Cashmere and Camo

by Erin Nicholas

  Dammit. Noah couldn’t avoid the thought. She was right. He fixed cars. That seemed like a pretty basic, not-life-changing thing. But he knew that it meant a lot to the person he was fixing it for. Fixing a carburetor was nothing for him, but having a car that would get them to their grandmother’s birthday party or to a big job interview or to their son’s baseball game reliably meant the world to the car’s owner.

  Running a bar might not seem like something that was on par with developing new medications, but medicine couldn’t heal everything. Friendship, laughter, and a feeling of community could fix a lot of pains.

  Noah shoved a hand through his hair. Brynn, the quiet, shy, let-everyone-else-have-center-stage, was going to start a bar in Bliss and become a bartender.

  Yeah, he hadn’t seen that coming.

  And it was partly his fault. Or maybe mostly his fault. He’d wanted her to get to know people and open up a little. He just hadn’t expected her to be so good at it.

  “You’re right,” Ava finally said. “My choice to be a waitress and dishwasher in a diner is a pretty big leap from my regular life and yeah, it’s meaningful. To me anyway.”

  “To me too, Boss,” Parker said, his voice low.

  Ava gave him a smile that punched Noah in the gut. That look, that one right there, was what every man ultimately wanted from the woman he loved.

  Cori nodded. “I get it too. Right now, I’m pretty much pouring coffee and making lattes and I’ll fight anyone who tells me it’s not meaningful.”

  That was really nice. And that really sucked. Noah was going to have no backup at all. He was going to be the sole voice urging Brynn to go back to New York. And she wasn’t going to buy it. He’d never seen Brynn stand up for herself like this. He knew that she rarely, if ever, argued with her sisters. And there was no way he was going to pull her back now.

  Noah shoved his chair back and stood. “I’m going to get going.”

  Brynn looked like he’d just slapped her. “What? You’re leaving?”

  “Yeah.” He nodded and swallowed. “Some stuff I have to do.” Like start trying to get over you. Like start figuring out how in the hell I’m going to live in the same town with you and not be with you.

  “But...” She clearly was at a total loss for words.

  “I’ll…see you.” He avoided looking at Evan and Parker as he turned to leave the room, knowing exactly what he’d see on their faces. That he was an ass. And an idiot. And that it was all his fault he’d let it go this far.

  He’d known that he couldn’t have her. Couldn’t really have her, and yet he’d gone ahead and fallen for her anyway. Worse, he’d let her fall for him. He knew she had. Or that she thought she had anyway. And he hadn’t done one thing to try and stop it or dissuade her.

  He yanked the front door open and stomped down the steps, digging in his pocket for his keys.

  “Noah!”

  Of course she’d come after him. He’d known she would. And he whirled on her as she came down the porch steps, his emotions swirling in his chest. “I told you, from day one, that the plan was for you to go back to New York,” he told her. “You knew that. I never changed my mind on that.”

  She stopped at the end of the walk and planted her hands on her hips. For a moment, Noah was distracted by how great she looked when she was a little defiant. She never looked like that.

  Until now. Until the plan was almost complete. Until he’d almost done everything right. Of course.

  “Well, that was my plan too. But I changed my mind,” she told him. “I want to stay.”

  “And that’s not about me at all?”

  “Of course it’s partly about you. Partly. But it’s mostly about me.” She lifted her chin. “And that’s not only okay, it’s also good.”

  “So what I think doesn’t matter? The plan doesn’t matter? You’ve been convinced that your dad was right about a lot of things—bringing you here, you and your sisters working together, the pie shop—but now suddenly you don’t care about the rest of it?”

  “My dad wanted me to go back to New York happier and more confident, right?” Brynn asked.

  “Right.”

  “Don’t you think the happier and more confident part of that is most important?”

  It was. Of course it was. “But you moving your whole life to Bliss is kind of a big deal.”

