Love In A Hopeless Place (BWWM Romance)

by Anna Rudolph

  Ray nodded. Sonya didn’t know whether he actually believed her.

  Snatching his dirty cup from the day before off the globe table, she said, “I’m gonna go grab you some water. Be right back.”

  Sonya marched to the kitchen, fury building up in her like a fire. Philip seemed so overwhelmed, so distressed, by his father’s condition. But instead of supporting him he ran. Was he really that selfish? Or that incapable of emotion? She tossed the cup into the sink, the plastic clattered loudly as it bounced around off the breakfast dishes. The bowl of eggs Philip had made lay abandoned on the top of the pile in the sink. She felt bad leaving a mess for Maricelle, but she was too angry to focus on the guilt for long.

  Next thing she knew, Sonya was standing in front of Philip’s office door. She had never actually been to his side of the house, it had always seemed daunting and unnecessary. She’d never cared to know more about him than she absolutely needed to. Her rage brought her fist against the door, three solid knocks. In the seconds between her knocking and his answering the door, she suddenly felt minuscule and shrivelled. What was she doing?

  Philip opened up, looking annoyed. And tired, Sonya realized. Heavy purplish bags swelled under his eyes that even his super-successful company had never caused, not that she had seen. He didn’t say a word, so Sonya launched her attack.

  “What the hell was that?” She didn’t usually swear, but it felt great.

  “What the hell was what?” he spat back, guarded.

  “If you’re just going to bail on your father every time he shows weakness, every time he’s sick, then we’ve got a long two weeks ahead of us.” Less than that now, she realized with a pang. “Because guess what? Your dad is sick. Very, very sick. And every time you do this to him, I watch him die a little. Every time you run away, like a pathetic child, you’re making his hard life harder.” Philip flinched at her words, but she didn’t let up. “So, if you’re going to keep up the cowardly bullshit, just stay away.”

  Sonya kept her eyes hard, gaze steady, and hoped she looked more intimidating than she felt. She was actually terrified, and his furrowed brow and unreadable expression made it scarier.

  He continued to glower and asked, “Did you just call me a coward?”

  “I did.” She jutted her chin out, hoping to look defiant.

  His face softened into a smile then, he closed his eyes and shook his head. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

  Caught off guard by his sudden change in demeanor, Sonya felt her face crumple. She wasn’t sure if she was flattered or offended by his strange comment. Probably a little of both. She wasn’t sure what to say.

  Philip’s chest heaved with a sigh. “You’re right, I am a coward. I shouldn’t have run away this morning.” His smile drooped into a frown. “It’s just hard. I guess I’ve managed to avoid it for so long, I truly didn’t realize how bad it had gotten. I panicked.”

  “Well, I told Ray you’re coming back. Don’t make me a liar.” It was all she could come up with. She held his gaze for another awkward second before turning away and leaving.

  She made her way back to the kitchen, wandering down the narrow hallways in a daze. Was this guy bipolar or something? His behavior made no sense and his loose cannon emotions made her nervous. She was mostly worried about his effect on Ray, but she flashed back to Allie’s comment about her crushing on Philip. He was affecting her too, and she didn’t like it.

  Once back in the kitchen, she quickly filled and capped a new cup of water. She had been gone too long. She hated leaving Ray alone, especially now. She hurried back to his room, amping up the charm and smiling at him as she entered. He smiled back. She took his vital signs, none of them good. Sonya was disheartened but not surprised. She had begun to accept the severity of his condition, but her acceptance didn’t make it easier. She replaced his IV bag and grabbed a handful of pills, carefully selecting a few tablets of different sizes. After he swallowed them down, she dug into her kit and grabbed a small syringe full of clear liquid. She tested and flicked the tiny glass container before injecting it into Ray’s fat new IV bag. He lay back, eyes closed. The soft white fabric covering his pillows made the sickly yellow hue of his skin stand out. As the drugs and relief washed over him, his breathing steadied. His muscles stopped twitching.

  Sonya was so glad to see him so relaxed, it was no easy feat at this stage in the illness. She curled up on the armchair next to Ray, her eyes full of love as she watched him doze. Philip entered the room then, gently pushing the door open. Sonya smiled to greet him and he returned it, fully sincere. It was almost as if their earlier fight had never happened. His eyes rested on Ray’s napping form, he hesitated only a moment before flopping himself down on the couch.

