Excess Baggage

by Pete Lister

  “No, sir, I believe I have the right of it.” Mrs. Larkin told him.

  “Then, perhaps you would be so good as to answer the question.”

  “It was Buckley, sir. Mr. and Mrs. Buckley, and the younger couple, Mr. and Mrs. Bolan.”

  “And their first names?”

  “Well, the wives never told me their Christian names, but Mr. Buckley signed the register as Harold, and Mr. Bolan signed in as Levi.”

  “Thank you, Mrs….?”

  “Smythe.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Smythe. Now, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” The lobby door opened, and a couple of Gardas entered. An Garda Síochána is the Irish National Police Force.

  “Evening, Maeve. God bless all here.”

  “God bless you, kindly, Sean.” she replied.

  “You’ve had a run of Americans here, the last week or so, haven’t you?”

  “Yes, indeed. But, just now we’re full up, and these fine gentlemen were just leaving to look for lodgings elsewhere. Good night to you, now, sirs. I hope I’ve helped.”

  “Oh, yes, ma’am, thank you. You’ve been a great help. Evenin’, Officers.” Jack and his crew walked quietly out the door. He didn’t look forward to calling Shiv.

  § § §

  The ‘Buckleys’ and the ‘Bolans’ sat in their Ford Mondeo, down the block from the Ballinskelligs Inn. They had been sitting there for two and a half hours, now, chatting quietly and waiting to see who showed up. Ten minutes ago, two Volkswagen Golfs had driven up, disgorging three large men from each car. They watched them go into the inn, and they waited. Several minutes ago, they watched as a Garda radio car pulled up, and two equally large officers walked into the inn.

  “Are you sure we should be staying so close?” asked Dianne “I mean, what if they see us?”

  “Sweetheart,” John responded. “We’re sitting here in the dark, with no lights showing. We’re under this tree, parallel parked on a lane full of cars. Their lights didn’t hit us when they arrived, and they won’t hit us when they leave. In fact, we could probably go right back in there when they’re gone, but I think we should head out.”

  “Then why are we sitting here?”

  “Because there are only two major highways out of here. N70 going north will take us to Tralee, and N70 going east will take us to Killarney, and there’s a limited number of ways to get to N70 from here. I want to see which way they go before deciding. Remember, we’re always safer behind them than wondering where they are.”

  As they were talking, the six men left the inn, got back into their cars, and pulled away, driving out of the village, with the Garda radio car cruising slowly behind them. John started the Ford and pulled out slowly. Staying a quarter of a mile behind the police, he followed the parade back toward the N70.

  § § §

  “Pat, keep an eye out the back.”

  “Just the squad car, Jack. No, wait, looks like the cops have picked up a tail. Another squad?”

  “Could be, we’ll find out.” Staying right at the speed limit, Jack cruised easily for several kilometers, before the Garda turned around and went back to the village. “That other car still back there?” he asked Mike.

  “Still hanging back.”

  “Let’s see who he is.” Jack said, pulling over to the shoulder.

  § § §

  “Damn.” John watched as the two Volkswagens pulled over onto the shoulder. “They’re stopping. I can’t very well stop and turn around. It would be a little obvious. Okay, everyone, stay calm, I’m going to pass them. Kids, duck down so it looks like there’s only two of us in the car.” Drew and Ashley bent over at the waist, so they wouldn’t be visible as they drove past the two Volkswagens on the shoulder.

  § § §

  “Is that them?” asked Jack. “Two couples?”

  “Nope, just one, an older couple.”

  “Okay, let’s head back.” Jack told his crew. “All’s we can do now is hope we see another car in front of that one.” They rode in silence, northeast-bound on Cois Tra Upper, staying behind the Mondeo.

  As they approached Dungeagan, a car that had just turned right, coming from Killurly, according to the sign, passed them, headed back toward Ballinskelligs. All three cars were caught in the glare of the approaching headlights.

