by Robin Leaf
Noah opened the back door to the SUV and practically shoved me into its darkened interior. I felt him, but I didn’t look at him. I carefully grabbed my seatbelt, making a point to adjust it correctly before pulling it across my chest.
“Darla…” he sighed.
“Goddess, Jase, I haven’t gone by Darla in ten years.” I clicked the seatbelt into its slot, still not turning to look at him. “When are you going to get that?”
“To me, you’ll always be Darla,” he said quietly.
I faced forward. “That may be our problem.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him running his fingers down his face to his mouth, pulling at his lips, blowing out air loudly.
We rode in silence for miles.
“Are we going to talk about the fact that Allison was…”
“You don’t get to say a word about Allison.”
“But she was…”
I whipped my head in his direction and balled my fists at my sides. “No, Jase. That was nothing compared to what YOU were doing.”
He turned to face me. “That’s…” he swallowed, “that’s why… Wait. You’re angry at me?”
I faced forward once again, but his eyes stayed on me.
“But… but why?”
I felt the threat of tears. I closed my eyes tightly, hoping to somehow make him magically disappear through sheer force of will.
“Darla…”
That name… that one uttered plea. That way he said my name, like it was a curse and a prayer all in the same breath, did me in. The dam that I’d so carefully built for the past ten years cracked, crumbled, and came crashing down, just from the way he said my name.
“God dammit, Jase. Ten years of this push and pull between us, of loving you so much I ache inside. Ten fucking years of being tethered to you, on a leash you kept chained in your yard, coming to visit just enough to keep me holding on to hope, only for you to repeatedly remind me that nothing had changed. I hid that I love you way more than I’m supposed to love a friend, hoping, wishing, praying that you’d work out whatever you needed to and come for me, to tell me you are ready for me. I lived for that day. I kept people at bay, waiting… just waiting. But that day never came.”
“It’s right now,” he growled.
“No. It’s not right now. You wait until the first birthday party ever held in my honor, thoughtfully thrown for me by my girlfriend, to try and cop a cheap feel in public, while said girlfriend is getting drunkenly mauled on the dancefloor. You know what? I’m tired. I just won’t do it anymore. I can’t be tempted by you only to have you cast me aside again. I just can’t do it.”
“That’s just it, Darla. I came here… for you. No more denials. No more pushing you away. I am tired of being miserable, of living without you. I finally realized I couldn’t live without you. You said we make our own happiness, and I am finally ready to grab on to mine… with you. I was going to wait until after the party. But I saw you, and I couldn’t wait. I thought… with what we saw… I had to… I have decided I am ready for a life with you.”
“You decided. You FINALLY decided? You’re not here to tell me that nothing has changed? Well, guess what, Jason Patrick Heywood, hear my words. Everything has changed. More importantly, I’ve changed. So it’s too late.” I turned away, laying my head back against the seat. “I’m done.”
Silence. I couldn’t even hear him breathing.
Noah, who heard everything, pulled the car into the garage of our building. He parked and quietly got out of the car, walking a few steps away since he knew he might be needed soon.
Jase finally took a deep breath.
“No,” he whispered. “It’s never too late, Darla Maize. Not for you and me.” He took another deep breath.
I closed my eyes tightly again. “Yes, it is.” I steeled myself for the next words, knowing the impact they would have. I had been scared to tell him; now, it just seemed cruel, but it was necessary.
“Allison and I have decided to have a baby. We have an appointment this week with a fertility doctor to set up insemination.” I opened my eyes and stared ahead, too much of a coward to look in his direction. I lowered my voice, mostly to mask my emotion. “I am fully committing to her, Jase.”
He blinked. “You don’t love her like you love me, though.”
I pursed my lips tightly, licking them before I spoke. “The difference is… she has never hurt me. She hasn’t kept me at arm’s length forever. She has always been right here for me. You and I…” I swallowed thickly. “We will never be.”
I felt him crumple on the seat.
I dared a look in his direction. He stared at his hands.
“I do love you, Jase. I always have, and I know I always will. But I think it’s best if we end our friendship.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s over, Jase.”
All he did was nod and sink further in his seat.
I summoned the courage to grab the handle to open the car door, but the electricity I felt when his hand touched my knee stopped me from getting out.
“Know this, Darla Maize Flurkey,” he snarled with much more conviction than I used in my entire speech, “You hear MY words. I will wait for you… for as long as my heart continues to beat, because you are worth everything to me.” He removed his hand and uttered quietly, “You and I will never be over.”
I got out and closed the door softly, trying to stave off the tears until I stepped onto the elevator, his last words on repeat in my ears.
You and I will never be over.
As the doors closed, the tears flowed freely. I bent at the waist, clutching my chest, trying to keep all the broken pieces inside me.
You and I will never be over.
The elevator doors opened, and I somehow found my key and opened the door to the apartment. Fionn caught me as I fell inside. He lifted me, cradling me, and carried me to my bedroom. After laying me down, he removed my shoes and sat on the edge of my bed, patting my back awkwardly until I was no longer sobbing and my breathing evened out. He stood, believing I was asleep, and left my room.
