Love In A Hopeless Place (BWWM Romance)

by Anna Rudolph

  She laughed. “So do you do a lot of work with fundraisers?” The words felt strange in her mouth, should she have said fundraising work? Should she have brought up money at all? She hoped she didn't come across as dumb, lowly, or poor. Though she figured everyone was pretty much poor compared to him.

  As it turned out, he did do quite a bit of work with fundraisers. Their conversation made a perfect melody over the gentle clink of forks and knives against porcelain. Sonya had come to appreciate Philip’s appearance more and more recently, but the passion behind the beautiful face as he spoke was breathtaking. He started from the beginning, guard low as he told her about coming up with Ray. He spoke so highly of his father, but admitted that the landscaping business wasn't booming much in the beginning. They made enough to pay the bills, most months. There was no resentment towards his childhood, just a guiltless admission that he had wanted more for his own life. When he'd started playing around with computers in high school, he started to dream. A drive grew in him and his persistence got him a substantial scholarship to a prestigious tech school where he graduated early with honors. He'd worked two jobs and gone to school full-time, even through the summers. Sonya smiled as he describes the horror of a diner where he had worked in college; she had such a hard time picturing him as a waiter. Picturing him as anything other than a mighty billionaire, really. But, he said, those experiences were what signed so many of his donation checks.

  “I'm lucky,” he said. “It worked out for me. I just like to know that I'm providing that opportunity for someone else too.”

  Sonya nodded and gracefully tucked away another bite of food, awestruck by the depth and gravity of his words. This man really blew her away. She swallowed and said, “Well, Philip, that's incredible. Really.”

  “Oh god, I'm sorry. We're halfway through dinner and all I've done is talk about myself.” He shook his head, actually mildly embarrassed. “Tell me about yourself, Sonya.”

  She didn't know if it was the wine, the nerves, or her company that had him so spirited and talkative, but she didn't care. She loved seeing him this way but had no idea how to answer his question. What could she say to someone so experienced, so cultured, that would actually be interesting?

  “Well… I'm a nurse. As you know.” She giggled with mild embarrassment.

  “How'd you get into nursing?”

  Sonya had appreciated Philip's openness about his life, and something about the easy atmosphere disarmed her. She found herself talking to Philip about everything. Coming up with a sassy single mother, desperate to get out of a bad neighborhood and onto better things. The fact that her mother had closed her out during her quick, nasty battle with breast cancer, and had left her alone, confused and eager to help others at only seventeen years old. Putting herself through nursing school on her mother’s life insurance payout, feeling her mom pushing her through every grueling day of school clinicals and work.

  “Jesus, Sonya.” Philip's eyes were wide and empathetic. “I'm so sorry.”

  “Don't be.” She waved it off with a laugh. “Not your fault.”

  “No, I guess not.” He took a sip of wine. “So, you told me all about yourself… In terms of work. What about you? What do you do for yourself? What do you do for fun?”

  Sonya drew a blank. She was actually embarrassed to admit that she had nothing to tell him. What did she do for fun? She played cards with Ray. Which was also her job. Racking her brain, she actually couldn't remember the last time before tonight that she'd had her own fun. Not just because of Ray. Once she'd finished school, she'd jumped right into working with the no nonsense approach of driven youth. “I guess I don't really do anything fun.”

  Philip's brow furrowed, he looked contemplative. “I wish you would've said something to me sooner. I would've gotten someone to help you with Ray so you could have more of your own time.”

  “No, no, that's not what I'm saying. I guess I just don't have a lot of hobbies,” she admitted. Quickly, she added, “I used to sing.”

  “You were a singer huh?” His face relaxed into a playful smile.

  Sonya was thankful for the change of topic, still feeling unethical about pursuing her boss. She never wanted to be that girl. “Yeah, I was that nerdy choir girl in high school,” she joked. She hadn’t actually been much of a “nerd,” but she had been president of her choir all four years.