  “It is.” She pressed her lips together. “I was kind of hoping that you would think it was a good big deal.”

  “Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter what I think.”

  She took a step forward. “That’s not true.”

  “It clearly is. But worse, it doesn’t matter what your dad thinks. Anymore.”

  Brynn tipped her head, looking concerned. “I’m not sure that’s ever mattered to me as much as it does to you.”

  “He’s been right,” Noah said, his voice gruff suddenly. He cleared his throat. “He’s been right. Bringing you all here was the right move. Wanting you to come out of your shell. Having you go on those six dates. All of that was right.”

  “Do you really think we did that the way he intended for us to?” she asked.

  “Even if not, it worked out. Dating, socializing, interacting—it all showed you that you’re good at that. That you even like it. And we wouldn’t have done any of it if he hadn’t mandated it.”

  She wet her lips and nodded. “Okay, I’ll give you that.”

  “So you also have to admit that he made some good calls. And that New York could be one of those.”

  Brynn crossed her arms. “Fine. He’s been right about some things. But he didn’t really know me, Noah. He didn’t know all the things I want and need. You know he wasn’t that attentive.”

  “You and your sisters all have to admit that he knew more than you thought he did.”

  “He did,” she conceded. “And he would be happy we were together, wouldn’t he?”

  Noah’s heart sank to his toes and he shook his head. “No. That’s the thing, Brynn. Of all the things he wanted for you, the very specific things he laid out, I wasn’t one of them.” Noah felt like his gut was never going to unclench, like he was never going to be able to take a deep breath again.

  She frowned. “What are you talking about? He loved you.”

  “He did. And he knew me well. And he loved you. And he had several very specific ideas about what you needed and what he wanted for you.” He tucked his hands into his front pockets. “And I wasn’t one of those things.”

  Brynn’s lips parted and her arms dropped. But she didn’t say anything.

  “He was very specific about you dating six guys. For whatever reason. And that they be from Bliss. And hell, everything else about your time here. If he wanted me to be a part of it, he would have said that.”

  “He didn’t say that Cori should be with Evan or that Ava should be with Parker either,” Brynn said, her voice soft.

  “No. But he wasn’t worried about them. Not the way he was about you,” Noah said. “Yeah, he wanted them to handle their relationships differently, but he wasn’t worried about them. He didn’t ask anyone to look out for them. But he wanted me to take care of you. And he never once suggested that I should be one of the six.”

  Brynn looked at him for a long moment. Not saying anything. Pressing her lips together. Thinking about what he’d just said.

  Finally, she said, “And you think, because he was right about so many of the things he mandated, that he’s right about the things he didn’t mandate?” she asked.

  He lifted a shoulder. “I can’t not think about that, Brynn.”

  She took a deep breath. “And what’s that all got to do with New York?”

  “That he was right about you going back too.”

  “I want Bliss,” she said, a stubborn set to her jaw.

  “Or are you just feeling confident and spreading your wings? Because I get that. You’ve felt the thrill of finally standing up and putting your foot down. I get that too. But eventually you’ll want the
familiar and comfortable, right? Because this stubborn, feisty side isn’t really you.”

  She looked completely offended. Which was great. If he pissed her off, she’d stop looking like she felt sorry for him.

  “You mean, you want to keep me in the shop, on the truck, where you know I’m fine.”

  Those were the good old days. “Yes,” he said solemnly.

  “I can be good like this.”

  “What if you’re not?”

  “You mean, what if I stay and then end up regretting it?”

  He nodded. “I’ve been torn, practically in half, the entire you’ve been here. Half of me wants you to stay and be incredibly happy and loves the idea that Bliss can be everything you want and need. The other half…” He blew out a breath and shook his head. “The other half of me is completely scared that you might stay and Bliss won’t be that. That this town, my town, can’t be enough.”

  “So you want me to go back to New York because there’s no risk there.”

  “There’s definitely less risk there. It’s what you know.”