  “He’ll probably sleep for a while.” Sonya’s eyes never left his motionless face. “If you have some work to do, right now would be a good time,” she whispered.

  “Are you kidding?” he whispered back, smiling. “I don’t even know when the last time I had a nap was.”

  He arranged himself comfortably on the sofa and closed his eyes. Sonya thought about that sofa. There was something strangely intimate about watching him sleep where she usually slept. She often forgot that he was only thirty-one, and as his face relaxed into sleep his youth shone through. His full lips parted, and he snored gently.

  Between his rhythmic breaths and the regular beeping of the machines, Sonya began to relax as well. The low energy in the room started to affect her, and she felt her eyelids growing heavy. She slipped into sleep; her last waking thought was how incredibly at peace she was in that moment.

  Chapter 4

  When she woke, Sonya felt disoriented. The position she had slept in on the armchair wasn't all that comfortable. Enough time had passed that the light in the room was different, golden and richer than the morning had been. She stretched and flexed her legs, her knees popping. Neither Philip nor Ray stirred. She was irrationally happy to see Philip still there and a little surprised. She had expected him to take off. Even in sleep, he was such a handsome man. Lying side by side with Ray, she was struck by their resemblance.

  She watched Ray's shallow breaths as he dozed. One of his legs jumped a little under the blanket, and his face twitched. She was sad to see their little nap session come to an end, but she was positive his restless muscles would have him up in the next few minutes.

  Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Philip jumped awake with the alarm and awareness that his health and youth allowed. Ray sluggishly opened his eyes, smacking his tongue around in an attempt to moisten his uncomfortable dry mouth. Sonya was already up and out of her chair. She passed Ray his water cup and patiently waited for his sleepy, clumsy hands to get a grasp on it.

  “I got it,” she called as she walked out of the room. She made it a few steps down the hallway before she heard a “Wait!” Philip jogged up behind her. The nap had recharged him well. The bags under his eyes had eased a little; he looked more like the lively Philip she had come to know. Except this relaxed one had such a pretty smile.

  “I'll get it.” He disarmed her with that sexy curve in his lips, his perfect teeth. She could only nod as she dumbly followed him towards the door. He seemed excited, almost jittery. “I got Ray a present,” he explained, throwing the front door open with the confidence of someone who deserved to live in such a lavish home.

  The poor postman on the other side didn't look nearly as confident. In fact, he looked totally overwhelmed. He was young, his shapeless chubby body pulled on the ill-fitting polyester uniform. High socks squeezed his pasty calves, shaggy ash blonde hair poked out under his tacky postal service hat. “Uh,” he sputtered, “delivery for Mr. Jones?”

  “That would be me.” Philips voice was pleasant, polite and powerful. He held his chest up, his lovely posture had to put him around six foot four. Sonya couldn't seem to take her eyes off that powerful chest.

  The postman passed him a box, long and wide but shallow. What could it be? He handed Philip a smal
l device, asking for a signature. Philip scrawled it down, a flourished P and J amidst a sea of illegible scribbles.

  “Last name?”

  “Jones.” Philip smiled, polite yet comical.

  “Oh, right.” The poor kid colored, tucking the device away. “I'm so sorry… But are you the Philip Jones? The Goliath developer?”

  “Yes, yes, I am.” Philip seemed to revel in the attention, and stuck out a hand. “What's your name, kid?”

  “Dave.” His eyes bugged out as he stared at Philip’s outstretched hand as though it were going to bite him. He finally grasped it; his grip fumbling, awkward, and sweaty.

  Sonya watched the exchange, trying to suppress her giggles. Dave stared up at Philip as though he was a God, and Philip beamed back down at him. He shifted uncomfortably and Sonya could see a million questions begging to be asked behind his eyes but Dave couldn't seem to breathe.

  “Alright then, you have a good day, Dave.” Philip moved to close the door, obviously trying to escape the awkward ogling.

  “You too, Mr. Jones!” Dave called around the thick slab of wood as it clicked shut.

  Philip let out a sigh. “That stuff is so embarrassing.” He looked to Sonya with exasperated, humble eyes.

  “Can't be all that bad being a celebrity.” Her tone was teasing, but she wasn't totally kidding. She made a move to turn back to Ray's room, but he stopped her.