  Philip grinned. Sonya hoped he was having as good a time as she was. He poured them both a second hearty glass of wine and she thanked him. She felt the alcohol start to unravel any nervous tension she had left. The conversation flowed freely and comfortably, and before she knew it, her plate was clean. As if he were psychic, Ferne drifted out of the kitchen as they scraped away the last of their meals. He toted a tray topped with something fluffy topped with whipped white frosting. Sonya had felt full, but she willed her stomach to free up some room for whatever that was. Ferne was overplaying his pretentious role, and Sonya wondered if Philip had paid him extra to do this, then quickly concluded that Ferne was probably doing this for fun and enjoying it immensely. He collected their plates, stacked them on one arm, and used the other to showcase his sweet creation. He placed it in front of them, a simple silver tray with two forks and two fat slices of cake.

  “Carrot cake for the lovely couple, featuring four cups of organic carrots grated by hand by yours truly and made from scratch cream cheese frosting. Enjoy!”

  Sonya colored slightly at his reference to the two of them as a ‘couple.’ She could see Philip sheepishly duck his head too. He looked up at her through his long, dark lashes, his hazel eyes twinkled. Sonya could hardly believe it, but he really was smitten with her too. She had an overwhelming urge to kiss him then, to crush her lips against his beautiful mouth. The wine was getting to her head, she felt she needed to rein herself in. She had never felt embarrassed to eat around a man before; she’d always had a healthy appetite and found most men actually preferred a woman who could tuck away some food. Something about Philip made her feel strange, made her want to appear a certain way, like a better version of herself. Her reservations quickly evaporated as he eagerly shoveled a massive bite into his mouth like a sloppy teenager. His smile entranced her, his playful demeanor excited and comforted her. They both enjoyed their dessert in silence for a few moments. Sonya swooned over the rich, moist texture and the slight tang of the frosting. They traded enchanted smiles. Sonya was beginning to feel like a million, no, a billion dollars. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt so comfortable with another person.

  Once the cake was polished off, things started to get weird. She was enjoying Philip's company but wasn't sure how to proceed from here. Each of them had polished off three glasses of wine and any trace of subtlety either of them had hoped for was long gone. They leaned over the table on their elbows, giggling as they mooned into each other's eyes.

  “Sonya, I just have to say…” Philip said, his pause allowing her heart a chance to creep up into her throat. “I am… I'm just in awe of you.” His eyes were wide and sincere, face soft and vulnerably honest.

  “Me?” she asked, incredulous. “Why would you possibly be in awe of me?”

  “Why wouldn't I? Look at you. You're stunning. You're sweet. You're sane.” He chucked. “And the work you do? It actually matters. I'm in awe of your drive, your passion, and your huge heart. I honestly don't know where Ray, or I for that matter, would be without you, and I just wanted to take this chance to personally thank you.” As he finished, he wrapped his hand around Sonya's, the firm touch of his soft skin was like a lightning bolt that struck her core. How could a man drive her so mad with just a touch to her hand? What else was he capable of? His words of appreciation hung in the air while her fuzzy brain racked itself over, desperate to formulate a reply worthy of the weight of his words.

  Instead, she kissed him.

  She leaned across the table, came out of her chair, and placed her lips on his. After a shocked moment of stillness, he kissed her back. Oh, di
d he kiss her back. The way his lips worked against hers, the way his tongue tangled with hers, was almost too much. Sonya felt a lust, a fire, she hadn't felt in years. She had never felt as though something in her life was missing until now. She realized she'd had a gaping hole in her heart that had been hungry for exactly this. Philip seemed equally as eager. They both sloppily stumbled around the table, desperate not to break their all encompassing lip lock. The hunger took over, she ran her hands up his back, gleeful to finally feel and grope his strong back. The muscles tensed as he lifted her up onto the table, the cool wood smooth against her rear. He weaseled his way between her legs and she eagerly wrapped them around him. The hunger was taking her over and she yearned for him; the entire outside world had fallen away. He put both hands around her face, cradling her lovely face as he worked his magic on her mouth.

  Suddenly, he pulled away from the kiss. She felt the fear and confusion flicker across her face before she could control herself. His grip was firm, he held her head in place. His hazel eyes flashed with a frenzied fire, shimmering almost like gold. She wondered why he held her away, judging by the hard spot between her thighs he was enjoying it too. They were frozen in place, paralyzed by the crackling electric tension that ignited the air around them.

