Clarity

by Kim Harrington

  “Hey,” he said, standing. He brushed the sand off his shorts. His taut chest was a welcome sight, but even that couldn’t make me smile.

  Confused feelings rushed at me. My physical attraction to him was so strong, but my mind held back my heart. He didn’t believe in me or my family. He scorned me for my gift, and he wouldn’t even tell me why. Why did he care if I was psychic? Did that change the kind of person I was?

  I could see the conflict on his face, too. He hated what my family did for a living. He probably believed my brother was a killer.

  But he had feelings for me. I knew it. I saw it in his eyes.

  He opened his arms. I ignored the part of me that wanted to push him away. I needed someone right now. I needed support. And he was here, offering it. I rushed into him and wrapped my arms around him, letting his heat envelop me. He hugged me, tight and warm.

  “I’m so worried about him,” I said.

  “I understand,” he whispered, as he ran his hands through my hair.

  “I love Perry more than anything in the world.”

  “I know,” Gabriel said. “I know what it’s like.”

  His hands came to rest on my chin, turning my face up to look at him. He gazed into my eyes for a long moment.

  A lump of frustration stuck in my throat. His touch was tantalizing and I wished that I didn’t enjoy it so much. Wished that I didn’t want more from this guy who clearly disliked part of who I was.

  I could see the struggle in his eyes. Stick to his convictions? Or give in to his feelings?

  My heart pounded harder than the surf behind us.

  Finally, he spoke. “I’m tired of trying to hate you.”

  Then he leaned in and kissed me.

  I surrendered my head to my heart and let myself go. I was tired of fighting the attraction, worrying about my pride. I returned his kiss eagerly. I lost myself in the taste of his mouth and the feeling of his hands cupping my face. I was swept away in the moment, as wave after wave crashed onto the shore behind us.

  I eventually had to break away to breathe. I pulled back to look at him, my hands trailing up his arms and onto his biceps. I turned my head to the side as he laid a trail of kisses down my neck.

  Something caught my eye.

  His tattoo.

  I could see it a bit now. It was a word, written in cursive. Probably a name. Part of me didn’t want to read it. If it was a girl, someone he had loved and left behind in New York, I’d feel insanely jealous, even though I had no right to. Curiosity got the better of me, though.

  I tilted my head further. I silently prayed, Please let it say Mom. Please say Mom. Please say Mom.

  It was a name, in flowery, feminine letters.

  Not Mom.

  Victoria.

  TWENTY

  BEFORE I COULD SCREAM, SOMEONE ELSE DID.

  I broke away from Gabriel and stumbled back a few steps. He didn’t notice my distress over his tattoo. His eyes were elsewhere.

  A ways down the beach, a woman was screaming hysterically. A small crowd had gathered in the area, circling around something. Gabriel took off, and I ran after him. As we got closer, the woman stopped screaming and fainted into a man’s arms. The circle of people grew, amid gasps and exclamations.

  I didn’t want to see what they were looking at. It couldn’t be anything good. My worst fear was that it was a baby dolphin, beached and dying. I couldn’t watch that. I skidded to a stop in the sand, but Gabriel grabbed my hand and pulled me forward between two people in the crowd, until we saw what lay on the shore.

  It wasn’t a dolphin.

  Worse. It was a person.

  My mind screamed at myself to turn away, look away, run away, but my muscles wouldn’t comply. I could only stare. It was a female, her face covered in seaweed. She wore jean shorts and a T-shirt. Where her skin showed, her body was discolored and bloated.

  I needed to know who she was. While everyone else stood and stared, I knelt onto the sand and reached forward to slide the seaweed off her face.

  I’m sitting on the beach, staring at the black expanse of the ocean. It must be the middle of the night because it’s dark and deserted. But I sense movement. I turn around and see a shadow. Someone’s coming toward me.

  “Hello,” I call out.

  Whoever it is doesn’t answer, but speeds up, coming at me with determination. I’m suddenly scared. A trickle of sweat slips down my back.