  “Check this out.” He fumbled a little with the package before tearing the cardboard back. He slid out a large black photo album. The cover was lined with subtly classy black leather that looked smooth to the touch. A picture of Philip holding a baby was centered on the front. Sonya felt her breath catch for a moment, she hadn't realized Philip had a child… Until she looked again. It wasn't Philip, it was Ray. The photo was old, it had a fuzzy aged quality. Even so, Sonya got a true glimpse of the man he had been before the cancer. He was tall, muscular, and smiling. His hair was thick, the same shade of chestnut as Philip’s. A smiling, gap-toothed baby who had to be Philip was balanced on his knee. Sonya felt her lips curl into a smile, she hadn't even seen the inside and the book had already taken her breath away.

  “Philip, it's beautiful,” Sonya said, touched beyond words that he had taken the time to do something so sentimental for his father.

  “You think?” he asked, seeming suddenly self-conscious.

  “I do think. And I bet Ray will too.”

  “Let's go find out.” His smile was electric and excited. He practically bounced as he walked back to Ray's room. He was so sweet and boyish, Sonya thought of her mother. Men don't grow up ‘til they're forty-five, she'd said. Until then they're all just little boys. Sonya had always taken it with a grain of salt, but seeing Philip act so boyish was endearing.

  When they returned, Ray was doing his best to sit up on his own. He looked uncomfortable, but at least not miserable and was clearly curious where his caretakers had run off too. He scrutinized the big book in Philip’s hands.

  “I got you something, Dad,” Philip said, slightly nervous, as he passed the book to his dad.

  Ray squinted hard at the cover, and Sonya began to panic. She could recognize Philip's good intentions; he really was trying, but he'd struck out again. There he was wanting to share memories with his father, not knowing Ray could hardly see anymore. She watched Philip's oblivious face as he observed his father, waiting expectantly for a reaction.

  Much to Sonya's relief, Ray's face softened. He smiled and looked up at Philip, his face radiating love and fatherly pride. “That's that picture from the cabin in Michigan, isn't it?” Philip nodded, excited. “Oh god, you were so young and cute… And you found that baby chipmunk in the house. God, you cried when we had to let the squirmy little guy go…” Ray sounded nostalgic. Philip looked up under his thick brows, his playful hazel eyes twinkled at Sonya, and she felt a little flutter in her gut.

  “Well, open it!” Philip was clearly excited. Ray chuckled at his enthusiasm. The spine on the brand new book crackled as he opened it, and Sonya’s heart swelled. Philip had paid more attention than she'd given him credit for. Each picture was printed on thick, glossy paper and dominated an entire page. Even with his declining vision, Ray would be able to see them just fine.

  The first picture was Ray, smiling broadly, with his arm around a beautiful redhead. Her hair was lush and long, a mane of wild waves. Her twinkling eyes were chocolate brown and her cheeks were flushed. She was beautiful. Sonya found herself thinking back to the mystery redhead that had swept Philip away before his trip. Philip must have inherited his father’s taste in women.

  “Oh god, Miranda…” Ray trailed off, gazing fondly at the picture. Ah, so this was Miranda, Sonya thought. Though she had passed many years before, she had been Ray's favorite topic of conversation during his treatments. He had loved her fiercely, and the photo had perfectly captured it.

  “That's my mom,” Philip explained to Sonya with a smile.

  “Poor kid doesn't look a thing like his mother,” Ray joked. “Got stuck looking like his dad.”

  There are definitely worse things, Sonya thought with a secretive grin.

  The trio crowded Ray’s bed; he was stuck snugly between Sonya and Philip. Sonya watched his face as he slowly turned the pages. Every picture had a story and every story brought some life into Ray’s face. The next picture in the book was a proud Ray with Miranda on his arm, vibrant in a white gown and long, flowing veil. Then Ray cupping Miranda’s beautiful, swollen pregnant belly. Baby Philip with balled up fists, his skin all pink and dressed in a little white and blue striped hat. Ray and Miranda, her pale, shapely legs displayed in shorts, standing on top of a mountain with their fists raised in triumph. Six-year-old Philip and Ray pretending to play the guitar on big sticks in the mountains.