  “Jack! You see that? There’s four of them in that car! The two in the back seat musta been scrunched over when they passed us. That’s gotta be them!” Pat was getting excited now, as Jack floored the Volkswagen in pursuit. The other Golf behind them kept up, as though it, too, had scented the prey.

  § § §

  “They saw us!” yelled John, as he accelerated. On a straightway, the big Ford could probably outrun the two Volkswagens, but on these country roads, there was no telling. The drivers behind them might be less averse to risk, or the Ford could need a tune-up, while the Golfs could have been maintained by an off-duty race car pit crew. You could never tell. Regardless, on these roads, they were getting closer.

  “Hang on!” John called out, as he doused the headlights and spun the wheel. Rounding a curve, John had seen the lane, leading off the R566 roadway and into a small field surrounded by a wall made from hand-laid fieldstone. They were approaching Curraghnanav, a village right at the intersection of R566 and R567.

  As the Volkswagens whipped by, John got out of the car and stood alongside the stone wall, watching them race through the village. Both cars wheeled to the right in the middle of the village, taking R567. Naturally, pulling out of the field, John took R566, cruising slowly, so as to avoid attention.

  They were approaching the first intersection when Dianne spotted the yellow building with a sign that said The Old School House Inn. “John! Pull in over there, in front of the yellow building.”

  “What’s wrong?” John asked.

  “I remember seeing that place in the brochures at Cable O’Leary’s. It’s a B&B. If you park around back, anywhere out of sight, we can spend the night here. Those goons would never expect us to stop so soon. We’re not even sure if they know what kind of car we’re driving.”

  Without another word, John slowed and pulled into the parking lot. Not seeing any outbuildings, or anything resembling a garage, he pulled over to the edge of the gravel parking area, trying to look like an employee’s car.

  § § §

  “Again?!” Shiv bellowed into the phone. “You lost them in a village the size of a mall?”

  “We didn’t want to take a chance on missing them, so we drove down here tonight, instead of waitin’ ‘till tomorrow. The broad running the place said they pulled out a couple of hours before we got there. We were starting to press her when the local cops walked in. We left, and the cops left right behind us. They even followed us out of town. Honest to Christ, I bet there aren’t thirty houses in the whole village.

  “Anyway, as we were driving away, another car pulls in behind the cops. We figured it was back-up, but when the cops turned back, this other car stayed with us. I pulled over and let them pass me, just to get a look at them, and there was just an older couple in the car, alone. We pulled in behind them to follow them to the freeway when a car came towards us from the other direction. When it passed that older couple, we could see through the windows that there was four of them! The other two were bending over in the back seat when they went by us. It had to be them!

  “So, we started after them, and they lost us on a curve. The roads here, Shiv, they’re real narrow, and they got these stone walls all around them, and no gates. I figure they musta doused their lights and pulled into one of them fields. All of a sudden, we came around a curve and they were gone. Just like that.”

  “Just like that, eh?”

  “That’s what I said, Shiv, just like that.”

  “Goddammit, Jack! Why didn’t you stop the minute you didn’t see their headlights? Two can play that game, y’know. So what’s your next move? Did you go back and look for him?”

  “No sir, we didn’t. It was so dark
, and there’s hundreds of these little fields. We just figured they were headed for that N70 freeway. So we hurried up the road to try to intercept them.

  “By the time we got to the freeway, we hadn’t seen hide nor hair of them. We figured no sense driving all over every car-and-a-half wide cow path in Ireland when they’re probably tearing down the freeway, anyway. There’s these two main roads that both hook into that freeway. But, just in case, when we got to the freeway, we split up and doubled back on the main roads we were on before. We just now hooked up. Pat, Mike and me are stopping to eat, and we’ll be headed back to the hotel, soon's we’re done. Andy and the other guys are going back, now. You want us to start callin’, again, in the mornin’?”

  “Naw. They’re spooked now. You guys pack it in and come home.”

  “I’m really sorry, Shiv. I know we let you down.”