  My instincts kick in. I leap up and run for the boardwalk. I risk a glance over my shoulder. The shadow is charging after me. Getting closer. The stairs are too far away; I’ll never make it. I dash under the boardwalk, hoping to become invisible in the darkness.

  The shadow enters. I creep farther down. It’s like a sick game of hide-and-seek. My breathing is harsh and ragged. It’s too loud; it’s going to give me away. I try to hold my breath, but I’m too terrified.

  After a few moments, I glance left and right, but can’t find the shadow. Did the person give up? I start to feel like it’s over, and then arms grab me from behind, hands wrap around my neck. I can’t breathe —

  “Clare!”

  I opened my eyes to find Gabriel dragging me backward, away from the body. He dropped me on the sand and sank down beside me.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I saw it,” I said. “I saw her death. She was strangled under the boardwalk. I couldn’t see who did it.”

  I stopped and looked up at Gabriel. “Who is she?”

  He shook his head. “Don’t look.”

  I pushed myself up and, dizziness be damned, trudged back to the body. My eyes first went to the ragged, bitten fingernails. Then her long brown hair. Then her face. I immediately recognized her.

  Joni. It was Joni. Victoria’s best friend. The one I gave the reading to. The one I forced to give a statement to the police. The one who was terrified of Victoria’s boyfriend, Joel. And now she was dead.

  Suddenly, the smell hit me like a punch. I only made it a few steps away before my stomach contents poured onto the sand. Gabriel came to my side and rubbed my back with one hand, while holding my hair back with the other, until I regained my composure.

  “Joel must have killed her,” I said between deep breaths. “No one else here even knew Joni. She wasn’t even here when Victoria was here.”

  “Joel is gone, though,” Gabriel said. “When the girl from Boston wouldn’t press charges for the stolen car, they let him go.”

  “That doesn’t mean he didn’t kill her.”

  “But he wasn’t here when she would have died.”

  “How do you know? Maybe he didn’t leave town. Or maybe he did and came back.” I raised my voice to match my rising frustration. “You and your father have your sights set on Perry and you won’t even consider anyone else, even when the evidence points that way!”

  “The evidence points toward your brother!” Gabriel yelled back.

  I couldn’t believe he was being so shortsighted, not even considering Joel. Seething with fury, I clenched my fists. I stepped up to him, inches from his face. “I want you to listen carefully. There will be no us. Ever. I’m done working with you. Now, I’m working against you.”

  I stomped away and called over my shoulder, “Because someone has to find the real killer.”

  I ran home as fast as I could. I should have been there the whole time anyway. Mom was all alone in the house, waiting for the phone call, and I was making out with the enemy on the beach. I was as angry with myself for that kiss as I was with Gabriel for his stubbornness. And on top of it all, his tattoo revealed he had a secret of his own. I couldn’t trust him. I was on my own now.

  I sprinted up the porch stairs and into the house. “Mom?”

  “In here.”

  I burst into the kitchen. “Any calls? ”

  “Not yet,” she said, placing a soda can on the table. Nate was sitting there, ripping a napkin into a thousand pieces, worry written all over his face.

  “Hey,” I said, taking a se
at beside him.

  Mom fluttered around the kitchen like a trapped bird. She seemed to be doing anything to keep herself busy.

  “I came by to keep you two company,” Nate said. “And maybe because I needed the company, too.” He tried to smile, but it quickly faltered. “I’m worried, Clare.”

  “I am, too. But it’s going to be okay,” I said, straightening in my seat and trying to fill my voice with hope.

  Mom turned the water off in the sink. “Has something happened?”

  I took a deep breath. “Joni’s dead. Her body’s on the beach; the police are probably there now.”

  Mom gasped and covered her mouth.

  “That’s terrible,” Nate said. “Did she drown?”

  “No. She was strangled and dumped in the water. By whoever killed Victoria and Billy, I’m sure. I think, now more than ever, this points to Joel, Victoria’s boyfriend.”

  Mom nodded, her eyes staring out the window. “I hope the police see it that way.”