  Sonya had a vague idea of the active lifestyle Ray had led before the cancer, but this book painted a picture of a beautiful and fulfilling life. A lump formed in her throat, she wasn’t sure whether it signaled the coming of happy or sad tears. Philip was animated, flipping through the pages and laughing. The last picture was a snapshot of Philip, young and eager in a graduation cap and gown, Ray’s strong arm rested across his shoulders. The resemblance in their gleeful smiles was almost eerie.

  Ray’s hands trembled as he softly closed the book. There was a moment of gentle silence before he spoke. He slowly turned his head towards Philip, lifting his eyes to his only son’s. They were wet, he fought back tears as he said, “Philip, this was amazing. Thank you.”

  Philip’s face lit up with the praise. “You’re welcome, Dad.” After a moment of thought, he awkwardly leaned down and hugged his father, a firm, impulsive squeeze. Ray seemed stunned, completely motionless at first. He eventually softened into the embrace, and Sonya’s heart warmed as he gently patted Philip’s back. Philip pulled away, brushing at a stray tear that had escaped down his cheek.

  “I have to step out for just a minute.” Philip sounded regretful. “I have some things I need to take care of. Is there anything you wanted to do later, Dad?”

  “You go do what you need to do,” Ray said, sounding understanding. “Don’t worry about me.”

  Sonya watched Philip turn and leave the room, her eyes lingering on his lithe frame.

  “Philip’s a good boy,” Ray said, breaking the silence following Philip’s departure. “Well, I guess he’s a man now.”

  “Yeah,” Sonya said, distracted. Her eyes hadn’t left the open door.

  “You gonna make a move on him or what?”

  Sonya felt her eyes bug out, her surprise and discomfort embarrassingly evident. Heat flushed her cheeks. “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Sonya.” Ray gave her a wise smile. “I see the way you look at him. The way you two look at each other. It’s painfully obvious, dear.”

  She was quick to deny Ray’s observation. “No, he doesn’t look at me. What are you talking about?” She was rambling. Ray’s yellowed eyes seemed to see
right through her. “I’m just impressed with him, that’s all. It was good of him to take this time off, uh, I mean spend his vacation time with you. That photo book really is something special.” She’d slipped up and her feeble attempt to change the subject didn’t land.

  “Uh-huh. Vacation time.” He continued smiling. I guess he knows I told Philip, she thought. She almost felt bad for going against Ray’s wishes, but she also thought this quality time with Philip was worth it. Hopefully Ray appreciated that.

  “I just… This is a side of him I haven’t seen before. I’m glad he’s finally paying you the attention you deserve, that’s all.” Sonya took Ray’s hand, smiling at him.

  “You should ask him out.” Ray clearly wasn’t going to let it go.

  “What? No, I couldn’t do that. He would never… Plus what about his girlfriend?” she asked, thinking about the redhead again.

  “Girlfriend? What girlfriend?” Ray looked genuinely confused.

  “That pretty redhead that came for him the other day. When he went on that trip.”

  “Oh, Rebecca?” Ray broke off in a laugh. “Rebecca isn’t his girlfriend,” he explained, “she’s his cousin. My sister-in-law’s daughter. She came to work for Philip once she finished with boarding school in London”

  Relief washed over Sonya. She hadn’t realized how much the encounter with that woman had been nagging at her subconscious. And it was just his cousin! She felt ridiculous.

  “So, I guess that means you don’t have any excuses,” Ray said.

  “I don’t know, the guaranteed ‘no’ seems like a pretty good excuse to me. Plus, I work for him!”

  “I wouldn’t call that a guarantee at all. You’re a smart girl, but you’re naive.”

  Sonya tossed him a mocking glare. “Isn’t it about time to do your checks? You’re bleeding these bags dry.” She moved around him, doing her best to avoid his smug expression. He said nothing, just kept smiling and watching her through narrowed eyes. She ignored him; replaced his bag, checked the level on his oxygen canister, and put her fingers to his wrist to check his pulse. The gentle tempo of his heartbeat against his skin was weak, she could barely even feel it. She was pleasant and civil as she checked him over, trying her best to stay neutral and avoid another conversation about her and Philip. He was her boss, and he was worth billions of dollars! That, coupled with his swoon-worthy looks, gave him his pick in terms of a mate. He had to know that as well as she did. Once she’d finished everything she needed, she asked Ray if he needed anything else.