  “Wow,” was all he said, breathless, awestruck.

  “In a word, yeah.” She still couldn’t believe the physical chemistry she had with this gorgeous man. She had never felt anything like this.

  “I have to stop.” He abruptly removed his hands and stepped away from her. Her legs fell heavy, like stones. The sudden movements spurred a chilly breeze between her thighs. She quickly closed her legs, crossing them, embarrassed. She cast her eyes to the floor and began to mentally chastise herself. She knew she’d been too forward, too easy. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  “Hey,” he called softly.

  She looked up into his wide, eager eyes. “Look, I’m really sorry-”

  “No, don’t be!” He stopped her. He inched closer to her, brushing her cheek from an arm’s length. The gesture was comforting but his intentional distance confused her. “It’s not that I don’t want you. Obviously,” he explained, adjusting his pants around the swollen bulge in his pants. “I just… I actually enjoy spending time with you. I don’t want to rush things.”

  Sonya was almost as frustrated as she was relieved. The two emotions warred somewhere between her head and her heated core. Her head eventually emerged victorious, he was right. She enjoyed him too, and definitely hoped to be more than just a one-night stand. With a sigh she relaxed her rigid, defensive posture. “I really enjoy spending time with you too,” she said.

  He captivated her with a smile before leaning in again. The fire and drive behind it were muted, replaced with a sweet tenderness. He backed away again, allowing her a chance to slide off the smooth surface of the table. She tucked her skirt behind her as she came down, the light fabric gently brushing the backs of her thighs. He cradled her face for one final kiss before wishing her a good night.

  “Try not to think about me too much,” he said, winking as he turned and walked away towards his bedroom.

  Yeah, right, Sonya thought as she turned and strode back to her bedroom, feeling as though she was on cloud nine.

  Chapter 7

  Sonya woke happy. She'd called Allie before bed to gush about her date and the electrifying kiss and fallen asleep with spicy thoughts of Philip. It was time to wake Ray, and she made her way down the hall, walking on sunshine. She had forgotten what it felt like to be so infatuated and was pleasantly surprised to find that she quite enjoyed it. She breezed into Ray’s room and came to a sudden halt.

  Ray was gone.

  The white sheets were rumpled, pillow tossed carelessly aside. Where could he have gone? Sonya began to panic. She backed out of the room and began to make her way to Philip's wing. This obviously wasn't the ideal way to wake her new crush after their first date, but Ray would always be her priority. Before she could take two steps, she heard voices exchanging in the bathroom just to the left, down the hall. Curiosity led her to the door and she pressed her ear against the smooth wood.

  “Well, did you kiss her?” she heard one voice ask.

  There was a sheepish, “Yeah…”

  “Was it good?”

  “Incredible.”

  It was Philip and Ray! What were they doing in the bathroom? Were they talking about her? She pressed the door open, startling them both.

  Ray was up to his collarbone in steamy, sudsy water in the bathtub while Philip sat near his head on the closed toilet lid. Philip's cheeks immediately flushed as he stammered good morning. Ray's face lit up in a devilish grin as he looked back and forth between the two.

  “Ray, you scared me about half to death,” Sonya said, placing a hand over her heart.

  “Sorry, Sonya,” Philip cut in, seeming to have shaken off some of his embarrassment. “I was up early and when I came to check on Ray, he said he'd like a bath. We were just… Talking.”

  “Yep. Talking.” Ray leered at Sonya. “You and I will have to chat later as well.”

  Sonya and Philip both shifted uncomfortably, their eyes meeting briefly as they traded shy smiles.

  “Well, I guess I'll leave you boys to it, if you feel like you have everything under control?” She tossed a questioning look at Philip.

  He confidently nodded back. He looked thrilled to be with Ray, and she wanted him to enjoy the time he had left with him. She couldn't help but notice the glow they shared and it touched her. She stood in the door a few more seconds trying to take a mental snapshot of Philip and his father this intimate, this happy.

