt the blood leave his face. He turned to Doug, “Um, sir, I don’t know if I’m taking it. What I mean is, I wasn’t trying to hide that from you or anything earlier.”

  Doug snickered and then laughed. When he had calmed down, he said, “Boy, you need to learn to relax. It doesn’t matter where you live. I’ll know how to find you if I need to.”

  Bill said, “Yes, sir.”

  Doug winked at Bill, gave his daughter a peck on the cheek, and went back inside the shop.

  Carol slid her arm under Bill’s and snuggled against him. “It looks like you won over Daddy.”

  Bill let out a sigh. He said, “Your dad scares me more than Chuck.”

  Carol turned Bill to her and slammed her lips against his. Bill’s head went light, energy pulsed through his body, and he pulled Carol in tighter. They finally let go of one another.

  Carol smiled, poked Bill in the chest, and said, “Good. Daddy is much scarier than Chuck could ever hope to be. So, stay on his good side, and everything will be alright.”