  “Jack, how long we been together, you and me? We cut our teeth together in this business. Remember how your old man used to pay us to watch the bars he drank in, so he wouldn’t get ambushed? Buddy, if I thought for one minute you couldn’t handle this, I wouldn’t have sent you in charge of them other five guys. I ain’t gonna shoot you just because somebody give you the slip. I did that, I’d run out of guys before long. I know you gave it your best shot. Come on home. I got stuff for you to do, here.”

  “Okay, Shiv. We’ll be out of here in the morning. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “That’s good. Night, Jack.”

  “Night, Shiv.”

  § § §

  John had parked the Ford next to a tractor, trying to make it look like it belonged there. Going inside, they discovered that there no rooms available, but they were just in time for supper. There were only two tables left vacant, both set up for six.

  They were halfway through their salads, chatting away, trying to look like normal tourists, when Jack and the boys walked in.

  “Don’t look up, anybody,” whispered John. “They’re here. Boy, you can take the boys out of Chicago, but you can’t take Chicago out of the boys. I could pick those guys out of a crowd in Milwaukee, let alone some little crossroads in rural Ireland. Just act natural, and keep eating. I wonder where the other three are.” As they ate, trying not to glance over at the three large men who were seated two tables down from them, Dianne noticed a late-arriving couple coming in the door. The hostess was explaining to them that the dining room was full, when Dianne jumped up and moved quickly to their side.

  “Ah, there you are!” she called out to them, so that everyone in the place could hear her. When she got closer, she shook their hands like an old friend and lowered her voice. “My friends and I are vacationing. We’d be delighted if you’d join us.”

  “Why thanks, ever so. We’d be delighted.”

  As they walked back to the table, Dianne whispered to them, “We’re being bothered by the men at that table. We ran into them in Dublin a couple of weeks ago. They were drunk and out of control. When we tried to calm them down, ‘cause they were making Americans look bad, they got belligerent, so we left. They just walked in here, but they didn’t recognize us. If you wouldn’t mind, we’d appreciate it if you’d just act like we were old friends. We’ll be glad to answer your questions after they leave, and of course, we’d be pleased to buy your dinner tonight, as well.”

  “Sounds very James Bondish, doesn’t it, Susan?”

  “It does. Say, there won’t be any rough stuff, will there?”

  “No. As I said, they didn’t even recognize us. With the two of you, all they’ll see is three couples, old friends, out for dinner.”

  “Free eats! Hard to beat a deal like that, isn’t it Reg?”

  “I should say so. Lead on, lassie. We’ll have a story to tell on bridge night, won’t we, Susan?” As they approached the table, John came to his feet and stuck out his hand.

  “God bless all here,” said Reg.

  “God bless you, kindly.” responded John.

  “Oh, you did immerse yourself in Ireland, didn’t you, now?” Reg said, with a pleasant look of surprise on his face. He hadn’t expected to hear the proper response to the old Irish greeting from Americans.

  Within minutes, they were old friends. They sat through the meal and talked, ordered dessert and talked, had an after-dinner cordial and talked some more. They were deep into sheep-shearing when Jack and the boys finished their meal and left.

  As the six new friends watched the three strangers walk out of the dining room, Susan turned to Dianne. “All right, now, we’ve saved your bacon. So, what’s this really all about?” Dianne turned to each of his companions in turn. Each nodded.

  “Well, you see, it’s like this. Back home, my son drives a tour bus to the Indian casinos, so folks who don’t live close to the casinos can gamble. A couple of months ago, after a casino run, he found fourteen and a half million dollars and over a hundred pounds of drugs hidden on his bus. He and his wife decided to keep it, and they’re spending it taking us to Ireland on vacation.

  “Those three gentlemen who just left are from the gang that originally had the cash and the drugs stolen from them, and they’re trying to find us. They’ve never seen us before, so they probably wouldn’t recognize us. As you can see, they didn’t. So, we appreciate your joining us for dinner.”

  Susan and Reg looked at each other and stood up, a hurt look on their faces. “Look, if you don’t want to tell us, don’t. But please don’t play us for fools. Thanks for the dinner. Enjoy your trip.” And with hurt countenance, the Irish couple walked slowly from the room.