  Mom went out to the porch for some fresh air, instructing us to sit by the phone.

  “There’s something else, too,” I whispered to Nate. “I saw Gabriel’s tattoo.”

  He gestured dismissively. “I don’t care about that story anymore. I’ll work on it when this is over.”

  “Victoria,” I said.

  “What about her?”

  “The tattoo. It says ‘Victoria.’ ”

  Nate’s eyes narrowed.

  “It could be a coincidence,” I said. “There are thousands of Victorias out there.”

  “But only so many killers,” he said softly.

  “What does that mean?”

  “I made gains on the story. I found out why the Toscanos left New York City. Anthony didn’t quit the NYPD, he was fired.”

  “For what?”

  “He killed someone.”

  My mind churned with shock and confusion. “He would be in jail if that were true.”

  “It was in the line of duty so no criminal charges were filed. However, the use of deadly force was ruled unjustified, and he lost his job. The whole case is really shady. There was something personal between him and the guy he killed.”

  “That’s awful,” I said. “But what does that have to do with what’s going on now?”

  “A killer’s a killer. He’s used his badge as a way to murder someone and get away with it before. What if he did it again?”

  I thought about Billy’s crime scene and how someone had been watching us in the woods. It could have been Detective Toscano. I thought about how Gabriel refused to say Victoria’s name, insisting on referring to her as “the victim,” despite having that same name tattooed on his arm. Was it possible that …

  No. No way.

  “You can’t jump to that conclusion without knowing more details,” I said, both to Nate and myself.

  “Why not?” Nate snapped. “They were happy to jump to conclusions about Perry.”

  He had a point. “I do know something that might help us,” I said. “I asked Detective Toscano if I could see the security tape and he refused. If that tape shows him or Gabriel at the restaurant that night, then maybe your theory is right.”

  Nate perked up. “You have to get that tape. It could be our only chance to free Perry.”

  “But how? I can’t just break into the police station and steal it.”

  “There is one way,” Nate said, rubbing his chin. “Justin. He’d do anything for you and his father could easily get the tape.”

  “You want me to use Justin?”

  “Use is a terrible word. He’d probably enjoy the attention. Bat your eyes, swish your hair, whatever it is that girls do to get guys to stumble over themselves.”

  I took a deep breath. I’d do anything for my brother.

  “Okay,” I said. “Whatever it takes.”

  I texted Justin, asking him if we could meet and talk. Lightning quick, he replied saying he’d meet me on the boardwalk. I expected him to say the beach, since that was our spot. But he must have heard about Joni by now. If there’s one thing that will kill a romantic moment, it’s a crime scene.

  I rushed down to the boardwalk. Somehow, Justin had made it there before me.

  He was waiting on a bench, his left leg bouncing up and down like it did when he was anxious. He wore khaki shorts and a white polo shirt that showed off the summer tan on his arms. He spotted me and stood with an apprehensive smile.

  “Hey.”

  “Want to walk?” I asked.

  “Whatever you want.” He fell in line beside me and we walked slowly down the boardwalk. “I’m glad you texted me. We need to talk.”

  My eyebrows rose. I wasn’t expecting him to have his own agenda. “What’s up?”

  “There’s been another murder.”

  “I know,” I said. “Joni. It’s horrible.”

  The vision of her death tickled at my memory, and I pushed it away. I couldn’t think about it. I needed to be strong right now, not have a breakdown.

  “I think it’s time for this to stop,” Justin said.

  I gave him a blank look. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t want you involved in the investigation anymore. At first, I thought it was a good idea. You could help us solve the case quickly, get the guy behind bars, and we’d move on. I never imagined for a second that you would be in danger. I would never have asked you to help. But now Billy’s dead and Joni’s dead. This person’s unhinged. I don’t want you working on this anymore. I want you to just stay home until it’s over.”