I wasn’t sure if I cried because I knew I was right that we were over, or if it was because I believed he was.
You and I will never be over.
Thirty Nine
“Love Hurts” – Nazareth
I had to pry my eyes open to look at the clock, which read a few minutes past noon. The artist chiseling away at the marble sculpture in my brain was relentless. I felt swollen, icky, and thirsty.
But mostly I felt empty.
A shower was what I needed. I just had to get out of this bed.
Twenty minutes later, I was showered, shaved, brushed, and dressed, still with the headache.
Plus, my eyes were still swollen, but I could chalk that up to the hangover.
I reached for the doorknob, wondering how this was going to play out. Allison might have questions. She might want to know how things went after she left. She might ask… about him. I would have to lie. I hate lying. This would be my best acting job ever.
I entered the living room to find Allison on the couch, papers spread in front of her.
“Morning, sunshine. How do you feel?”
She grumbled something unintelligible as I walked past her to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of water and leaned on the counter, watching her over the bar.
“Do you need anything while I’m in here?”
She looked up at me and stared. “No.” Her head went back to her paperwork.
Odd.
“Allison, what are you doing?”
She leaned back on the couch. “I’m trying decide which movies I want to agree to do. If I get pregnant, it’ll be hard for me to do my job to its fullest, so it has to be one that I can use my other employees at the studio to train the actors. I’m looking to see which ones will be filmed outside of Los Angeles so I can tell those no.”
“Ah.” I took a drink of water nervously. “So… you don’t want to discuss last nig
ht?”
“Not really, except to say that you finally know why I don’t like to drink. Liquor is not good for me, like at all. And once I start, I can’t seem to stop.”
“Hmmm, do you remember anything?”
She sat up and set down the papers in her hands. “Look, I know that I got a little… friendly with some random girl…”
“It was a guy.”
“A… guy? Really?” She blinked. “I could have sworn it was a girl.”
“Yes, a guy. He had his hands all over you, and you were letting him, even encouraging him.” I took another drink of water. “Bryan saved you from going too far.”
Her mouth fell open. “Bryan?”
I nodded. “I would have had Bryan take you home, but the way you were talking to him, licking his face, and trying to touch his dick again, I had to save his virtue.” I smiled. “Fionn brought you home.”
Her face flushed quickly. “Oh, God, Darby, please tell me you’re joking.” She placed her hands over her face. “Jesus, when will I ever not have to apologize to that man?”
“How many shots did you end up having?”
She winced. “I don’t know. I lost count somewhere around ten.”
“Ten?”
“Yeah, and I probably had four or five more after that.”
“And how are you even functioning this morning? I’ve never seen you drink, so fifteen shots of tequila is… wow.”
She looked down at her hands. “I’ve never admitted this, but I’m pretty sure I had a drinking problem when I lived at home, especially during all that attempted murder bullshit.”
“Had I known, I would have never suggested you take that first shot.”
She smiled. “I don’t blame you, Darby, so don’t blame yourself.” Sitting up, she asked, “So what happened after I left?”
“Nothing. I said goodbye to Riley and Vanessa, and Noah asked Bryan to shut down the party so he could bring me home to check on you.”
She picked up the mug in front of her, bringing it to her lips. “And Jase?”
I hoped she wasn’t paying attention to how his name felt like a hot poker in my chest. I delayed answering by downing the rest of my water, which had my stomach on red alert. “He rode back with us. But I think he’s going back to London today. I don’t know. He and I didn’t talk much. We probably won’t see him again.”
She stared at me unblinking for a second before she started fidgeting, wringing her hands and looking at everything but me.
“So… are we still going to the appointment this week, Darby?”
“Of course we are, Ally, why wouldn’t we?”
I saw the relief flood her face.
“You’re not mad at me for letting things get too far with that… guy?”
She was worried I was going to back out because of what she did on that dancefloor. I had to hide my relief.
“No, babe. I’m not mad. I’ve done stupid shit my entire life. I know you were drunk, not that that’s ever an excuse.” I smiled. “Let’s agree to not do the club thing ever again, though. Clubs were great when I was in my early twenties. Now, I’m happy with a quiet dinner at home with close friends. I don’t need all the hoopla, and I certainly don’t need the hangover.”
Rising from the couch, she stretched. “Agreed. I’m sore all over, and I work out every day. And I did not love the vomiting.”
I smirked. “When you get preggers, you might have to deal with it.”
“True. But it’ll be for an acceptable reason, not due to drunk-induced stupidity.”
~~~
“I just don’t see why you had to fly all the way to Texas with Riley. Couldn’t he chase after his girlfriend on his own?”
I sighed. This had been the “topic of discussion” all morning, and it was getting tedious.
Plus, the waiting room of the fertility clinic where we waited for the nurse practitioner to prepare the sample so that Allison could get inseminated was not really the time or the place to discuss my impromptu trip.
But here we were. Discussing it. Yet again.
“Look, Riley is my friend. I was there with him when he learned why Vanessa bolted, so I went with him one, for moral support, and two, because he needed someone to guide him.”