  She made her way back to her room, stopping in Ray's room to grab a paperback. She swiped a murder mystery and was just getting lost in the plot twists when she heard the men making their way back to Ray's room about an hour later. She listened and waited to see if Philip left. Much to her relief, he did a few moments later. She wanted to see him an embarrassing amount, but she also needed to take care of some of Ray's more personal needs. Honestly, she also wanted some one on one time with him.

  She walked into his room to see him dried and dressed in his favorite heather gray Orioles shirt. The black and orange bird was cracked, the fabric light and worn. He smiled broadly and got right to the point.

  “Atta girl,” he congratulated her.

  She felt a blush rise to her cheeks, “What did he tell you?” she asked, self conscious.

  “Suffice to say the boy’s smitten with you. Plus, he said you're quite a kisser.” He waggled his gray eyebrows suggestively, then broke off in a dry, rough cough.

  “You old flirt,” she teased. She took his vital signs, detailing her night with Philip as she poked and prodded him. Her voice sounded girly and foreign in her ears.

  “You sound happy.” Ray looked up at her with a deeply pleased gaze. He placed his withered hand over hers, giving it a squeeze. She felt tears rise in her eyes, equal parts love for this man and premature grief for his shortened life coming to an end. She squeezed his hand back and sniffled.

  “None of that now,” he chastised her. “You can cry after I'm dead and you're stuck with Philip.” He comically rolled his eyes.

  His joke sent her over the edge, she practically fell across his chest as she wrapped her arms around him. Though their relationship was a touchy one, she wasn't sure she had ever actively embraced him. She expelled a few sobs, her strong arms shaking as she squeezed the frail old man. When she finally pulled away, his eyes were wet.

  “Sorry.” She brushed at her eyes. “I'm just going miss you.”

  “I'm sure I'm going to miss you too. But Sonya, I have to tell you.” He sobered and waited a moment before he said, “I think I'm ready. I think my time is coming.”

  She should have known better, but the blatant statement still rocked her. She was shocked and scared to hear him say those words, that he was finally giving up. Throughout his entire excruciating treatment he'd always been e
ager to soldier on.

  The truth was that it was happening whether she liked it or not. He was in a lot of pain and watching him suffer was its own level of heartbreaking. She swallowed her panic, her sadness, and nodded. She doled out his pills, and they chatted amicably as she adamantly tried to avoid the topic of his death. He seemed to be feeling alright, his facial expression oddly at ease. He smiled as she spoke, but his eyelids began to droop. She remembered that he had mentioned a baseball game he had wanted to watch, and she flipped on the wide flat screen mounted on the wall across from the foot of the bed. Bats cracked, people cheered, and Ray got lost in the announcers’ monotonous banter. Sonya made herself comfortable in her chair and settled in for a low key afternoon. She hadn’t ever cared much for baseball, but the quiet time afforded her an opportunity to indulge in her thoughts about Philip. He’d looked so sweet, so sheepish, this morning, and she couldn’t have been happier to see him trying to bond with Ray. The fact that he had snatched Ray away to bathe him, to not only help his father but help her too, reinforced the newer, sweeter, Philip she had watched blossom. Maybe not newer, she thought, maybe he was just revealing his true self. She hoped so. She wondered what he was doing now. The other side of the house felt so far away when she wanted him around so badly.

  Ray had begun to doze off as Sonya’s phone began to ring. She covered the speaker with her hand, muffling the cheery ring, as she hurried out the door. She closed it over behind her, surprised to see Dr. Collins on her caller ID. No news he could give her at this point was going to be good news so she took a deep breath, stifled her dread, and answered the phone in the cheeriest tone she could manage. They exchanged greetings and pleasantries, but the doctor didn’t waste anyone’s time.

  “Did you get my e-mail?” he asked.

  Sonya bit her lip, pondering her own reply. She had gotten the email, early this morning. The subject line had read ‘Potential Job Opportunities’ and she’d hastily closed out her inbox when she’d seen it. While she appreciated the doctor’s help and advice, she still wasn’t ready to move forward. She still had a patient that needed her, and she was hanging on tight to that belief. Probably too tight. “No, I haven’t had a chance to check it today. Busy morning,” she lied.