  “Which means, you want me to just go along with what my father wanted.”

  “Yes. And I want to actually do what he asked me to do. You’ve always followed what other people thought you should do, why do you have to change it now?”

  She flinched. She actually flinched. And so did he. Noah wasn’t sure he’d ever felt like a bigger asshole in his life. He sucked in a breath.

  She’d changed because of him. In part, anyway. All the dating, all the getting to know people, all the Bliss. That’s what had changed her.

  “I just want you to be happy.”

  “If I’m with you, I will be happy.”

  “We don’t know that.”

  “Because my father—who never made me happy himself—didn’t say you would make me happy?”

  Noah frowned and steeled himself. “Yes.”

  Brynn seemed to realize they were at an impasse. And she wasn’t a fighter. Not really. She drew herself straight. “So if I stay, we won’t be together.”

  His entire body went taut and he felt sick. “Right.”

  “Okay.” She nodded. “But you need to know that I know the truth.”

  “The truth?”

  “That it’s not because you don’t think you can make me happy. It’s because it would make you happy, and you have never felt like your own happiness is important. Everyone around you gets to be happy first. Even dead guys.”

  He sucked in a breath. He’d hurt her, he knew that. And she had the right to lash out. But damn.

  “Brynn—”

  She held up a hand. “Unless you’re going to say you’re sorry and you love me and you want to be with me, there’s nothing else I want to hear.”

  She paused, as if giving him a chance to say any one of those things. Then she gave him a nod, turned on her heel, and went back inside.

  And Noah watched her go, ironically appreciating the fact that sweet, shy, never-rattle-a-cage Brynn Carmichael had, more or less, in her own way, just told him to fuck off.

  He was glad she’d learned to do that.

  Even if he had to be the first one she practiced on.

  14

  Brynn stepped into the dining room, adrenaline coursing. Had she really just told Noah to not talk to her unless he was going to apologize and tell her he loved her? What kind of gauntlet was that to throw down? And what did she do now that he hadn’t picked it up? All of her inexperience in dating absolutely included fighting with a boyfriend. She didn’t know what to expect next.

  “What happens when you’ve had a fight with the guy you’re in love with and you kind of just broke up?” she asked her sisters.

  They both stared at her for a moment before Cori seemed to kind of shake herself and said, “Ice cream or liquor.”

  Brynn appreciated them not asking what exactly they’d fought about. Because she wasn’t completely sure she could explain it. Noah did want her to be happy. He wanted everyone around him to be happy. And he was now having to choose between two people he cared about being happy. Her and Rudy.

  And she wasn’t quite important enough to be picked outright.

  “Or ice cream and liquor,” Ava said. She looked concerned. “Seriously.”

  Ice cream and liquor. Huh. Okay. She could go with that. At least part of that. An idea started to form quickly. “Liquor it is.” She pulled out her phone and began sending texts. To all the men she’d dated over the past few weeks. Blissfully Baked and Brewed is OPEN tonight! Bring your friends!

  “You guys coming?” she asked, looking up.

  “To wh—” But Cori broke off as her phone pinged with a text.

  Evan’s, Parker’s, and Ava’s did as well.

  “We’re opening the bar tonight?” Cori asked, grinning at Brynn.

  “That’s where the best drinks in town are,” she said.

  Then she headed to the kitchen to gather up the beer and cider she’d brought home from the pie shop.

  Twenty minutes later, she was pouring drinks from the behind the counter of the pie shop.

  All of the guys were there with friends, brothers, even new girlfriends, and already a few people had walked in when they’d seen the cars in front and the lights on.

  “Brynn.”

  She looked up from setting glasses on a tray. And she smiled. “Hi, Mitch.”

  “This is…” He looked around. “Interesting.”

  She nodded as she placed the last two glasses on the tray and motioned to Cori who was playing waitress, and of course loving every bit of it. “Thanks.” She wiped her hands on her apron. “What can I get you?” Then she grinned. “I love saying that. Isn’t that stupid?”