She sat bouncing her knee in the chair. “But you said her friend, Elaine, went with him. Wouldn’t she know Vanessa better than you?”
“Her name is Emily, and yes, you’re probably right, but I went anyway.” I sat back and folded my hands across my chest. “I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to you, Allison. Our initial appointment wasn’t until this morning, and I was back in time to make it. We were incredibly fortunate that all the specifics aligned today so that you are able to be sitting here right now, waiting for some chick to knock you up, I just don’t understand why we have to belabor the fact that I took a little side jaunt yesterday to help a good friend secure his true love?” I pat her knee. “Let’s focus on the matter at hand, babe. Not something I can’t go back in time and change.”
She closed her eyes and laid her head against the wall.
“Maybe I’m trying to distract myself from my nerves by, as you say, belaboring a point, so I don’t focus on all the things that could possibly go wrong.”
Ah. Distraction is what she needs. Got it. “So, let’s talk about happy things, like sunflowers… or puppies… or glitter… or unicorns… or glittery unicorn puppies holding sunflowers, not about something that apparently is making you angry. Angry Allison equals an angry uterus, and angry uteri don’t impregnate.” I shrugged, turned to her, and nodded sincerely. “It’s a proven fact. I read it on the internet, so I know it’s true.”
Her face relaxed, slowly blossoming into a beautiful smile. She shook her head. “Damn you, Darby. That actually worked.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” I bumped her shoulder with mine. “Admit it… the idea of unicorn puppies got to you, didn’t it?”
“Allison, we’re ready for you,” the same nurse who helped us this morning called. I think her name was Samantha.
Allison took a deep breath and let it out slowly through fish lips before she stood.
I held out my hand. “C’mon. Let’s go get you knocked up, babe.”
~~~
“I had to come, babe. It’s his WEDDING. He made me best person.”
“I know, I just…”
“…should have come. It was beautiful.”
She was silent on the other end of the phone.
“Okay, I was going to wait until I came back, but go in my room and look in my closet. There’s a gift bag for you… you can’t miss it.”
I heard footsteps and then rustling.
“What is this, Darby?”
“Babe, it should say on the box, it’s a…”
“There is no box, just a small statue…”
Fuck. That’s not the gift I got her. If she got the figurine of the goddess Hera, that meant that…
“Oh, shit, babe, I’m going to have to call you back.”
I hung up and frantically dialed Riley. It went to voicemail. I tried him again… and a third time, both with the same result.
I sent him a 911 text message, asking him to call me.
When I got no response, I texted again. Then I called a fourth time.
I started to freak out a little, hoping this didn’t send Vanessa over the edge.
I called Allison back.
“Jesus, Darby, what the hell…”
“I mixed up the presents, Allison. I got the Hera figurine for Vanessa and Riley.” I cleared my throat. “Yours was a pregnancy test, which is now in the hands of a woman who freaks out worse than you do.”
Allison giggled on the other end of the phone. “Oh, shit, Darby. That is fucking hilarious.”
“What, that I might have ruined the wedding night of one of my best friends because I’m an idiot who grabbed the wrong gift?”
“Well, yeah.” Her laughs died down. “But the thought was sweet
.” She giggled one last time. “I tell you what, I’ll pick up another one and do it when you get home.”
“That, my dear, is a plan.”
I hung up and fretted, laying back on the bed. My thoughts raced, thinking about all that could be going on in the room two floors above mine.
Shit. I’m a horrible person.
Since my thoughts were all over the place, they ended up travelling in the direction they had gone more than once this weekend. To Jase.
I missed him. So much. The pain was not dulling; thinking of him made it as sharp as it was three weeks and two days ago.
As I was cataloguing every minute we ever spent together, my phone buzzed with an incoming text.
Riley: Thanks for the gift. Good hunch. Tell NO ONE. Talk tomorrow.
I usually did have good hunches.
Wait… Good hunch?
That meant… Vanessa was… pregnant?
Oh, fuck the mother of Zeus in the glory hole.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Riley’s news just made it infinitely difficult for me to even want to go home.
If Vanessa was pregnant, and it turned out Allison wasn’t?
It’s gonna be Hades on Earth.
Forty
“Dream On” - Aerosmith
“Allison, I’m home.”
Weird. I thought she’d be waiting for me.
I headed for the kitchen and poured a much needed glass of wine. I was recognized in the airport in Vegas and just about mobbed by a gaggle of blue hairs. Apparently, my show is quite popular with Minnesota Rustic Hills Retirement Home’s geriatric crowd. I got airplane blocked by a sea of walkers and wheelchairs.
It happened again when we landed, this time by more formidable fans. Fionn did his job well, but it still freaked me out when people couldn’t hold it together when they saw a celebrity. I think people hung out at LAX in hopes of seeing someone famous. It happened when Riley and I returned from Texas, too, but that time, we didn’t have the luxury of a surly Irish bodyguard.
I took a minute to breathe… breathe and drink. I downed two glasses of my parent’s latest release and realized Allison hadn’t come out of her room. I wondered if she was even home.