  This was exactly why I hadn’t told anyone about the vision I’d had of someone watching me in the woods. I knew it would lead to this. Whether it was Perry, Justin, or Mom who found out, they’d all want me to stop. But I couldn’t. I’d had my doubts about Perry before, but they were gone now. Seeing him at the police station, looking into his eyes, I knew. I never should have suspected him for a moment. He’s my brother. I know him. He’d never touched a gun in his life; he wouldn’t know what to do with one. Yeah, he could treat girls a little better, but he wasn’t a killer. He just plain didn’t have it in him. And now that Joni was dead, too, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that my brother was innocent. And the place in my heart that had once wavered was now filled with resolve.

  I had to save him.

  “I appreciate your concern, Justin, but I can’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “My brother could go to jail for the rest of his life, and I know he didn’t do it. The police aren’t going to help him; they’re convinced he’s guilty. All Perry has is me. I’m not going to quit on him now.”

  Justin stuffed his hands in his pockets and sighed. “I know where you’re coming from. But if anything happens to you …”

  “It won’t.”

  “You can’t guarantee that.”

  “I can’t stop. Perry needs me.”

  Justin nodded, giving in. “I know there’s no way Perry did this.”

  I stopped walking and looked up at him. The sun’s rays made his hair look golden. His blue eyes were deep and soulful. He looked like a prince from a fairy tale. My mind flitted to where the fairy tale went wrong, but I forced it back to the moment at hand.

  Gabriel assumed Perry’s guilt. Justin assumed his innocence. Justin had come to my family’s rescue, driving Mom and me to the station, arranging for a lawyer. He was always there for me.

  I reached up and put my hand on his cheek.

  Then I kissed him.

  That wasn’t part of the plan. I had no intentions of locking lips with my ex, tape or no tape, but I lost myself in the moment and went with it. His kiss was tentative, light. Like our first kiss on the beach, so long ago. I remembered his mouth, his taste, his kissing style.

  Kissing Gabriel was like an exotic vacation.

  Kissing Justin was like coming home again.

  I wanted this.

  Until he pushed me away.

  “What do you want?” he asked with hi
s arm out, holding me at a distance.

  I blinked rapidly, not understanding what happened. “Excuse me?”

  “This is a dream come true, but I know it isn’t real. You want something. Tell me what it is. You know I’ll do it.”

  I hesitated, full of confusion. I hadn’t kissed him to get the tape. I’d kissed him because I wanted to. I’d been overcome. I was able to temporarily push Tiffany out of my thoughts and give in to my feelings.

  But I didn’t want him to know that. My guard had slipped for one moment, that was all. I didn’t want to fill him with false hope.

  “I want to see the tape,” I said, instead.

  He turned away from me and leaned on the railing of the boardwalk. I watched his back. He shuddered once, then straightened and turned back to me.

  I’d hurt him. Badly this time. I felt a pang of regret.

  “The security tape from the restaurant?” he asked. “The one they found in your house? Why do you want that? Even if you destroyed it, that wouldn’t help Perry.”

  “I don’t want to destroy it or steal it. I want to watch it. Once.”

  He thought for a moment. “You think someone else might be on there. The real killer.”

  I nodded.

  “How will you know, though? You could watch people go in and out of there all night and not recognize the killer.”

  “Or I could see Victoria’s boyfriend, Joel, on there and place him at the scene. Or … someone else.” I didn’t want to share Nate’s theory about the Toscanos being killers. I also didn’t want Justin to know I’d seen Gabriel’s tattoo. And I couldn’t explain to myself why.

  “I don’t know,” he said.

  “This could be the key to everything.” I put my hand on his arm, an old habit, and looked into his eyes. “We could break the case wide open. That’s what you came to me for days ago. That’s what you want the most, right?”

  “No.” He gently pulled his arm out from under my touch. “Honestly, what I want the most is to go back in time and change that night with Tiffany.”

  “Isn’t that a little overdramatic, Justin?”

  His face was tight. “I hurt you. I love you and I hurt you. I see the pain in your eyes even now. I see it every time you look at me.” His voice broke. “Call me overdramatic, call me anything you want, but it’s the truth.”