  “Slawn ah wall ya.” John called, to their slowly receding backs.

  “John,” asked Dianne, “What was that?”

  “It’s Gaelic,” said Drew. “It means ‘safe home’. It’s how the Irish say goodbye to friends when they’re out.”

  “Wherever did you learn that?” she asked.

  “Mrs. Larkin.” John told her.

  “Well, I can’t wait to go to England, so I can learn to speak English!” Ashley tossed in, and the table erupted. After paying for their dinner, and Reg and Susan’s, the two couples walked slowly out to the parking lot. Now, they had to figure out who they would be next, and how they would get home undetected. Pursuit was obviously closer than they had thought.

  As John was putting the key in the car door, he felt a knife prick in the small of his back.

  “I wouldn’t do anything stupid, Mr. Sherry” said the voice in his ear. “Now turn around nice and slow, and keep your hands down.”

  John turned slowly. “I’m afraid you’ve made a mistake. My name is Buckley, Hal Buckley.”

  “Sherry, Buckley, how many other IDs you got? You know, there aren’t that many of these big Fords around here.”

  John looked around and saw another one with a knife behind his son, and one more covering their wives. “What can we do for you gentlemen?” he asked.

  “Well, for starters, you can tell us where the horse is.”

  “The horse? I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jack delivered a quick punch to John’s kidneys, and he dropped to his knees.

  “John!” his wife screamed. Her hand flew to her mouth, and the thug behind her pressed his knife into her side.,

  “Don’t worry about him, lady. You just worry about you.”

  “So, is it Hal Buckley, or John Sherry?” Jack asked, as he pulled John to his feet. “We don’t really give a shit. But, you need to cough up some answers, or it’s going to get real ugly real fast for you and the ladies.”

  “We don’t have your horse. Search us, check the car. You could check our rooms, but we don’t have any. Our landlady kicked us out after you called. ‘Don’t tell them I called?’ What kind of high school stunt was that?”

  “That’s not really your biggest problem right now. I’d be thinking real hard how I was going to give these guys their stuff and their money back, before I got into more trouble than I could handle, was I you.” Jack told him.

  John glanced at
his son, who gave a slight nod, and then to his daughter-in-law, who did the same. Without warning, he spun around, shouting “Knife!”, standard police protocol, ingrained in every cop. Sweeping the knife hand away with his left arm, he jammed his right fist into Jack’s throat. Jack dropped the knife and grabbed his throat with both hands as he dropped to his knees.

  As soon as his father started moving, Drew spun and drove his fist into Pat’s bread basket, knocking the air out of him. Pat dropped and rolled on the gravel, trying desperately to get his breath.

  Mike, seeing what was happening on the other side of the car, dropped his guard just long enough for Ashley to spin, driving her knee into his groin. Mike dropped like a rock. It was over in seconds.

  Father and son looked at each other and John said, “That was too close for comfort. Let’s get out of here.” The four jumped into the car and, gravel flying behind them, raced up R566, headed for the N70 freeway, leaving their assailants writhing in the gravel.

  Twenty minutes later, the three thugs were still in the parking lot, leaning against their Volkswagen. Jack was massaging his throat, Pat was bent over, still trying, painfully, to catch his breath, and Mike was bent over, holding his crotch.

  “Jesus, what the hell was that?” Mike asked. “I seen those two guys move, and all of a sudden that bitch knees me in the ‘nads. Who the hell are these people?”

  Pat was still trying to breathe, but with a raspy voice, Jack said, “I don’t know. The kid’s just a bus driver and the old man’s just retired, I don’t know from what. The girl is just a tour guide.”

  “Jack,” Mike managed to push out. “None of them folks is ‘just’ nothing. I didn’t even see any of what they done, it was so fast. You caught it in the throat, and it looked like Pat caught it in the gut at the same time. Before I seen anybody else move, my balls exploded. I never even seen any of them move! I had the knife in the old broad’s side, and I never seen it coming. Shiv’s gonna kill us.”