  “I think it’s amazing.”

  “You do?”

  Mitch gave her a smile. “I do. You’re beautiful when you’re here, helping people, watching them have a good time.”

  Brynn just looked at him. Mitch saw it. Why couldn’t Noah? She tucked her hair behind her ear and shook her head. “Dammit.”

  “Dammit?” He arched a brow.

  “That’s really sweet.”

  He nodded. “I mean it.”

  “I know you do. That makes this even worse.”

  “Worse?”

  “Why can’t you give me butterflies? Full-on, real butterflies?”

  He took that in. Then sighed. “Not even one little one?”

  She’d actually felt more attraction to Mitch than she had any of the other guys she’d “dated”. Mitch had given her attention that wasn’t Noah-directed, had made her feel he was truly interested, that he wanted to get to know her, regardless of the will. His flirting had been new and fun and a little exciting, if also a bit confusing. Mitch had shown her that even guys who weren’t doing Noah a favor could be interested in her. And yet…he wasn’t Noah. No matter what he had going for him, there was that simple truth that kept the butterflies quiet.

  She shook her head. “I wish.”

  “Well, then, I agree with the dammit.” He tucked a hand into his pocket.

  He really was good-looking. But, clearly, that wasn’t enough. Dammit, indeed.

  “So any chance you’ll let me be date number five then?” he asked.

  She laughed. “You’ve been keeping track?”

  “Of course.”

  “Right. And you’d want to do that even knowing about the no-butterflies thing?”

  He shrugged. “I’d still like to buy you flowers and make you laugh for one night.”

  “Argh!” Brynn groaned. “Seriously. Why can’t it be you?”

  Mitch laughed. He set down a ten dollar bill and took one of the glasses from her tray. He held it up and waited.

  She picked up a glass and clinked it against his.

  “To date number five.”

  “To date number five.”

  They both drank and then smiled at one another.

  Then she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

 
“I know.” He gave her a smile. “And I’m not promising to stop flirting when I see you.”

  “Thanks,” she said. “I actually think I might need that once in a while.”

  “Yeah?”

  She nodded. “How do you feel about me stopping in to see you just for the flirting?”

  “Kind of like a flirting booty call? Friends with flirting?” Mitch asked. He laughed. “I could go for that. Until, of course, I find Miss The One.”

  “Of course.” Brynn felt a warmth in her chest. She didn’t care what her dad and Noah thought. Staying in Bliss was the right thing to do.

  Except, she thought a second later, she did care what Noah thought.

  The door to the shop opened and she looked over, hoping that maybe it would be him. She was mad at him. He’d hurt her. He was being stubborn and ridiculous. He was keeping himself from being happy. But she still wanted to see him.

  She still wanted him. Period.

  But it wasn’t Noah.

  It was Hank. And Don Trimbull, the town cop.

  “I’ll, um, let you go,” Mitch said, also looking at their mayor and cop. “Let me know if you need bail money.”

  That made her pause. “You’d really give me bail money, wouldn’t you?” she said. “Even after saying no to more than date five.”

  Mitch looked at her like that was a silly thing to say. “Of course, I would.”

  She took a deep breath. Yeah, this was where she wanted to be.

  She stepped out from behind the counter and met Hank and Don halfway across the shop where Ava and Cori were already talking with them. “What’s up?”

  “We don’t have a liquor license,” Ava said. “We have to shut things down or we could face big fines.”

  “Hey, I don’t want to do this,” Don said. “Just have everyone go home. Make sure anyone who needs a ride has one. And then get your paperwork together before you do this again.”

  Brynn looked around the room. People were drinking, yes, but they were also talking and laughing and relaxing. This was night one and it was already exactly what she’d pictured. She wasn’t shutting it down, and she wasn’t waiting to open up after some stupid paperwork was done. This bar, her bar, was now open. For good.